My Blood Approves

by Amanda Hocking

  He managed to pull his lips from mouth, and they traveled down to the exposed skin of my throat. He pressed his lips against my veins, feeling the pulse against his skin.

  There was a hunger so strong it was painful. I thrust my body against his, begging him to drink, and suddenly, he growled and sprang from my arms.

  “What?” I cried, sitting back up on my knees. He stood on the other side of the room, panting heavily and shaking horribly.

  “He’s going to kill you.” Jack let out an unsteady breath, and his eyes were wild with passion. “I want to so bad, but he would kill you.”

  “So?” It was hard to breathe, let alone speak, and I barely managed. “It would be worth it. I want you to, and I don’t care what the cost.”

  “Yeah?” He looked unsure, then nodded. “Yeah. Me neither.”

  I was at the edge of the bed, and he ran back over to me, wrapping his arms so tightly around me that I couldn’t breathe. Oxygen didn’t feel much like a necessity anymore.

  All that mattered was the way his lips felt pressed against mine. He kissed me so hard that my lip sprung fresh blood, and he moaned desperately.

  My fingers dug into his hair and I waited for him to bite me.

  “You’re going to get yourselves killed!” Mae hissed, and I whipped my head over to see her standing in the doorway, glaring at us. Jack had stopped kissing me, but I was reluctant to untangle myself from his arms.

  “We didn’t do anything.” Jack kept his eyes on me and his voice was husky, so I knew he was still locked in a trance from the bloodlust.

  “Yet,” Mae glowered.

  “Yet,” Jack agreed, and he kissed my throat again, right where my pulse still pounded heavily.

  My body slacked in his arms, but Mae rushed over, smacking Jack hard in the arm before he could do anything.

  “Jack Allen Townsend!” Mae shouted.

  “Okay, okay!” He took a step back from me, causing me to collapse backwards on the bed, and held up his hands defensively, but Mae swatted him again. “You can stop now! I’m done!”

  “You better be!” Mae obviously didn’t trust him because she stood directly in front of me, blocking his path to me. “You’re going to get her killed! Is that what you want?’

  “You know that’s not what I want,” Jack groaned, but a guilty expression passed across his face. The heat of the moment was rapidly dissipating, and the realization of what he had almost done to me, to us, was taking over.

  “Then what the hell did you think you were doing?” Mae demanded. He scratched his temple and sighed.

  “Being a vampire?” He kept his tone sarcastic, but I could feel how afraid he really was.

  “You are such an idiot!” Mae turned away from him to inspect me for bite marks. When she saw the blood on my lips, she gasped and turned back to him. “Did you do that to her? You drew blood?”

  “No!” Jack insisted, his eyes wide. “She did that! She bit her lip!”

  “Why would you do that?” Mae whirled on me, and I’d finally regained enough strength to sit up. “Do you have any idea what that does to him? Do you both have a death wish?”

  “It was an accident,” I mumbled.

  “You need to shower and use a lot of mouth wash.” Mae held her hand to her face, looking distressed but sounding matter-of-fact. “If he even hints at smelling Jack on your blood…” Her eyes welled with frightened tears, and she pointed to the bedroom door and snapped, “Go! Right now! Go downstairs and use my shower!”

  “Sorry.” I scrambled out of Jack’s bed, which was easier said than done since my ankle tangled in a mass of blankets. “Sorry.” As I stumbled down the stairs, I heard Mae yelling at him.

  “How can you be so careless with her life? With your own?” Mae admonished him. “She’s only a girl, Jack! What were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t!” Jack said.

  “I know how hard this is for you-”

  “You have no idea how hard this is for me!” Jack growled fiercely, and I winced.

  By kissing him, I had only made it harder. It was impossible for him to ever be with me, unless we wanted our life expectancy reduced down to a matter of hours. Still, that kiss had hinted at how amazing those hours would be, and maybe it would be worth it…

  I shook the thought from my head and hurried into Mae’s bathroom. Immediately, I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the Listerine. The alcohol burned my lip, but I used it until it went numb.

