by A. A. Davies
Where his large hands make contact with my body, it sends electricity zapping through me, and I wonder if he feels it too. It’s in that moment I realize this is the first time he’s touched or held me since I’ve been back, and sadness at that fact tugs at my heart. One foolish moment has already ruined what we used to share.
“Thanks,” I mumble, and when he finally sets me upright, I avoid his gaze and brush a tear from my cheek when I know he’s not looking.
I’m not as stealthy as I thought, because when I turn to open the door, Aston is staring at me with an unfathomable expression on his face. Before I can open my mouth to ask him what’s wrong, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into his arms, enveloping me in his warm embrace.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair, and I let him hold me while I fight back the emotions threatening to break through.
After a moment I lift my own arms and wrap them around his waist. I don’t say anything. Instead, I just stand there and savor the feeling of being held tightly by my big brother. The longer we stay the more my tension and pain dissipate until I feel a lightness inside me, and I think maybe, just maybe, we’ll be okay after all. Eventually, he releases me, and I don’t miss the way he inhales deeply, breathing in the scent of my hair.
“Come on, we better get going,” he says, and his husky voice bathes me in the warmth I hadn’t noticed was missing until now.
Nodding my acknowledgement, I slide into the car and watch as he moves around to the driver’s side and follows suit. Within the confines of the car, the lack of tension between us is more visceral, and I feel like I can finally breathe.
“I love you too,” I tell him, finally responding to his earlier declaration, and when I smile over at him, his own lips curve into the familiar grin I love seeing on him.
It’s not better, not by a long shot, and I’m not sure what to do about the emotions and needs that continue to linger, but even with the vast impossibility of our situation, maybe there’s some hope for us after all.
Chapter Six
Sean
I hate flying, and as the plane judders to a stop after hitting the asphalt I heave out a sigh of relief. If it wasn’t so much quicker to catch a flight than to drive, I would take the slower route, but it’s a long way to travel alone. This is more convenient, even if it does make me nervous as hell. Listening to music throughout the journey helps calm my anxiety, and the heavier the band the more relaxed I feel.
When the seatbelt sign dims, I flick open the clasp and get to my feet as quickly as I can, and after grabbing my bag from the overhead compartment, I head toward the exit. The stewardess is just opening the door, and as soon as she sees me, she gives me a broad smile and the standard spiel thanking me for flying with them. I acknowledge her words with a nod of my head before finally setting foot on the jet bridge that will take me to the terminal. I speed up, eager to get to where I’m hoping my brother and sister will be waiting for me.
Exiting the bridge, I make my way toward baggage claim, scanning the crowd for any sign of my family. Disappointment curdles in my stomach when I don’t spot them, but I remind myself they’ll be here and they’re probably stuck in traffic. After I grab my small case from the conveyer, I hear a voice that makes my heart jump.
“Sean!”
I’ve barely had time to turn in the direction the shout came from when I spy the figure I know as well as my own reflection. Sonea shoves her way through the crowd, flying across the packed terminal toward me. Letting go of my case, I open my arms and catch my favorite person in the world before she can crash into me and take us both to the ground. Squeezing her form to me, I smile against her shoulder as the scent of home wafts from her clothes and the last of my anxiety from the flight fades away. No matter where I am or who I’m with, Sonea is my home.
“I’ve missed you so much, I wish you didn’t live so far away,” she admits, an edge of desperation in her voice, and I tighten my arms around her in response.
“I’ve missed you too, I’m here now, though,” I chuckle, and she leans back to roll her eyes at me, but I can already see the smile teasing the corners of her mouth. I glance over her shoulder. “Where’s Aston?”
Sonea twists her head to look behind her, and confusion pulls her eyebrows closer together and her lips downward. “I left him by the car, I would’ve thought he’d have caught up by now. There he is!” she exclaims, just as I spot him myself.
