We All Sleep Alone

by Calle J. Brookes

  “Yeah, right. You’re a big teddy bear, aren’t you? You should keep your arm still for a while, at least. Not be lifting me around.” Why wasn’t she climbing off his lap? That was the million-dollar question.

  All that sun-kissed male muscle was right there next to her, practically at her fingertips. The fingers of her hand curled. He had very little chest hair, making his muscles practically gleam in the light from the sunroof above them.

  Izzie most definitely wanted to touch.

  The urge was almost irresistible. What she should do was hop off of his lap and head for the hills. Before she did something that would change everything between them forever.

  “Have you tried for any scholarships? I know FCU offers a lot of financial aid,” he asked. It took her a moment to realize what he was talking about.

  She finally wrapped her head around it, and was able to come up with a somewhat cohesive answer. “I could. Most of the ones I’d qualify for require you to be a full-time student. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to be full-time, even living with Jake. Annie and I worked our way through school. She decided not to go on after she took on the three boys. We started off working as CNAs together at County Gen.”

  “I’m sorry.” His hands tightened around her waist. The captain’s chair was not meant for two, but Izzie wasn’t exactly in a hurry to move. “I thought about it.”

  “About what?” His skin was warm against her, attesting to his time out in the afternoon sun. Izzie wanted to press her cheek against his shoulder and breathe him in.

  Pitiful, pitiful, pitiful. If Nikkie Jean and Annie had felt like this, it was no wonder they’d tumbled right off the cliff with Caine and Turner.

  Well, Izzie had more self-control than those dorks. Maybe.

  She might be stuck with him for now, but she was not going to do something stupid with him. She wasn’t going to fall for him.

  She didn’t need that right now. When she did find someone to fall in love with—it would be permanent. Real.

  She was tired of feeling invisible. When she did fall for someone, she wanted him to look at her the way Caine looked at Nikkie Jean or Turner looked at Annie. She wanted to know that she was the center of his world, like he would be hers.

  That was not what Allen would ever want. He had a crowd of nurses behind him that proved that. The man probably had no staying power in that regard. She had no doubt he’d be loyal during the time of the affair, but…he had a reputation she couldn’t forget.

  “Starting a scholarship fund. Not a huge one. Something to help others offset the cost of medical school—or nursing. That would be one way to make Logan’s life…mean something.”

  “Don’t scholarships have to be funded yearly?” She had no real idea how the legalities of it would work. “Why would you start one?”

  “Logan left me everything. All of his financial resources. Those he’d inherited, and those he had built himself. He was a hell of an investor. Like his mother. Logan owned four medical patents. I can retire now on what I inherited from him. He left me his money—and my sister his properties and possessions. She’s trying to determine what to do with that now. She will once the TSP finally releases everything to her. They have stonewalled over the past year. She’s not big on fighting.” His mouth pulled down, expressing his displeasure with that. “Especially with the TSP.”

  “He had no one else?” She realized how that sounded and winced. “I mean…not that you and your sister—”

  “He had no family, if that’s what you mean. He had two much younger brothers, but they died from genetic heart conditions before reaching their teens. One when Logan was in high school, the other our first year of med school. Logan was instrumental in pioneering a surgical technique that repaired that condition in infants. He…left his mark. Saved so many kids just in the short time. It was a passion of his, why he went into surgery in the first place. He was a hell of a surgeon.”

  “No one doubted that.” His grief was so real she could almost touch it. It had her resting her head on his shoulder after all.

  Somehow, she had a feeling they both needed it now.

  “He went from having a close, happy family, with two younger brothers to a man with two grieving parents. Then they went within a year of each other. He was alone. When he was shot, he was already more mentally fragile than people realized.”

  “I’ve said it before, but I do mean it. I am sorry that you lost him. I don’t want to even imagine losing Annie or Nikkie Jean or anyone else like that.”

  “I like your hair back here.” His hand slipped up her spine; he toyed with her hair for a moment. She looked at him, not sure what to say. “Your hair is like silk. Like the rest of you, I suspect.”

  “Allen…” She practically squeaked his name.

  “It still hurts to talk about him.” Allen shifted her even closer. Even it didn’t seem physically possible. “Not that many people are willing to listen to anything positive about him. He’s the villain now. To everyone.”

  “I can understand that.” Logan Lanning had never been a nice man. He’d been cold, harsh, critical, and cutting to everyone at the hospital. That had been when he’d been in a pleasant mood. Izzie had done her best to avoid him. Even before what Dr. Daniels had tried with her. To hear Allen talk, the man had been far more nuanced than that. “I didn’t like him. You know that. I can’t lie. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about him considering what he did—”

  “To you? I’ve never understood exactly what happened. I have heard Nikkie Jean and Lacy say that something did.” His hands shifted her, just a little. Until they were almost nose to nose. “I know he had a habit of bullying nurses. I learned about it later. What did he do to you specifically?”

  She hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to give him details. “He was good friends with Dr. Daniels.”

  “Dr. Daniels was first cousin to Logan’s mother. He also lost a son to the same heart condition as Logan’s brothers when the boy was around eleven. They worked in conjunction on finding that cure. Logan trusted him and valued him. He was the only family Logan really had at the time of his death.”

