by A. A. Davies
I left, and ever since, I’ve tried to obliterate from my mind the image of my little sister with her hand down her pants, her eyes dilated with lust, and cheeks flushed from her orgasm. But, the damage has been done and I don’t know how to repair it. I can’t fix what I’ve seen or erase what she did. I can’t remove the memory of how I came with Sonea’s name on my lips as I shouted in surprise at the sight of her standing there. No matter what I do now, her name and her face flit into my mind every time I shower, and I can’t hide from what she’s initiated.
I knock back the shot and this time ask for a double. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, usually I’m not much of a drinker. I realize I do know, though, when the memory of Sonea’s face twisted with rapture seeps into my brain, and I dig my nails into my palms. A part of me hates her for wrecking my peace of mind and setting the relationship I have with her on a precarious ledge. The real test is about to come, but I’m going to do my damnedest not to let what I’m sure was an isolated incident ruin the holidays. I’m going to pretend it never happened and hope she does the same. I won’t be able to cope with losing the closeness I share with my little sister if she persists in chasing something so elusive and impossible.
I’m hoping that the few days we’ll spend together before Sean gets home won’t be awkward or filled with tension, and we can either act as though nothing happened or find a way to get past it and keep the truth buried. In spite of the conflict that wages inside me when I think of Sonea, I have missed her, and I’m still looking forward to seeing her again. Why did she have to make a mess of everything, and what am I going to do if we can’t move past this?
Shaking off the thoughts niggling at my conscience, I finish off my third drink and get to my feet. I’m not drunk, I’m barely even tipsy. The strong flavor from the shots tastes like regret on my tongue and letting out a heavy sigh, I leave the empty glass sitting on the bar and head for the exit. I don’t know what to do about this, but sitting in a noisy bar surrounded by the thump of heavy music isn’t the place to think things through.
Making my way out onto the quiet street, I leave the sound of fast riffs and heavy drumbeat behind me. Normally I love the music and the feeling of getting lost in the pounding rhythm, but tonight I’m just not feeling it.
It’s getting colder, and at this time of year it’s not unusual to get a sharp frost or even snow, although according to the weather report it won’t hit for at least another week. I left my gloves at home, and the cold is biting at my fingertips even though I’ve buried my hands deep in my jacket pockets.
I’ve got to figure this out, and I’ve got to do it soon. That niggling little thought I’m keeping buried is trying to unearth itself, and I’d sooner smother it than uncover it. I’m not going to entertain the ridiculous notions that have been sprouting little seedlings ever since I witnessed Sonea getting off to the sight of me…
As my blood rushes downward and my cock thickens in my pants at the vivid memory, I exhale sharply. Maybe I’m more drunk than I thought, because right now, I’m wishing I’d licked her fingers clean, and I’m wondering if they’d have tasted like the erotic scent surrounding her. No, I can’t go down that road. It’s wrong, and it’s fucking disgusting to think of my little sister in such a way.
I’m grateful the bar isn’t too far from home, but the brisk walk is long enough to have cleared my head and sobered me up. Tonight I’m going to do whatever I can to get these urges and thoughts out of my system, so tomorrow when dawn shines on my mistakes, I can shut them away and pretend nothing ever happened.
When I finally get through my front door and have locked it behind me, I clumsily hang the keys on the hook and head for the kitchen. Definitely not as sober as I thought. Pouring myself a drink of water, I down it and refill my glass before grabbing some painkillers and going to my room. I fumble with the buttons on my jeans and slide them and my boxers down my legs, discarding them together with my t-shirt onto the floor. The house is already too warm, and with my forbidden thoughts sending extra waves of heat roaring through my blood, I lie down on my bed on top of the bedclothes and palm my aching cock.
Rubbing the precum down my length with my thumb, I let loose the worst fantasies I’ve ever dreamed up. With no preamble, I proceed to fuck my tightly fisted hand as though it’s Sonea’s pussy. Imagining how it would feel if she were wrapped around my cock, I squeeze my rigid length, wishing she was riding me with bliss written all over her face as I pump into her. I come with a growl, and my body jerks from the force of the orgasm tearing through me as cum coats my hand and stomach. I lie on my bed, breathless, boneless and shaking hard through the residual sensations still wreaking havoc on my body.
A soft voice cuts through the lusty fog like a beam of sunlight, and I blink in the sudden brightness that illuminates my room and the chaotic mess on my skin and in my mind.
“Aston, are you okay?”
As I stare groggily at the shocked expression on Sonea’s face, I feel a prickle of confusion sweep over me. Why is she here? An awareness of the compromising state I’m in hits me, swiftly followed by a heavy dose of shame.
What the fuck did I just do?
Chapter Three
Sean
It’s been hell spending so much time away from Sonea, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to the heaviness in my chest with her absence. As we grew older, our looks weren’t so closely mirrored anymore, and where her features softened and her body began to curve gracefully, mine hardened and filled out in a different way to Sonea’s. Hell, these days I look more like my big brother Aston than my own twin. I miss them both, and I’m a little peeved that Sonea has already finished up for the holidays and I still have to sit through another two days of lectures before the end of my semester.
