Love & Consequences: A Love & Ruin Standalone Novel

by J. A. Owenby

  Gemma had a lot of Ada Lynn in her personality, too. She was the strongest person I knew. I had no doubt she was haunted by nightmares and depression, but you'd never know it. She stayed focused on all the good things in her life. Maybe someday I'd get there.

  “Do you want me to go, too?” Hendrix asked. “Asher really hurt you, Mac. After all of these months, what could he possibly need to say to you?”

  My chest ached with Hendrix’s protective words.

  “I think I need some girl time, honestly,” I said. “If it’s okay with you? Gemma’s been gone for almost four weeks, and we have a lot to catch up on before we’re surrounded by a bunch of dudes and no privacy.”

  Hendrix grinned. “Yeah, I’d take advantage of the time, too. The guys are great, but as Gemma will tell you, we can get a bit rowdy. Even Pierce joined in a few times.”

  “Seriously? You all finally cracked his shell to find a human inside of the cyborg?” I laughed.

  “Right?” Gemma chimed in. “He’s still serious and, as always, damned good at his job, but he’s so ... What’s the word I’m looking for?” She tapped her chin with her finger.

  “Stoic? Stuffy? Stodgy?” I offered, giggling.

  Our laughter filled the kitchen, and for the first time since that shitty night with Brandon, I experienced a small thread of happiness.

  But it wasn’t quite strong enough.

  “I need to get ready for tonight, so I’ll see you in a little while.”

  “Do you want company?” Gemma asked.

  “Nah, it’s okay. I need a few minutes to clear my head before I see Asher.” I didn't miss the quirk of her eyebrow. I gave her and Hendrix a smile and walked out of the kitchen.

  I closed my bedroom door behind me and turned the lock as a familiar longing for a Xanax crept over me. Ever since my therapist had prescribed them along with some Adderall, it had been easy to pop whatever I needed and add some alcohol on top of it for good measure. With Gemma around, I’d have to go light on the booze tonight until I returned home. I didn’t want her nosing around in my business. At least about this.

  Rummaging through my nightstand, I grabbed the prescription bottle along with the pint of vodka. I twisted off the lid, popped an orange tablet in my mouth, and washed it down with some liquid courage.

  I sank onto the side of my unmade bed and a combination of guilt and anger washed over me as I closed my eyes, waiting anxiously for the much-needed relief. Chewing on a hangnail, I inhaled sharply and willed the flashbacks of Brandon Montgomery away. Fuck Brandon for living rent free inside my head. Fuck my therapist for giving me the prescriptions in the first place. Fuck the guilt. I took another pull on the bottle of vodka, then neatly tucked everything away.

  Chapter 2

  “Now that we’re practically alone, how are you really doing, Mac?” Gemma asked, pinning me with her intense gaze. She knew me well, but she’d also lived through her own hell and understood the process of putting up a front for everyone.

  I stared out the back-passenger window of the Mercedes and into the darkness. Pierce agreed to drive us, and we explained to Dad we didn’t need two bodyguards for the evening. He’d reluctantly given in to our request.

  “Right now? I’m nervous about seeing Asher. Even when I was with Jeremiah in Louisiana, there wasn’t a day that went by I didn’t think about him. But Gemma, I have no idea what he wants. As far as I know, he and Rochelle are still together. I’ve been super firm with him after they announced their engagement and he still wanted to see me. I’m not interested in being the other woman on the side. That crap won’t work for me.”

  “Nor should it. You deserve better, Mac. I have no doubt in my mind there’s someone out there that will love you for all of you. And yes, before you say it, even your ADHD. You have ADHD, ADHD is not who you are.”

  My focus traveled to my new tan Tory Burch sandals and back to her.

  “Hendrix is my role model. In the back of my mind, I compare every guy to him. Is that weird? I mean he’s super smart, generous, and thoughtful. I always know he has my best interest in mind. I’ve never admitted it out loud until now, but I do. He’s incredibly patient with me, and I never doubt he’ll be there when I need him.”

