Rhapsody

by Heather McKenzie

  That kind of person was hard to find.

  So today, for Kaya, I put a smile on my face and allowed the plastic Fembot at the makeup counter to coat me in chemicals. I even paid for her services and bought the jars of makeup. Now I just needed a living Ken doll and a pink corvette.

  The disguise must have been good, too, because Kaya and Thomas didn’t even recognize me.

  I’d spotted him first. Thomas being impossible to miss, taller than most men and strikingly handsome. He had on a black wool coat that suited him, and he seemed confident standing amongst the chaos of people gawking at the Bow Springs Estate. Kaya, however, was fidgety, restless, and clearly nervous. She was slouching to make herself shorter and had a green scarf wrapped around her head to hide her hair, but I knew it was her. And that was confirmed when I got a glimpse of her hand tightly woven into Thomas’s.

  I was happy to see her, but I could have kicked her ass at the same time. Why on earth had she gone to the estate? So close to her nutso daddy? She had been attracting the attention of the guards as she chatted up some blonde broad with buck teeth. When they went after her, I was forced to create a diversion. I had to summon up my deepest voice—the one I used to call the horses with—and yelled, “There she is, don’t let her get away!”

  Then I ran. Toward the estate, in the opposite direction of the bridge and Kaya and Thomas. I crawled under the tape, stumbled a few times for show so the out of shape cops could catch up, and barreled over ash covered ground and through a patch of brush to the towering building resembling a castle. I got onto the driveway, laughing to myself at the absurdity of one lone girl outrunning cops and security guards, until the lights came on over my head in a blinding glare. I knew, but could not see, that there were twenty or so guns pointed at my head. So I put my hands up.

  When they realized I wasn’t Kaya and believed that I was just a shoplifter scared of getting caught with a pocket full of makeup they assumed was stolen, I was tossed aside like a bikini on a nude beach. No one gave me a second thought or glanced at me and my spackled face as I sauntered back down the road, got under the police tape, and back into the crowd.

  Except for one girl—the one with bad teeth and gaudy earrings that Kaya had been talking to. “Are you a reporter?” she had asked, fluffing up her hair.

  I was covered in soot, had twigs in my hair and was positive my jeans had shredded knees. By no means did I look like one of those polished pixies you saw on television. But I had gone under the tape and nobody cared. So, I straightened my back and faked a smile.

  “Sure am,” I said to the stupid girl and her stupid friend. “ZTLA News, Los Angeles. And you are?”

  She talked. And talked. And talked. And I listened—that’s what news reporters do—and that’s what friends do who want to look after their stupid friends who are being hunted down because their family is messed up, and they are out wandering around in plain sight. When I had the name and number of the girl’s father—someone named ‘Driver Dan’—and was told that he was a person ‘the weird scarf lady moving to London’—also known as Kaya Lowen—might contact, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had a way to find my friend, so I could kick her ass.

  I crept downstairs to the basement, empty except for the freezer in the corner. I’d been in and out of sleep, trying to wrap my head around what had happened, and I needed to remind myself that it was true. That Seth was dead.

  Kicking aside boxes of thawing TV dinners, my stomach lurched. I knew what a dead body looked like. I’d been around a few—my mom, both grandparents, my dad, and my stepdad—but never someone who I had loved.

  I would have given Seth everything.

  And he tried to kill me.

  What did that say about me? My judgement? How many men had I trusted with my heart and my body, only to have them both broken and beaten? I thought Seth was different. I thought he genuinely loved me, but apparently whatever Kaya was worth meant more to him than I did.

  I hated to admit to myself that I’d momentarily hated her for it. Despised her. I wanted to put her pretty little head in a blender. The cowboy’s, too, for fawning all over her with what was undoubtedly true love bursting from every single one of his perfect pores. Why couldn’t I have someone like that? What was it about me that attracted the absolute worst men? What was it about Kaya that attracted the absolute best?

  Maybe I was so desperate for love I overlooked a few things.