  After a shower so long and intense that my skin came out red and raw, Mae decided that it was time that she sat down and had a long talk with me.

  She admitted that she didn’t understand what Jack and I had gone through because she’d only been turned for six months when she met Ezra, and they had been together ever since.

  There was obviously something very different going on with us, but as long as Peter felt a claim to me, I couldn’t do anything with Jack, or I was risking both of our lives.

  Jack and I would have to find a way to be friends without ever being caught up in any moments, and that would probably be easy if I didn’t do anything stupid like, say, bite my lip so he’s attracted to my blood.

  I ended up staying most of the night over there anyway. I couldn't sleep after that, so we decided to pretend like nothing had happened.

  Jack put in The Crow and The Dark Knight, and I curled up on the couch with Mae. He sat on the floor on the far other side of the room with Matilda because that seemed safest.

  Even with everything that had happened, Mae let Jack drive me home. She had decided not to tell Ezra about the “incident” so we’d have to go on like normal, and that meant that we’d have to get used to being around each other without being stupid.

  When the sky started to lighten, I finally agreed to go home.

  “This is my favorite time of day,” Jack mused, looking out the windows of the Lamborghini as we sped way from his house and towards mine. “The sky is so pretty right before it changes.”

  “It reminds me of a dream,” I agreed. “So… I’m really sorry about what happened earlier.”

  “Don’t be. That was my fault. I have to learn how to control my impulses. You might not believe this, but that’s something that I struggle with,” Jack laughed dryly.

  “I bit my lip. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

  I had done it on purpose, whether I was ready to admit it to myself or not. He wanted me to, and I could feel that the same way I could feel my own heartbeat. I had made the choice to do it, knowing exactly what it would lead to.

  “No, it’s okay.” He paused for a moment before adding, “You taste really good.”

  “We’re not talking about that. We’re not even thinking about it,” I corrected him.

  “I’m not. I wasn’t. I was just making conversation.” That’s what he said, but I could feel the hunger ebbing when I stopped him.

  “Well, we can’t talk like that. We can talk about anything but blood or biting or sex.”

  “Sure, take out all the fun things,” Jack grumbled.

  “It’s for your safety as well as mine.” I shot him a warning look, and he stiffened a little

  “Okay. You’re right. Sorry.”

  “Do you think maybe we should stop hanging out?” I didn’t want to, not even slightly, but it would be the safest way to avoid anything.

  “No,” Jack answered too quickly. He let out a deep breath, then looked nervously at me. “Why? Do you?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, I still want to hang out with you but…”

  My answer hurt him, and at times like that, I hated that I could feel anything he felt. When we had been making out upstairs, it had been amazing, but these situations were murder. His emotions were always so raw and intense. He had very little self-control when it came to the way he felt.

  “Honestly, I don’t know if I could stop even if I wanted to,” Jack said finally.

  The sky glowed oddly blue-gray as the sun neared the horizon, a
nd the color seemed to match perfectly with Jack’s eyes when he looked over at me.

  “Yeah, me neither,” I agreed and forced a smile at him.

  For good or bad, there would be no way I could ever back to my life before. If it meant that I had to die trying to live this one, then so be it.

  But who can really go back to studying for history exams and flirting with drunk guys at a party when there are vampires and the ecstasy that goes along with bloodlust?

  Could anyone really shut the door on immortality?

  When he dropped me in front of my house, he smiled grimly, and promised that he’d talk to me later. As I rode up the elevator to my apartment, I had to believe that everything would work out, one way or another.

  Ezra was insanely smart, and he’d been around forever. He had to be able to figure out something that didn’t involve anyone dying. Well, at least not Peter, Jack, or me.

  They were vampires, after all. No matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise, I knew that there had to be a rather high mortality rate for the humans in their lives.

