by Hanna Ruthie
“It’s no big deal Cam.”
She squeezes my hand. “What’s his name?”
“His name is Matthew. Matthew Steele.”
She squeals, yes squeals in excitement.
“Okay okay, don’t get yourself too worked up,” I say, holding a hand up in hopes that she’ll settle down.
She does no such thing, swatting my hand away.
“Tell me everything,” she says.
I laugh lightly. “Well, there’s a lot to tell, and all in good time. But what I really need to tell you is I’ll be out of town for a couple days.”
“Out of town?” She asks, her smile falling.
“Well, out of state really. I’m going with him to Illinois. We’ll be in Chicago for a couple days.”
Her eyes widen in excitement. “Chicago?”
I nod. “I wish we were going on good news. But it’s actually for a funeral. He wanted me to come with him.”
“Oh no,” she says sympathetically. “Who passed away?”
“It was a kid he knew growing up. Matthew said he was like a brother to him.”
Cammy clucks sympathetically. “That’s too bad. I’m glad you’re going.”
I turn my head to the hallway, urging her to begin walking again. She takes another small step forward.
“When are you leaving?” She asks.
“Friday. He had to take off practice for our flight. We’ll get in late to Chicago and spend the night. Then the funeral and ceremony is on Saturday. We’ll spend our second night and take our flight back on Sunday.”
“Well at least you aren’t missing any classes,” she says.
I nod. “Yeah that’s true.”
We walk for a minute. I let my mind drift to Matthew and how the next few days will pan out.
“He’s really torn up about it. I’m not sure I know what to do,” I admit.
Cammy’s grip on my hand tightens. “I think you’re doing all the right things, or else he wouldn’t have asked you to go with him.”
I shrug. “Maybe. I just hate to see him so distraught.”
Cammy looks over at me, smiling softly. “You really like him, don’t you?”
I smile. “That’s… complicated.”
She nudges me with her elbow. “No it’s not. You totally have a crush, it’s all over your face.”
I look over at her and squint. “We’re just friends.”
“Sure you are,” she replies, wiggling her eyebrows at me. They’re thinning. She’s still losing hair, even with the cold caps.
I roll my eyes at her but smile, walking with her to the end of the hallway. She really does seem happy. I’m glad I could take her mind off of all of this, even if it was just for a little while.
“You’ll have to tell me everything when you get back,” she says. “What it was like there. The sights, sounds, smells. I’m so excited for you!”
I look over at her and swallow nervously. “Sure thing Cammy, just don’t… don’t go anywhere while I’m gone, okay?”
Cammy knows what I mean. She knows my fear and my worries. She squeezes my hand again.
“Never.”
Chapter 22
Matthew Steele.
I’m in my head the whole day. I’m quiet, but I don’t think Josie minds. She knows where my head’s at. We’re almost too busy to speak anyways. I pick her up and she helps me with directions to Hartford. From there, I leave the truck in long term parking, and we make our way inside the airport. We wait in a long line before we can go through TSA. Then we check in on our flight and wait. I listen to music while she reads for nearly two hours. We board the plane, both us storing the one carry on we both brought on the trip. I really wish we were together under better circumstances. I hardly speak a word to her, spending most of the flight typing out my words to say at the ceremony. It’s an open casket, only because he was shot in the chest and not the head. The suit they’ll put him in will cover the hole through his body. My speech takes a long time to write. A lot of editing and deleting takes place at my fingertips. It requires a lot of focus too, more than I think I’ve ever given Josie in one of our tutoring sessions. When our plane lands, we exit in Chicago and take an Uber to our hotel.
“Matthew, how much is this all costing you?” Josie asks me on our way into the hotel.
“Don’t worry about it Josie. Money’s not an issue for me.”
It comes out a bit more harsh than I meant it to, but it’s just a reflection of my mood. I don’t have much energy right now. It’s true, money’s not an issue for me. It always was when I was too young to work. That’s why I began picking up any jobs I could once I turned sixteen. I began saving up money, every single dime or penny I found was precious. I graduated at eighteen but took a year off to work. Finally, at nineteen I had enough money to make a new life for myself. I applied to college and as soon as my acceptance letter came in the mail, I bought myself new clothes, school supplies and a plane ticket to Connecticut. Once there, I bought my car. And then, for the first two years of college I continued working. I had a steady campus job at the gym and picked up everything and anything else that came my way. This year is the first time in six years I haven’t worked. A cushion of twenty thousand sits in my bank account and I use it for what I need, splurging every so often on burgers and fries. And now, it’s come in handy. It got me two expensive plane tickets and two nights in a nice enough hotel. It put a small dent in what I had but I’m not too worried. With scholarship paying my tuition, I have plenty of money left to cover rent, car insurance and books. Next year, I’ll probably start picking up work again, but with any luck I’ll be able to get a steady job in a couple years.
Josie and I walk up to the desk where a young man, probably early thirties, is on the phone. He holds a finger up to us, telling us one second. He finishes with his phone call and then turns to us.
“Hello, welcome to-”
“Hi,” I cut in rudely. “I made reservations. Matthew Steele.”
