Let’s just say the answer is yes to all of the above.
My hand is poised to knock when the door creaks open. But it’s not Liv’s face that greets me. It’s Elle’s.
“Hunter!” she whisper-shouts, throwing her arms around me. “I heard we almost lost you yesterday!”
I smirk and hug her tight. “Like you could get rid of me that easily.”
She wrinkles her nose and looks at the bag. “I’m assuming whatever is in that bag isn’t for me.”
“You assume correctly. There’s no bacon in here.”
“Too bad. Liv needs to start taking advantage of the best things in life. She’s always making the safe choices, you know?” Elle cocks an eyebrow at me, tapping a finger against her cheek.
I clear my throat. “She’s smart to play it safe. Why give herself more…um, calories to burn…when she doesn’t need them?”
“I guess you can’t miss what you’ve never had,” Elle muses. “Sometimes I think it’s okay to live dangerously. You know, when you don’t have everything planned, and you don’t know if your choices will pan out the way you expect. It’s okay not to have it all under control and to just see where things go.”
“Like with you and Brandon?”
She shrugs. “It’s been a whirlwind, I know that. But when something feels right, you have to go for it. Not knowing how things might work out is scary but exciting at the same time. Life never has guarantees, Hunter.”
I let her words sink in and wonder when she became such a philosopher since her college major was accounting. Maybe she picked a minor somewhere along the way. And did a darn good job with it because she nailed everything I’m feeling right on the head.
But there’s still a roadblock in front of me; one I need to plow through in order to put her words into action.
“Hey!” Liv pads into the foyer, ankle socks in hand. “What are you doing here so early?”
I wave the brown bag in front of her. “I brought you breakfast so you could eat before your workout.”
A smile spreads across her face. “That’s so sweet. Thank you. I’m starving!”
Elle looks from me to Liv and back to me with a wink. “Well then, I guess it’ll be bacon for one after all.”
Liv wrinkles her nose. “I can’t believe you eat that stuff, Elle. It’ll kill you.”
“But it’s so good.” She smirks at me. “Besides, I like to live on the edge. Makes things more interesting.”
“Yeah, let’s see if you say that when you’re getting your first angioplasty.” Liv flops onto a chair and pulls on her socks.
“I’m just saying. You need some variety, Liv. Egg whites are boring. You need something to zip it up.”
Liv furrows her brows and looks at me with a questioning gaze. “Why do I feel like she’s not talking about breakfast food anymore?” she murmurs, sliding her feet into her Nikes.
“Because I’m not,” Elle sing-songs as she walks toward the kitchen. “Have fun, gym rats!”
I open the front door. What was Elle getting at with her whole live life to the fullest lecture? I half-listen to Liv complain about her sister’s ridiculously fast metabolism and the fact that she doesn’t need to work out at all. But thoughts are flying through my mind, crashing into one another, making my temples throb.
That whole exchange was about the best man, wasn’t it? They were together last night. Things must have gone well. Maybe Elle was trying to send me a message that Liv needs to let go of the safety of our friendship so she can try something new.
A stress knot forms on the back of my skull, and I try in vain to rub it out. No luck. My body knows I’m screwed, and my mind is just starting to catch up.
“Are you ready to go?” Liv pops up from the chair, looking very refreshed for barely seven in the morning. I don’t want to think about why that may be.
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I toss her the bag, and she catches it with one hand. “Here, just eat it on the way.” I don’t want to stick around here a second longer than I need to. I need to figure out how to process this whole thing and the possibility of losing Liv again. Elle would love nothing more than for her sister to hook up with her fiancé’s best man, and I’m sure she’s banking on them all living happily ever after together. I walk toward my car, barely seeing the pavement in front of me. I open the passenger side door and Liv slides into the seat, not missing a beat before tearing into her sandwich.
