Silence

by Shusaku Endo

  ‘In a month’s time it would be good for you to go to Edo and live there. There is a house prepared for you there, father. It is a house in Kobinatacho, the place where I used to live.’

  Had the Lord of Chikugo deliberately used the word ‘father’? It cut bitterly into the priest’s flesh.

  ‘Moreover, since you are going to spend your life in Japan, it would be good for you to take a Japanese name. Fortunately, a man named Okada San’emon has died. When you go to Edo, you can take his name just as it is.’

  The magistrate spoke the words in a single breath, rubbing his hands as he held them over the brazier. ‘This man has a wife,’ he went on. ‘It would be inconvenient for you, father, to be always alone, so you can take her as your wife.’

  The priest had been listening to these words with downcast eyes. Behind his eyelids arose the picture of a slope down which he kept slipping endlessly. To resist, to refuse—this was no longer possible. Whatever about adopting the name of a Japanese, he had had no intention of taking his wife.

  ‘Well?’ asked Inoue.

  ‘Very good.’ Shrugging his shoulders he nodded; and a feeling of exhausted resignation took possession of his whole being. ‘You underwent every kind of insult; if you alone now understand my feelings, that is enough. Even if the Christians and the clergy look upon me as a blot on the history of the mission, that no longer matters to me.’

  ‘I’ve told you. This country of Japan is not suited to the teaching of Christianity. Christianity simply cannot put down roots here.’ The priest remembered how Ferreira had said exactly the same thing at Saishoji.

  ‘Father, you were not defeated by me.’ The Lord of Chikugo looked straight into the ashes of the brazier as he spoke. ‘You were defeated by this swamp of Japan.’

  ‘No, no … ’ Unconsciously the priest raised his voice as he spoke. ‘My struggle was with Christianity in my own heart.’

  ‘I wonder!’ A cynical smile passed over Inoue’s face. ‘I have been told that you said to Ferreira that the Christ of the fumie told you to trample—and that that was why you did so. But isn’t this just your self-deception? just a cloak of your weakness? I, Inoue, cannot believe that these are truly Christian words.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what you think,’ said the priest, lowering his eyes and putting both hands on his knees.

  ‘You may deceive other people, but not me,’ answered Inoue in a cold voice. ‘Previously I have asked the question to other fathers: What is the difference between the mercy of the Christian God and that of the Buddha? For in Japan salvation is from the mercy of the Buddha upon whom people depend out of their hopeless weakness. And one father gave a clear answer: the salvation that Christianity speaks of is different; for Christian salvation is not just a question of relying on God—in addition the believer must retain with all his might a strength of heart. But it is precisely in this point that the teaching has slowly been twisted and change in this swamp called Japan.’

  Christianity is not what you take it to be … ! The priest wanted to shout this out; but the words stuck in his throat with the realization that no matter what he said no one would ever understand his present feelings—no one, not Inoue, not the interpreter. Hands on knees, his eyes blinking, he sat listening to the words of the magistrate in silence.

  ‘You probably don’t know,’ went on Inoue, ‘but in Goto and Ikitsuki, large numbers of Christian farmers still remain. But we have no desire to apprehend them.’

  ‘And why not?’ asked the interpreter.

  ‘Because the roots have been cut. If from the four corners of the world men like this father were to come once more, we would have to apprehend the Christians again,’ said the magistrate with a laugh. ‘But we no longer have any fear of that. If the root is cut, the sappling withers and the leaves die. The proof of this is that the God whom the peasants of Goto and Ikitsuki secretly serve has gradually changed so as to be no longer like the Christian God at all.’

  Raising his head, the priest looked into the magistrate’s face where he saw a forced smile on the cheeks and around the lips. But the eyes were not laughing.

  ‘The Christianity you brought to Japan has changed its form and has become a strange thing,’ said the Lord of Chikugo as he heaved a sigh from the depths of his bosom. ‘Japan is that kind of country; it can’t be helped. Yes, father … ’

  The magistrate’s sigh was genuine, and his voice was filled with painful resignation. With a gesture of farewell he withdrew together with the interpreter.