  “I can understand that. Daniels…he was grabby. With a lot of the younger members of the staff. Nurses and CNAs mostly. Interns. He tried with Lacy once, and she almost emasculated him in the elevator. It was bad. Especially when he was drunk.”

  “He had a drinking problem after he lost his son. It had already been noted at the time.”

  “When we told him no, he could be vindictive. I don’t know what lies he told Dr. Lanning, but for a while there, Dr. Lanning was on my case over everything. Things got difficult at the hospital, between him and Dr. Daniels—I never had a day when one of them wasn’t there. Making trouble for me, with the other nurses, with my supervisors. I had only been on first shift for a month when it started, so I had no real clout. I was at the point of filing harassment complaints. Not just with HR, but with the board itself. I was going to go higher up if I had to. Fin was preparing to help me; he didn’t know she’d witnessed what he’d done one day and pried it out of me. Then my hours were cut to five a week. Annie told Jake what was happening. Jake started looking into Daniels outside the hospital. That’s when they found the prostitution charges. Daniels was arrested. Dr. Lanning blamed me for what had happened. It got even more difficult. He was very vindictive. So I asked to be switched to thirds. That worked, for the most part. Although, it was hard enough. Even with just Dr. Lanning left. I had put in my resignation when Lacy…Wanda asked me to stay after.”

  “I didn’t know. Had I known, I would have stopped it.”

  She shrugged. She didn’t believe that. He wouldn’t have believed her back then. Very few people had at all. “Would you have? Or would you have listened to him? I didn’t even bother coming to you after Daniels was arrested. There wasn’t any point; you were such good friends with Dr. Lanning that I would have had very little credibility. It would have been pointless. Everyone involved kne
w that.”

  Izzie wasn’t unwise to the way the world worked, after all. She’d long ago lost that bit of naivete.

  “I’m the one who is sorry. I am sorry I never did anything to let people know that I was different than they were. I was in a bubble for a while, a bit blind to the goings on at FCGH. That’s my fault. You can come to me with anything now, Izadora MacNamara. I hope you realize that. Forever.”

  She didn’t get a chance to respond. His mouth was on hers.

  Maybe.

  It may have been hers that was on his. She couldn’t really tell.

  But now he was kissing her. Differently than he ever had before.

  71

  Talk about awkward. Izzie spent most of the evening trying not to stare at him. Sleeping next to him was going to be hard tonight. She had a feeling that things had changed between them irrevocably. Izzie couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do about it.

  It was about an hour after dusk when he stood.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to go grab some more to drink at the camp store. You want anything?”

  A moment of peace. Time to think.

  “A phone. I want to call home.”

  He hesitated, then handed one to her from the glove box. “It has twenty minutes on it. When you’re finished, take out the SIM card.”

  “As Nikkie Jean would say, ‘Aye-aye, Lieutenant.’”

  Izzie waited until he was out of the van, then dialed in a familiar number. Annie answered on the second ring. When Izzie identified herself, she thought her friend was going to cry.

  “I’m ok, Ann. I promise. How are things there?”

  Annie reassured her that everyone was ok. Even Jake.

  There was one word Izzie didn’t want to hear.

  Bail.

  Wallace Henedy was out.

  He’d been out since the day after the attempted abduction.

  “How is Nikkie Jean handling that?”

  Izzie listened as her friend spoke, needing the connection.

  When Annie asked about Allen, for the first time in her life, Izzie kept what she was feeling to herself.

  She wasn’t ready to share it, yet. Even with her best friend. But something…something was going to change between them. Soon.

  72

  He hurried through grabbing the snacks she’d asked for, then grabbed a paper. It wasn’t exactly a newssheet—far from it—but it was based in Finley Creek. If nothing else, the Snotty Garlic might be something she enjoyed. The gossip rag was a favorite with her crowd. He’d seen her and Annie and Lacy giggling over it a few times before.

  He grabbed her some chocolate after checking the packaging for allergen contamination.

  He liked taking care of her. It made him feel useful again.

  Once he was certain he was alone, he pulled out the second disposable phone. He dialed quickly.

  Elliot answered on the second ring.

  “It’s Jacobson.”

  “You all safe?”

  “Yes. What’s happened?” He’d received a text from Elliot’s private number from a line that only a handful of people had. Demanding he reply immediately to set up a time to talk.

  “They are going after Jake hard. Their apartment was ransacked early this morning. Cat was let out. Jake’s still searching; Izzie loves that cat. Gabby is having Mel get a crew in and clean things up. Yours was hit yesterday.”

  “So they know where she lives.” Allen didn’t give a damn about his own place. He had more important things to worry about.

  “Yes. Is there any way anyone knows she’s with you?”

  “No. As far as anyone at the hospital thinks, we barely know each other outside of what happened at W4HAV—and we don’t exactly like one another. We’ve had a few public disagreements. Rumor has it we despise each other.”

  “All anyone has to do is see how you look at her, Allen, to know the truth of how you feel. Don’t forget that.”

  “I’m taking the battery and SIM out of this phone until seven each morning. Just before we leave.”

