Breaking Point

by David Alastair Hayden

  “It’s not like I came with a manual!”

  Lyoolee’s sigh sounded almost like a song. “Then how do you know that doing so is your responsibility?”

  “Well…” Oona held her hands out and shrugged. “It’s what I’ve been told. It’s what the other families with children like me before us said. It’s what billions of people believe.”

  “Why do they believe this? Do you have hard evidence to back this up?”

  Oona huffed in frustration. “You don’t ask easy questions.”

  “That the answer does not come easily to such a basic question about who and what you are should tell you something.”

  "The Benevolence said nothing to the people about backup plans, so no one knows anything for certain," Oona said. "However, in a vision, I saw a hidden genetics research facility. Knowledge of it, but not its location, was passed down by the families of the first messiahs. In that facility, I saw a clone of myself in a stasis chamber."

  Oona explained everything she’d seen in the vision to Lyoolee, but the mysterious orb meant nothing to the priestess. Apparently only Silky knew what it was.

  “It is logical to assume that you were an attempt to engineer a higher being,” Lyoolee said. “A blend of Numenaia and human. And perhaps something more as well. That the Benevolence created you seems undeniable.” Lyoolee fixed Oona with a piercing gaze. “Still, I see no evidence that your purpose is to restore the Benevolence.”

  “I…I never thought about it that way.”

  “It is important to question things.”

  “So you don’t think I’m meant to restore the Benevolence?”

  “I have no idea, child. Perhaps everything you have heard is true. Or perhaps not. Maybe there is but a seed of truth in this messianic prophecy. Perhaps the seed is nothing more than hope, and that hope has latched onto the children who are born like you. I cannot say.”

  They sat together silently for a while, Oona staring at her hands, the priestess gazing off into the distance. Oona’s mind swirled with questions, doubts, and fears. She hadn’t even begun to learn anything about what she could do, yet she was already overwhelmed.

  “So if we are so much alike, why is it that most of what I can do relates to machines?”

  "Perhaps because you have no training, and it is easier to experiment with devices. We know that you have empathic abilities. And sometimes you sense things from people's pasts as if you were a telepath. And you sensed Zetta's presence even when the sensors could not detect her.

  “Those are all things that I can do too. But there are other things I can do that you have yet to achieve. For instance, I can speak telepathically, I can connect to the hypermind, and—”

  “Wait. Before you go on, I need to know something. What is the hypermind?”

  “The hypermind is a compact, malleable, hyperphasic dimension that serves as the repository for the souls of the Numenaia—a collective of our knowledge and experiences.”

  “Huh?”

  Lyoolee grinned. “Mine are a psychic people, child. All of us are…or rather were…empaths. Some of us were also telepaths. We psychically linked ourselves to one special hyperphasic dimension, filling it with our loves and hates, our thoughts and fears, our history and designs. Upon death, each of us released our soul—or psychic imprint if you prefer—into it. We called it the hypermind, and it is a storehouse of all that we were and all that we knew, felt, or experienced.”

  Oona furrowed her brow and chewed at a fingernail. “So there's a dimension, like hyperspace or flux space or wraith space, only it’s psychic and holds the souls of all your people? How would that even work? How did you find it?”

  “We did not discover it. The ones who my people called the Ancients, created this dimension and gave it to us, along with much—but not all—of their knowledge of using the hyperphasic dimensions. From them, we learned to travel amongst the stars, to enter wraith space, to harness energy from flux space. But we did not learn to create dimensions of our own.”

  “What happened to your Ancients?”

  Lyoolee stared off into the distance then whispered. “They disappeared…not long after they passed their knowledge on to us. That was thirteen millennia before my time.”

  “They traveled to another part of the galaxy?”

  She sighed into a deep frown. “No, they simply vanished, without leaving a trace nor any indication of what had happened to them.”

  "I guess a psychic dimension is no stranger than any of the other dimensions. And it explains that overwhelming torrent of knowledge and emotions I experienced when I briefly connected with it. But how would you upload a psychic imprint to a hyperspace dimension?"

  “Before, you experienced it through me, rather than connecting directly. That is a good thing. Otherwise, it would have overwhelmed you, and you would’ve fallen into madness. As for how we leave our imprints on the hypermind…”

  Lyoolee stood and pulled down the neck of her thin gown, revealing a small square protrusion on her breastbone where the pendant of a necklace might sit.

  “What is that?”

  Lyoolee took Oona’s hand and placed it on the square. “Feel it with your fingers.”

  At first, Oona was nervous touching the delicate alien woman, but then she relaxed. She wasn’t actually touching her. None of this was physically real.

  Oona traced her fingers along the square, then slid the pad of her index finger against it, discovering tiny, almost imperceptible grooves in an intricate pattern. There was something familiar about it, something she couldn't quite figure out.

  “You still do not know what it is?” Lyoolee asked, surprised.

  Oona shook her head.

  “See with your mind’s eye and think about what it must be.”

  With her finger still resting on the square, Oona closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and focused. Then she saw it for what it truly was.

  Melded to Lyoolee’s breastbone was an amulet like the ones Siv and Kyralla wore. Based on the material and design of this one, it was identical to the ceramic amulet Siv had inherited from his father.