I drag myself around the car and rake a hand through my hair before getting into the driver’s seat. My thoughts compete for attention, and a clanging sound between my ears contributes to the splitting headache that I’m about to suffer. The car’s engine zooms to life, and I step on the gas. In my haze, I hear Liv mention a hair appointment she has this morning, and I want to focus on the details. I really do, even though I have no interest in the evidently very involved process to make it look good. I like the end result. Period. But the topic makes it easy for me to drift away again into the tangled mess that is my brain.
That douchebag Thomas was never a threat. I figured he’d be out of the picture pretty fast, and he didn’t disappoint. That was the case with all of the guys at school. I never understood why she chose such losers when she was so clearly the opposite. But this best man? I don’t know anything about him. What if he’s a winner, too, just like Liv? What if this time she picks someone worthy of her? Elle wouldn’t have it any other way. She’d never set up her baby sister with some tool.
I shift against the seatbelt and stretch my shoulders back as I drive. My chest is so tight right now, and I feel like I’m having a hot flash with all the heat coursing through me. It must be stress, rage, panic…or some combination of all three. I grip the steering wheel until my fingertips turn white. This is my fault. I took her for granted for too long. I wasn’t man enough to give her what she needed. When I realized I was falling for her, I should have been honest with her, and say screw it to the consequences.
But I didn’t do any of that. I played it safe, and as a result, risked everything.
“So, what did you guys do last night?” I blurt out, not knowing if she’s still talking about her hair, her dress, or peace in the Middle East. But I couldn’t hold back a second longer. I need to know, much as it may slowly kill me, who I’m competing with or if I’m competing at all.
“We went for coffee.”
I already knew that. I was hoping for something more, anything that would indicate how she felt about him. “And how was the guy? Did you like him?” I struggle to keep my voice even as I pull into the parking lot at the gym and back into a spot. I give her a quick glance before I peer out the back window.
She shrugs. “Sure, he’s really nice. Smart. Funny. Attractive. A real gentleman.”
“Anything left to check off your list? Or did he hit on everything? Does he have good earning potential, too?” I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk, but that’s how it came out. And my tone isn’t lost on Liv. Great. Like I didn’t screw up enough last night.
She furrows her brow and balls up the white paper in her lap, clenching it tightly in her fist. When she speaks, the words pelt me like jagged icicles. “I guess our standards are a bit different, Hunter. You look at bra size, and I look for brains and personality.”
Ouch.
I turn off the car and my head snaps over to her. “I don’t only look at bra size.”
“Oh, that’s right. The backside view comes into the overall evaluation, too.” She shakes her head and pushes open the door.
My jaw about hits the floor, and I can’t find the words to stop her from storming away from me and into the gym. Her words were laced with anger, but why? My choices have never been a source of contention in the past. Yeah, she’d make fun of me, but I’d never get this kind of a reaction. I feel like I’m missing something, a very big something, but admitting to it would make me look like a jerk, and an insensitive friend, so I keep my mouth shut for the time being. I grab two bottles of water before getting out of the ca
r, and I follow her inside.
I flash my membership card at the girl sitting behind the counter and she nods at me with a big smile. I nod back and follow Liv to the ladies’ locker room. “Livvie.” I grab onto her wrist just as she’s about to grab the door handle. She turns to look at me, and I have to say I’m a little shocked at her expression. No remorse. It’s actually a look that says I’m not sorry at all so let go of my arm.
Which I do because I don’t want to look like some desperate loser.
“Is, uh, anything wrong?” I choose my question carefully because I know how easy it is to set off a woman with a poorly phrased one. And this woman has already been set off by something. I’d just like to know what, and if it has anything to do with what Elle was babbling about earlier. I grit my teeth. Elle. What a pain in the neck sister that I never wanted. I mean, I love her, but she finds her way into Liv’s head, always claiming she wants to help, but instead gives Liv all of these things to obsess about. Then she’s gone, leaving me to pick up the pieces. Until the next time.
I bet she had something to do with this.
“There’s nothing wrong, Hunter.” Liv’s tone tells me exactly the opposite, but I’m not going to push. I’m not a complete idiot.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure you were good. We didn’t talk last night after you left, and you seem a little…you know, kind of uh…edgy right now.”