I’ll be flying home, and I’m hoping Sonea will come to meet me at the airport with Aston, who has already offered to pick me up. Sometimes I miss Dad, but I’d never trade in the memories and relationship I share with Aston for more time with him. Even though I know in my heart that Aston did a better job than Dad ever could have, I do wonder how we’d have turned out if he hadn’t bailed on us. Aston has always looked out of us. We’d always been close, and what happened with Dad just made our bond even stronger.
When I walk through the door to my room in the dorms, my roommate is sprawled on his bed, mashing the buttons on his Xbox controller so rigorously I’m surprised they haven’t caved in. He’s a hardcore gamer and while I play too, I’m not as intense a player as he is. The sounds of his video game and the rapid-fire click-click-click of the buttons fill the room.
“Hey, Robin. You gonna be heading home for the holidays or camping out here?” I ask him, dropping onto my bed.
“Home. My parents have set up this big family get-together with all my siblings and little nieces and nephews. I’m dreading it. Those kids are fucking loud,” he grumbles, but I can hear the affection in his voice when he talks about his family, and I wonder if I have the same inflection to mine when I mention Sonea and Aston. “What about you?” he asks.
“Home as well. I’m gonna spend the holidays with my brother and sister,” I respond lazily, trying not to contemplate how the next few days are going to drag by.
Robin knows it’s just the three of us, and after I gave him the very short and not so sweet version about my dad being a child abandoning asshole, he’s not brought him up again. We’re both studying the same major and a lot of the same electives.
The next few days pass uneventfully, and as I predicted, they drag by agonizingly slowly. I swear, even during the run up to holidays the professors still expect us to get a shitload of schoolwork done along with drilling us on what we’ve learned this semester. One of them is a complete demon and sprung a difficult quiz on the very last day when all our brains had already switched into vacation mode.
I’m packed, ready to leave, waiting for the cab to arrive to take me to the airport to catch my flight home. Robin left late last night as he
has a long drive to get to his parents’ place, so I had the place to myself for a change. It was odd without his presence there, filling the room. The silence was almost unsettling, but I was too focused on making sure I had everything ready for this morning.
It’s still dark, and even though the nights here stretch on for longer this time of year, it’s barely even the butt crack of dawn. I decided to book an early flight rather than grabbing a few more hours sleep and a later one home. My excitement at the prospect of seeing my family is greater than my desire for a lie in; I can always do that tomorrow when I’m at home with them, back with the people I love the most.
Chapter Four
Aston
Breakfast the following morning has to be the most awkward fucking meal I’ve ever shared with Sonea, and I can feel her eyes tracking me as I move around the kitchen, preparing drinks and food. Every time I glance at her, she averts her gaze, and it’s getting on my fucking nerves. She’s the one who created this damn mess, so she needs to face what she’s done. We’ve got to straighten things out between us before Sean comes home. He absolutely mustn’t find out about this, and if we can’t act like a normal fucking family around each other, then he’s bound to ask questions I won’t know how to answer.
“Sonea, we need to talk about what happened in the summer.” I broach the subject, speaking slowly and clearly, scrutinizing her for some kind of response.
When she finally looks at me, her cheeks are flushed and her pupils dilated. I’m left wondering exactly what she’s thinking, and a dull sense of foreboding settles over me when I consider the fact that, for her at least anyway, this may not be a one-time incident. My stomach jolts at the thinly veiled longing hidden in her eyes, and I have to fight not to break the connection of our gazes.
I’m not going down this route with her, and I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure nothing like this happens again. I’m thankful it never went any further, but as the memories intertwine with the vividness of the previous night’s fantasy, I’m afraid I’m going to sink under the weight of the thoughts that are burying themselves within my mind. I do my best to ignore the way my body responds to them and focus instead on the fact she’s not some random woman I’ve taken an interest in. She’s my sister.
“We never spoke about it then, but it can never happen. You’re my sister, and I love you. You’re my family, and I cherish our bond, Sonea, but we must never cross that boundary. It’s not just illegal, it’s wrong. If I catch you in my room again, there’ll be consequences.”
“I’m not a kid anymore, Aston. You don’t need to treat me like one, and your threats don’t scare me. You’re assuming I’ve thought about you in that way after that one time, but the reality is I got caught up in the moment,” she snaps, defiance giving her tone a sharp edge.
“Can you honestly tell me you haven’t thought about me like that since?” I narrow my eyes, not buying her excuse for one second. “You didn’t just suddenly forget I’m your brother, and it hasn’t escaped my notice how flushed your face is right now or how you haven’t met my eyes almost all morning.”
“Maybe because I’m embarrassed I walked in on my big brother jerking off again last night!”
“Embarrassment doesn’t change the fact that you got yourself off in my bathroom while watching me in the shower, Sonea. We need to not be acting this way around each other, sweetheart. Stay out of my room from now on, and then maybe you won’t see anything that will cause those cheeks of yours to turn such a pretty shade of pink,” I finish, and she sits silently, staring at me with her face sullen, and all lingering embarrassment, or whatever the fuck it was, is gone.
