An Undaunted Faith

by Andrea Boeshaar

  Luke began to reply, but Mr. Jonas cut him off.

  “And that baby…well, he sure has taken to you.”

  The remark gave Bethany’s heartstrings a good tug.

  “That’s enough, Jonas.”

  “Oh, now, Preacher, I don’t mean nothin’ by it.” His voice took on an unnatural, sugary tone. “But I did wonder, Miss Stafford”— his gaze fixed on Bethany again—“if you’d mind takin’ the baby with you this afternoon. That’ll be a huge burden lifted.”

  “Yes, I suppose I can do that.” Beside her, she heard Luke draw in a deep breath. She glanced at him. “That’s all right, isn’t it, Luke? The Raddisons are a young couple. I’m sure they’re fond of babies.”

  Luke folded his arms. After giving Mr. Jonas a hard stare, he looked at Bethany and his features softened. “I’m sure it’s fine, Beth.”

  “Well, much obliged.” Mr. Jonas started making his way out of the church. His children following like eager ducklings. Lacey paused only long enough to give Michael back to Bethany.

  Bethany watched the clan leave. But then Mr. Jonas stopped short and came back, standing in front of Luke.

  “Preacher, I reckon I owe you an apology for my rude behavior yesterday. Truth is, I’ve been an ill-tempered man on account of my wife’s untimely passing. I know that ain’t much excuse for bad manners.” He paused and wetted his lips. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me and my young’uns, and I’m grateful to you in that regard.”

  “Well…” Luke seemed taken by surprise. “Apology accepted.”

  “Good.” Mr. Jonas nodded, but then he eyed Luke like a man picking a fight. “But I’ve got to add this. I meant what I told you. It ain’t no idle threat.”

  Luke pursed his lips in casual reply. Bethany watched in a mixture of curiosity and fear as the two men stared long and hard at each other. Contention crackled in the air between them. However, where Mr. Jonas glowered, Luke’s expression remained calm.

  Bethany’s protective hold on Michael tightened.

  Mr. Jonas’s focus suddenly swung to Bethany. He produced a quick smile. “Have a nice afternoon, Miss Stafford.”

  “I will,” she breathed in relief. “Thank you.”

  Once he’d left, his children with him, all except Michael, Bethany turned to Luke. “What was that all about?”

  “Aw, nothin’.”

  “Luke?”

  He tore his gaze away from Ralph Jonas’s retreating form and smiled into her eyes. “Nothing you need to worry your pretty head over. Now let’s get on over to the Raddison place. I’m starving!”

  NINETEEN

  ANNETTA REINED HER HORSE INTO AN EASY WALK. JAKE had been right. It had been difficult to keep up with him. It didn’t help matters that she’d had to look in on Mr. Jenkins in between Jake’s services. The visit pressed them for time, so they’d had to ride hard to the second location to make up for it. The good news, however, was that Mr. Jenkins would be fine in a few days. She’d treated his fever with nitrate of potash. And now that he’d preached his second church service of the day, Jake had slowed their pace a bit.

  Thinking back on the day, Annetta felt impressed by what she’d heard from Jacob McCabe. He’d preached his first sermon beneath a canvas drape in the desert, somewhere between Silverstone and Arizona City. Four families and a few lone ranchers came to hear God’s Word. Jake read from the book of St. Matthew and called them the “saddest words in all the Bible.” Annetta had to admit they struck a chord of unease within her soul, especially since she had to hear them again at the second church service, which was held at a rancher’s home. Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.

  How could Jesus say such a thing?

  “I’m mighty impressed.” Jake’s voice brought Annetta back to the present. He twisted slightly in his saddle. “You’ve kept up with me every mile.”

  Annetta smiled, pleased by the compliment. “Well, it hasn’t been easy—and I know,” she quickly added, “you warned me.”

  “That I did.”

  He chuckled and turned back around, facing the dusty trail leading back to Silverstone. Minutes later, he pointed off to his left.

  “There’s a good rest spot over yonder. We can water the horses and cool down awhile.”

