by BJ Wane
Dax cut Sean a sharp glance, his eyes narrowing at his friend’s bland look. “Where’d that come from?”
“The look on your face says you’re not only imagining her tied to your bed, but to you. Since you had that same expression last week on the yacht, and at her husband’s funeral, I’m guessing she’s the reason you ran afterward.”
Hating Sean’s accurate insight, Dax growled, “She didn’t cheat on Kurt, she wouldn’t.”
“But?”
He huffed a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes going across the wide green field again. “Kurt set up a threesome for her birthday, consensual.”
“And how long afterward did he fall ill?”
“Damn it, do you have to be so fucking good at your profession?” Exasperated, but relieved to get it off his chest, Dax told him the truth. “A few months, and a short enough time that I suspect he’d heard the diagnosis before that night. And yes, I’ve wondered if it was a test of compatibility for when he was gone. That’s all I’m saying.” He injected a note of finality Sean couldn’t miss.
“Then I’ll change the subject while we get some pizza before Miles finishes it. I know next week is the anniversary of Darci’s death. Have you seen your parents yet since returning?”
“Don’t go there, either, bro,” Dax warned, unwilling to ruin the day by discussing the two people who’d sired him, then let their bitterness at their marriage blind them to the signs of their daughter’s health problem.
Sean slapped him on the back as they strolled across the lawn to a picnic table where several boxes of pizza were already being delved into by the others. “I hope Krista knows what a stubborn son-of-a-bitch you are.”
Dax wished he could keep Krista from finding out everything about him, but what were the odds of that? He needed to find the time and the strength to come clean with her soon.
Chapter 13
Nurse Ratched has been glaring daggers at me all morning,” Krista told Dax, referring to Marybeth as the main antagonist in the novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. His invitation to join him for lunch in the hospital cafeteria before he left for his office had been a pleasant surprise, as Dax was always careful to maintain a friendly but professional demeanor toward her in front of hospital employees. She’d loved waking up held tight against his naked body the last three mornings as much as his stern frown excited her. Her nipples puckered in response to that Dom look, uncaring of where they were—as he seemed to be.
“I don’t give a shit about Marybeth, and neither should you. I was never interested in her.”
Unable to keep from goading him, she took a bite of her salad then said, “I’ve heard she doesn’t take rejection well, and she was really pissed when you sniped at her this morning. You might want to watch your back, Doctor.” The way the nurse had pounced on him first thing that morning, ignoring Krista completely even though it had been obvious they’d come in together, still grated. Marybeth just didn’t give up.
“I can handle her, but if you keep interrupting our lunch with such a sour topic, you may not be able to handle me later. I do have a few instruments I haven’t used on you yet.”
His eyes gleamed with satisfaction when Krista shivered. She’d learned just how diabolical he could be the last few nights. Her nipples still ached from the clothespins he’d clamped on them Sunday night, and she still experienced a twinge of soreness when she sat down, lingering results from a round with a wooden paddle last evening. She’d almost forgotten the contented pleasure the effects of a Master’s control left her with.
“Okay, I’ll be good,” she hastened to appease him.
“Not too good, I hope,” he teased as he finished off the thick sub sandwich in front of him. “I’ve gotta run. I’ll see you at your place this evening, unless you’d rather spend the night at my house?”
A warm glow surrounded her heart. Krista had never been to Dax’s house, didn’t even know where he lived. Knowing she shouldn’t but unable to stop herself, she took the unexpected offer as a sign he wanted more from her than sex. His constant presence, when not working, since the weekend had also boosted her hopes. “I’d love to see your place.” And be tied to your bed, and you.
“I’ll call you when I leave the office.” Looking at his watch, he asked, “Do you have time to walk me out?”
“Yes.” Even if Krista returned from her lunch break a few minutes late, Shelly wouldn’t say anything. Although her supervisor may not be too happy when Krista rescinded her application for Shelly’s job. Right now, she wanted to spend as much time with both Dr. Hayes and Master Dax as possible. Kurt’s death was a constant reminder of how fast life could change, and good fortune could be snatched away.