  The sky was as ever dull and cloudy; the road was cold. Carried along in the palanquin beneath the leaden sky, he gazed out vaguely at the expanse of sea, gray like the sky above. Soon he would be sent to Edo. The Lord of Chikugo had promised him a house, but this meant that he would be put in the Christian prison he had heard so much about; and it was in this prison that he would spend his life. Never again would he cross the leaden sea to return to his native land. When in Portugal he had thought that to become a missionary was to come to belong to that country. He had intended to go to Japan and to lead the same life as the Japanese Christians. Whatever about that, now it was indeed so. He had received the Japanese name Okada San’emon; he had become a Japanese. Okada San’emon! He laughed in a low voice as he uttered the name. Fate had given him everything he could have wished for, had given it to him in this cynical way. He, a celibate priest, would take a wife. (I bear no grudge against you! I am only laughing at man’s fate. My faith in you is different from what it was; but I love you still.)

  Till evening he stood leaning against the window, watching the children. Holding the string attached to the kite, they ran up the slope, but there was no wind and the kite fell idly to the ground.

  As evening came, there was a break in the clouds and the sun broke weakly through. The children, now tired of their play with the kite, knocked on the doors of the houses with bamboo sticks, singing:

  ‘Let’s beat the mole so that it will do no damage!

  Bo-no-me, bo-no-me, let’s bless this house three times.

  Let’s beat with a stick:

  One, two, three, four.’

  He tried to imitate the children’s song in a low voice; but he could not sing—and this thought made him sad. At the house beyond an old woman scolded the children; it was the old woman that brought him food twice each day.

  It was evening. The breeze was blowing. As he strained his ears, he recalled the sound of the wind blowing through the grove in the days when he had been confined to prison. Then, as always happened at night, the face of Christ rose up in his heart. It was the face of the man upon whom he had trampled.

  ‘Father, father. … ’

  With sunken eyes he looked toward the door as he heard a voice that was somehow familiar. ‘Father, father. It’s Kichijirō.’

  ‘I’m no longer “father”,’ answered the priest in a low voice, as he clasped his knees with his hands. ‘Go away quickly. You’ll pay for it if they find you here.’

  ‘But you can still hear my confession!’

  ‘I wonder.’ He lowered his head. ‘I’m a fallen priest.’

  ‘In Nagasaki they call you the Apostate Paul. Everyone knows you by that name.’

  Still clutching his knees, the priest laughed. It wasn’t necessary to tell him this; he knew it already. He knew that they called Ferreira the Apostate Peter and himself the Apostate Paul. Sometimes the children had gathered at his door chanting the name in a loud voice.

  ‘Please hear my confession. If even the Apostate Paul has the power to hear confessions, please give me absolution for my sins.’

  It is not man who judges. God knows our weakness more than anyone, reflected the priest.

  ‘Father, I betrayed you. I trampled on the picture of Christ,’ said Kichijirō with tears. ‘In this world are the strong and the weak. The strong never yield to torture, and they go to Paradise; but what about those, like myself, who are born weak, those who, when tortured and ordered to trample on the sacred i
mage … ’

  I, too, stood on the sacred image. For a moment this foot was on his face. It was on the face of the man who has been ever in my thoughts, on the face that was before me on the mountains, in my wanderings, in prison, on the best and most beautiful face that any man can ever know, on the face of him whom I have always longed to love. Even now that face is looking at me with eyes of pity from the plaque rubbed flat by many feet. ‘Trample!’ said those compassionate eyes. ‘Trample! Your foot suffers in pain; it must suffer like all the feet that have stepped on this plaque. But that pain alone is enough. I understand your pain and your suffering. It is for that reason that I am here.’

  ‘Lord, I resented your silence.’

  ‘I was not silent. I suffered beside you.’

  ‘But you told Judas to go away: What thou dost do quickly. What happened to Judas?’

  ‘I did not say that. Just as I told you to step on the plaque, so I told Judas to do what he was going to do. For Judas was in anguish as you are now.’

  He had lowered his foot on to the plaque, sticky with dirt and blood. His five toes had pressed upon the face of one he loved. Yet he could not understand the tremendous onrush of joy that came over him at that moment.