Her eyes darken, and I realize I’ve said too much. Why didn’t I quit while I was ahead? Nothing wrong, okay, so move on!
“I’m not edgy.” She folds her arms across her chest. “In fact, I’m in a very good mood. I finally met a really nice guy, and you have to try and ruin it by being a jerk with your questions.”
My back stiffens, and I recoil slightly. “Look, I’m sorry about that. I’m…” I swallow hard so I don’t choke on my next words and die on the spot. “…happy you met someone. I hope he knows how lucky he is.”
“Thank you. That’s really sweet.” Her face relaxes into a smile; a real one, not one of those forced ones. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat like that.”
“You’re my best friend. You know how I feel about you.” At least, partly.
She nods, her smile waning a bit. Why, I have no clue. I just lied and told her I was happy about this. Looked like she totally bought it, but now, I’m not so sure. Was she disappointed that I didn’t challenge her at all? Or tell her that she’s getting caught up in this whole whirlwind romance thing too quickly? Or that I didn’t slip my own feelings in there, even though I took a shot last night and failed miserably?
No. She has no clue how I feel. When she turns away and walks into the locker room, I’m left staring at the door, trying to figure out how to deal with this new guy. Of course he’d be interested in Livvie. She’s amazing in every way. Maybe I should have let her know that more often. Maybe then I might not be standing here, holding my heart in my hand because she chose someone else - someone who can give her what she’s been waiting for, someone who deserves her.
My shoulders slump, and I drag myself over to the free weights. I collapse onto a bench after sliding plates onto both sides the bar. If I physically torture myself, it’ll help me forget the emotional turmoil that kept me up all night obsessing.
I wrap my fingers around the bar and grit my teeth as I lift it onto my chest. A few reps of this should give me a reprieve from my thoughts. I push the bar overhead - slowly, controlled, and focused. I’m only concentrating on keeping my tight grip on the bar so it doesn’t come crashing down on top of me and crush my skull.
One, two, three…
My eyes are squeezed shut, but the sweet scent of vanilla surrounds me, telling me she’s close.
Four, five…
I crack open one eye and catch her sink into a side lunge. She stretches her leg out so far, she’s practically in a half-split on the floor. That flexibility…man, this new guy is a lucky bastard.
I take a deep breath and lift once again. I make it to seven and return the bar to its spot on the rack. I sit up and use my t-shirt to wipe away the beads of perspiration from my face. Liv is about a foot away from me doing pushups on the floor. Not on her knees, but real pushups. I lose count after fifteen. Her arms quiver with the last few, but she powers through until she hits her goal. Always does. It’s one of the many things that make me completely crazy about her.
She jumps her knees in and rises, stretching her arms overhead then runs them down her legs to stretch out her back. She sinks into a deeper stretch, her hands grazing the floor, and my eyes never stray, much as I beg them to look anywhere else. Why continue with the torture? There will be plenty more to come over the next twelve hours when she’s in the arms of another guy, so did I really need to start this early? Before I’ve even had caffeine?
Liv straightens up and twirls around. “Hey, can you help me with something? I need a really good quad stretch. They’re so tight.” She sinks onto the floor again, her left leg extended behind her, her right foot up by her elbow. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she grins at me. “I know I’ve never asked you to do this before, but since I’m here and not at practice, I’m desperate.”
I continue to stare, and she giggles. “Just get on top of me.”
Oh, Jesus. She didn’t just say that, did she? Please let me have heard that right.
I can feel heat rise from the base of my neck as I crouch next to her.
She shakes her head. “You can’t do me any good from there.” Each of her hands are planted on the floor, almost like’s she’s on all fours. “Just kind of hover over me and press the small of my back down. Easy, though. Don’t push me too close to that disgusting floor, okay?”
I think I can handle that. Maybe. I feel another twitch down below, and I stifle a groan before it escapes my lips.
