The Howl (By Kiss and Claw Book 1)

by Melissa Haag

The last thing I wanted was the dwarf anywhere near my rear end. I didn’t trust the gleam in her eyes.

  “No, thank you. I’ll just read it now.”

  I held out my hand, and Yanet set the folded piece of paper in my palm, doing her best to make it as sensually-awkward as possible. Ignoring her suggestive looks, I took the note to my seat and opened it.

  I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday and want you to know you did the right thing to bring up my uncle. I doubt anything else would have gotten through to me. Don’t take my absence personally. I’m not mad, just being smart. We both know it’s best if I avoid you for a day or two.

  Still your friend,

  Ashlyn

  I stared at the piece of paper, fighting the urge to cry. She was sorry? She had nothing to be sorry for. I should have left the room instead of saying what I had. It hurt her deeply. Some friend I was.

  “You okay?” Yanet asked.

  “I’m fine,” I said automatically. After all, the social nicety that demanded people ask the question also demanded there was only one acceptable answer.

  “Because if you need me to distract you, I’m—”

  I turned on her.

  “I said I’m fine.”

  She held up her hands, the callouses on her fingers standing out so sharply that I could see the glitter of diamond dust stuck in the ridges of her thumbprint on her right hand.

  “Sorry,” she said.

  I swallowed hard and focused on the note as I refolded it. The intricate pattern of the pressed paper fibers helped distract me from my need to apologize to Yanet. Apologizing would only make her growing fascination worse. I thought of my dad and how he’d pleaded with my mom to stay with him and hardened my heart as I got up to walk out of class. I’d been mean enough to Ashlyn yesterday. I refused to repeat it with someone else today.

  Walking back the way I’d come, I hid in the poolside bathroom until the bell rang. As I was leaving, I ran into the same group of druids as they entered.

  “You’re not taking over our spot, are you?” the one with the thick hair asked with a joking smile.

  I shook my head and hurried away before joking turned into flirting. The hall leading from the pool was unusually crowded, slowing my escape. And in a strange turn of events, people didn’t seem to notice me as I carefully wove my way through them. The reason for their inattention soon became clear, though.

  In the middle of the hall, two boys glared at each other.

  Like the rest of the students, I slowed to watch Eras, an incubus a little older than me, push the other boy.

  “Dammit, Tarius. I’m not exaggerating or messing around. My meal was primed, and I mean primed. Then someone came in and stole it right from under my nose. I want to know who it was. Now.”

  “It wasn’t me,” Tarius said. “I wasn’t anywhere near the Heights.”

  I recognized the name of the neighborhood. It was the very one I’d been in last night. The memory of the energy I consumed set my heart pounding.

  Threading my way to the edge of the hall, I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible as I passed the pair.

  “Spread the word,” Eras said. “I’ll find the thief even if I have to force-feed every single incubus and succubus in this place.”

  I fisted my hands and hurried away, his threat echoing in my ears. He’d sensed me feeding, and if I fed near him again, he’d know it was me. Fortunately, I had no plan to ever publicly feed, so my secret and shame would remain my own.

  With my mind dwelling on last night’s feeding, I wasn’t fulling paying attention to the room when I walked into Self-Discovery. I absently sat in my chair as I wondered how long the energy would last me before I found myself starving and wandering the neighborhoods of Uttira, again. Probably not long. Even with the light feedings from Mrs. Quill, I hadn’t managed to last more than a few days at a time. A week at most if I fed a little heavier.

  Last night’s feeding had been more than I’d ever consumed in one sitting before. Yet, I could still feel my hunger lazily coiling in my stomach. I couldn’t just wait until I was ravenous again. I had to figure out how I’d feed myself without Mrs. Quill. The unsettling thought left me frowning at my desk.

  The bell rang, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked around and saw the room was empty, except for one person.

  Fenris.

  He was watching me with an inscrutable expression that melted into a rueful smile as our gazes locked. His familiar scent teased my nose, making my mouth water just a little. I did my best to ignore it.

  “I wasn’t sure you knew I was here,” he said, leaning forward against his desk.

  It was something I noticed he often did. Whenever he spoke with someone, he gave his full attention. Sometimes that attention was a bit much.

  “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”

  “Your mom?” he asked.

  I cringed, last night’s public inquisition about my sexual experience coming back to me.

  “No, but thanks for the reminder.”

  He chuckled.

  “There’s no need for that blush. We’ve all been in your shoes.”

  I snorted.

  “I highly doubt your dad has ever publicly asked about your sex life.”

  “No. It was a public questioning about my sexual preferences. I mean, obviously I’m not straight if I haven’t had my mate run yet, right? He offered to bring in more single males for me.”

  My mouth dropped open, and Fenris’s crooked grin grew.

  “He didn’t care if it was a guy or a girl. He just didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life alone. All of which he said at the last pack meeting.”

  “I’m so sorry, Fenris.”

  He shrugged.

  “Honestly, it didn’t bother me. I know I’m an anomaly to him. To all of the pack. It’s their problem that they don’t understand me. Not mine.”

