No, she couldn’t do this to herself. She couldn't allow herself to conjure up all the negative ways this little trip could go. She had to stay positive that this was the right first step to take, no matter what happened.
She turned onto a side street and stopped her car along the curb. The two-story house at the end of the cul-de-sac looked exactly like it had the last time Lynn saw it, except the trees out front seemed a little taller. She’d expected the place to look different somehow. As though the stress of the last two years ought to be evident on the house itself.
The cell phone on the passenger seat pinged making Lynn jump and sending her heart rate through the roof. She released a lungful of air as she swiped at the screen. Nathan’s name appeared along with a short text. “How’s your evening going?”
Lynn smiled. He had no idea how much of a loaded question that was. She almost typed back “It’s fine,” but stopped herself. “I’m sitting outside my mom and dad’s house trying to get the courage to go knock on the door.”
She didn’t have to wait long for a reply.
“Wow. That’s a big move. I’ll be praying it goes well.”
His words added a small dose of peace she needed to her mix of nerves. Knowing he was praying for her meant a lot, and suddenly she was glad she’d told him about it. It made her feel a little less alone. She responded to his text. “I appreciate that.”
“Let me know how it goes if you’re up to it.”
His typed words made her smile. “I will. Thanks again.” She slipped the phone into a small bag she’d brought with her. Sitting out here in the car for a while longer wasn’t going to change her situation. She may as well go in and get this over with. Wondering what was going to happen had to be way worse than what she was going to experience. Right?
As she walked toward the house, her stomach did a flip. There was a time when approaching this place meant home. Security. Love.
Now, only a healthy dose of apprehension followed her up the walkway to the front door. Lynn took a tentative breath. Held it.
Perry used to hate the sound of the doorbell. Lynn didn’t want to risk scaring her sister if that was still the case, so she used the metal knocker to announce her presence instead.
Several excruciatingly slow moments passed until she heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Metal brushed against metal as the deadbolt slid away and the door opened.
It’d been over two years since she’d last seen her father. Looking at him now, however, Lynn could almost believe she’d traveled through time to ten more years in the future. His dark hair that once only showed gray along the temples was now more salt than pepper. She focused on his eyes. New wrinkles had taken residence at the corners, but the dark brown irises were the same.
The surprise on his face was quickly replaced with the stoic sternness she’d grown accustomed to as a child. Any hope she’d had that tonight might be different was quickly extinguished. She did her best not to let the disappointment show. “Hi, Dad.” She forced herself to offer a tentative smile.
Lynn was a grown woman. Yet standing here in front of her father made her feel very much like that awkward teen who’d disappointed him over and over again.
He watched her for several heart beats before finally speaking. “Remind me: what are you calling yourself again?”
She suppressed a sigh. When she’d walked away from the music scene and changed her name, she’d told her family. At the time, she’d hoped they’d see she was serious about things being different. Instead, they’d seen it as further evidence that she was leaving her family behind. She never could do anything right. “I go by Lynn now, Dad.”
“Right.” He still hadn’t given her any indication that he was going to invite her into the house. “Was there something you needed? If it’s money…”
“No, Dad. I don’t need money.” Lynn swallowed hard. “I just miss you all and was hoping I could come in and visit for a while.”
He was shaking his head before the words were even out of her mouth. “It’s late. Perry has an appointment with the cardiologist first thing in the morning. She needs her sleep.” He shifted his hand to the doorknob as though he were ready to close the door right then.
The cardiologist? Many individuals with Down syndrome had trouble with their hearts, but thankfully, Perry hadn’t been one of them. That she was needing to see a cardiologist now had Lynn worried. “Is she okay? What’s going on?”
“It’s only a precaution. You should go before it gets any later.” Before he could shut the door, the sound of Mom’s voice floated over his shoulder. “Ralph, who is it?”
Tears that were all too familiar filled Lynn’s eyes as Mom came into view. Her long, blonde hair was cut short and had a lot of white in it. It was still just as pretty as ever, though. There was a time when Lynn had wished she had hair like her mom’s. She looked into the eyes that were the same color as her own. “I was hoping to visit with you all for a while.”
Mom took a step forward and stopped. Moisture gathered in her eyes at the same time the muscles in her jaw worked as she clenched her teeth. Sometimes Lynn thought she might be able to get through to Mom, but Mom was never one to stand against Dad, and he was an immovable force.
Mom put a hand on Dad’s arm. “Like your father said, tonight isn’t a good time.”
“What if I came back this weekend? Could I buy you all dinner?”
There was the slightest hint of hope in Mom’s eyes that disappeared when Dad shook his head. “It’s not a good idea. It’s late, and you should get going before it’s too dark to drive. Goodbye…Lynn.”
With that, he closed the door in her face and flipped the porch light off.
Lynn had told herself that she’d be okay no matter what happened. But it was all a lie. Dad’s rejection hit her with the force of a hammer, pushing her shoulders down and building pressure in her chest until it hurt. She turned away from the house and headed back to her car. When she reached it, she allowed herself one last look at the house.
That’s when she saw Perry standing in a living room window. Her beautiful cherub face stared curiously. Oh, how Lynn missed her. Missed the hours spent laughing together and reading. Perry used to love it when Lynn painted her finger nails or brushed her hair.