  “Smart. Keep her safe.”

  “I’ll do that. Were you able to get a message to my sister?”

  “Off the books. Sent one of Chance’s security team; not TSP. He’s going to quietly keep an eye on her until you make it back.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Thank you. All of this ties into TSP stuff that’s older than we are. Hopefully, we’ll be able to end it soon. Without any more collateral damage. You don’t have to do this; it’s appreciated.”

  Allen looked out the window, the van clearly visible. He could see her shadow. “I think maybe I do.”

  “I understand. Good luck. I mean that.”

  Allen disconnected, and carried his purchases to the desk.

  “You from around here?” the clerk asked, eying the RV suspiciously. Allen could barely see Izzie’s silhouette through the tinted windows.

  “Hmmm, from Lubbock. Taking my son on a weekend trip while he’s on break from school.”

  “Yeah. You two have fun.”

  “Will do. And thanks.” Allen grabbed his purchases and headed back to the RV. He was going to get her to the shoreline. Let her distract herself from what had happened.

  He wanted to make her smile. Get her someplace where they could relax for a little while.

  Someplace where finding them would be more difficult.

  Four hours later, they arrived at their destination.

  It was an honor system registration process. Cash shoved into envelopes, then tucked back into a Plexiglas drop box.

  They pulled into the campsite at the far end of the row.

  They could see the Gulf from a perfect vantage point.

  Izzie hadn’t stopped staring since they’d crossed the causeway to the national seashore.

  Allen smiled, seeing the wonder in her eyes. She felt things, passionately. All things.

  For a man like him who hadn’t let himself feel in almost a year, it was more alluring than he ever would have expected. He killed the engine and grabbed the keys.

  “Come on.”

  “What? Don’t we have to hook up and all that stuff?”

  “Not here. No hookups. Generators only until ten p.m. Shower houses—cold water, only.”

  “Brrr. I’ll use the plastic shower in this thing then.”

  “We’ll eventually need to refill the propane if we’re going to continue using the hot water, but we can do that at a gas station once we leave here. Let’s go walk in the ocean. What do you say, Izadora MacNamara, aka Linda Lanning? I’m Bartholomew, but you can call me Barry, by the way.”

  “Well, Barry, I say let’s go check it out.” She popped open the passenger door and slipped out.

  Allen met her in front of the van. He held out a hand to her. “May I?”

  Her hand slipped into his. She was so hesitant. He smiled, then dragged her closer. He brushed a quick kiss over her lips. She let him, almost curling into him. “Relax. We’re married, remember? You can’t act like you’re afraid of my touch.”

  He was baiting her, and he knew it.

  “If you were my husband, you’d know not to grab.”

  “I’m not grabbing you, though. I’m hugging you. Like a good husband. If I was your husband, I’d have a damned hard time keeping my hands off you.” He shot her a mild grin. “One benefit of marriage, I’ve been told, is lots of snuggle time with a pretty lady. I’m looking forward to it.” He dropped a kiss on her lips and then backed away slowly. “So…let’s go walk on the sand, wife.”

  73

  She hadn’t held a man’s hand since she’d been seventeen and dating the twenty-year-old down the street to irritate Jake. It hadn’t gone past that. Allen’s hand was warm and tight around hers. Secure.

  Safe. She felt safe with him. Physically.

  Emotionally, she wasn’t so certain.

  They took the path to the boardwalk first. It was beautiful.

  She hadn’t
seen such a beautiful place in her life. Even the small village in Italy where her grandmother and all her uncles and aunts and cousins still lived hadn’t pulled at Izzie as much as the water did now.

  Before she knew it, they were down on the sand, and she was slipping her tennis shoes and socks off. She wiggled her toes in the soft sand. “I should have grabbed some sandals at the store.”

  “It’s the beach. Shoes are optional.” He pulled his own off and tied the laces together. He rolled up his pants. Izzie did the same to her own, struggling with the cast.

  He reached over and helped, his warm hand slipping up her calves lightly.

  She fought a shiver.

  Allen had nice hands. In a different world, she wouldn’t have minded having them on her.

  Even in this world, she would have liked that. But she was…more careful than that.

  He stood, then took her hand again. “How sore are you?”

  The bruises were still there. Riding in the van hadn’t helped. “I’ll live, why?”

  “How far up the beach do you want to go? We can go hunting for shells.”

  “Can you take them?”

  “Up to a five-gallon bucketful per person, per day, according to the bulletin board where I registered us.”

  “I’d like to find a shell or two. Especially for Annie and Nikkie Jean’s children.” She missed her friends already. Not knowing when she’d see them again and knowing Annie had to be frantic with worry stung.

  “No dark thoughts right now.” He tugged her closer again. Izzie looked up at her unlikely Galahad. With the faded red T-shirt and jeans rolled up past his calves, and the stubble growing across his jaw the man was the epitome of sexy pirate right now. “None. This is your first time at the Gulf, enjoy it.”

  Before she could stop him, he was pulling her into surf. She laughed as the water tickled her feet.

  Before she could stop herself, she splashed water toward him with her good hand. He’d wrapped plastic around her cast earlier and taped it in place. Taking care of her yet again.