  “I wish I had that attitude.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  “Because Mom and the Council’s lack of understanding means they need to ‘fix’ me. The ‘fixing’ is driving me insane. You would not believe what my mom gave me last night.”

  He flashed a full-toothed smile that made my insides ignite with heat. My hunger stirred, and I quickly looked at my desk.

  “I never understood why you always look down,” he said. “Not judging. If you don’t want people to see your real eyes, that’s your choice. But I’ve always been curious.”

  I looked up at him, unsure what to say.

  His gaze held mine.

  “It’s cool when they flicker like that. Does it mean something?”

  “Yeah. That they can’t make up their minds. Probably because I’m not sure which me I want to be.”

  He shook his head.

  “There’s only one you, Eliana, no matter which face you show the world.”

  His words warmed me further.

  “Thank you, Fenris.”

  “For saying the truth?”

  “For taking me as I am.”

  His scent grew stronger, and this time, it was Fenris who looked at his desk. I noticed a slight tremor in his fingers before he flattened them on the wooden surface.

  Something about what I’d said had set off his werewolf lust. I didn’t want to press him and ask what, though. I, more than anyone, understood some topics were just uncomfortable to discuss.

  “We’re not the only ones misunderstood,” he said, changing the subject. “I’ve heard the same conversations happen to a lot of other kids our age.”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  He shrugged.

  “More talks in that same restaurant. Parents too focused on their kid’s sex life. Are the kids doing it too much? Not enough? The right way? Will the parents be grandparents early? The best so far is don’t eat a human if you’ve slept with them. It’s not fair to play on their emotions like that.”

  I shook my head. Only in Uttira could a person have that conversation in a restaurant.
r />   “Stuff like that makes me miss the human world sometimes,” I said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Conversations were so much politer in public. And the food was way better.” I sighed, remembering all the desserts I had consumed before coming here.

  “You’re thinking about chocolate, aren’t you?”

  “How did you know?”

  “You always get this far away, happy look.”

  I grinned.

  “Humans know how to use their chocolate. You should see the creations they’ve made.” My mouth started watering. “I miss lava cake.”

  Fenris laughed.

  “You have a little drool just there.” He reached out and rubbed his thumb over the corner of my mouth.

  Hunger kicked me in the stomach, and I knew my eyes went dark.

  “You shouldn’t touch me,” I said. It was part warning, part plea.

  His humor faded, and he set his hand on his desk again.

  “I get why you have to warn the others away. It’s to keep them safe. I’m not like the rest, though, Eliana. You don’t have to protect me.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “That it’s safe to let me touch you if you want.”

  I inhaled deeply, my mouth watering at the strength of his scent.

  “I’m not sure what you’re suggesting,” I said. “Based on your scent, it’s more than touching. And I’m definitely not interested in that.”

  He nodded slowly, considering me for a moment.

  “When I said holding yourself back from people is lonely, I was speaking from experience. If I show any one female from my pack too much attention, they read into it. They become possessive. I haven’t had a decent hug since Megan left.”

  He said it all with complete sincerity, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. He was messing with me. Trying to play on my emotions.

  “Is this your way of asking for a hug?”

  “Is this you considering giving me one?”

  “Nope. But I think I know a dwarf who might be willing.”

  “And people think Megan was the mean one.”

  I grinned.

  “You can’t fool me, Fenris. You’re a hopeless flirt, and if you wanted a hug from someone, you’d have hundreds of volunteers.”

  “Makes you wonder why I want one from you, doesn’t it?” he asked playfully.

  “Not really. I just think it’s in your nature to want what you can’t have. It’s the whole waiting for a predestined mate thing.”

  He stared at me for a long, silent moment.

  “I didn’t mean that in a negative way,” I said quickly.

  “I know. You just…” He took a long, slow breath. “I like spending time with you. You have more to say than ‘do you like my top?’ Which I do, by the way.”

  I looked down at what I was wearing. Another thin number with way too much skin exposed.

  “I don’t,” I said. “It’s the start of winter. I wore more during the summer. Adira is insane.”

  The door opened then LuAnn poked her head in.

  “How are you two progressing?”

  “We’ve decided that I’m going to become a male gigolo after my seventh child, you know, to earn enough money to feed them all; and Eliana is going to attach herself to a hi-roller in Vegas for the buffets there.”

  LuAnn blinked at him.

  “Er. All right. I’m glad you’re both embracing your futures. Carry on.”

  She closed the door, and Fenris threw his head back and laughed.

  “What, exactly, were we supposed to be doing?” I asked.

  “Not sure, but she seemed to like that answer.”

  I shook my head at him.

  “Male gigolo? I’m pretty sure your future mate wouldn’t approve of that. From what I’ve heard, mates are very jealous of each other.”

  He shrugged.

  “I’m going to break all the molds.”

  The image of Fenris tangled in the sheets with a pair of blonde women popped into my head. My hunger rose. So did a strange amount of jealousy. Did I want to be one of Fenris’s many female groupies? Heck no. I didn’t want to worship any man. I wanted men to worship me.