  It wasn’t until I opened the door to the apartment that it really occurred to me what time it was. Milo was dressed and ready for school, looking relieved to see me. His happiness was short-lived because my mother cleared her throat loudly, and he grimaced.

  Sitting in the darkened corner of the living room, she reminded me of some kind of James Bond villain. The dim light from the window hit the cloud of smoke above her head, and a light from the kitchen touched only her slippered feet, leaving the rest of her to hide in the shadows. If she had been stroking a large white cat and spoke in a German accent, she’d be perfect.

  “Well, well, nice of you to drop by,” Mom greeted me.

  “You’re welcome,” I said unsurely, despite the warning look Milo gave me.

  “Where were you all night?” Her tone had gotten even harder, dropping any pretenses of her being even mildly happy to see me.

  Milo had to be pretty upset that I wasn’t around, especially since he’d had to deal with Mom first thing in the morning, but even he’d been relieved to see that I was still alive. (And there was becoming a very real threat that I wouldn’t be for much longer.)

  “Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?” Milo blurted out. I’m sure he’d been texting me and warning me of Mom’s impending tirade.

  “Sorry. My phone was on silent.”

  “That doesn’t tell me where you were!” Mom snapped.

  The sun had finally peaked over the building next door, and light glinted in through the window, revealing the furious expression on her face. She took a long drag from the cigarette, waiting for an answer good enough to explain where I had been until after seven in the morning on a school night.

  “I was at Jack’s.” I crossed my fingers, hoping that she still had an infatuation with him that could buy me at least one more Get Out of Jail Free card.

  Unfortunately, her scowl only deepened, so I knew I was completely out of luck.

  “So you’re out all night having sex with a boy that’s way, way too old for you, and I’m just supposed to turn a blind eye to that?” As she spoke, her words kept getting louder and louder until she was shouting by the end of the sentence.

  “Yeah,” I replied blankly.

  There would be no way I could soothe her anger, so I didn’t even bother trying. Milo looked at me questioningly, although I’m not sure if he was questioning my suicidal tendencies or if I’d actually had sex with Jack. Knowing him, it was probably both.

  “Alice!” Mom got to her feet, pointing her finger at me. “Go get changed and get ready for school!”

  “No!” I protested. “I’m tired! I’m going to bed!”

  “Alice, I really think you should listen to her,” Milo whispered plaintively.

  “I’m tired, too, but I had to wait up for you! And if you think that you can go gallivanting around just because you finally found a boyfriend, then you are sorely mistaken! When you’re under my roof, you abide by my rules!” Her eyes were so angry they were bulging from her skull, but after what I’d seen in the past few days, she no longer seemed all that scary.

  “Fine. Then I just won’t live under your roof,” I shrugged.

  It was only a matter of time until I moved in with Jack’s family or died, so I didn’t really need to keep this address anyway. I was hardly ever home anymore. I hadn’t actually consulted Jack or Mae about this, so I wasn’t really sure how the idea would go over, but I plowed ahead with it anyway.

  “Alice!” Milo hissed.

  “You are still under eighteen, missy!” Mom didn’t even miss a beat. “You are not going anywhere, and if you even think about, I’ll have your little boyfriend turned in for statutory rape.”

  “It won’t stick,” I said. “Why do you even want me here? I’m gone all the time, and I just cost you money. I mean, you only saw me for like five minutes all of last week. What exactly do you want me around for?”

  “You’ve got it all figured out then, do you?” Mom shrugged at me. “You got a boyfriend with a little bit of money? He’s gonna take care of you now? Is that what you think? Yeah, well maybe you’ve forgotten, but I had a boyfriend like that once. You know what I got? Two ungrateful kids and not a damn cent from him! So don’t try and tell me things you know nothing about!”

  “I’m not trying to tell you anything! I’m just saying that I’m a burden to you! You don’t want me here, I don’t wanna be here, so why am I here?” I asked her emphatically.

