Better When He's Brave

by Jay Crownover

  He groaned loudly and demanded, “Touch yourself. Let me see it.” So I did. I smiled up at him. Scooted around a little bit so I could get my fingers on my own little center of pleasure. I made sure the angle was right for him to see the way I circled the little nub. The way I tapped it. The way I brushed it in time to his motions. It felt so good, and as soon as he barked my name and collapsed on top of me, I followed him over the edge and fell with a much softer landing. It was perfect. He was perfect. We were perfect.

  I massaged his spine as he pulled the pillow out from under me. He finally gave me a kiss and then locked his arm around me and rolled so that he was on the bottom and I was sprawled across the top of him. My knee hit a very obvious wet spot on the sheets and I had a moment of panic. We weren’t careful again, and this time I wasn’t sure he was going it be all in once he heard what I had to tell him. I took a deep breath and talked to his heart since that was here my head was at.

  “When I came back to the Point I was planning on killing Conner. I knew you would keep me safe and I needed to stay alive long enough to get close enough to have a shot at him. He’s a monster, Titus, and he’s smart. He’ll never see the inside of a jail, and we both know that. I was hoping you would agree to my plan so that I could be the one to pull the trigger. From the beginning I knew it was jail or a shallow grave, and I figured jail for righting such a major wrong all those years ago was a fair trade-off. I knew you would never approve, so I didn’t tell you that I had Booker get me a gun or what I was planning. I didn’t want you attached to yet another crime. I lied. I lied from the very start, and I’m so sorry, but after you told me you were all in with me in the car, I knew I couldn’t risk it, or you. I knew I needed to be better, do better, so I was fully intending to let Booker take the gun back and let Nassir or even Race do the dirty work. Please try and see why I made the choices that I made.”

  Really I wanted to plead with him to love me the way I loved him. I wanted to beg him to forgive me for being desperate and rash. I wanted him to see me for who I always would be, a woman that had a good heart but often made bad choices. I was human. Flawed and broken, but so was this place I called home and so was he. I wanted him to see that we fit right in as a couple on these damaged streets.

  He stiffened under me and I bit my already trashed lip because I thought he was going to push me away. He didn’t. His fingers raked through my messy hair and massaged the back of my neck.

  “I figured all that out when you lied to the cop about the gun. And just so you know: Booker is the one who let Zero into the building.”

  It was my turn to stiffen. “What?”

  He sighed and moved his head so he could kiss my forehead. “Booker let the guy in and disabled the security cameras so no one could see him coming up to the loft. None of it makes any sense.”

  I was dumbfounded. I knew Booker was a thug and an ex-con, but I also thought he was my friend. We understood one another.

  “What about the rest of it, Titus? I screwed up again.” I was giving him proof that I was never going to be as good as he was even if he came from a place that was as dirty and tarnished as I was.

  He blew out a deep breath and curled the arm that wasn’t holding me up around the back of his head. “You can’t be the judge, jury, and executioner if we’re going to be together, Reeve. You have to understand the difference between a bad choice and a choice that has consequences that are undoable and forever. If Dovie had died, if you had succeeded in killing Conner . . . where would you be at the end of all of that? Buried under guilt and remorse just like you have been since you asked Novak to take care of your sister’s boyfriend. I need you to trust me to do my job, and you have to trust the process. I know Roark was a dirty cop, I know there are more of them in this city than there are good ones, but I’m not one of them. You have to give me the opportunity to do what needs to be done.”

  I nodded slowly. “I know that.”

  “Now.”

  It was my turn to sigh. “We didn’t start out as a united front, Detective. I was on the outside looking in. I was trying to do what was best for everyone. And just so you know, Race thought I was trying to set you up to kill Conner for me. He never trusted my motives.”

  I saw his teeth flash in a grin. “Race is smart but that doesn’t mean he knows everything. I knew from the beginning you would never expect me to compromise myself no matter how vicious and violent Roark made this fight. You told me too many times how much you admired and appreciated my dedication to doing the right thing. I kind of figured you had a plan. I just didn’t put it together until you lied about the gun.”

  “I don’t want you to regret being with me, Titus.” I could hear everything my heart felt for him in my voice.

  “There is no regret, Reeve, and there is no choice. Right or wrong, you are it for me. You get all the parts of me. You make me feel like I can just be me, not a cop, not a big brother, not a hero, not a savior . . . just a man. A man that has his good and bad parts. I’ll never be perfect but for you I will always be real, and you can always be just who you are with me. Even if that is a girl that thinks she can solve her problems with a bullet. I just need to keep reminding you there are always other options and that we have too much to lose if we don’t think things through. We’re both a freaking mess, so who else would want to bother with us anyway.” He kissed me to show me he was teasing with the last part. “I’ve wanted you from the beginning. I should’ve known from the start this is where we would end up.”

  It wasn’t a declaration of love. He didn’t even ask me to be his girlfriend, but him saying I would always be the one that got all of him, all of who he really was, felt just as important as those three little words.

  I was going to thank him and smother him with my relief and with more kisses and definitely more sex, but his eyes got flinty and he suddenly bolted up in the bed and pulled at his hair.