Setting her down, I take her hand in one of mine and my suitcase in the other and drag them both toward the approaching figure of the man I look up to the most in the world, and my second favorite person after Sonea. I let go of my sister and the case to pull him into a quick embrace, and he gives me a friendly clap on my shoulder and grabs the luggage from beside me as Sonea slips her hand back into mine.
“Welcome home, Sean.”
Aston grins at me, but as his eyes flutter down to where mine and Sonea’s are entwined, something flickers so briefly in his expression I'm not certain I saw anything at all. After he gives me another quick one-armed hug, he turns to lead us out of the airport terminal to wherever he’s parked the car. As we draw closer, he pulls out the key and unlocks it. Popping the trunk, he swings my suitcase in, and I drop my backpack beside it before we all get into the car and start the final leg of the journey back to our home.
Sonea slides into the back seat with me, and taking her hand again, I lean my head back on the headrest and close my eyes. The heat from the radiator fills the car with warmth, chasing away the wintry chill that blasted us the moment we left the airport, and I’m finally able to stop shivering. The long journey combined with the comfort of being with my family and heading back to the one place in the world I never want to leave lulls me into a light sleep.
Chapter Seven
Aston
I keep finding myself looking in the rearview mirror to the backseat where Sean has just fallen asleep and Sonea is sitting beside him. A fleeting glance over my shoulder tells me that they’re still holding hands. They’re twins and have always been very close, so why is it bothering me so much now? Sonea and Sean share a bond I’ll never understand, and even after years of watching them grow up from babies into the adults they are now, it’s always confounded me. Truthfully, I’ve always envied them that closeness.
Maybe the reason it stings so much now is because I can’t seem to figure out a way to repair the broken tethers between Sonea and myself. Every touch we share, no matter how innocent, feels weighted with hidden meaning. I want back what we used to have, but I can’t deny the thought of touching her with complete abandon and without consideration of the implications sends a bolt of frenzied desire through me.
As the errant thought flits into my mind, I forcibly swipe it away by attempting to remind myself of all the reasons it can’t happen: she’s my sister, she’s off limits, and if anyone were to discover such an immoral physical union had taken place between us, we’d be severely punished by the law. Glancing up into the mirror again, my heart freezes momentarily in my chest when my eyes meet Sonea’s. The conflicted desperation and heat in her gaze warms my blood. But, my heart stutters back to life when I look over my shoulder and see the locked hands in the center seat and our brother sleeping peacefully next to her.
It hits me like a ten ton weight in that moment that if he weren’t there, I’d be strongly tempted to pull over and say fuck it to everything holding me back. As it is, I’m left feeling like I’m losing control. The pull between us shouldn’t be this strong or this intense. Her unwavering stare is proving to be my undoing, and for some unknown reason, the sheer lack of intent within it is feeding into my growing hunger.
After what feels like an age, I slowly pull into our driveway, set the car in neutral, and engage the handbrake. I leave the engine idling for a moment and swivel around in my seat to look at Sonea. Her eyebrows furrow, and an expression of deep thought passes across her features. I’m not entirely sure what she’s seeing on my face right
now, but the intense moment is shattered when Sean stirs in his seat and slowly wakes up. Opening his eyes, he blinks blearily and stretches, lifting up Sonea’s hand and arm with his.
I spin back around and switch off the car.
“We’re home. Let’s get inside before the cold gets to us.”
Getting out of the car, I head to the rear and open the trunk. I loop Sean’s backpack over my shoulder and haul out his case, setting it on the ground while I shut the lid with a thunk. The sound of two doors shutting in perfect unison makes me smile as I’m reminded of the way the twins fall into near perfect sync when they’re around each other. It’s not always exact, with one occasionally a second behind the other, but it’s so close that unless you pay careful attention or have lived with them, like I have, you would never notice. It’s not intentional, just a strange occurrence between the two of them.