  My hunger died at the memory of my dad on his knees. I would never forget his tears or devastation as Mom walked away. I didn’t want worship. I wanted—

  I sighed, not letting myself think of the impossible.

  “Breaking the rules usually doesn’t end well,” I said.

  “What are you talking about? Megan broke rules left and right and made new ones to suit herself. Things turned out for her.”

  I thought of her in New York, looking for a killer of almost impossible to kill creatures.

  “Maybe.”

  “What future do you want for yourself?” he asked. “A future following other people’s rules? Rules where you’re stuck in a bullshit excuse for a class because someone else thinks it’s the right thing for you? Or do you want to live like you want? Follow your own rules?”

  His words, so reminiscent of my mom’s, prodded me to dream just a little of a future where I had a real relationship with a guy. Not the feed-or-breed relationships most of my kind had, but a real home. A family.

  Fenris leaned farther forward in his chair.

  “What are you thinking, right now?”

  “Of a future I can never have.”

  “Tell me.”

  I hesitated.

  “I don’t want a life filled with different partners. I want one partner. I want a real relationship.”

  He tilted his head at me. Monogamous wasn’t a word anyone ever used to describe a succubus.

  “I can see that,” he said. “You, with a special someone. But, you know, in order to get there, you’re eventually going to need to let someone in. You know, touching and all that stuff.”

  He leaned back in his chair and spread his arms wide.

  “Go ahead. Give me a touch. Just mind the ribs. I’m ticklish.”

  “I’m not touching you.”

  “Chicken.”

  “I’m not a chicken. There’s just no point in touching you.”

  “Isn’t there?”

  He stood and took two steps to my desk. He braced his hands on the surface and slowly leaned in. He stopped when his face was only inches from mine. I could count the flecks of gold in his brown eyes.

  “The point is to show there’s nothing you fear.”

  The soft rumble of his words almost made me shiver. I itched to answer his dare. To run my fingers along his skin and show him there was everything to fear.

  My hand left the desk.

  His lips curved into their typical cocky grin.

  The ringing of my phone saved us both.

  Chapter Eleven

  I silently opened the door to my room, impressed that I’d made it home so quickly and without being seen.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again, holding the phone to my ear.

  Megan let out a shaky exhale.

  “I’m fine. You would have sounded breathless and shaky, too, if you’d inhaled a whiff of four-day-old dead dragon. It’s a smell I’m never going to forget. I don’t know how Oanen is still down there. He’s going to need a shower after this.”

  “I like showers!” Piepen squealed, zooming from his drawer.

  I sighed and tried to ignore him.

  “Please tell me you’re getting closer to figuring out who really did this.”

  “I wish I could. It would have been great if this dragon was freshly dead.”

  “Uh?”

  “The death would have been clear evidence that your mom wasn’t responsible.”

  “Oh, yeah. Well, not that I’m wishing for any fresh deaths, but you’re right. It would have been convenient.”

  “How’s it going? Is she being a good mom?”

  “Absolutely. She’s the perfect succubus mom. She brought me an assortment of toys yesterday. And I’m not talking teddy bears. Also, she assures me she
’ll get me a teddy immediately. Not the stuffed kind.” I lowered my voice. “I’m afraid I...”

  There was so much I was afraid of that I didn’t even know where to start. Mostly, I was scared that having Mom here and her well-meaning methods of encouragement were eroding my control. If Megan hadn’t called when she had, I dreaded the thought of what might have happened with Fenris. Thankfully, I hadn’t just fled from the classroom but from the Academy altogether. I hadn’t been sure how far Fenris might follow me.

  “I’m sure the Council would understand matricide in these circumstances,” Megan said after a lengthy silence.

  I tried to laugh at her joke, but nothing about my life was very funny at the moment.

  “I better go check on Elbner. The less I’m at home being showered by my mother’s affection and sage advice, the better.”

  “Let me know if either he or Piepen has anything useful to say.”

  “I will.”

  After I hung up, I refilled Piepen’s bowl of fruit then risked peeking in the entertainment room. I regretted it the moment I saw a guy stripped down to his boxers and tied to Oanen’s favorite gaming chair. Dressed in her robe, Mom stood in front of him, her back to me. I was about to retreat when the man’s gaze met mine.

  He made a desperate sound behind his gag, and Mom turned.

  “Hi, baby.” She tapped the whip in her hand against her leg. “Skipping school or checking in on Megan’s friend?”

  “Uh, Megan’s friend,” I said. “And you. Everything okay in here?”

  The guy’s eyes quickly shifted from Mom to me.

  “Yep. Gabe’s never been dominated before. It’s on his bucket list. I offered to help out.” She winked at me.

  Gabe’s eyes were wide, and he was frantically shaking his head.

  “Mom, you know how I feel about being forced to do things. And, you know I feel that way because I see so many people being forced. Please don’t do anything he doesn’t want.”

  She gave me an indulgent look.

  “Of course I won’t. You just happened to catch us before I finished my offer.”

  She turned back to him and opened her robe wide.

  “Would you like Anwen to return you to your home, or would you like to stay and play for a while? I believe Anwen mentioned paying you five hundred dollars as well,” she said.