Jackie stirred her gin and tonic, trying to be happy. This was the first time she’d been out since Payton had left two weeks ago, and Oliver had all but dragged her here, to their usual gay bar.
He said he was sick of seeing her mope around, and she knew he meant well, but right now she felt like a third wheel which never happened when she was with Oliver and Alvaro. Maybe, it was because they were married now, and they seemed more in love than ever before. Maybe, it was because Jackie had the briefest glimpse of that, but she’d completely screwed it up.
“See that blond sitting at the end of the bar?” Oliver asked, leaning in so that Jackie could hear him over the music. “She’s been checking you out since we got here.”
Jackie shook her head. “I’m not in the mood.”
Oliver threw up his hands. “Jackie, last week you said you were fine, that whatever happened with Payton was just some fun.”
“Because I am. Because it was.”
“You look anything but fine.”
Jackie took a drink.
“Look, I’m your best friend,” Oliver said, draping his arm over her shoulder. “And it’s my job to tell you the truth.”
“Even if I don’t want to hear it?”
“Especially when you don’t want to hear it.”
Alvaro went to the bar to get another round. A steady stream of tourists and locals walked along the promenade even at this time of night, just a few feet away from the their table at the front of the bar.
Oliver turned his chair so that he was facing her. “Jackie, you weren’t this happy when you were with Megan, and you weren’t this miserable when it was over.”
Jackie opened her mouth, ready to defend herself, but nothing came out.
“I think that says something,” Oliver said, finishing his cocktail.
“But we agreed to keep it casual.”
“Until it wasn’t.”
“I couldn’t ask her to stay,” Jackie said with a sigh as she watched a woman go by walking three tiny dogs. “And I can’t ask her to come back. She’s got this whole new career now, and I’m happy for her. Luke would be so proud of her.”
“He would.”
“So, that’s the end of it. She’s young, and her life is in New York. It was just a holiday fling.”
“Do you think she’s as depressed as you are?”
Jackie downed the last of her gin and tonic while she thought about the answer. That night before Payton left for the airport had been emotional. Jackie had done her best to hide her feelings, knowing it would do neither of them any good to say how she really felt, but what about Payton? She could still hear her voice, ‘I wish I could enjoy tonight, but I can’t. I know that’s not how ‘casual’ goes, but I can’t separate the two tonight. I can’t stay.’
“I think she felt it too,” Jackie said, “But I’m sure she’s handling it much better than I am.”
“How did you leave it?”
“Just that we’d stay in touch. She invited me to New York, but-”
“She did?”
Jackie nodded. Alvaro was back with their drinks.
“Al,” Oliver said as he sat down. “Payton asked Jackie to go to New York.”
“She did?”
Jackie stared at them as they went into a full-blown analysis of her love life like she wasn’t even there. “Oy. I’m right here, and she just asked me as a friend.”
Oliver and Alvaro turned to each other, sharing a look.
“What?” Jackie asked.
“She left the door open for you,” Alvaro said, leaning into Oliver.
“What? No. It wasn’t like that. I would have known if... If she wanted...” Jackie’s voice trailed off. But did she really know what Payton wanted?
“You should go,” Oliver said. “You’ve hardly taken time off this last year. Take a week or two. Go to New York. Spend Christmas in New York.”
“Mi amor, that’s exactly what she should do,” Alvaro chimed in.
Jackie’s eyes moved between the two of them. “Really? It’s that a bit much? She just left. I don’t want to distract her from what she’s doing over there.”
“It’s incredibly romantic,” Oliver said. “And brave. That’s what it is.”
“Surprise her,” Alvaro added.
Jackie blinked. “Just show up? I don’t know. That worked so well for me last time.”
“Jackie, this is completely different, and you know it.” Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “You have to find out if this is real, because it looked pretty fucking real to me.”
She took a drink. “And what if it is real? Someone still has to give up their life and move.”
“I would move to the other side of the planet,” Alvaro said, “If it meant I had a chance with Ollie.”
Jackie stared out at the ocean while her two friends had a moment. Oliver was right about one thing. As horrible as she felt when she found out Megan wasn’t who she thought she was, it wasn’t so much about the end of their relationship as it was the shock of finding out her girlfriend was already married.
The last two weeks had crawled by. She didn’t want any free time. She worked longer shifts. She hardly felt like eating. She couldn’t sleep. She was a complete mess, and she’d never been like this before.
“Alright,” she said. “I’ll go, but I’m not showing up unannounced. It’s not fair on her, and I’m not trying to win her back or anything dramatic like that. I’m going to New York for the first time, something Payton knows I want to do, and if we can spend some time together? Great.”
“You have to tell her how you feel,” Oliver said, leaning forward.
“If the moment is right, I will. I’m not just going to blurt it out.”
“Go for two weeks.”
“I don’t know,” Jackie said, stirring her drink.
“It’s our quietest time of the year,” Alvaro said.
Oliver nodded. “We’ll be closed for almost a week around Christmas, anyway, so, don’t worry about the restaurant.”
“I guess, I should send Payton a message.”
“And book some flights,” Oliver said.