They head up the pathway to the house just ahead of me, and I notice that Sonea is lagging a little behind. Hurrying to catch up, I fall into step with her, and we walk the last few feet to the house together. She moves aside and lets me into the house first, so I can set Sean’s bags down while she follows me in and shuts the door behind us. I can already hear the sound of the coffee maker humming from the kitchen and I smile. Sean’s home, I laugh silently to myself.
Sonea disappears into the kitchen in search of her brother, and I stare after her for a moment trying to straighten out the chaos building inside my head. Five months this has festered, and I’ve been frantically denying the truth about the onslaught of desire that’s been growing ever since. Sonea awoke something that day in my bathroom, and not just within herself. Blood shouldn’t want blood, but instead of killing the desire it’s feeding it.
Hopefully, Sean’s presence will provide the shield of control I’m scrambling to hold onto, but I’m not sure I can outlast the siege warring on my mind. Gritting my teeth, I leave the bag and suitcase at the bottom of the stairs for later and head through the house to seek out the rest of my family. Maybe seeing them together will help reinforce the wrongness of this whole fucked up situation.
Laughter seeps out through the open kitchen door, and I walk in to see the two of them talking and joking like the past five months of separation haven’t happened. Seeing Sonea so vibrant and happy with Sean sets my heart alight, and like the moment we shared earlier before we went to collect Sean, it serves to reinforce the fact things aren’t the same between us. Fierce longing to reclaim the easy relationship we used to share burgeons in my chest, and the spark of jealousy I’ve always harbored flares up painfully.
Taking a deep breath, I urge my body to relax. I can’t let either of them see me losing control or view me as anything other than their older brother, the responsible and controlled one who always put them first. I squash the treacherous thoughts whispering to me about how I need to put myself first sometimes. No, my little brother and sister must always come first.
Chapter Eight
Sonea
Aston’s acting strangely, but Sean doesn’t seem to have noticed anything’s amiss. I would’ve thought of the two of us it would be me failing to keep my thoughts and feelings obscured. I’m worried because it looks like Aston’s carefully maintained control is slipping, and I’m not entirely sure what he’s thinking right now. His eyes have hardly strayed from me since we left the airport, and I sense that something in him is about to be unleashed.
I inch closer to Sean, not just for the comforting aura his calm presence offers me, but also to put a little distance between me and Aston. I want what we should never share, and I want it so badly I’m afraid of what might happen if I surrender to it. I don’t think he’d do anything with Sean around, which provides me with a small amount of solace. I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused by all of this, and up until now, I believed Aston would continue to reject me. Something has shifted in him, exacerbated by Sean’s arrival, and now I’m left uncertain as to what’s going on with him.
The rest of the day passes with an almost palpable tension hanging over us that I’m sure doesn’t go unnoticed by Sean. I’ll have to talk to him later, and even though Aston was adamant about keeping it from our brother and I agreed, this is eating me up. How could I have believed I’d be able keep anything from my twin, especially a secret as insane as this one?
Sean excuses himself early, and I let him go without even attempting to stop him. He’s just traveled over a thousand miles in the span of a day, and he’s exhausted. He doesn’t need me laying a weight like this on him his first day home. Maybe I can wait it out a day or two and give myself time to think and find clarity. I could potentially discuss it properly with Aston, but I’m not sure how to approach him with the way things are between us right now.
I curl up on the couch, watching the rerun of an old sitcom on the TV when Aston takes a seat next to me. The air in the room charges the longer we sit there silently, and when I feel like I’m about to scream I get to my feet.
“Be back in a minute,” I tell him with a smile, and he nods but doesn’t speak.
I dart from the living room and into the small bathroom on the first floor. I take my time, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. Splashing water on my face, I let the cool liquid sap the heat from my flushed cheeks and refresh me so I can go back out there. When I finally feel ready, I open the door and damn near jump out of my skin when I see a shadowed figure waiting on the other side...for me.