  I put my hand on the freezer. The plastic was cold. Should I look at Seth’s face and risk the nightmares that would follow? Would I find any answers? Probably not, but I was already down here, so…

  Steadying myself, I lifted the lid. He was on his side, chunks of the upstairs carpet draped over him, skin a greyish green, ice on his lashes, lips bloodless, and cheeks puffy. Unmistakably, most certainly, dead.

  My legs threatened to give out. The room got real dark for a moment, but a tear rolling down my cheek stopped me from falling. I was so angry I had shed one that it unlocked a torrent of others. Streaming down my face were bullets of pent up grief. I hadn’t cried in… well, years… but now I was bawling my eyes out. I cursed him, cursed the tears, cursed the entire world.

  “How could you?” I said, wanting to shake him.

  Of course, he didn’t answer.

  My past hit with brutal force; all the times I’d been beaten and berated by my stepdad while my mom stood by, not caring if I lived or died. Then the streets, intent on sending me six feet under but still better than the abuse I got at home. The nights in jail were the safest place from the boyfriends who were no better than my father. And then, there was Luke. My savior. Always there to pick up the pieces and glue me back together. I wished that he loved me the way I loved him. Seth had been the one to make me forget that wish.

  I cried harder. For my past and for the future with him I would never have. My tears hit Seth’s frozen cheek. On impulse, I reached to brush them away, shocked by the rock-hard feeling of his skin.

  “Bastard,” I spat, gagging, and reached to shut the lid.

  But something caught my eye. Amidst the torn carpet pieces and stuck to a frozen splatter of blood, was a slip of paper. Seth’s handwriting was distinct—the way he curled his letter ‘s’ and hooked the bottom of his letter ‘t’s—I would have recognized it anywhere. Peeling it away from the carpet, I slammed the lid closed and examined it closer. 2130 Georgia Street, Vancouver. Noon.

  An address and time that meant nothing to me, but I suspected meant something to Seth by the way he’d been checking his watch. I shoved the slip of paper into my pocket and headed back up the creaky stairs, careful not to wake Kaya and Thomas who were sound asleep on the couch with their coats and shoes still on. The sun was starting to come up. I sat at the kitchen table. I’d be out of tears by morning.

  Kaya woke up first. After a quick glance at my puffy eyes, she pulled up a kitchen chair next to me, leaned in, and gathered me in her arms. I didn’t want to be comforted, or coddled, or shown any sort of sympathy, but her embrace melted away the wall I couldn’t hold up any longer. There were no lies behind her affection for me. No ulterior motives. Nothing but the simple desire to make me feel better.

  I hadn’t realized I’d needed that so badly.

  She rubbed my back while Thomas rose, checked the bandage on his stomach, then went about clanging around in the kitchen. I was so numb and emotionally drained, all I could do was let Kaya continue to hold me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said against her hair.

  That made her arms loosen in order for her to lean back and study my face. My eyes were so swollen I could barely see her, and my head pounded. Now I remembered why I refused to cry all these years. It made a person feel like crap.

  “Sorry for what?” she asked.

  I could see why Luke fell for her so fast; she was beautiful. Not just her green eyes and flawless skin, her heart, too. I took in a breath, hoping my voice wasn’t as raw as my agony. “I’m sorry for being a part of the Right Choice
Group. For working with Seth, Regan—and Luke—to kidnap you. I know it was wrong, Kaya. I really do. I hope one day you’ll forgive me.”

  She reached for a lock of my hair, toying with it for a moment, then looped it behind my ear. “We all do things sometimes that we’re not proud of. I do appreciate your apology, Lisa, and I think, given the circumstances, I would have done the same.” Her delicate arms wound around me again, her hand soothing and warming my spine. “Thing is,” she said quietly. “I wouldn’t change anything that happened for the world. Kidnapping me saved my life. I’d still be locked up in my room right now, and I never would have met Luke. I’d go through it all again for even just one more minute with him.”

  Whatever Thomas was doing in the kitchen came to a crashing halt. With his shoes and coat still on, he marched out the door.