“Whew!” she gasped as they crossed the parking garage to his reserved spot, the heat and humidity bearing down on them even without the direct glare of the sun. “Feels like another storm is brewing.”
Pinning her against the driver’s side door, the banked heat in Dax’s vivid green gaze made Krista forget all about the uncomfortable weather. “Now I’ll be thinking about how wet you get during storms. If my patients suffer from the thoughts you just planted in my head, I will have to come up with a way to retaliate tonight.”
He swooped down and kissed her with his usual, no holds barred dominance, and Krista decided if he didn’t care about being seen then neither would she. Melting against him, she gripped his bunched biceps and surrendered all her senses to the pleasure of Master Dax’s control. By the time he lifted his mouth enough to breathe against her damp, trembling lips, “See you tonight,” her entire body trembled with need. God, she had it bad for the man.
“See you this evening, Doctor,” she replied, using his title as a reminder to focus on work now.
With her mouth still tingling and her body still vibrating with pleasure, she wasn’t in the mood to be greeted with Marybeth’s annoyance as soon as she entered through the department’s door.
“You look like you spent your lunch being groped in a supply closet,” Marybeth sneered as they met in the hall.
Annoyed, Krista couldn’t resist taunting her with a perverse reply. “Nope, the parking garage.” The priceless look of astonishment on Marybeth’s face made her day, and she sailed past with a cheery finger wave. “Gotta get back to work.”
Marybeth spent the remainder of her shift fighting back the simmering jealousy and fury over the obvious closeness between that insignificant scrub and the panty-dampening Dr. Hayes. She’d been trying to get that man in her bed and between her legs for years, even before Krista Matthews was employed at St. Vincent’s. Every doctor, including residents, she’d set her sights on had taken her up on an offer of an affair with no expectations except for a temporary good time. The married ones required more persuasion and wiles than others, but they’d all come around without too much of a wait. Except for Dax. His refusal and disinterest sparked her irritation and heightened her determination.
Then he’d taken off without notice to anyone. She’d thought she’d moved on, put him out of her mind with others, but as soon as she’d heard he was returning, her lust for him returned with a vengeance. By the time she clocked out that afternoon, her aggravation with both Krista and Dax threatened to consume her. I’ll find a way to wipe that smug look off her face, she vowed, not even caring at that point if she alienated Dr. Hayes for good when she did.
It didn’t take as long as Marybeth thought it might. A little research, each tidbit leading her to another source, then, finally, bingo! By Thursday morning, after spending a very enjoyable night with a certain pharmacist, she was practically vibrating with heady expectation, waiting for the happy couple to arrive. Since Dr. Hayes had two surgeries scheduled this morning, she hoped they’d come in together like the other day. The gods are smiling on me, she mused when she saw them go into the doctors’ lounge together a few minutes later, Krista’s flushed face spurring her determination. With a few choice words, Marybeth had no doubt she coul
d wipe that look off her face.
“Then we can—”
Krista frowned when Marybeth entered the doctors’ lounge and interrupted Dax’s statement, the smug look on her face as she leaned against the door setting off alarm bells inside her head. She didn’t trust the nurse and wondered what she was up to.
“Good morning, Dr. Hayes, Krista.”
The soft purr in Marybeth’s voice set Krista’s heart to beating faster and her palms grew sweaty as the other woman said, “You two have gotten cozy lately. I wonder, was this thing between you two going on before you left on your altruistic tour, Doctor?”
Krista felt Dax stiffen then caught a quick flash of fear in his eyes before he masked it with a look of disdain that didn’t fool her. “Tread carefully, Marybeth.” The threat in his soft voice was apparent to her, but Marybeth showed no sign of heeding it when her mouth curled in a taunting smile and her eyes hardened.
