Healed by His Secret Baby

by Louisa Heaton

  I knew it! I knew I felt a distance growing between us!

  But she didn’t want to lose face in that moment. And in her heart she knew, he had a right to see more of Tori—no matter the legalities. He was her father. What was she?

  ‘Of course, you can,’ she said at last.

  ‘I thought about taking her tonight. Getting her used to sleeping over at my place.’

  His place. Of course. He wasn’t thinking of uniting the three of them at all, was he?

  ‘And I’ve thought about contacting a solicitor.’

  Her face froze.

  ‘To see if I can officially be named as her father. If I can be put on the birth certificate and apply for parental responsibility. Although I’m not sure on the legalities, to be honest.’

  ‘You’re thinking about applying for joint custody?’ She stood there awkwardly, trying not to feel hurt, trying to seem as if she was open to his suggestions.

  Cole frowned, shaking his head. ‘I don’t know... Maybe?’

  ‘It sounds a great idea. Although it might take a while.’

  ‘So you don’t mind if I take her? It’ll give you a rest for a while...after your illness.’

  Lane couldn’t bear to stand there a moment longer, her heart breaking in two, as Cole showed her very clearly that he was only thinking of a future with his daughter—not with her.

  ‘I don’t mind at all. In fact, now that you mention it, I do feel quite tired. Do you mind if I go to bed early? You know where her things are...’

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Mmm-hmm.’

  She turned tail and ran up the stairs, into her bedroom, and slammed the door. She flopped onto the bed and began to cry. She had known a distance had started growing between them...but for him to so cruelly state that all he wanted was to spend more time alone with his daughter! He wasn’t thinking of her at all!

  All that time she’d been sick with the flu she’d known something was wrong! Had he been too afraid to say it whilst she’d been sick? Had he been waiting for her to feel better so he could sideswipe her with his plans?

  She froze, hearing his footsteps coming up the stairs. They stopped outside her bedroom door. She stared at it, awaiting the knock, but then she heard his footsteps once again, going back down. Him gathering things together. His voice, speaking soothingly to Tori. The front door, opening and closing.

  They’d gone.

  Both of them. She knew Tori would be fine. She was with her Dad! It was something, she knew that, eventually, she may have to come to get used to.

  * * *

  Cole sat in the soft play centre, watching Tori play in a ball pit for babies. She seemed fascinated by all the brightly coloured spheres around her, and was taking great joy in picking them up and trying to throw them.

  He’d gone ahead and taken Tori from Lane’s last night, but he felt terrible. Lane had said she was fine with him taking Tori on his own, but clearly she was upset. Was she feeling threatened by how close he was becoming to Tori?

  She’d seemed her usual self lately, despite the flu. If anything, he’d been the one to try and create a distance. Had she picked up on that and thought he was looking to make a split? Simon had given her an ultimatum. Had she thought he was going to give her one, too?

  He’d been up all night thinking about it, and his head felt thick with lack of sleep.

  She really had seemed upset about him taking Tori. But surely she wasn’t cross about his wanting to be an important figure in Tori’s life? It was only right. He was her father!

  He’d been happy to play their relationship Lane’s way because he hadn’t wanted to talk legalities right from the get-go. He hadn’t wanted to upset his daughter, who clearly had a fabulous relationship with Lane. Lane was all Tori had ever known! But putting things on a legal footing had been more and more on his mind ever since Tori had got stung and ended up in hospital.

  But now he was here, alone, and he wasn’t going anywhere, and he didn’t think there was anything wrong in wanting to know that Tori would reach up her arms for him when she wanted picking up. That when she cried, she would know she could go to him for comfort. That when she wanted to snuggle she could do so with him. That was what fathers did. They were there for their little girls. He didn’t feel in the wrong for having asked for this part. He refused to feel guilty for it.

  But...

  But he and Lane had been getting so close, sleeping together, and he cared for her very much indeed. Of course he did!

  But was it love?

  He felt fear even thinking about it.

  He’d loved a woman deeply before, and his loss of her had changed him as a person. Those early days and weeks after losing Andrea had been the worst days of his life.

  Did he have the capacity to feel that way again? To risk his heart and put it out there?

  Perhaps Lane had done him a favour? Life had given him a taste of what he could have and he’d been enjoying it, revelling in coming home to Tori and Lane, but had they been moving too fast? Perhaps involving a solicitor was a good idea, before it all got too complicated?

  Cole knelt beside the ball pit and began to play catch with his daughter. She looked up at him with her beautiful blue eyes and laughed, and he knew he had Lane to thank for such a happy, contented daughter.

  Was it his responsibility to make Lane happy and contented in return?

  Had he been with her because of Tori?

  Or had he been with her because he’d wanted to be?

  Needed to be?

  * * *

  The house was very empty without Tori or Cole. Lane had never actually been in her new home alone and it seemed very quiet. She had a whole weekend ahead of her before she expected Cole would be back. She knew she ought to use the time constructively, to get things done rather than moping around, but she couldn’t because all she could think of was Tori and Cole.