  ‘There are neither the strong nor the weak. Can anyone say that the weak do not suffer more than the strong?’ The priest spoke rapidly, facing the entrance. ‘Since in this country there is now no one else to hear your confession, I will do it … Say the prayers after confession … Go in peace!’

  Kichijirō wept softly; then he left the house. The priest had administered that sacrament that only the priest can administer. No doubt his fellow priests would condemn his act as sacrilege; but even if he was betraying them, he was not betraying his Lord. He loved him now in a different way from before. Everything that had taken place until now had been necessary to bring him to this love. ‘Even now I am the last priest in this land. But Our Lord was not silent. Even if he had been silent, my life until this day would have spoken of him.’

  Appendix

  DIARY OF AN OFFICER AT THE CHRISTIAN RESIDENCE

  The Twelfth Year of Kanbun, Water-Senior-Rat

  AT present Okada San’emon is granted the ration of ten persons; Bokui, Juan, Nanho, Jikan, the ration of seven persons each. Submitted the following to Tōtōminokami on 17th June.

  NOTE

  1 Seibē. Age: 50. Cousin to the wife of San’emon. Ship’s carpenter Fukagawa.

  2 Gen’emon. Age: 55. Cousin to the same. Servant to Doi Oinokami.

  3 Sannojō. Nephew to the same. With Seibē.

  4 Shōkurō. Age: 30. Nephew to the same. Workman at Esashi-cho.

  5 Adachi Gonzaburō Reported to be an apprentice to Bokui, the handicraftsman. During the time of Hōjō’s management.

  6 Jin’emon. Uncle to the daughter of Juan. Lives in Kawagoe. Came once during the time of Hōjō’s management. Came to see Juan again on 26th April this Year of the Rat.

  The First Year of Enpō, Water-Junior-Ox

  9th November.

  Bokui died of illness at six o’clock in the morning. As examiners came Inspectors Kimura Yoemon and Ushida Jingobē with both Assistant Inspectors. Police Officers: Shōzaemon, Den’emon, Sōbē, Gensuke. Policemen attended: Asakura Saburōemon, Arakawa Kyūzaemon, Kainuma Kan’emon, Fukuda Hachirobē, Hitotsubashi Matabē. Cremated at Muryōin Temple. Posthumous Buddhist name: Kōgan Shōten Zenjōmon. Endō Hikobē and Sergeant Kidaka Jūzaemon examined the belongings of Tokuzaemon, the servant of Bokui, and sent him home after trying him by fumie.

  The Second Year of Enpō, Wood-Senior-Tiger

  FROM 20th January to 8th February.

  Okada San’emon is engaged in writing a disavowal of his religion at the command of Tōtōminokami. Consequently Ukai Shōzaemon, Kayō Den’emon and Hoshino Gensuke are released from duty to take charge of him.

  16th February.

  Okada San’emon is engaged in writing a book. Kayō Den’emon and Kawara Jingobē are both to be released from duty to attend San’emon from 28th February to 5th March.

  Okada San’emon is to write a disavowal of his religion from 14th June to 24th July in the Study of the Mountain Villa. Consequently Kayō Den’emon and Kawara Jingobē are to be released from duty to attend him.

  5th September.

  Juan was sent to gaol. To be kept there for some time as a penalty for his perverse conduct. Those who attended at the pronouncement were Rokuemon, Shōzaemon, Sōbe, Den’emon, Gensuke, Kawara and Kamei. Persons on monthly duty are Tsukamoto Rokuemon and Kayō Den’emon.

  The Fourth Year of Enpō, Fire Senior-Dragon

  Kichijirō, the attendant of Okada San’emon, who came here following him, was also sent to gaol because of his suspicious behavior. On searching his pocket at the Enclosed Guardhouse, there was found in the amulet-case he wore hung from his neck an image to which the Christians pay respect, with St. Paul and St. Peter on one side and Xavier and an angel on the other. Summoned out of gaol, Kichijirō was asked about his native place and about his relatives. He is from Goto and fifty-four of age this Year of the Dragon.