“Okay,” he replies, typing on his computer. Then when a concerned look comes up on his face he turns back towards me.
“I’m sorry sir, could you spell your last name please?”
I sigh, annoyed. “There’s an E on the end that’s silent. S-t-e-e-l-e.”
He types again and swallows nervously. “Alright sir, I see here that you made reservations, but there seems to be a slight problem.”
I stare him down, looking at his name tag. “What seems to be the issue Alex?”
“Well, although you have made reservations for tonight and tomorrow night, which I can see right here…” he points at the computer. My jaw tightens, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “We seem to have a little mix up. We registered your room for two nights from now.”
I let the news sink in as my eyes narrow on Alex.
“So?”
He clears his throat nervously. “I’m afraid your room is occupied for the next few nights by a lovely family.”
A lovely family.
“Are you fucking with me?” I ask, getting closer to Alex’s face.
He backs up, swallowing nervously. “N-no sir. But we have a couple other rooms available. We can surely give you a discount.”
“A discount?!” I shout. “Try a fucking refund.”
“O-of course sir. A full refund on your previous room and a discount on your new room.”
“You fucking-”
“Matthew,” Josie scolds next to me.
I look down at her.
“It’s not his fault,” she tells me. “Go cool off, I’ll deal with this.”
“But-”
“Please go,” she sighs.
I look back at Alex, shooting him a glare, and walk off, finding a water dispenser. I fill up a cup and chug it down, listening to Josie’s conversation with Alex.
“I’m sorry about that,” she says softly.
“Oh it’s no trouble Ma’am,” he replies. Fucker.
“Which other rooms do you have available?” She asks.
“We have a room with two queen beds, a room with one queen bed, or a room with a king bed,” he says eventually.
I hear Josie hum, thinking it over.
“What’s cheapest?” She asks.
I curse silently. She shouldn’t worry about that. I don’t care how much damn money it costs me.
“The one queen,” Alex replies.
“Perfect. We’ll take that room. Would you guys really offer a discount?”
“Oh yes, of course Ma’am. He’ll get a full refund and I’ll see if I can ask my manager about getting you two settled into your new room free of charge.”
I turn around to look at them. Unbelievable! All she has to do is bat her pretty eyelashes and the room’s free.
“Oh thank you so much Alex. Really, any discount at all is appreciated.”
He smiles at her. “Of course.”
My temper begins to rise again. If he looks at her that way again I’ll fucking-
“Here are your room keys,” he says. “Complimentary breakfast is at nine and you’ll find our free WiFi password on the back of your room key.”
“Thank you again,” she says, grabbing what he hands her.
She turns back towards me, noticing me scowling at them both. She rolls her eyes at me and heads to the elevator. Begrudgingly I follow her, slipping in before the doors close.
She hits the button for floor five and we begin to move.
“I don’t like elevators,” she says.
I look over at her, still peeved.
“Elevators? That’s such a lame thing to be afraid of.”
Josie scoffs. “I didn’t say I was afraid of them. Just that I don’t like them. Besides, you hardly get to choose what to be afraid of.”
Well, she’s right about that. She’s always right.
“You got the room with one queen,” I say, changing the topic as we rise ever higher.
“It was cheapest,” she shrugs.
“Can we just share the bed or are you going to make me sleep on the ground?”
“We can share it,” Josie responds.
“Wow. Wasn’t expecting it to be that easy to get you in bed.”
Josie rolls her eyes. “Funny,” she says sarcastically.
The door opens with a ding and Josie leads the way to our room.
“Don’t tell me you’re crabby,” I say. “You slept the whole flight. You don’t get to be crabby.”
“God knows you’re crabby enough for the two of us,” Josie mumbles, stopping at a door and unlocking it.
“I heard that!” I return.
Josie pushes the door open and finds the light switch, turning it on. The door shuts behind us as we stare for a moment at the room.
“I call first shower,” Josie says.
I groan, my head falling back. “You’re evil.”
“I am not.”
“Fine then I call the dresser,” I reply.
Josie squints up at me. “I call the nightstand.”
I look at the bed, a nightstand on either side.
“Fine by me, there are two nightstands.”
“I call both!” Josie shouts.
I snort a laugh. “You can’t call both nightstands.”
“Yes I can. I just did.”
“What are you going to do with two nightstands?” I laugh.
Josie smiles and laughs lightly. “Nothing, I just wanted to make you laugh.”
I look down at her. Okay, I’m not gonna lie, that was pretty damn cute. This is exactly why I wanted her to come here with me. She’s the only one I’m okay with seeing me in pain. And she’s the only one that can turn me from cranky to laughing.
“Thanks,” I reply quietly.
She pats my shoulder like she’s my wingman or something. “Anytime buddy.”
I snort a laugh at her use of the word buddy. She heads into the bathroom, taking her things with her. I go to the bed, claiming my side and then finding the remote. I turn on the sports channel and find a basketball game. They aren’t teams that I follow, but it’s something to watch. I settle back against the headboard just as I hear the water turn on for the shower. Some twenty minutes later, I’m completely engrossed in the game. Josie walks out in her pajamas; a pair of black leggings and a big comfy looking sweater. Her hair is braided down her back and she sits on the edge of the bed, glancing at the game.