  The downstairs bathroom needs a deep clean.

  That would take her mind off them, wouldn’t it? If she made herself focus on inconsequential stuff like that?

  Or she could go through her wardrobe and chuck out the stuff that no longer fitted, sort out the things she wanted to donate to the charity shop. Out with the old, in with the new. She had to accept the new ...

  She stood in front of her wardrobe and opened the door. Inside was a full-length mirror and she stared at her reflection.

  She looked paler than usual, her face a little puffy, her eyes red with dark circles beneath. She wore an old tee shirt and a pair of jeans with a hole in the left knee.

  How had she been so blind as to think that he might be falling in love with her, too?

  Her talk with Cole had not gone the way she’d expected. And now he was out, alone with his daughter, which was apparently what he’d always truly wanted. Maybe he had cared for her a little, but it had not been love—and Lane knew she deserved to be loved. She would accept nothing less; she was worth more than a casual friendship with benefits.

  The knowledge of that didn’t stop her heart from aching, though. She loved Cole. Had allowed him into her broken heart and thought he was repairing it for her.

  I always jump the gun. I always expect more from people than they’re willing to give.

  It was a fault of hers. A bad habit she would have to learn to break.

  But there was no point in just standing here and staring at her reflection! She would do something useful!

  So she reached into the wardrobe and grabbed a pile of clothes. If she was going to do this, then she was going to do it right!

  * * *

  ‘Dr Branagh!’

  Cole was taking Tori for a walk through the park and who should be calling out to him but Mary, the receptionist from the surgery. She had a young dog on a leash. A golden retriever puppy.

  ‘Mary! Hi, how are you?�
� He leant forward to give her a kiss on her cheek. ‘And who’s this little guy?’

  ‘This little guy is a girl! Her name’s Skylar and I’m out with her trying to get my ten thousand steps. I’ve got one of these thingamajigs...’ she showed him the black strap around her wrist ‘...and it’s been showing me that I’ve only been doing around two thousand a day! Pathetic, isn’t it? So, me and Bill got ourselves a puppy, to make ourselves get out and about more.’

  He smiled and ruffled the dog’s head. ‘Good idea. Hello, Skylar.’

  ‘Just you two out today? Where’s Lane? At home with her feet up?’

  He gave an unconvincing smile. ‘Something like that...’

  Tori squealed at the puppy excitedly, reaching forward to try and grab the dog’s tail.

  ‘Careful,’ said Cole.

  ‘Oh, Skylar’s good with youngsters. She puts up with all my grand-kiddies chasing her about all day. Poor dog is pooped after their visits!’ She looked at him, head tilted to one side. ‘You okay? You look like death.’

  ‘Thanks. I didn’t sleep very well.’

  ‘Tori keeping you up?’

  No. Lane.

  ‘Just couldn’t sleep.’

  ‘Well, that’s to be expected, isn’t it, with a baby? Lovely day, though! Get some fresh air into you—no doubt you’ll sleep better tonight.’

  ‘I hope so. I was just thinking about families and making memories. I’m thinking about taking more pictures.’

  ‘That’s a good idea! I could take some now for you, if you like! I’m a dab hand with a phone camera.’

  ‘Would you mind?’

  ‘Course not! Where shall we take them?’

  ‘The flowers are in bloom by the bandstand—it’d be nice to get one done there, I think.’

  Cole had wanted a photo of him and Tori for ages. He’d got some casual shots of Tori on his phone—ones that he’d snapped when he could—and of course there was the one of him, Lane and Tori dressed as faeries at the Faery Fayre.

  He tried not to think back to that day. It had been so early in the relationship for all of them, but he’d thought they were happy. He’d thought he was doing the right thing, going at Lane’s pace in his relationship with Tori, but he’d felt so much like an outsider at the hospital that time she’d got stung, and he’d just known he wanted to take further steps. Steps he’d hoped Lane would be happy for him to take. Hadn’t she come here to find him?

  He’d expected this to be a happy day. Just him and Tori in the park. But his heart just didn’t feel in it.

  Tori was in a pretty pink dress with a white cardigan, and Cole was wearing a blue shirt and jeans. He hefted her onto his hip and went and stood in front of the bandstand among all the roses. There didn’t appear to be any bees today.

  ‘What about here?’

  ‘Okay.’

  Mary stood in front of them and took shot after shot—some close-up, some panned back—and managed to take an absolute stunner when Tori randomly reached out to try and catch a butterfly that flew past.

  ‘They’re great.’

  Cole smiled as Mary swiped through them afterwards, to show him. But though he smiled outwardly, inwardly he felt sad. It would have been nice to have got Lane in these photos, too... He was missing her terribly—something he hadn’t expected to feel so keenly after just a few hours.

  He looked at the pictures again. Did he really want pictures of just the two of them? Him and Tori? They were great. Absolutely they were. But someone was missing.

  Had he hurt her feelings, asking for time alone with Tori? She’d seemed pretty shocked, even though she’d tried to hide it. But he loved his daughter, and he also loved...