  “It’s just like Siv’s!”

  “My name is engraved upon this one, but otherwise they are the same,” Lyoolee said.

  “How does it work?” Oona asked.

  "Embedded within the device is a microscopic, hyperphasic link connecting me to the hypermind. Each of these devices, which we call hyper-stones, can store all of a Numenaian's thoughts, feelings, and experiences and upload them to the hypermind. In the same way that you wire your children and fit them with chippies, we graft these devices onto ours."

  Withdrawing her hand and taking a step back, Oona frowned. “The one Siv has, was it never implanted? Or was it removed from a skeleton?”

  “Our bodies dissolve when we die, even our bones after a few years turn to little more than dust.”

  “Oh! So that’s why we’ve never found any Ancient—sorry, Numenaian—remains.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Do the amulets dissolve too? We’ve never found any that I know about. The only one I’ve ever seen is Siv’s.”

  "Over the course of centuries, the hyperphasic link within a hyper stone will become unstable. When that happens, it will collapse in on itself, and the entire device will phase into the hypermind's dimension.”

  “Then how did that one survive?”

  “That is a good question, sweet child. I fear I do not know the answer. Perhaps mere chance.”

  “Siv said it was called a guardian’s amulet.”

  "That is what it was. A priestess may choose to have a copy of her psychic imprint added to a hyper stone that is worn rather than implanted. It is then given to a trusted bodyguard or another designee, signifying their rank and the level of trust given to them while also granting them a stronger telepathic link to the priestess."

  Oona's mind raced through questions. Even if she asked them all, she doubted she would remember the answers to even half of them. It wa
s a shame Artemisia couldn't record any of this.

  “So if it records a psychic imprint, why is it attached to your breastbone instead of your forehead, or one of your temples?”

  Lyoolee pulled her robe back up onto her shoulders. “Though we are outwardly similar to one another, many of our internal systems are quite different. We have a cluster of nerves bundled together in the center of our chests. These nerves connect directly to the brain.”

  “Did Gav Gendin’s psychic imprint make it to the hypermind?”

  Lyoolee shrugged. "Possibly. He left an imprint within the hyper stone without meaning to. That is how Siv can communicate with, for lack of a better term, a ghost of him."

  “The metal devices I made for Kyralla and me, do they work that way? Will they store our consciousnesses in the hypermind? Was the amulet’s link with the hypermind what activated Kyralla’s special ability?”

  Lyoolee shook her head and gestured for Oona to again sit beside her on the bench.

  “The Benevolence somehow implanted the instinct to make an amulet within your genetic code, and you clearly have the ability to psychically shape a soft metal substance when doing so. To what end this serves, I do not know.

  "I cannot make a functioning hyper stone any more than you can. The ceremony you performed with your sister was just that, a ritual with no real power behind it. Unless there is something yet to be revealed, perhaps after your awakening."

  Oona sighed as she plopped down onto the bench. “I wish the Benevolence had implanted instructions about what I am and what I’m supposed to do in my genetics.”

  “Would you like for me to hazard a guess about your nature?”

  Oona sighed as she flopped down onto the bench. “Please do.”

  “When your Benevolence failed, your genetic code was an ongoing project. You are not the end result but merely one step along the way.”

  “So I’m an unfinished project, a prototype? People expect me to bring back the Benevolence and save the galaxy, but I’m not even finished?!”

  “If that was the intent behind your design.”

  Oona sat quietly, inhaling the warm summer air, and allowed her brain to absorb everything she’d learned. Shadows climbed up the tower as the deep orange sun began to set.

  "How is a hyper stone made?"

  Lyoolee smiled wistfully. “If only I knew. A machine bizarre in appearance was given to us by our Ancients. From that construct came every hyper stone we made, enough to provide for our entire starfaring civilization.

  “The science of the machine was far beyond us. There is much to reality that neither my species nor yours has yet discovered.”

  “I doubt the machine survived,” Oona said.

  Lyoolee locked her gaze on the tower. Her eyes welled with tears. “It did not. The Shadraa destroyed it when they attacked. I know that for certain. We kept it here, within the tower. As I fled, a Shadraa ghost-bomb reduced the tower to little more than dust and perhaps a few scattered stone fragments like the ones you found in the cargo bay.”

  Oona took her hand. “I’m sorry.”

  Lyoolee tried to smile. “Sweet child. I never had a daughter, but given that you are the closest thing to me that remains, I will proudly claim you as my own.”

  “Um…thank you.”

  Lyoolee stood. Oona could tell she was tiring. “Enough lore. We could sit here for days and never sufficiently answer one another’s questions. We need to begin your preparation.”

  Oona got up and faced her. "When I'm ready, will I need a hyper stone?"

  “It is not necessary. Every awakened telepath within my species underwent these trials, starting long before we met our Ancients and received knowledge of the hypermind.”

  “Oh! I assumed after what I’d seen that I would be facing the darkness within the hypermind itself.”

  “No, sweet child, you will be facing the darkness within yourself, the darkness that surrounds you, the darkness that is death which haunts every living being. That is what you will face. No more. No less.”