Nothing could have prepared Krista for the malicious woman’s next words, or the way they ripped away her entire world within seconds of hearing them.
With her hand on the doorknob, Marybeth half turned away from them, then tossed over her shoulder, “Ever wonder how your bedridden husband got hold of a full prescription of Ambien without you knowing it, Mrs. Matthews?” With pointed reference, she shifted her eyes from Krista to Dax then slipped from the room, the door clicking shut reverberating as loud as a thunder boom in the sudden, thick silence.
Marybeth’s words hit Krista with the shock of an electric jolt. Nausea churned in her stomach as fear of the truth forced her to take a step away from Dax. She clenched her shaking hands, afraid to look at him.
“Krista, little one,” he rumbled, his tone laden with remorse that crushed her chest and her hopes in one fell swoop.
Squeezing her eyes shut against the piercing pain of betrayal, her wobbly voice emerged as a broken whisper. “You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I can’t do that. Kurt—”
“No! Don’t say his name, don’t say another word.” Krista made the mistake of opening her eyes and looking at him, of seeing the raw truth reflected on his face as obvious as the tone of his voice. How she managed to stumble to the door with her blood turning to ice in her veins and crippling pain stabbing with the viciousness of an icicle at her stomach, she didn’t know. Her eyes swam with unshed tears and her throat burned from the dry sob she refused to let out. Gripping the door handle, she turned the knob, her only thought to run from the pain.
“Stop.”
Oh, so unfair, she bemoaned in silent frustration as a shudder of longing rippled down her spine from that one-word order. Old habits were hard to break, and for a second, she stood immobile, held powerless to ignore a Dom’s command. She’d craved that control as much as she needed air to breathe, but never again from him. With the lead weight of betrayal threatening to take her down, Krista gathered the courage to snip the last tie between them.
“I-I think it’s best if I tender my resignation. Goodbye… Doctor.”
The door closed way too softly behind Krista’s retreat to appease the roil of emotions tightening every muscle in Dax’s body. Picturing her beautiful, pain-stricken eyes raised up to him increased the hollow grief raging inside himself. Anger churned in his gut, not at her, but himself, and the one other person responsible for ending his dream before it had even begun. Spending the last few days with Krista submitting to him had been a dream come true, but he’d known, hadn’t he, the risk of a nightmare intrusion of the truth coming to light? He couldn’t stop her from quitting, and knew it would be best in the long run, but he could make damn sure she got whatever job she wanted, and ensure Marybeth didn’t reap the rewards of interfering in his life. No one was allowed to fuck up his life but him.
It took a few moments to get himself under control after losing the well-being that had filled him since spending every spare moment of the past few days with Krista, and put aside regrets to deal with later. His patients deserved his full attention and he deserved the pain of losing the one woman he’d known all along he couldn’t have.
“What happened?” Alessa asked Krista as soon as she answered the phone. “It’s all over the hospital how Dr. Hayes took it upon himself to fire Marybeth Davis and how she ran out in tears.”
Krista thought she’d dried her tears, but as soon as she heard Alessa’s concerned voice, the waterworks started up again. “I-I don’t know what went on after I left early this morning.” That much was true, and she refused to repeat Marybeth’s revelation. “I’m no longer seeing Dax, Lessa. I can’t explain now. We’ll… we can talk later.” She hung up and sank onto the desk chair, covering her face with her hands. Too bad she couldn’t shut out the truth as easily as hiding behind her hands cut off the light.
Reminiscent of those first weeks after Kurt’s death, she spent the afternoon trying to hang on through the roller coaster of emotions threatening to plummet her down in a terrifying freefall. Surprising her was the absence of the one emotion she craved but couldn’t seem to dredge up. Anger. Even after Kurt’s betrayal, fury had come easily and with consistent frequency. So far, in the last twelve hours, she’d vacillated between heart-wrenching despair and numbness. But she couldn’t even come up with a kernel of annoyance, either with herself for being so stupid and missing what was right in front of her, or with Dax for duping her.