  She nodded and followed his lead down a natural incline to a small stream. Jake dismounted and stretched in a way that made Annetta wonder if his leg was sore. She swung her right leg over the saddle, and Jake helped her off her mount, whose name was Buckshot. Jake’s horse was Cannonball.

  Her feet touched the ground. “Thank you.”

  “Welcome.”

  She handed Jake the reins then straightened her full, split skirt.

  Beyond them the stream looked inviting. Fetching her canteen, she walked the rest of the way down the gravelly bank and filled the container. She drank her fill, and soon Jake hunkered close by, doing the same. After the last church service he’d removed his black dress jacket and rolled the sleeves of his white shirt up to his elbows. As he leaned forward, Annetta saw his shoulder muscles move beneath the light fabric. She conceded again her attraction to Jake McCabe, the Confederate preacher.

  She shook her head at herself. What irony. What would Gregory think? Could he think out there in eternity? Was he looking down at her now, ashamed of the woman he once loved?

  Jake suddenly grabbed her attention when he poured a canteen of water over his head. He gave his dark head a good shake.

  “Whoo-whee! That feels good.”

  Annetta laughed at his antics. He made quite the handsome figure, standing near the stream with the wide Arizona sky as a backdrop.

  “If you’d like, we can sit under that over there.” He nodded toward a large blue palo verde. “It’d be good for the horses to get some shade too.”

  “Yes.” Lifting her hems, Annetta climbed the stony incline. Jake was soon beside her and took her elbow in assistance. In his other hand, he held the horses’ reins. When they reached their destination, Jake tossed the reins over a low-growing branch and then walked the circumference of the tree, kicking at the brush with his black boots.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure we don’t have any unwanted company.”

  “Like rattlesnakes?”

  “Among other creatures.”

  With a grimace Annetta reminded herself to take greater care in where she walked and sat. It had to become second nature to her now that the desert was her home.

  Having made his way around the tree, Jake reached the horses again. He pulled a gray, wool blanket from his saddle roll and shook it out. Motioning with one hand, he offered half to Annetta before he sat down.

  Stepping forward, she lowered herself onto the spread and sighed.

  “Nice day.”

  “Nice and hot.” There didn’t seem to be a single cloud in the sky.

  “I reckon it’s only about eighty degrees.” He grinned. “Almost feels cool after the triple-digit temperatures we had back a couple of weeks ago.”

  “True.” Annetta recalled how exhausted she’d felt on those days. “The heat was almost unbearable then.”

  “You’ll grow accustomed to it. Just takes a little while.” Jake stretched out on the blanket. Knees bent, he put his hands beneath his head and closed his eyes. “So what did you think of my message today?”

  She grinned. “I think it was better the second time.”

  “Oh?” He opened one eye and peered at her. “Why’s that?”

  Annetta shrugged. “Probably because you’d delivered it once so you felt more confident the second time.”

  “Hmm, reckon you’re right.”

  “As for the message itself…” Annetta wasn’t sure how to explain the feelings his sermon conjured up. “I started thinking about my deceased fiancé, Gregory.”

  “What about him?”

  “Well…” Surprisingly the sorrow, regret, and anger she usually felt when talking about Greg
ory didn’t fill her heart today. “I began wondering where he is now and if he’s watching over me.”

  “God is watching over you, Annetta.”

  “But…”

  “Was your fiancé a believer?”

  “I think so. We were both faithful in attending church and doing charity work.”

  “Hmm…” Jake hiked himself up on one elbow. “Well, rest assured that he is with the Lord. Believers meet him as their Savior while the rest meet him as their Judge.”

  Again a restless feeling crept over her. She picked at the imaginary lint on her skirt. “Perhaps God has already judged me.” She hurled a glance at Jake. “Maybe He’s already said, ‘Depart from me…’”

  “I doubt it.” A hint of a smile curved his lips. Then he narrowed his gaze. “I s’pect we wouldn’t be having this conversation if that were the case.”

  Something about Jake’s reply calmed Annetta’s jangled nerves.