Pangs of regret and pain had Lynn grasping for control of her emotions. She raised a hand and waved. Perry smiled and waved back before the curtain was closed again and all Lynn could see were shadows.
While Lynn had a strong need to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry, at least the trip hadn’t been for nothing. At least Perry knew that Lynn had tried.
It wasn’t until she was safely inside her car again that she realized tears were flowing. She swiped at her cheeks. Stupid. She ought to be used to this by now. Seeing Perry had been worth it, though. Instead of the usual helplessness she felt after speaking with her family, there was the slightest glimmer of hope.
She sniffed again and pulled her phone from her bag to text Nathan. “Thanks for the prayers. I saw my sister briefly for the first time in years.”
It wasn’t long before a response came through. “I’m glad. That was a fast visit.”
“I wasn’t exactly welcomed by my parents. Heading home now.”
Lynn had just set the phone on the passenger seat and was about to shift the car into drive when her phone pinged again. “If you need to talk, feel free to call. Mia’s asleep, and I’ll be up for a while.”
Lynn couldn’t believe how tempting the offer was. But she’d told him so little about her past life or her identity. He had no clue what had alienated her from her family.
She needed to tell him—even wanted to. Tonight wasn’t the right time, though. Not with the wedding just a few days away. Feeling horrible for again deflecting away from details about her own life, she responded, “I shouldn’t. I think I need to crank the music and focus on getting home. Will see you tomorrow.” Her guilt only increased as she sent the message.
“Ok
ay. Be safe.”
With a long drive ahead of her, and the pain of the truncated visit still fresh, she did need someone to talk to. Preferably someone who wasn’t small, covered in fur, and whose only advice was, “Meow!” She might have called Sharon if she weren’t worried she’d end up crying again, which certainly wouldn’t make driving back to her place any easier.
Lynn focused on Perry’s smile, and Nathan’s kindness, as she pulled away from the curb and once again watched her childhood home disappear in the rearview mirror.
Chapter Seven
Nathan had a hard time wrapping his mind around what happened to Lynn last night. How did parents who hadn’t seen their daughter in years find her on their front steps and still turn her away? There was a lot about the situation he didn’t know. He wanted to ask her questions when he dropped Mia off at daycare this morning. She was clearly reluctant to tell him more about the situation than she already had, and Little Lambs certainly wasn’t the place for him to push the issue.
His heart hurt for Lynn and the grief she must be experiencing right now.
Nathan taught his classes throughout the morning, took two different calls from Chess with questions regarding the wedding this Saturday, and was finally sitting down to lunch. He’d just warmed up his leftovers when Lynn’s name flashed across his phone.
He swiped to answer. “Hey, Lynn.” His first thought was Mia. The last time Lynn called him during the work day, Mia had fallen and gotten a large goose egg on her forehead. Unsure of what to do at the time, Nathan had rushed his daughter to the pediatrician where she was deemed fine. It’d taken several days before he stopped cringing every time Mia fell.
“Hi, Nathan. I’m sorry to bother you. Mia isn’t feeling well. At first, I thought maybe she was just tired and ready for an early nap. She fell asleep quickly, but when she woke up, she felt warm. I’ve checked her temperature twice, and it’s at 101.2.” The sounds of Mia crying floated in from the background. “There seems to be very little I can do to comfort her right now.”
The daycare center’s guidelines were that, if a child had a temperature over 100.4, he or she had to stay home. So based on that alone, Nathan needed to go and pick Mia up.
“It may take me a half hour or so. I need to arrange for someone to take over my classes this afternoon. But I’ll be there to get Mia as quick as I can.” He secured a lid on his leftovers and shoved the container back into his lunch bag. “Thanks for calling, Lynn.”
“You’re welcome. We’ll see you in a bit.”
Nathan had no trouble getting someone to cover his classes and was on his way to Little Lambs shortly. Once inside, he signed Mia out at the front desk and made his way to the nursery area.
Before he entered, a soft rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” made its way to his ears. He didn’t have to see the owner of the voice to know it was Lynn. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him in the least to learn that she had the voice of an angel.
As he rounded the corner, he spotted Lynn in a rocking chair, Mia in her arms. His normally rambunctious daughter was lying quietly, her eyes on Lynn’s face as the song concluded with one long, perfect note.
Lynn lifted Mia’s little hand, kissed her fingers, and smiled down at her. Anyone walking in right now might think they were mother and daughter the way they were wrapped up in each other.
Only then did Lynn glance over and notice him standing there. Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. “Look, Mia. It’s your daddy.”
Mia sat up on Lynn’s lap. She smiled at Nathan, but her eyes looked tired and her face red. He lifted her into his arms. The extra heat from her body radiated into his. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Let’s get you home, take some medicine, and see if we can bring your fever down a little.”
She leaned into his chest and released a tiny sigh, capturing Nathan’s heart completely. He wrapped his arms around her protectively.
Lynn rose from the rocking chair. “Let me grab her bag and I’ll walk out with you.” Without waiting for him to respond, she retrieved it and they left the building together. “She’s so glad you’re here. What you saw was the rare few minutes she wasn’t crying all day, unless she was asleep.” She reached over and patted Mia’s back.