  “Yeah, we both lucked out there.” Gemma flashed a shy smile.

  “Right?” I asked, agreeing with her. When I first met Gemma at college, she had insisted on wearing a hat and dark sunglasses to hide her appearance. Her past had left her broken, but she hadn’t stopped trying to move forward. With my help, she finally came out of her shell, met Hendrix, and they fell in love. Hard. She’d come so far in a short amount of time. Maybe no matter how fucked up someone was, there was a chance that love could really heal.

  I shifted in my seat, turning toward her. “I want what you two have. In fact, I think most women want what you two have. It’s like a once in a lifetime thing. And from what I’ve experienced personally—unobtainable.”

  “It’ll happen, Mac. When it’s the right one, we’ll all know it.” She paused. “I’m going to loop back around to my question you didn’t answer while we were in the kitchen, though. How are you doing?”

  I scrunched down in my seat. Gemma and I had been college roomies off and on over the last year, and in that short time, we had gained a keen ability to see through each other’s facades.

  “Fine,” I muttered, twirling my braided pigtail around a finger.

  “Is it bad? The therapy isn’t helping?” Gemma asked, worry lines creasing her forehead.

  “Like, what the fuck? I’m supposed to talk to someone I don’t know and miraculously feel better about being thrown in the trunk of a car and held at gunpoint?” My leg bounced with my words, and anxiety crept up my spine.

  “Mac, you can talk to me. I was there, too.”

  “I can’t talk to you when you’re not here,” I said, my tone sharp.

  Gemma blanched.

  “Shit. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t. And, like, don’t get me wrong. I’m a million percent supportive of you touring, it was just after Brandon ... you and Hendrix left a week later, and everything that had happened fucking blew up inside me. Normally, I’d have you and Hendrix here, but it wasn’t like I could wake you up in the middle of the night because I couldn’t breathe, or I’d puked from the bad dreams, or—”

  Tears streamed silently down Gemma’s cheeks, and she grabbed my hand.

  “I almost didn’t go, Mac. Leaving you right after everything—it tore me up. I’d talked to Hendrix about it and Franklin, too.”

  “You did?” I asked, sitting up straighter in the black leather seat.

  “I did. Franklin assured me he’d be there to take care of you. Plus, we’d only be gone for four weeks, but it seemed like a lifetime to be away from you. Especially now. I’m so sorry, Mac. I made the wrong choice. I should have stayed.” Gemma wiped her cheeks and chewed her bottom lip.

  “You did the right thing. Don’t feel guilty. I’m talking out my ass like usual.”

  “No, you’re being honest. You need to talk to me, Mac. What you went through ... what I went through after I turned myself over to Brandon ... No one else experienced it like we did. We will share the darkness and the victory of it for the rest of our lives together. Even if I’m on the road, I’m only a Facetime away.”

  “Even if it’s three a.m.?”

  “Yeah, even if it’s three in the morning. Now that we’ve gotten this out in the open, promise me you won’t hide what’s going on with you anymore. Let me help.”

  “All right, but it goes for you, too. Brandon fucked us both up.”

  “I know, but I get to beat the hell out of Pierce, and it’s super helpful.” She gave me a lopsided grin.

  “Are you Gemma’s punching bag, Pierce?” I asked, leaning forward and raising my voice. I released a giggle at the thought of Gemma kicking Pierce’s ass. The dude was not only a total fucking hottie, but broad-shouldered and solid as hell. If five foot six and a hundred
- and ten-pound Gemma could do some damage, maybe I should learn, too.

  “She’s come a long way,” he replied without cracking as much as a smile.

  I laughed and leaned back. “Same loveable personality I see.”

  Gemma giggled and nodded. “Told you,” she said under her breath.

  At exactly eight forty-five, Pierce turned the Mercedes into the nearly empty parking lot of the well-lit family park. I dabbed my forehead with the back of my hand. Thank goodness the late summer evening was warm, but not overly hot. I was already sweating bullets. A female laugh floated through the air, and I glanced out the window at a couple tickling each other underneath a large oak tree.