  “Son of a bitch!” He didn’t apologize for the interruption to our intimate moment; instead he swung his long legs over the edge of the bed and reached for his pants. I saw his shoulders tense, which made me sit up and ask him,“What’s wrong?”

  He looked pissed off and extra wild as he started pulling on his clothes.

  “It’s the beginning. All of it has been about the beginning. It started with Novak.”

  “So what?” I didn’t understand what he was talking about but he was making me nervous. This was the first time I had seen both the cop and the beast loose at the same time. He was frightening in his ferocity.

  “I didn’t see the connection when Roark started messing with Nassir and Race. I totally blew the relationship between him and my brother. It took a bomb threat and too many dead kids for me to see the way he was hitting at me where it hurt me the most, but now I see it all. It’s been about paying us back by using our weakness against us, and the only weakness Roark has shown is his bizarre obsession with his old man. I looked everywhere in this damn city for him except for the one place where he would feel closest to his father.” He swore some more and I shivered as he clipped his gun on his belt.

  His train of thought sounded ominous and I had a really bad feeling about it. “You think Conner is at Novak’s old warehouse?”

  He just grunted and dug a card out of his wallet that he tossed in my direction.

  “I don’t know if he’s there or not but I need to go check it out.”

  I picked up the card with the marshals’ logo on it and curled my fingers around it. “Don’t go alone.” My voice was barely a whisper. I couldn’t stand the thought of him in danger even though I knew it was his job.

  Titus bent over to kiss me hard on the mouth and told me to trust him and to believe that he could do his job. He told me he would call for backup and that if I didn’t hear from him in an hour to call the marshals. I knew exactly where Novak’s old spot was located. If he didn’t call me in an hour I was going after him myself; I just didn’t tell him that. So I kissed him back with everything I had and t
old him I would do exactly what he had asked me to do. As I watched his broad back disappear out the door I asked any higher entity that might be listening to keep this man that held this world up safe. I didn’t want to live in this place without him.

  Chapter 18

  Titus

  I was surprised when the big, lifted-up truck rolled to a stop next to the GTO where it was parked up on a hill overlooking the battered and long-abandoned warehouse that Novak and his now defunct crew used to work out of. I had been standing there for a while, just waiting and watching, kicking myself for not putting the pieces together sooner, which seemed to be how I handled everything dealing with Roark. Sometime the bad guys were just better than I was. When the driver climbed out of the beast of a machine, some of the surprise wore off and I figured I should’ve known he had to be lurking around waiting to make whatever move he was planning after the attack. The way he had watched those video cameras so that we couldn’t miss seeing that he was tied into Roark’s plans was telling. The entire way Booker had acted when he was in Race’s building had hinted that something was up, that he was maneuvering pieces around the game board we couldn’t see. It was just like an ex-con to make up his own rules and forget to clue the rest of the players what they were.

  If I was surprised to see him I don’t think he was at all shocked when I was on him before his feet hit the ground. I wanted to rip his head off and spit down his throat for the danger he had put Reeve in. I was happy I hadn’t called in for backup yet. I couldn’t drop-kick him across the Point if I had witnesses.

  He thumped against the side of the truck as I barreled into him but we were evenly matched in the size and bulk department, so it wasn’t long before I had a fist in my ribs and we were both rolling around on the asphalt exchanging heavy blows and grunting with exertion. He got in a good shot to my cheek and I was pretty sure I broke his nose when I slammed my forehead into the center of his face. I took an elbow to the sternum, which knocked the wind out of me, so I retaliated with a kidney punch that finally had the other man rolling away from me. We both staggered to our feet, bloodied and furious, as we continued to circle one another like fighting dogs.

  “She could have died, asshole.” I spit a mouthful of blood toward his feet, making him step back and swear at me.

  “She has a gun and she knows how to use it. It was the only way any of us were going to get close to Roark. Someone needed to get in on the inside and the only way to do that was to give him something he wants.”

  “Reeve’s corpse?” Just saying the words made my blood heat even more and I took another threatening step toward the other man. Booker held his hands up in front of him in a gesture of surrender and shook his head slowly.

  “No. He wants you, but in order to convince him that I was trustworthy, that I would follow through, I had to show him how far I would go. Why do you think I let the cameras catch me? I know every fucking blind spot in that building. I wanted you guys to see me. Race is smart and it’s your fucking job to figure shit out. I wanted you to know something was up.”

  “The bastard cut her, almost raped her. It wasn’t worth the risk. She isn’t yours to play with like that.”

  “We don’t have a choice. Sacrifices have to be made because so far Roark is winning and we’re all just dangling on the end of his string waiting around like a bunch of dumb shits to see who he goes after next. I believed Reeve could take care of herself and it got us exactly where we needed to be. I followed you when you left the house so I could talk to you, even though I knew you were going to take a crack at me. Roark won’t show himself, but he will let me bring you to him now that I’ve proven myself to him. He’ll think I took you down just like he believed I wanted to let Zero in the building. It’s the only shot we have at getting close, Titus. He’s too smart. He knows the way this shit works from the inside. He’s better at it than we are and more people we care about are going to get hurt. We can stop it if you trust me.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest as he let his hands fall. “Why does he want me?”