  “I believe,” she said, “and years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed of doubting God’s love for me. Except He didn’t save me from—” Raw emotion choked off the rest of the sentence.

  “Netta, I can’t tell you why God allows evil men to roam this planet and why bad things happen to perfectly innocent people. But I can promise you that God saw what occurred that night, and the man who hurt you and killed your fiancé will be judged.”

  “He was caught and hanged…for murder.” She’d never told anyone about the rape. How could she? Her parents would have been mortified. She would have lost her friends, and she so desperately needed their support.

  “Listen, he faces a second judgment that’ll make his hanging look like a child’s birthday party.”

  The thought gave Annetta a twinge of vindication.

  “And if you give your heart to Christ, Netta, I can promise you that He’ll save your soul and heal your shattered heart.”

  Looking away, she pushed to her feet. It was almost excruciating to hear the tender way in which Jake spoke to her. She didn’t know why. But maybe because it stirred the womanly part of her, softening her. But staying angry and hateful was easier than accepting forgiveness and…forgiving those who’d robbed her of everything!

  Annetta folded her arms tightly and walked along the bank. She wanted desperately to be loved again, and it seemed apparent that Jake knew and understood the extent to which she’d been violated. As for the Almighty God of whom he preached today, Annetta wasn’t sure she could wholly trust Him. He’d let her suffer the unimaginable. How was that love?

  Moments later she recalled something Jake had told her earlier this week. Something about God being there and weeping right along with her that night…

  But if that’s true, then why didn’t You stop it, God?

  In the next second, the strangest thing happened. She heard the answer to her question, not in an audible voice, but like a thundering in her soul. You wouldn’t be here if I had stopped it, beloved.

  Annetta spun around on her heel and stared at Jake. He’d stretched out again on the blanket. “Jake, did you just say something?”

  He half sat, supported by his elbows. “What?”

  Annetta swallowed hard. “Did you just say something?”

  “Nope.” He looked somewhat abashed. “I was praying, and I think I fell asleep in the middle of it.”

  She gave him a weak smile, wondering if she was losing her mind. “Maybe we should be on our way.” She strode toward him. “We’re both obviously exhausted. I think it’s best we get back to Silverstone.”

  Jake stood, a frown creasing his brow. “Something wrong?”

  Annetta shook her head and lifted the blanket. After giving it a hard shake she folded it and handed it to Jake.

  “Was it something I said?”

  “No.” Something Someone else said. But she didn’t dare describe her experience. “Maybe it’s…well, the hard ride and the sun seem to be affecting me.”

  “You only shaded yourself a whole three minutes. Let’s set back down. We have time.”

  “No, thank you. I’d appreciate it if we could get back.”

  “All right.”

  Annetta caught his curious expression, and remorse swelled like a knot in her chest. She’d like nothing better than to sit lazily in the shade with Jake McCabe. But he and his God spooked her. There seemed no other way to describe it.

  They repacked and mounted, getting back on the dusty trail. Jake urged his mount into a canter, and Annetta followed suit. After about fifteen minutes, he slowed to a walk again and then pulled to a halt on a hill.

  “Are we close to home?” She felt a little breathless.

  “Sort of.” His gaze was fixed on something off in the distance.

  Annetta followed his line of vision and saw a brown cloud towering into the sky. “Smoke?”

  “No.”

  “What is it?” The idea of encountering Indians entered Annetta’s mind.

  Jake squinted, and his gaze roamed across the cacti-dotted plain. “Dust storm. And it’s heading our way. We need to find shelter. Fast.”

  “But…” Annetta didn’t feel any imminent danger. “Can’t we make it to Silverstone?”

  “No, ’cause that would mean riding into the storm and risking our lives.” Jake turned his black gelding around. “Old Man Potter’s ranch is about a mile east. We’ll seek shelter there. But the storm’s coming up quick.”

  Annetta saw that the brown wall grew wider and higher with each passing second.

  “We’ll have to ride hard to beat it.” Jake took his eyes off the horizon to look at her. “Ready?”

  “Ready.”