  “There he is,” Gemma pointed toward a lone figure perched on a picnic bench.

  “Wish me luck,” I said while the butterflies in my stomach set off another stream of anxiety.

  “I’ll give you some space, but I’ll be outside of the car. Don’t leave my line of sight,” Pierce commanded.

  “Yes, sir!” I saluted, rolled my eyes, and opened the car door.

  “I’m going to stand outside with him. I’ll feel better if I can see you, too,” Gemma said.

  “Ugh, it’s almost like I’m the girl on the other side of the peep show.”

  “Ew, no, I don’t want to watch you dancing around naked.” Gemma laughed. “Go, he’s waiting, and I’m super curious to know what in the hell is so important he reached out to you.”

  I nodded and jumped out. The sound of the door closing behind me echoed throughout the empty lot. The sharp scent of the freshly trimmed grass tickled my nose as Asher’s head turned in my direction. He stood slowly, watching me meander down the sidewalk while the crickets chirped in the background. My heart thundered in my chest as I neared him, and a part of me longed for the days we were together. No one had compared to him and what we’d had. But I was younger and incredibly naïve then.

  “Hey,” he said softly, his hands crammed into the front pockets of his dark wash jeans. Knowing Asher, they were most likely Dolce & Gabbana.

  I came to an abrupt halt in front of him as I scanned his sandy blond hair, deep brown eyes, and angular jaw. My pulse raced while I fought the urge to fling my arms around him. Regardless of our past, he was safe and comfortable, and I craved that right now.

  “Hey,” I said. “It sounded important. What’s going on?” I glanced over my shoulder and spotted Gemma and Pierce next to the car.

  “You have a bodyguard now?” he asked, his voice low and raspy.

  “Yeah. Everywhere I go. He’s not mine, actually.” I said, pointing in Pierce’s direction. “Dad has one for each of us.”

  “I don’t blame him. Not after …” Asher’s jaw tensed. “You look good, Mac.”

  “Thanks. You too.” I kicked nervously at the ground with my shoe.

  “Can you sit down for a minute?” he asked and motioned to the table.

  I stared at him, debating whether to indulge him or not. Finally, I jumped up on the picnic bench and plopped down on the table top.

  “How are you after the Brandon ordeal?” he asked cautiously, sitting next to me.

  We were so close if I stretched out my pinky, I could touch him. Instead, I turned my body toward him, and for a moment my insides quivered. Then I remembered what had really happened the night Brandon had taken me. The part I’d not told anyone.

  “It’s taken you a month to ask me?” I looked away, my jaw tensing with a sudden flash of anger.

  “Mac, I’m sorry. I—”

  “Stop. Is this why you wanted to see me? Because I have a lot of packing to do tonight before I leave with Hendrix and Gemma tomorrow.”

  “No.” His focus dropped to the ground and back up to me. “I know you’re mad at me, and I totally get it. But I wanted to tell you I broke things off with Rochelle.”

  My heart skidded to a stop.

  “What?” He had my undivided attention, which was pretty difficult to come by.

  “I want you back, Mac. I realize I’ve blown it. I know I should have stood up to my father sooner. But I did. I am.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. It had been two years since we broke up. Although communication never really stopped, mostly because Asher kept texting me on and off while I was at college. I did my best to stay strong, ignore him, move on. It was harder than anything I'd ever done because he'd been my safety net for so long. But seven months ago he broke the news of his engagement. In a text! And in the same message, he swore he still loved me. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? It had ripped me into a million little pieces that night. I’d been alone in my dorm room all cozy in my pajamas when my phone had buzzed and his words had sent me reeling.

  “She not doing it for you in bed anymore?” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my words. “I loved you, Asher. You were my entire world, and when your father made me keep the pregnancy under wraps and stopped us from seeing each other ... Fuck.” Anger coursed through me with the memories. “You didn’t do a damned thing. No, wait, I’m sorry. You snuck around behind his back and we saw each other when we could. I became your dirty little secret.”

  “Babe, it wasn’t like that. Please. I asked you here to tell you everything I couldn’t before.”