“There’s no rush,” Jackie said, taking a drink. “I want to make sure I’ll not getting ahead of myself. Anything could have happened in the last two weeks. She might not have given me a second thought.”
“I doubt that,” Alvaro said.
“Hmm.” Jackie finished her drink. “I’m not taking anything for granted. I’ve learned my lesson. Anyway,” she said, standing. “I’m going to head off. Enjoy the rest of your night.”
She gave them both a hug and took her time walking home, still not certain that this was the right move.
Chapter 20
Payton put her feet up on the coffee table, sinking into the sofa with a cup of tea and a book that she’d started on the flight from Dublin but hadn’t had a chance to get back to.
The last two weeks had been non-stop. She’d landed, got settled in and met with Tara the following day. They had dinner with Kalen Richards the following evening, and Payton almost wished that she hadn’t Googled him. He’d won just about every photography award; his work was so creative, and Payton was somewhat starstruck when she met him.
Dinner did go well though, and he agreed to mentor her for three months starting immediately. Payton didn’t know how she was going to repay Tara, but she’d have to figure something out, because Payton had learned more in the last two weeks with Kalen than she would have in years on her own.
Her phone was full of new contacts in New York and beyond, and this was only in the first two weeks. By the end of the three months, Payton would be more than ready to set out on her own. The question was where.
She hadn’t spent too much thinking about it yet, but her gut told her Spain was the right place to get started. She loved doing Oliver and Alvaro’s wedding. She’d been to eight weddings in the city so far, and as beautiful as they were, it didn’t compare to getting married on the beach with the sounds o
f the waves beside them and the smell of the salty sea air. She could go up and down the coast. Nerja was a popular wedding destination, and it was only an hour away from Benalmadena and her father’s apartment. And Jackie.
Payton knew she shouldn’t factor Jackie in to her decision, but it was hard not to. She’d thought about her every day since she’d left Spain, and Payton was already wondering when she’d get to see her again. With Kalen’s busy schedule, it didn’t look like it would happen while they were working together. Payton would have to wait until the end of February, when her mentorship was over.
She picked up her book, knowing she needed to unwind after the crazy week she’d just had, and as much as she wanted to think about Jackie, it wasn’t going to help her relax. They hadn’t spoken since Payton left, not that she was really expecting Jackie to call, but she thought they might have sent a few texts or something, but so far, it was just radio silence.
Payton sipped on her tea as she read, happy to be inside and on her couch with a blanket wrapped around her while it snowed outside. She’d have to get up a little earlier tomorrow to deal with the chaos of commuting in the snow and ice. They didn’t have a wedding tomorrow, but Kalen wanted to introduce her to some friends in the business.
She’d been so busy since she got back that she hadn’t even seen her mother yet. Payton thought about going to see her on Thanksgiving, but her mother was probably at a friend’s apartment.
Payton’s phone chimed, and she had to reread the message, hardly believing what she was seeing. Jackie wanted to know if she was free any day between December 12th and December 22nd, that she was thinking of coming to New York for ten days, but that she could choose other dates. Payton stared at her phone while she thought about how she was going to reply, a smile on her face as her thumbs started to move across the screen.
Payton replied, telling Jackie that she was busy most days, but she’d make the time to see her and to book whatever days suited her. Payton inhaled a shaky breath as she typed the next line.
You’re more than welcome to stay with me. Hotels in the city are kind of hit and miss. Plus, we’ll get to spend more time together that way.
Payton read her message at least five times, her thumb still hovering over the send button. It was probably a bad idea, but everything she’d said was true. It would be so much easier if Jackie was here when Payton got back in the evenings. Would they share a bed though? The guest room was there, but it would be weird to offer it to Jackie, wouldn’t it? But, at the same time, it was a bit presumptuous of Payton if she didn’t offer it to Jackie.
Payton blew out a breath and pressed send. She was overthinking this. She should just be happy that Jackie was coming to New York, that she’d get to see her again.
Jackie could stay at a hotel if she wanted to, although Payton would love having her here.
Chapter 21
Jackie knew she looked like a complete tourist, craning her neck, trying to take in Manhattan from the back of a taxi, but she really didn’t care. The sun had set a few hours ago, and snow flurries fell, making it difficult to see much above the streetlights, and she finally gave up, sinking into the backseat as the driver hit the horn, cursing as he sped up and swerved into the next lane.
As soon as she stepped out of JFK that was what hit her first. The noise. And the bitter cold. The drop in temperature was a shock to her system and so unlike the warm, pleasant weather she’d left behind in Malaga.
She’d checked the weather before she’d left, and this was what her trip was going to be like, cold with snow showers. It probably wasn’t the best time of year to come for sightseeing, but she was looking forward to soaking up the Christmas atmosphere and checking out Rockefeller Plaza, but Jackie knew why she was really here, and it had nothing to do with any tourist attraction. She was here to see Payton.
Jackie had spent most of the flight second guessing this whole thing. What would coming here really achieve? If there actually was something between them, one of them would have to give up their current lifestyle. She hated the idea of taking Payton away from her life here, but Jackie just couldn’t see herself leaving behind her business and everything she loved about Spain.