  There is something suspicious about the faith of Hitotsubashi Matabē, who has been on familiar terms with Kichijirō. So Matabē is also kept in prison until Kichijirō explains himself. (Omitted.) As Matabē is friendly with Kichijirō, his faith is open to suspicion. Hence the above measure. When Kurōzaemon and Shinbē, who are said to have been in close association with Matabē were examined, their persons were closely searched in the Study. Their clothes including both their outer sashes and loincloth, purses of pocket-paper, and amulets were examined without exception. (Omitted.) Tōtōminokami came here in person, summoned Kichijirō to the Study, and asked him from whom he had received the sacred object of the Christian. To this he answered, ‘An attendant named Saizaburō, who visited this Residence three years ago, kept it with him. When he came here, he dropped it and went back. So we picked it up and I kept it. Tokuemon, the Gate-keeper, also knows this.’ At this Tokuemon was called and questioned, and he said he had witnessed the scene one summer day when the airing of clothes had taken place. Questioned if he had not received it from Okada Sanemon, Kichijirō said, ‘There is no chance to get anything from San’emon,’ which meant, as he explained, that there was no chance because San’emon was always attended by a couple of guards on duty whenever he saw him.

  17th September.

  Lord Tōtōminokami came personally to the Mountain Villa, and summoned three attendants to the Study to examine whether or not they were Christians. Kichijirō and Tokuemon were summoned later and were cross-examined. He also commanded that all the tenements of the guards should be closely searched, and the three Official Residences and the Lodges as well. Even wives and children were told to undo their sashes and loincloth in front of the officer. The Buddhist images they kept with them were of course examined. And then, on searching the dwelling of Sugiyama Shichirobē, Kobure Jūzaemon discovered among old scraps of paper a note of Christian words, which Kayō Den’emon seized to submit it to the Manager. It read: Father, Archbishop, Bishop, Pope.

  18th.

  Lord Tōtōminokami came personally to the Mountain Villa and heard the explanation from the three attendants in the Study. He also summoned Hitotsubashi Matabē to examine him. Kichijirō and Tokuemon were examined next. Okada San’emon’s wife, his maidservant and boy were summoned and examined later. San’emon himself was also sent for and was questioned whether or not he had tried to convert Kichijirō , to which he answered he had never tried to convert him at all. So he was commanded to put his hand-print on the paper testifying that he had not tried to convert the same. Afterwards Sugiyama Shichirobē was summoned and was asked why he had kept that note of Christian offices that had been found the day before. Shichirobē said, ‘During the time of Hōjō Awanokami’s management his Chief Retainers told me to memorize these names as I was in charge of such matters. And so I received that note from Hattori Sahē, the Police Officer.’ His explanation
was admitted to be consistent, and he was sent back.

  Tahē, an attendant to Kasahara Gōemon who serves the Minister Tatebayashi, and Shinbē, the guard who belongs as a porter to the Squad of Saitō Tanomo, both were called and brought face to face with Kichijirō to investigate about the image they had picked up. It turned out true that Shinbē picked it up. The same Tahē said that he had seen Shinbē hold it. Consequently both Tahē and Shinbē were sent back.

  The same day. Hitotsubashi Matabē was hung within the gaol. The officers in charge were Hisaki Gen’emon, Okuda Tokubē, Kawase Sobē and Kawara Jingobē. From this time on Matabē was tortured several times.

  18th October.

  Fine. The Lord came personally to the Mountain Villa. The Inspectors Sayama Shōzaemon and Tanegusa Tarōemon also came and tortured Hitotsubashi Matabē and his wife on the wooden horse. Naitō Shinbē was summoned to the Study. Matsui Kurōemon was examined and has roughly confessed.

  24th November.

  Had the notice board concerning informers of Christians nailed to the main entrance of the Mountain Villa. Kawara Jingobē, Ukai Gengoemon and Yamada Jurobe saw to it. The same notice board was prepared at command of the both lords. It reads:

  ANNOUNCEMENT

  The Christian faith has been prohibited for many years. Everyone is encouraged to report suspicious persons. The following shall be given in reward:

  To the Informer on a Father: 300 Pieces of Silver