  Booker heaved a deep breath and lifted a finger to wipe at the steady trickle of blood leaking out of his nose. My side was aching and my jaw throbbed. We had done a number on each other. “Because the girl loves you. It’s obvious to anyone that sees the two of you together. He doesn’t want her gone, he wants her to suffer. In his own sick and maniacal way he really did care about her. He thought the two of them were a match made in heaven when she told him about how she asked Novak to take care of the sister’s boyfriend. He thought she was as brutal and as violent as he was. He thought revenge would tie them together forever. I think she let him down by proving she has a heart and actually cares about other people, and he wants to make her pay for it. She disappointed him, so she deserves to feel that same kind of pain.”

  “Zero tried to kill her, Booker.”

  The scarred man shook his head and I winced as it sent blood flying. “Roark is malicious and devious, Titus. Zero didn’t know she was armed, but Roark did. He sent the guy in after her knowing she was going to fight back. Knowing she would pull the trigger. Why do you think the guy only had a knife? Roark wants her to be like him. He wants her to be a killer. He sent his man in there to die by her hand.”

  “The gun was downstairs. Zero could’ve stabbed her the second she got out of the shower. He surprised her and she had to fight. She fought hard to stay alive. There are too many what-ifs in that scenario.”

  “It’s win-win for Roark. She kills his guy and he feels like he has proven to himself that she is exactly what he wants her to be, or she ends up dead and she’s out of the way while he continues to torture the rest of us. Like I said, he’s better at this than we are, so the only way to stop him is from the inside. I told him that I could get to you, that I would arrange to have you meet me, and that you would show just to take a chunk out of my hide for betraying the family by letting Zero in. I told him you would do your job and the opportunity to take me in for violating my bond and disappearing couldn’t be passed up. I told him I would take you down and bring you to him. He believed me . . . only after I let Zero in the building.” ”

  “How did he contact you in the first place?”

  Booker wiped a hand across his face, smearing more blood and glowering at me as he poked his swollen and quickly bruising nose. “Zero was waiting for me when I got out of jail. Literally right outside of the police station. He asked if I needed a ride back to the condo and made it clear the only answer I had better have was yes. He asked me about Karsen. He knew I went into the school after her. She’s just a kid, dammit. She should have no part in anything that goes down in this place. She has a shot at having a normal life. I told him to leave her alone and he mentioned that Roark was always looking for good help. It was very ‘come to the dark side.’ He made it sound like they would leave the kid alone if I did what they wanted, so I told him there was always a right price for things, and that’s when he told me about getting into the building to go after your girl.”

  I growled because I couldn’t help in, and my fist flew out of its own accord and smacked into his cheek. His entire head cranked to the side and he took a step toward me vibrating with rage as I shook out my now throbbing knuckles. “What’s the rest?”

  He worked his jaw back and forth and lifted his fingers to poke at his now red and swollen cheek.

  “As soon as Zero was in the building, I got a call from a blocked number. I knew by the accent it was Roark. He told me he always rewarded a job well done. He offered me three hundred thousand for letting Zero in and another ten thousand if I agreed to lure you to him. I told him it was a deal.”

  “Were you supposed to bring me here?” My mind was already spinning. I needed backup. I needed more firepower. I needed to calm down because I had to do my job when all I wanted to do was shoot first. I couldn’t believe Roark was finally close enough to touch, and I really wanted to knock Booker around some more.

  “He didn’t say. He ga
ve me a number to call once I had the package secured.” He lifted an eyebrow at me. “You’re the package, cop.”

  I snorted. “I figured that. So what? We pound the hell out of one another and then you throw me in the back of the truck and take me to some secret location? What’s to prevent Roark from putting a bullet in both of us the second we arrive? That’s what I would do in his shoes.”

  Booker shook his head again. “I’m telling you he has a majorly sick and twisted thing for your girl. He wants you to suffer and he wants her to know you are suffering because of her. As for me . . . that’s just a risk I’m gonna have to take.”

  I snorted again. “It’s a stupid one. If he kills you, then you aren’t a threat and he doesn’t have to pay you. You’re a dead man.”

  “So be it. It’s the only way to end this.”

  “I need to call for backup. We can’t try for a takedown alone.” I was regretting not calling the station the second I left the house. Part of me had to make sure I finally finished the puzzle. Finally had all the pieces in place before I called. I was tired of being a pawn. It was time to be the king.

  “No more cops. If he knows it’s more than us, he’ll just sink back underground and we’ll never get a shot at him. Remember, he was a cop. He doesn’t play by the rules, so he’ll know what to expect. He has the entire police station wired. He’s been watching you guys scramble around to find him and he’s laughing at all of you. Video, sound . . . he knows every move you make. He’s fucking everywhere. We’re all fortunate Novak didn’t hand him the reins . . . I think he knew the guy would’ve killed him off just to be number one. He’s insane.”

  “So we just roll in like Butch and Sundance? You know they died at the end of that movie, right? This is a terrible plan, Booker. You think you’re gonna get a shot off before he does?”