She tugged at her scarf, feeling a little queasy between the erratic driving and the heat being on full blast. In a way, she shouldn’t really be worrying about any of this, because this was so new. If they lived in the same city, they’d be dating, taking their time getting to know one another but with all the miles between them, there was this sense of urgency, like they had to figure this out in the short time they were together.
The driver pulled in, bringing the car to a halt and taking Jackie away from her thoughts. She paid him, and he left her carry-on suitcase on the sidewalk for her. She was in the Upper West Side, and apparently, this was Payton’s building. She nearly fell over when a woman hurried past her, knocking into her and putting Jackie off balance.
Jackie wheeled her suitcase behind her and took the lift up to the twelfth floor, her heart hammering in her chest as she checked her watch. It was almost eight o’clock, and Payton said she’d be home around seven, that it was okay to arrive any time after that.
She took off her gloves, stuffing them inside her coat pockets as the elevator pinged and the doors slid open. She took a deep breath. There was no reason to be nervous, but her stomach still fluttered.
She spent the entire day criticizing her own thoughts, trying to put aside Oliver and Alvaro’s idea that flying out here was some over-the-top romantic gesture. It wasn’t. Payton had invited her, and Jackie was taking her up on that offer. If by the end of this trip, they realized that they had something worth pursuing, then they’d have to figure it out, but right now, Jackie was here to enjoy herself, to see New York, and that meant that she had nothing to worry about.
Jackie scanned the numbers on each door. Payton’s was the last apartment on the left. She lifted her hand to knock, wondering if she should have brought something, but it was too late for that now. She was still wondering if she should even be staying here at all. She could have just booked a hotel.
The door opened, and there was Payton, a warm smile on her face, her blond hair swept up in a messy bun, dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. “Hey,” she said, stepping aside to let Jackie in.
“Hi.” Jackie couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, simply seeing Payton again had instantly lifted her spirits and pushed aside her worries.
Payton’s arms were around her, and Jackie caught the scent of her perfume, and it took her right back to the nights they’d spent together.
“How was your flight?” Payton asked, pulling away.
“Good. Yeah. No delays or anything.” Jackie left her suitcase inside the door and shrugged off her coat and scarf, letting Payton take them from her and hang them up.
“Did you fly from London?”
“Madrid.” She stepped out of her boots, leaving them beside her case. “The times were better.”
Jackie followed Payton into the living room, taking in the light gray walls and pine floors. Her eyes were drawn to the photo of Luke and Payton above the electric fireplace. Luke’s arm was around his daughter’s shoulder with London’s Tower Bridge as the backdrop.
“That’s the last photo I have with him,” Payton said.
“It’s a great photo.”
“We were laughing because neither of us could take a good selfie. That was probably about the tenth attempt. Anyway, can I get you something to drink? Or dinner? Are you hungry?”
“The food on the plane was actually pretty good, so I’m alright for now, but I wouldn’t mind something to drink. Whatever you’re having is fine.”
“I just opened a bottle of white wine. Is that okay?”
“Sure.”
“Have a seat,” Payton said on her way into the kitchen that overlooked the living area.
Jackie sat down, wiping her hands on jeans. As happy as she was to see Payton,
she was still on edge, still wondering how Payton was viewing this visit, still wondering where she was sleeping tonight. The hug hello should have been an indicator, not that Jackie was expecting a kiss, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t tempted to lean in herself. Having Payton in her arms had definitely stirred up all those feelings that she’d been trying so hard to forget about since Payton had left Benalmadena.
“Here you go,” Payton said, handing her a glass as she sat down beside her.
“Thanks.”
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said. “To a great vacation.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Jackie said, clinking their glasses together and taking a sip. “So, how’s the mentorship going?”
Payton’s eyes lit up. “It’s been amazing. Better than I could have imagined. Kalen is a genius, and I can’t believe I get to work with him. I’ve learned so much already, and he’s agreed to keep me on until the end of February.”
Jackie took another drink. She loved Payton’s enthusiasm and that she found something that she was so passionate about, but Jackie couldn’t help feeling discouraged, like this was a sign that Payton was leaning towards staying in New York.
“That’s fantastic,” Jackie said, forcing herself to smile when she really just wanted to blurt out that question. Does that mean you’re staying here?
“It’s just confirmed for me that this is what I want to do, which is great. I’d hate to have set out on my own and after a few months, realized that wedding photography wasn’t for me. I’ve spent a lot of long days with Kalen, and it rarely felt like work. The time flew by.”
“Always a good sign. What does your mother think?” Jackie asked, remembering that Payton had mentioned that her mother expected her to become a lawyer.
“Oh God. I haven’t told her yet. I haven’t even seen her since I got back. That’s how busy it’s been. She’s going to be furious,” Payton said with a sigh, “But I don’t care. I really don’t.”
Payton’s smile was contagious, and Jackie momentarily forgot about what all this good news meant for her. She lost herself in the moment, in Payton’s mesmerizing blue eyes.
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