With a sigh, Krista leaned back in the chair and admitted that wasn’t fair. She knew now why he’d stayed away from her, had passed her Sean’s name instead of being there for her himself. Was his complicity in Kurt’s suicide the reason he took off for so long? If so, was it guilt, or hoping his long absence would keep the truth hidden? God, what he’d risked by delivering those drugs to Kurt. Which left an even bigger question unanswered. Why had he put his career, and possibly his freedom, on the line like that? He and her husband hadn’t been close friends, definitely not close enough to risk so much for. Krista had no trouble imagining Dax doing such a thing for one of the friends she’d met. The bond between those seven men was impossible to miss. She knew nothing about Dax’s childhood or why he’d been sent to the camp where they’d all met, but from the little Sandie had divulged about those weeks, it had been no picnic for the fifteen-year-old boys.
“I’m missing something, but what?” she mumbled aloud. Tired beyond belief, she decided she would think better if she ate something, and maybe indulged in a glass of wine. Or two. But as she went to stand, her shorts caught the desk drawer handle and tugged it open an inch. The glimpse of the white envelope she’d kept in there for the past eighteen months caught her eye and she slowly lowered herself back down.
With a hand that shook, Krista retrieved the letter Kurt had left her, the one she hadn’t been able to bring herself to read all this time. What could he say that would make everything okay? Scrubbing a hand over her damp cheeks, she prayed whatever he’d written wouldn’t add to her grief.
My Beloved Krista,
If you are reading this, then I know my time in this life has come to an end. My biggest regret in leaving is that two and a half years with you wasn’t enough. Fifty years wouldn’t have been enough as you are the light of my life, my miracle. By the time I first saw you at Chains, I thought I was one of those people who would never be lucky enough to find the one person who could complete me, that I would grow old alone, and lonely. You caught my attention the first time you glanced at me out of your stunning blue eyes. You snared me the first time I heard your voice and you responded, ‘Yes, Sir,’ to my request to top you. Then you hooked me when you climaxed upon my command, your body still quivering when you lifted your head and I saw how you glowed, not so much from your pleasure as much as from mine in you. You were a dream come true, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I took you for my own, selfishly ignoring the big gap in our ages and your new entry into the lifestyle.
That’s my first confession. The second is a bit harder and I can only pray you’ll understand. I knew, my
beloved, the moment I heard my diagnosis, that I wouldn’t wait out the hand I had been dealt. For all my sins, I couldn’t drag you down with me through the grueling months of disability ahead of me. I fretted most over what would happen to you. Who would take care of you as well as I? Whom could I trust with the most precious asset I was leaving behind? Then I saw the way Dr. Dax Hayes looked at you when he entered our home the first time, just one day after I’d learned my fate. I was familiar with that look and the feelings that provoked it, as it mirrored what happened to me the first time I saw you.
In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I waited until I had little time left to be a true Master to you, then approached Master Dax about joining us for your birthday. It was the only way I could be sure he would be good enough for you, and to you, as much as it pained me. Now, don’t take this wrong, sweetheart, but you have a very expressive face and there was no hiding your desire to submit to Master Dax. Don’t fret, that’s an order. I know you aren’t in love with him as well as I know you would never have cheated on our marriage. The spark between you was an answer to my prayers and I pounced as soon as I was sure he would be as good to you as I.
Now, my third and last confession. You will figure out eventually that I could not have gotten my prescription—without you knowing it—without help. I tried to think of any way but involving someone else, but couldn’t. I’m a doctor, I know of numerous ways I can end my life other than going peacefully to sleep, but they involve leaving my body in a traumatized state, and I don’t want to add to your emotional burden in case you will be the one to find me. I’m afraid I played on Dax’s feelings for you, begging him that if he cared for you at all, which he does, he won’t allow me to make you suffer along with me, or put me through the indignities of the end stages of ALS. I was shameless and desperate, and for that I beg both of you to forgive me.