“I’m pretty sure you could calm a grizzly bear with your singing talents.” The moment the words were out of his mouth, Nathan realized it sounded like he was flirting. He almost apologized and realized he wasn’t the least bit sorry. Especially when her blush returned along with a pleased smile on her face.
“I’ll just be praying she feels better soon.”
“I appreciate that.” He frowned. “With just a few days until the wedding, I need her feeling better, and I need both of us to avoid getting sick, too.”
Lynn chuckled. “Thankfully, being around little ones who are always getting sick has vastly improved my own immunity. I’m sure you’ve found the same teaching classes.”
“You are right about that. Still, the timing is a little too close for comfort.” They reached his Jeep. He leaned into the back seat to secure Mia. The moment he had her harness clicked in, she started to cry again. “I’d better get going. I don’t think Miss Mia has much patience left.”
Lynn passed him the diaper bag with a sympathetic smile. She placed a palm on his forearm. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”
He glanced down at the physical connection that had electrical currents racing down his arm. At that moment, he was certain that only his daughter fussing in the car could pull him away from Lynn.
He lifted his gaze to her face while simultaneously covering her hand with his. “Thank you.” The instinct to hold her hand—to hold her—was nearly overwhelming. He had a feeling that she’d fit into his arms perfectly. He imagined being able to rest his cheek on the top of her head and then mentally shook himself when he realized how much his mind was wandering.
Mia’s fussing morphed into full crying mode. Nathan wasn’t sure if he moved his hand first, or if Lynn had started to pull hers away. Now they stood facing each other, arms at their sides.
Since Mia couldn’t return to daycare for a full twenty-four hours after being fever-free, that meant he wasn’t going to be seeing Lynn tomorrow. That disappointing thought had him frowning. “I guess I’ll see you on Thursday. I’ll let you know how she’s doing tomorrow.”
Lynn nodded. “Sounds good.”
Nathan gave a small wave before going around and getting into the Jeep. With a final look in Lynn’s direction, he drove away. Even through poor Mia’s cries, he could still hear the soothing sound of Lynn’s voice singing.
~*~
To Lynn, it seemed weird to not have Mia there at the daycare center. She’d texted Nathan yesterday evening to see how the little girl was doing. Sadly, he responded saying Mia hadn’t wanted to eat and spent most of the afternoon crying.
Lynn wondered how they got along last night. She was tempted to text him again, except it was only nine in the morning. If, by chance, he and Mia were able to sleep in, Lynn would feel horrible for waking them up. Instead, she busied herself caring for her little charges and trying to ignore Sharon’s pointed looks.
She was marginally successful but could only take them so long. Baby Brian burped on her shoulder and then followed that with a long yawn. She rubbed his back as she moved the rocking chair back and forth with her foot. “Spit it out already.”
Sharon’s eyes widened as a look of mock innocence crossed her face.
Only after Lynn narrowed her eyes did Sharon finally cave in. “You’ve been walking around all day like you lost your best friend. Or your cat ran away.”
“It seems weird to not have Mia here. Don’t you think so, too?”
“Of course I do. But I suspect it’s more than that for you.” Sharon hiked her right eyebrow. “Just call him. See if you can take them dinner or something. I’m sure he’d appreciate it, and then you could get your Nathan fix for the day. It’s a
win-win.”
Lynn released an exaggerated sigh. Sharon wasn’t too far off. Not that Lynn was going to admit it. So what if she didn’t see Nathan yesterday when he’d come to pick up Mia? Or this morning when he’d normally drop her off? Was she really so pathetic that less than twenty-four hours had her distracted?
She chose to ignore the real question that kept teasing at the back of her mind: Was it bad that she was having constant thoughts about him in general? She convinced herself it was because she was worried about Mia and tried to focus on taking care of the little ones relying on her.
Instead, she hid a smile and turned the tables on her friend. “So you still think I should go back to Nathan’s self-defense class?”
“Absolutely.” Sharon pointed at Lynn. “It’d be good for you to get out regularly like that. The exercise is healthy. Plus, I think it would help you feel more in control of things so you’re not as nervous all the time.”
Lynn could’ve done without the reminder of her neurosis about someone recognizing her or following her around. “Then you should come to classes with me.” There was something incredibly satisfying about seeing Sharon look shocked.
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. If I go, you’re coming with me. I want to take the class with someone I know.” She pinned her friend with a firm look. “Someone besides the instructor.”
Sharon seemed to think about that for several moments. “I want to talk to Walt about it first, but I think it would be fun!”
Honestly, Lynn had expected Sharon to put up a bit of a fight. Now Lynn was going to have to go back to Nathan’s class, and she’d have yet another witness to her pathetic attempts to learn jiu-jitsu. Just the thought of it had her chuckling to herself.
By the end of her work day, however, she’d thought about Sharon’s suggestion and decided it was a good one. Whether Mia was doing better today or not, Nathan was probably ready for something else to eat—especially if he didn’t have to fix it himself.
Starting Anew (Life Unexpected Book 3) Page 6