  Unfortunately, my curiosity piqued, and I softened. My shoulders slumped as I waited for him to continue. An uneasy feeling tugged at me. There was no way I was going to walk away from him tonight with my heart intact.

  Glancing at the clock on my phone, I cleared my throat. “You have five minutes, so make it count.”

  Asher hopped off the table and stood directly in front of me. Memories of us together flooded my thoughts, and I sat on my hands so I wouldn’t do something stupid like tug on his expensive T-shirt and press his warm, soft lips against mine.

  “Rochelle and I never slept together.”

  I laughed.

  “Mac,” he said, leaning into me. I didn’t miss the pain etched across his handsome face.

  “Don’t.” I held up my hand, warning him not to move any closer. No way would I be able to stand firm if he did. I peeked at my cell again. “Four minutes.”

  “The marriage is off. It was a big scam, anyway. You’re well aware Dad didn’t want anyone to know about you and me, not about us per se, but the pregnancy. He was in the middle of making the biggest financial deal of his life, and he went fucking nuts. He said if I didn’t leave you alone I’d never see another penny from him again. He cornered me and honestly, at seventeen, what could I do?” He paused, glancing at his feet and back to me again. “The day I turned twenty-one he told me about the arranged engagement, which was really part of the business deal he’d made when you got pregnant.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip, mulling over the level of deviousness his father had gone to for money. Anger sparked to life inside me, not just at Asher for not fighting for us, but his asshole dad.

  “Maybe you couldn't do anything as a minor, but you didn’t even try. You rolled right over with his demands, crushing my heart in the process.”

  He stepped in between my knees, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me to him before I could object. The warmth of his muscular chest melted me. Safe. Strong. Comfortable. One thing I could say about Asher, I always knew where I stood with him even if I didn’t like it. When Daddy had backed him into a corner, Asher had been upfront the entire time.

  “Mac, I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you,” he whispered in my ear while his fingers danced across the back of my neck, sending a tingle down my spine.

  I inhaled his musky cologne, and my insides trembled with desire. He was no longer with Rochelle. What if things really were different?

  I pulled away from him, sucking in some much-needed air.

  “What happened?” I asked, peering up at him.

  I shivered as Asher rubbed his hands up and down my arms. His touch still ignited my body like no one else’s had.

  “Our relationship was strictly a business arrangement, but in
the beginning, Rochelle told me—Mac, she’s a lesbian. She swore me to secrecy. If her family ever found out, she’d lose everything including her inheritance.”

  I literally choked on my own spit. What kind of parent would turn their daughter away because she was gay?

  “What?” I yelped. “Why in the fuck didn’t you tell me, Asher? It could have changed so much between us!” I stood on top of the picnic table and paced back and forth, attempting to digest what he’d admitted.

  “I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t share it with anyone. She was terrified, Mac. I’m not proud of what I did, and I sure as hell didn’t handle it well.”

  “No fucking shit. Like, her secret was more important than us?” I put my hands on my hips and glared at him, my toe tapping incessantly on the table.

  “Although I wanted to protect her, after a while, I couldn’t live a lie anymore.”

  “Was that the 'something good' you said you wanted to tell me when you asked me to meet you at the movies? Ya know, the night Brandon kidnapped me? Were you going to tell me about Rochelle, Asher?” I stopped pacing, my stomach twisting into knots.

  He turned away from me, raking his hands over his short blond hair. A few seconds later he faced me again.

  “An hour before I was supposed to meet you, I told Rochelle we were done. I was finished with all the lies, and I told her I couldn’t play along anymore even if it cost me everything. I explained I was still in love with you and had stupidly thrown it away because I was a coward.”

  “You did?” I asked, my voice cracking with emotion.

  “Yeah. It terrified her. She’d have to tell her family the truth and risk losing not only them but her inheritance. It fucked me up just thinking about it, but I couldn't live a lie anymore. Mac, I finally did what I should have done a long time ago. Instead of blowing my allowance on stupid spoiled rich kid nonsense the last few years ... I invested it. I finally got something right.”