The shadow steps forward, and I see it’s Aston as he quickly muffles my noise of surprise with his hand. “Shhh, you don’t want to wake up Sean and bring him running down to see what the commotion is.”
I’m breathing fast, waiting for him to release my mouth or explain what the hell he’s doing right now. Quite frankly, he’s scaring the hell out of me. The lack of lighting in the hallway has cast eerie shadows over everything, and even in the poor light, his obscured expression is hungry. I’m not sure what he’s thinking or planning, and some sick part of me wants to find out, but the part that doesn’t want my twin to be hurt by this makes me struggle in his grip.
“I’ve tried so hard to be a good brother, Sonea. All I’ve ever wanted is to protect you, keep you safe, love you, but somewhere along the line, it’s all gone wrong. That brotherly love has morphed into something much more base and carnal. Why can’t I keep my eyes off you?”
His voice is pained, and my heart twists and my body heats at the words leaving his mouth. Here in the darkness where we can barely see each other, it’s harder to recognize what’s really holding us back. Aston’s other hand crosses the darkness to settle on my hip and the warmth from it seems to melt through my clothes to my bare skin beneath. A surprised gasp leaves my lips, vibrating against the hand still covering my mouth, and he flexes his fingers in response before squeezing the flesh of my hip, eliciting yet another gasp from me.
Sure fingers dip beneath the waistband of my leggings, teasing the sensitive skin before delving lower without hesitation. My heart’s thumping like a jackhammer inside my chest, threatening to break out with the speed and force of its beat. Aston moves closer, narrowing the gap between our bodies until there’s barely anything between us. A moan works its way up my throat when he brushes my clit with the pad of his forefinger, stroking the tiny nub with tantalizingly light strokes.
“I think you like that,” he whispers, circling it with his fingertip.
My breaths are hot against the palm of his hand, and though my hands are free and hanging loosely by my sides, I’m too stunned to move or do anything other than fall victim to the zinging sensations he’s creating.
The teasing is driving me mad, his touch still feather light on my body. Frustration sends my hips rolling toward him, chasing more, but it makes him stop. I fail to hold back the whine at his cruel maneuver, and finally unfrozen, I reach out to grasp his wrist to encourage him to continue; only instead, he removes his hand completely.
I stare up at him, squinting to decipher what he’s
thinking, to read his expression. He lets go of my mouth, and sliding both hands under my thighs, he lifts my body to straddle his waist. I let out a small sound of surprise that he quickly smothers with his lips, and without further ado, he carries me up the stairs, bypassing his bedroom and opening the door to mine. Setting me down, he flicks on the light and the look in his eyes causes my heart to skitter. Instinctually I step away, increasing the space between us until the backs of my knees hit the bed, and I slip into a seated position. Aston tracks my movements with his eyes before trailing after me. His gait is slow, purposeful...predatory as he draws closer.
At this moment, I feel less like the pesky younger sister he’s always had to take care of and more like a woman he looks set on devouring whole, and I find myself trembling with anticipation, waiting for him to capture and claim what I’m freely offering to him. I’m still fully clothed, but I feel naked beneath his gaze. As he moves nearer to me, Aston’s eyes never leave mine, and with each step, he sheds a piece of his clothing until he’s almost completely naked in front of me. The material of his boxers is stretched taut from the stiffness of his erection tenting the fabric, and my mouth waters at the sight of his naked skin and clear desire.
My sharp intake of breath makes my chest heave, and he lowers his head slightly to watch as my breasts rise and fall with each rapid breath continuing to escape me. Before he reaches me, he stops, and a smirk lifts his full lips and his hazel eyes darken until the brown encompasses the small amount of green in them. I’m practically salivating at the sight of him so exposed to me. A few days ago, I’d never have imagined we could move beyond the anger and frustration of what we were both fighting against, and now he’s standing in my room like this. I know I’m not going to get out of here unscathed, and all my senses are tingling with anticipation while I wait for his next move.