  I stared after him. So did Kaya, the expression on her face unreadable. For a long while we just held each other’s hands, concentrating only on breathing in and out. Then Kaya rose and went to the sink, soaked a cloth in cold water, and returned to dab it at my eyes—just like I’d done for her once.

  “I’m sorry too,” she said.

  “For what?” I asked.

  “For noticing weird things about Seth and not saying anything.”

  My chest. Hurt. “It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

  Kaya nodded. “Still though… I can’t believe… I—I’m just so sorry this happened to you.”

  The clock on the wall ticked. The sun grew brighter.

  “Kaya,” I dug out of my pocket the slip of paper I’d found and put it in her hand. “I found this on Seth. In the, uh… well… downstairs.”

  She shivered as her fingers brushed over the stained letters, then placed it back in my waiting hand.

  “It’s Seth’s handwriting,” I added. “I think it has something to do with you and why he kept looking at his watch. I’m going to go there and see what I can find out.”

  Kaya shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lisa. I have a feeling that whatever is there, can’t be good. What if it just makes you feel worse?”

  “I just need some sort of explanation. Anything. And really, I couldn’t feel any worse.”

  Silence fell between us as we both eyed the bare patches of the living room rug. I felt a catch of breath in my lungs and that sting of wetness building behind my eyes again. I had to change the topic. “Ya know, Kaya, you and I are a lot alike,” I said, embarrassingly sniffing and rubbing at my swollen eyes.

  Her face lit up, as if it were a good thing to have some likeness to me. “In what way?”

  “We both have the worst parents ever.”

  She tried to smile. “Oh, right.”

  I had the feeling she was hoping I would have said something else. “And we’re both strong women,” I added.

  That was what she wanted. “I’m trying to be,” she said, squeezing my hand.

  I squeezed back. “I have realized today that tears don’t make us weak. They make us human.”

  “Well then I’m as human as they come,” she said with a smile.

  I laughed. It felt strange. “Apparently, I am, too.”

  She threw her arms around me. She was so strange, this incredibly trusting, loyal, and stubborn girl.

  “You know, you’ve grown, Kaya,” I said after a while, realizing she was comforting. “I can feel a change in you. Whatever went on at that ranch gave you strength. What was it? What happened there?”

  Her breath caught. I could feel her body tense. “Thomas. Thomas happened there.”

  “Oh?” Her heart speeding up meant I’d hit a sensitive button. “Did you, uh… you know…”

  Kaya’s cheeks turned pink. “Technically no.”

  “But now you have yourself a bit of a predicament, I assume?”

  Tears filled her eyes, and she nodded her head.

  “So, what are you going to do?” I asked.

  She slumped back in the chair, hair loose and falling around her shoulders. There was a quiver to her lower lip.

  “Kaya?” I urged, reaching for her hands, holding them in mine.

  “I’m in love with Luke,” she said, almost defensively.

  “I know. That’s obvious. But… what about the cowboy?”

  She shivered and pulled the puffy coat tight around her chest. “I definitely feel something for Thomas too,” she admitted. “It’s just not as intense as the feeling I have for Luke. Oh hell, Lisa. I don’t know.”

  “That poor cowboy is going to have his heart broken, isn’t he?”

  “I’m stringing him along. I know… I mean, I know… I will never feel for Thomas what I feel for Luke. But there is something there for sure. Something deep that I crave more of. I’ve been trying to deny it. Pass it off as friendship. Make excuses why I would be feeling this way. But last night when he put this ring on my finger…” She paused, holding up a glittering, fake, diamond monstrosity. “I realized that Thomas is exactly right for me. He is the perfect man offering the perfect life. He really is the one I should be with. He wasn’t forced upon me. He was my choice. And I can’t pass off what I feel for him as something it isn’t any longer. This feeling that keeps wrapping itself around me that I can’t break free of… At first, I thought it was just lust. I mean, he’s so incredibly beautiful.”

  I agreed wholeheartedly with that.