  She looked hurt at that, but nothing I had said wasn’t true. We barely saw each other, and she didn’t know anything about me. The only one that would be hurt was Milo, and I’d still see him.

  “Go. Go ahead,” Mom said evenly. I started walking towards my room, and she held up her hand. “Don’t even think about! That room is full of my stuff. You never paid for a damn thing in your life. So when you leave, you take what you got on your back, and that’s all.”

  “Fine, whatever.” I tried to act like it didn’t bother me that I’d be leaving all my personal belongings behind. Like CD’s, diaries, underwear, and everything I had ever owned. But I had made up my mind, and that was it. “I’ll see you… maybe never.” Then I turned and waltzed out of the apartment.

  “Alice!” Milo burst out of the apartment after me before the elevator even came. He dragged his half unzipped backpack and raced towards me. “Why did you do that?”

  “It just seemed really pointless to stay there any longer.” I tried not to look over at him, so I wouldn’t have to see the pained expression his face. Leaving home meant that I was leaving him, too.

  “You’re really gonna go live with Jack?” He sounded simultaneously surprised and resigned by the idea.

  “I don’t see what choice I have.” The elevator doors opened and there were several passengers on it, which I was kinda grateful for. Milo would be less likely to press me for answered, so it’d be easier for me leave details out.

  “You definitely have a choice!” Milo insisted, ignoring the crowd in the elevator. “I know Jack and his family are super amazing, but you haven’t really known him that long. I mean, they’re almost too good to be true. There’s got to be a dark secret hidden there.”

  “You just might be right.”

  I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and I realized with the surprise that it didn’t hurt. Running my tongue along my bottom lip, I searched for any bump or scratch from when I had bit it earlier, but there was none. Jack’s saliva must’ve healed it.

  “Come on, Alice,” Milo pleaded when the doors opened. “Be reasonable.”

  “When have you ever known me to be reasonable?” I shot him a look while stepping out of the elevator, and he just rolled his eyes.

  We walked outside into the cold, and I wrapped my sweater more tightly around me. All I had on me were the clothes on my back and my cell phone in my pocket, and there was a very good chance that my only rides anywhere were a pair of vampires that h
ad just gone to bed.

  “So what?” Milo was walking to the bus stop, and since I had nothing better to do, I walked with him. “This is it? This is like the last time I’ll see you?”

  “No, of course not!”

  “Be serious.” He had pulled his bag onto into his back, and he readjusted the straps. “You’re going to move in with him and have all these fabulous adventures and completely forget about me.”

  “You’re my brother, Milo. I can never forget about you.” And I wouldn’t, but I had a sinking suspicion that he probably wasn’t that far from the truth. “Look, I’m not saying things won’t be different or that I won’t see you less. But that doesn’t mean things will be bad.”

  “Maybe you can just stay there for a night or something,” Milo suggested hopefully. “Give Mom a chance to cool down, and then you can come home.

  “But she’s not completely off base, Alice. You have school and you stayed out until seven in the morning. I don’t care what you were or weren’t doing with Jack – well, okay, I do, and you’ll totally have to tell me later. But it doesn’t matter. You’re still in high school. You should be coming home before the sun comes up and getting an education.”

  “I am way too tired for you to lecture me about school, okay?” I groaned.

  “Just think about it, alright?” Milo asked as the bus came towards us. I didn’t want the bus driver to try to make me get on, so I started backing away from him. “And turn your phone on! If you don’t come home tonight, maybe you could at least get some of your things while Mom’s at work.”

  “Okay!” I waved at him, then turned and walked down the block, away from my apartment, away from my brother, away from my life.

  - 19 -

  For a long time, I just walked around the tree lined streets. Spring edged ever closer, with warm temperatures and longer days. The nights would get shorter, too, and I wondered how Jack contended with that.

  I was definitely cold and tired, but I was way too wired up from everything that had happened. My lips still tingled from kissing him, and I wondered dully if I’d ever be able to kiss him again.