“Shoot!” I shout at the team on the television. The player takes his shot and misses. I curse under my breath.
Josie turns back to looks at me. “Are you rooting for the red team or the green team?”
“Are you kidding?” I ask. “The red team or the green team? Their team names are on the jerseys.”
Josie sighs, hoping off the bed and coming over to her side. She pulls the covers back and slides under. “Why do you have to give me a hard time about every little thing?”
I look down at her, and man do I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her bad. Really, really bad. I look away before I do something stupid.
“The green team,” I grumble.
I look back down at Josie and catch her smile.
“Good. I’ll root for the red team then,” she says.
I squint down at her. “What’s wrong with the green team?”
“You’re rooting for them,” is her simple response.
She’s messing with me and it’s equal parts adorable and infuriating.
“And you say I give you a hard time,” I mutter.
Josie hears me and her hand reaches out to push my leg. She’s smiling, finding all of this very amusing. “Go shower.”
“Fine,” I grumble, going to the bathroom, taking my things with me.
Though I enjoy the feeling of the hot water against my skin, I shower quickly, wanting to get back to the game, back to Josie. As soon as I’m finished, I dry my hair as best I can with a towel and throw on a pair of comfy sweats. I brush my teeth and then head back out to the room, glancing at the television. With a groan, I glance at Josie.
“Are you some kind of witch or something?” I ask.
The red team is ahead. Way ahead. And the game was pretty evenly matched when I headed into the shower. I catch Josie’s slight shrug under the blankets. I return to my spot on the bed, sitting against the headboard.
“Where’s your shirt?” Josie asks.
I look down at her. She’s staring at my chest.
“I don’t sleep with a shirt.”
She pauses for a moment and then sits up. “You need to put on a shirt.”
I laugh at her. She’s staring right at my abs.
“What, first time you’ve seen a six pack?”
She looks up at me and flushes furiously.
“Oh my God, it is, isn’t it?” I ask, my head tilting back as I laugh.
“Maybe,” Josie squeaks. “Anyways, I feel uncomfortable. Could you please cover up?”
“By uncomfortable, do you mean turned on?” I ask shamelessly.
Josie covers her eyes with her hands, embarrassed beyond belief. “Matthew,” she groans.
That’s not a no.
“Want to touch them?” I ask her, referring to my abs.
Uh oh. Sirens begin to go off in my head. I shouldn’t have asked that. This is not the time. Or the place. And I shouldn’t be doing any of this with Josie. But I can’t help it. She’s growing on my mind everyday. And she’s been in all my fantasies recently. I can’t help but imagine her hands on me, around me. Her caramel hair spread out against my bed sheets as I-
“Can I?” Josie asks, removing her hands from over her eyes.
Her cheeks are pink from embarrassment but it only makes her look aroused.
No! Tell her no! No! No! No!
“Sure,” I croak.
My dick jumps to life, the little bastard. She’s so innocent, her hands reaching forward to uncharted territory, curious. I can’t do this to her. I can’t let us go there. Not now. It isn’t
the right time. I grab her wrist gently.
“Wait,” I say. “We shouldn’t.”
Touching leads to… other things. And I don’t want to do other things with her… yet. I want to save those other things. For when she’s ready. For when I deserve it. Josie’s eyes look at mine and it’s like she snaps out of a spell.
“Oh God,” she says, embarrassed.
“Relax,” I chuckle. “It’s natural, all the girls want their ride on Steele.”
And just like that, the spell is really broken.
Josie smacks my shoulder. “You… you’re disgusting!”
I laugh, watching as she settles back under the covers. She turns on her side so her back is facing me.
“Night Virginia.”
She huffs in annoyance at me but it just makes me laugh more. I get out of bed and turn the lights off. Only the television provides a dim glow over the room. Over Josie’s figure. I turn the volume down so it doesn’t disturb her. I can tell she’s serious about sleeping when she snuggles her head into her pillows. I remember when she fell asleep on me at her apartment. She is quite the snuggler. I wasn’t lying when I told her I enjoyed it though. I get underneath the covers myself, my size taking up most of the bed. I watch the game for a little while as Josie’s breaths even out and she falls asleep. At some point during the fourth quarter she turns over. She’s a lot closer than I anticipated and her light breaths fall against my shoulder. It tickles me and I adjust a little bit on the bed to give her more space. I watch the game until it finishes and then shut off the television. The moon’s bright and full, illuminating the room almost as much as the television did. I feel wide awake. The funeral is tomorrow. I have to see Clay tomorrow. I have to see him buried. I pull out my phone, looking at the speech I’ve written out. I read it over and over again, shaking my head. It’s not good enough. It’s not good at all. I look over at Josie. She’s sleeping peacefully. I wonder if she’d proofread it for me. If she’d help me with it. I don’t want to wake her, but I need her help. I need to have this ready tomorrow.
“Josie,” I whisper.
Nothing.
“Josie,” I say again, louder.