  “And then I compared him to Oliver.” She continued. “I owed Oliver and that blurred the lines for me. I see that now. And I thought maybe I was doing the same with Thomas. But waking up next to him on the couch and letting my mind shut up and my heart just speak for itself, I know that it’s love. I can’t deny it, Lisa. I’m in love with him. And if it wasn’t for Luke, I would run off into the sunset with Thomas and never look back.”

  A sharp inhale came from the kitchen and startled us both. Thomas had returned and was standing in the doorway with a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread, his eyes wide as plates. We hadn’t heard him come in, but we knew by the look on his face that he’d heard our conversation.

  Kaya stood, cheeks red as a tomato, and now she was the one to bolt out the door. As it slammed behind her, Thomas just stared at me in stunned silence. I could see his hands start to shake, the eggs trembling before he dropped them to the counter. I rose from the table and grabbed him by the sleeve when he motioned to go off after her.

  “I know what you heard, but it doesn’t change anything,” I said.

  He was having trouble catching his breath. “Oh, it sure does.”

  I dug my fingers into his coat. “If you do anything to jeopardize us getting Luke back—”

  He shrugged his sleeve free of my grasp. “Never. I would never do that to Kaya. I made a promise I would help her, and I won’t break a promise to her ever again. You can be certain I am going to get Luke back for her even if it kills me.”

  My respect for the cowboy multiplied. He was a good man. If I was to be very selfish, I would want Kaya to pick him, just so Luke might consider me once again. But I wasn’t going to be that girl, so I gave Thomas a fair warning. “In the end she will pick Luke. You know this.”

  His eyes were filled with determination when they centered confidently on mine. “We’ll see about that.”

  Thomas came charging up behind me, out of breath. “Wait. Kaya, stop. Please.”

  There was no point running from him, where would I go? I hoped my cheeks weren’t as red as the sign I’d stopped under, and I hoped he hadn’t overheard everything I’d said to Lisa.

  “I heard everything you said to Lisa.”

  I could feel the heat rise even more in my cheeks. “Great,” I muttered.

  “And…” Grabbing me by the shoulders, he spun me around to face him. “I’m going to make us some breakfast.”

  He had that sparkle in his eyes that lit up his whole face. I was suddenly very confused. “You ran after me to tell me that?”

  “Well, that and you shouldn’t be out in broad daylight where someon
e might see you. And the thought of you walking down the aisle toward me in a flowing white dress with a real diamond on your hand and spending the rest of my days with you and our children and our grandchildren, makes me want to pick you up and start running and never turn back. But…”

  Be still my pounding heart.

  The smile left his face. “But we’re going to get Luke back first.”

  “What?” I searched his eyes to see if he was joking or teasing, but no. He was standing here, speaking the truth. “You’re still going to help me? Even after knowing… knowing that—”

  “Knowing that if Old Lukey Boy was out of the picture, you’d be all mine? Yes.”

  “Why?” I felt the tears come, choking my throat.

  “Because I want you fair and square. I want you to be with me with no regrets. No what-ifs. I want you to have the opportunity to choose between me and him.”

  “You know who it—”

  “It will be me,” he said quickly.

  “Thomas. No.”

  He lunged forward and planted his mouth firmly over mine, cutting off my protest. I had to tell him I would choose Luke. I tried to tell him. But his tongue was parting my lips and urgently seeking mine, his kiss more passionate than it had been last night. I thought I heard someone yell ‘get a room’ when my hands wove into his hair. Now that I had admitted to myself how I felt for Thomas, I couldn’t stop my body from responding. My mouth moved in sync with his. He was so warm, so soft, so…

  NO.

  Oh Lord, it was a massive effort to pull away.

  “You’ve got to give me a chance,” he said breathlessly. “That’s all I want. You have my heart, Kaya, forever and always.”

  I was going to break his heart. “Listen, this stops now. All right?” There was a flutter in my chest. “Nothing you can do or say will change what I feel for Luke. Nothing. You’re just catching me in moments of weakness. You must know when I’m kissing you, I’m thinking of him. When I’m lying next to you, I’m thinking of him. I’m sorry. You and I will never be anything more than, this.”