I lower my body over hers, kneeling on either side of her, my lips coming closer and closer to her exposed neck. If I bend my head down the slightest bit, I can taste her. This really isn’t the best position to be in while these lust-filled thoughts are swarming my mind. My hands graze her lower back, and I place my fingertips onto either side of her spine. Her muscles ripple beneath the soft, flimsy material of her top, and I bite my lower lip as I lean into her. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to think about roadkill, hair in my food, maggots feasting on rotten meat…anything to keep my mind off of Liv’s body under mine.
Nothing works, and the one thing I prayed not to happen, does.
When her entire body stiffens, I know she feels it too.
“Um, are you okay?” There’s a weird tone to her voice, and my throat constricts. I don’t know what to do at this second. Do I just keep pushing her into the floor? Do I apologize? Do I hop off and run out of here to hide the evidence of my undeniable arousal?
I consider my options, and I don’t like any of them. But there’s a situation in my shorts that needs immediate attention, so I conjure up some more disturbing images to address it. I let out a deep sigh as my situation deflates. “I’m fine. I, uh, got a cramp, but I’m good now.” A cramp. Yeah, see if she buys that.
She must really need this stretch because she hasn’t moved from her position. I press my hands into her back and clench my stomach, careful to keep my lower body as far away from hers as possible. The palms of my hands sink into her heated skin, and I fight the temptation to slide them up the sides of her torso.
Liv’s shoulders relax, and she lets out a soft moan. “That feels so good.”
My breath hitches. I didn’t expect that reaction from this, especially when there are so many other things I could do to elicit the same response. While we’re not on the disgusting gym floor. “Good,” I manage to croak in response.
“My back was killing me after the ride yesterday. I needed a good stretch.” And without a single word of warning, she rolls herself out from under me and leaps to her feet. “Thanks for that. I’m going to jump on the treadmill for a little while, okay?”
I’
m still on all fours, staring up at her. I nod, because I’m really not sure what else to do or say. I’m out of my element here. This is the person I know best in the world, and somehow, I managed to drive some invisible wedge between us last night. I know it, she knows it, yet neither of us are talking about it.
I drag myself off the floor and collapse onto the weight bench to work my pecs a little more. I lift, I lower, I obsess. This is the cycle I keep for the next half an hour until Liv comes back to me, toweling off her face, slightly out of breath from her run. “Ready to go?” There’s a smile on her face, but it looks weird. Forced. Almost as if she’s uncertain about whether or not it should be there in the first place.
“Yeah. Sure.” I grab my water bottle and guzzle the last few drops before dumping it into the recycling container by the door. She’s already outside, pulling on a sweatshirt as she heads to my car.
I click the unlock button on my remote key since she makes it there before I do. I slide into the driver’s side a minute later and she’s shivering in the passenger seat, keeping her eyes steady on the dashboard. I turn on the car and flip the switch to blast the heat, even though it’s still not really too cold outside.
The silence is killing me. She’s not speaking, but I’m sure she’s thinking plenty. I know I am. “So, um, are you cool driving back around three tomorrow? I want to spend some time with the kids in the morning. Maybe we can take them to the park or something?”
“Sure, that sounds nice.” She fiddles with the zipper on her hoodie and then lets out a little gasp. “Oh wait, I can’t. I promised Elle I’d look at a couple of venues with her and Brandon in the morning.”
Elle, Brandon, anyone else? I swallow the grunt in my throat. What the heck is wrong with me? She’s a big girl, and she has every right to date who she wants.
My hands grip the steering wheel tighter. What if they start dating and he shows up at school? My knuckles turn white. What if he’s the guy, the one who’s going to take her virginity? I know she’s been waiting a very long time for the right guy to come along, and what if she gets caught up in this whole wedding fairy tale fantasy and she sleeps with him? Do I even have the right to think any of this after I’ve been with roughly three-quarters of the girls on campus? “That sounds like fun. I’m sure Elle wants you to see her favorite places.” I’m also sure this is part of Elle’s grand plan.
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