  His breath caught in his throat.

  Love was what mattered.

  And he knew he loved Lane!

  Would she want to hear that?

  I should have knocked on her bedroom door. I should have gone in. Explained.

  He missed Lane like crazy.

  He missed not having her with him. Her smile. Her laughter. The way she made him feel.

  He wished more than anything in the world that he could tell her that he loved her...but he was too scared. If he announced it to the world—if he made it official—then...what? What did he fear would happen?

  He’d opened his heart completely to Tori—why couldn’t he do the same for Lane?

  He thanked Mary for taking the pictures.

  ‘Oh, no problem at all! Well, I’ll let you get on. I’ve still got...’ she looked at her gadget ‘...five thousand two hundred and seventy-one steps to do.’

  ‘Mary?’

  ‘Yes, love?’

  ‘You and Bill... You’ve been together a long time?’

  She nodded. ‘Forty years next month. Never thought we’d get this far, to be honest. I could easily have killed him a few times!’ She laughed.

  ‘Was it ever scary?’

  She looked at him carefully. Smiled. ‘Of course! I’m often scared. Of loving him too much. Of losing him. You know he had that stroke a few years ago?’

  Cole nodded.

  ‘But I’m there because I love him. Because life without him is a horrible prospect. Because I want us to be together for as long as we can be.’

  ‘But eventually something will happen, won’t it? Life does that to us. Takes away those we love.’ He thought of losing Lane and Tori, the way he’d lost Andrea and the baby. Could he face such losses again?

  Mary fed Skylar a small treat from her pocket. ‘Yes. But why deprive ourselves of the time we do have together? Of the one person who makes us happier than we could ever be alone? One year with Bill is better than no years with Bill. Now, I know what you’re thinking, Dr Branagh...’

  ‘Mary, I’ve told you before, call me Cole.’

  She smiled. ‘You loved Andrea, right?’

  ‘Of course. But I lost her.’

  ‘But you still have all those happy memories of her, don’t you? Of the love you shared?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Imagine if you didn’t even have that.’ Mary raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll leave you be now. Say hello to Lane for me. It’s her last week next week, isn’t it?’

  Of course. He’d forgotten that. ‘Yes.’ Her last week. She would be leaving soon. If he told her he loved her, would she think he was only doing so to get her to stay? To not take his daughter away?

  Mary smiled. ‘It would be a damn shame to lose her.’

  He nodded. ‘Yes. It would....’

  * * *

  Lane had taken three bin bags full of clothes to the local charity shop and cleaned her house from top to bottom. But all she could conclude from her efforts was that it sucked to be alone. More than sucked.

  Her heart ached. She missed Tori so much, but she also missed Cole. He had become a part of her as much as her goddaughter had.

  She hadn’t realised just how much she had come to depend upon them being together. On having them in her life. It had only been one morning with them gone and already she felt their absence keenly.

  All her life she had kept quiet when things got tough, and last night she had done the same thing again. She’d wanted to tell Cole how she felt, but she had silenced herself after his revelation about wanting more time alone with Tori. Yet again she had let other people steer her life for her, and she felt cowardly and angry at herself.

  She’d never told Skye how she had truly felt about losing her. She’d never told Simon what a selfish man he was and how he ought to have more capacity for thinking about other people’s feelings than his own.

  She’d never got to tell her father how hurt she’d been that he’d left when she was little.

  And so, when Cole had said how he’d like to take Tori home with him alone, she’d automatically caved and said that it was okay—zipped her lips
about her own wants and needs.

  Lane had had enough of other people making the decisions in her life. And as she stood there, looking at her clean and empty home, she resolved to tell Cole exactly how she felt. She was going to tell him off for messing with her heart. For making her fall in love with him and then breaking her heart in two. She didn’t care if she made a fool of herself, because she was fed up with being silent and fed up with never telling people how she truly felt.

  It might just be the most embarrassing thing she’d ever do—but to hell with it! She would be heard!

  A light knock at her front door interrupted her thoughts. She really didn’t feel like answering, and almost didn’t. But then she thought it might be a delivery, and she was awaiting a parcel, so...

  With heavy feet she traipsed downstairs and opened the front door—and instantly felt her heart begin to pound and her pulse start to race.

  It was Cole.

  And he stood there with Tori on one hip.

  Tori squealed at seeing her and reached out. Lane couldn’t help but smile at her baby girl as she took her in her arms. Couldn’t Cole cope alone? Was that why he was back early?

  ‘Is there a problem?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes. A huge problem.’ Cole stared at her uncertainly.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘You love her,’ he said.

  What was he going on about? ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘I know you do—and yet you just let me take her, like it was nothing. Something isn’t right, and it’s been bugging me, and it finally came to me. You gave her up as if it was simply something you’d have to get used to.’

  ‘Well, that’s what you want, isn’t it? You and Tori to spend time alone?’

  ‘Not in the way you believe. Yes, I want to spend time alone with her—I still think that’s a good thing to do—but... But I’m getting side-tracked. I’m here to tell you that...’