“Fine,” she huffs the solitary word and focuses intently on the coffee and food I’ve just set down in front of her.
“Hey, look at me,” I prompt.
When she glances back at me, I see a familiar defiance glowing in her eyes, and my gut twists at the sudden thought she may not let this go. I know all too well how powerful the call is of something forbidden. It creates the kind of yearning that only grows the more it's denied. I’m afraid of what such a terrible secret could do to our family. I will not see us torn apart over it, and I will not risk Sean being caught in the crossfire.
“I love you, Sonea. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt Sean. Regardless of whether it was an accident or not, this cannot happen between us, and I need you to tell me you understand.”
“I understand, Dad,” she drawls, and I bristle at the term she only uses when she’s upset I’ve berated her.
“I’m not him, and you know it,” I fire back defensively, and she has the good grace to look sheepish at my tone.
She lets out a sigh, and her sad, hazel eyes, which so closely mirror mine and Sean’s, strike me down. I realize that she does get it, and not just the fact I’m not Dad but also the severity of what happened, and how it could affect our whole family if it gets out. I close my mouth, the rest of my ire fading, and I decide to drop it. It won’t happen again. But why does that thought make my heart clench with disappointment rather than relief?
Chapter Five
Sonea
Sean is coming home today, and I’ve been buzzing around the house with excitement all morning, waiting anxiously until we need to leave to collect him from the airport. The past couple of days have been strange, and there’s been a weight of tension hanging over Aston and me, but nothing as bad as I’d have expected. I’ve been careful about keeping my thoughts shielded, so Aston can’t see how much this is torturing me.
Since the first time I caught him in the shower with his hand around his dick, I’ve been losing myself piece by piece to a consuming desire that’s slowly eating me alive. I’ve succumbed more than once to my incandescent need in the time I’ve been away, and I’ve bitten my lips each night I’ve been home to muffle the sounds of every forbidden orgasm I’ve given myself.
Aston’s told me this can never happen, but words can’t erase the intense longing that’s built up in the months we’ve been apart. I may never be able to have my brother as anything other than my family, but it doesn’t stop me from chasing the delicious dreams he fills as surely as he fills me within them.
He was right about one thing, though. We can’t ever tell Sean about this. The thought of hurting my twin cuts me deeper than Aston’s rejection. Shoving all thoughts of Aston aside, I decide to concentrate on Sean and how much I’ve missed him. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him and sink into the feeling of being complete.
I never imagined when we applied and went off to separate colleges that it would be this painful. It’s not just that we’ve never been truly apart before, but the pull of my twin stretched over so many miles rips into my heart. The distance between us wrecks me more than I’d like to admit to anyone, and more than once, I’ve considered transferring to a different college so I can be closer to Sean.
Time ticks on, and after what seems like forever, it’s time to leave. Sean will be landing soon, and we need to get going or he’ll have to wait for us to get there.
“Aston!” I call out, and he comes barreling into my room wearing nothing but a towel and a harried expression on his face.
Aston’s messy hair is soaking wet and dripping down the sides of his face from where it clings to his cheeks. Tendrils of water trickle down his chest and toned abs before seeping into the fluffy material of the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. The sight of him standing there like that is mouthwatering, and I’m unable to keep the groan I intended to keep internalized from slipping out.
“What?” he asks, and as his eyes track where mine just traveled, his own flash with heat at the sound.
His reaction fills me with surprise. I’m guessing I’m not the only one being tormented by what I can’t have. It doesn’t make me feel any better, and we don’t have time for me to confront him about it right now. Maybe I can catch him off guard one day soon, and we can really talk about what’s going on, only minus the lecture. I
know I shouldn’t be pursuing this, but my heart refuses to be contained by the restrictions he’s trying to chain me with.
“Umm, we need to leave. Sean’s flight will be here in less than an hour, and we’ve still got to get to the airport.”
Aston rolls his eyes. “I’m aware of that. If you’d given me five more minutes instead of shouting like you’re being attacked, I’d have been dried and dressed by now. I’ll be right back…and wipe that look off your face, Sonea.”
“I will if you will,” I shoot back, and he scowls as he walks back out of the room, mumbling about bratty sisters.
It’s a small victory, but I’ll take it. It seems he knows just as well as I do this isn't going to go away with a lecture and a persistent refusal to acknowledge it. I’m not sure how we’ll be able to keep Sean in the dark with us constantly at each other’s throats like this. Knowing the lengths that Aston has gone to over the years to keep us safe and protect us, pure will and stubbornness will probably be the best tactic he can use. However, subtlety has never been my strong suit, so if anyone fails to conceal it from Sean, it’ll probably be me.
I let out a heavy sigh and quickly pull on my shoes and a jacket before heading downstairs to wait for Aston to finally show his face.
It’s windy out. The bitter air nips at my exposed face and fingertips, and it blows loose strands of hair across my face. Prying the hair from my mouth, I attempt to tuck it behind my ears but another strong gust whips it back. I huff in irritation and make my way over to the car, closely followed by Aston. I slip on a wet patch of pavement just as I reach the front passenger door and fall backward, but Aston catches me before I can hit the ground.