  Annetta jerked the reins to the right and spurred her horse on after Jake. She wasn’t exactly sure what they were running away from. How harmful could a dust storm be? Ahead of her the sky was azure and nothing seemed amiss. But then the next thing she knew a swoop of wind slapped her backside.

  “C’mon, Annetta!”

  She saw Jake’s hat fly off his head. It hit her foot before being carried away on the haze beginning to envelop them. Up ahead a weathered barn came into view. But her eyes stung, and she tasted sand on her lips. The haze started irritating the back of her throat, as if she’d been in a room filled with cigar smoke all afternoon.

  “C’mon, Annetta!” Jake’s voice sounded far away. “Just a little ways more.”

  Suddenly she could barely make him out.

  He let out a shrill whistle that Buckshot seemed to understand. Without her lead, he turned off the road and galloped across the plain. A feeling of utter helplessness came over Annetta. She hung on to both the reins and the horse’s mane with all her might.

  Not a minute later, the barn loomed in front of her. Buckshot slowed and followed Jake’s horse around to the side, and they rode right into the doorless entrance. Thankfully the opening faced away from the leading edge of the storm.

  Jake jumped down from his saddle to help Annetta dismount. She coughed and couldn’t seem to catch her breath, between the ride and the blowing dust. Pulling out his canteen, he opened the top while taking Annetta’s hand. “Splash a little on your face. That’s right. Good. Now take a drink. It’ll help you stop coughing.”

  She sipped from the canteen, and her hacking abated. Next she glanced up at Jake and saw that his hair looked hoary, thick with sand and dust. Around them the barn walls shook as the wind screamed through the cracks.

  “Shouldn’t we be in a cellar?” She’d never experienced anything like this before.

  “Naw. It’s only a dust storm. We must have rain on the way.” He unstrapped his saddlebags. “I wondered why my leg’s been bothering me more lately. God willing, there’ll be a break in the storm long enough for us to ride back to Silverstone. For now, this barn’ll be adequate shelter.”

  Sand and dust blew through the crevices in the walls. The rafters creaked from the force of the wind. Its shrill screech unnerved Annetta. She stepped closer to Jake and clutched the fabric of his shirt at his waist. Her gaze
darted around the empty structure. “It’s not going to fall on us, is it?”

  “Not likely.” The strong timbre of his voice reverberated in his chest. “Let’s go sit against that far wall.”

  He pulled out his rifle and led her away from the horses. He dropped his saddlebags and poked around the straw-strewn area with the nose of his rifle. A mouse scampered away, and Annetta screamed.

  Jake laughed. “C’mon, Netta. You ain’t afraid of a little mouse. You faced Chicago Joe. I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”

  She sent him a sharp glance. “Very funny.”

  He chuckled again while spreading out the blanket. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable.”

  Removing her windblown bonnet, Annetta sat down and leaned against the barn’s wall. She could feel the wind gusts pushing against the planks. Jake lowered himself down beside her. It seemed to grow darker inside the deserted barn. Anxious flutters filled Annetta’s gut, and before she realized what she was doing, she’d wound her arm around Jake’s. She felt the warmth from his body radiating through the sleeve of her blue and green checked blouse.

  She slowly lifted her gaze. His brown eyes stared back at her just as the wind hurled something heavy into the side of the barn. The impact was inches above Annetta’s head.

  A scream formed in her throat as she sprang into Jake’s arms. “Won’t this be over soon?”

  “Pretty soon.” He held her.

  The wind’s howls sounded ominous as sand, twigs, and small stones blew through the gaping entryway.

  Annetta laid her head against him. A sense of security enveloped her. “Back home we had tornadoes, but I always managed to get into the cellar. I never saw one, personally. I’ve only seen drawings.”

  “You’re fortunate, then. I saw plenty of twisters in Missouri, mostly on the outskirts of our town.”

  “Do you have a lot of family there?”

  “My folks, a brother, sister, and their families. Cousins.”

  “A big family?” She straightened so she could look at him as they talked.

  “Average, I’d say.” His gaze swept over her face. “What about you?”

  “Parents. A sister whose husband is in politics.”