  Oona had been facing the prospect of death ever since she’d learned she was a hyperphasic messiah. She should be used to the concept, especially after the last week’s events. And while she was no saint, she believed she was a good person.

  “I know what you are thinking, child,” Lyoolee said. “There is darkness within us all. And with your latent telepathic abilities and your powerful empathy, little by little you have absorbed the fear, desire, anger, and love of everyone around you, ever since your awakening.”

  Lyoolee touched a finger to Oona’s forehead. “All of that lurks within you. If you do not tame it, you will not survive the Trial of Corruption. And if you tame the tempest but do not master its every aspect, you will emerge as a twisted soul, broken by whatever thought or emotion you could not master.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, for instance, a telepath who does not master lust will emerge a cruel sadist, forever seeking to harm others to feel a pleasure they can no longer experience. A telepath who failed to master anger, however, would live in a state of constant rage.”

  “But they would still have their telepathic powers?”

  “Yes, and those powers themselves would be warped.”

  Oona sat and leaned back into the bench. She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms then ran her hands over her head, trying to massage out the building tension and mental fatigue.

  What emotion had broken Qaisella Qan, the so-called Dark Messiah who ruled the Empire of a Thousand Suns? Was it anger? A lust for power? Or something more subtle, perhaps?

  Chastising herself for letting her mind wander, Oona pushed away the thought. She had more important things to focus on.

  Lyoolee sat beside her and placed a hand lightly on Oona’s knee. “Do you wish to end here? I know that was all a lot to absorb.”

  Oona steeled her courage and shook her head. “I can’t end it here. I can’t go back to wandering the ship with nothing to do but worry, with no way to prepare myself. There has to be some technique you can teach me, no matter how basic, that will help prepare me.”

  “We sheltered telepaths at early ages within our sacred temples, to safeguard them as best as we could from negative experiences. Even the older ones were guarded closely.

  “For years, they learned standard meditation along with special techniques to help them control their base emotions, which always prove the hardest to master during the trial. We taught them what their responsibilities within society would be, and what they could do with their powers. All of this served as basic preparation.”

  “You could teach me the special meditation techniques.”

  "I could, but their benefits accrue with years of practice. You do not have much time remaining, so we must begin your advanced training far earlier than preferable. That said, since you already have a solid foundation in basic meditation, the most fundamental technique may still benefit you."

  “What should I do?”

  “Spend your normal meditation time examining your thoughts and fears as an objective observer would. Try to learn your weaknesses. Meditate on letting go of all that you hold dear while still cherishing those things. Practice selflessness, embrace compassion.”

  “I think I can do that.”

  “Excellent,” Lyoolee said. “Now, let us begin your first advanced training session while I still have the energy.”

  “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

  “Sweet child, you will not last long this first attempt. I can assure you of that. However, I think it will take me several days, perhaps a week, to recover from this session. I am sorry, child. I am doing my best.”

  “I understand. Besides, you’ve already drastically improved my chances.”

  Lyoolee faced Oona and took a step back. “We call this exercise Facing the Dark Mirror. You will face your demons in a controlled, simulated environment.”

  “So it will be like the trial?”

  “It will b
e similar,” she replied. “One important thing to remember during the trial, and I cannot stress this enough, even positive thoughts and emotions can overwhelm you if you cannot master them.”

  “I need to tame even the best parts of who I am?” Oona asked with surprise.

  “Uncontrolled love could turn into obsession. A desire to help others could lead to wanting to control them, to fascism. Compassion, however, will never lead you astray. Remember that. Have compassion on your friends, strangers, enemies, even yourself.”

  Oona nodded. “I understand.”

  Lyoolee placed her hands in the gesture only her long, double-jointed fingers could manage and bowed. “Until next time.”

  “Wait, are we done? I thought—”

  Lyoolee suddenly morphed into a shadowy figure as tall as Oona, with a similar build and similar garb, though it was hard to make out any other features.

  The shadow stepped menacingly toward her.

  Oona backed away.

  When it spoke, its voice was sweet and innocent.

  “All we want is for this to end, don’t we?” the shadow asked. “No more being a messiah. No more pressure to save the galaxy. We can save Kyralla, and she can live a normal, happy life. She can become a pilot and fall in love with Siv. We can save him, too. Mitsuki and Bishop and Tekeru as well.”

  Oona backed all the way to the iron railing at the edge of the cliff. “Stay back.”

  The shadow kept coming. Her words were mesmerizing. “We can spare them all and end the pain. And our Dad… We can save him. He won’t have to suffer. No one we love will ever suffer on our account again.”

  “H-how?” Oona asked, despite herself. She knew it was a trick, a test, yet she couldn’t keep herself from asking. Because those were the things she most wanted.

  The shadow was so close it was nearly touching her.

  “We give up. We stop running. We stop fighting. We sacrifice ourselves in the name of love. It’s that simple. All we need do is give ourselves over to our enemies so they will stop chasing us. Then it will all end. No more suffering. No more bloodshed.”

  As the shadow reached out to her, Oona shook her head, trembling. “N-No. I can’t do that. I have to save the galaxy.”