Wonder

by Christina C Jones

  It didn’t.

  “This is why I told you not to leave your room.”

  Behind me, Maddox laughed. Somehow, the sound of his voice was both relieving and anxiety-spiking.

  “I had to pee,” I explained, hating how weak the excuse sounded, true or not. “I didn’t know the door would lock behind me.”

  Wearing that same disarming grin from last night, Maddox leaned into the wall beside my door, hands tucked into his pockets. Today’s tee shirt was the same jade as the lips tattooed on his neck, paired with a thick tungsten chain – I only knew what it was because it was the “it” metal in the Apex this year. All forms of gold were passé.

  His cap was pulled forward today, creating a shadow over half his face. “You don’t know how to hold it?” he asked, casual, as if he weren’t, yet again, asking for information that was personal.

  “I tried,” I snapped, once more using anger to cover embarrassment.

  “Try harder next time.”

  He pulled a ring of keys from his pocket, and opened the door, motioning for me to go in ahead of him. Without being asked, I moved straight to putting on my scuffed boots, trying not to compare them with the pristine boots Maddox wore.

  Trying not to pay too much attention to him, period, which was a hard task.

  He looked good.

  He smelled good.

  And my insecurity about going out with him in yesterday’s clothes shot up, landing somewhere near the roof. At least, I thought to myself, the expensive high-performance deodorant I use for work is doing its job. But things aren’t going well for you, if your only selling point is “at least I don’t stink.”

  “I’m glad you’re already awake. We’ll hit Blue up while he’s having breakfast – guaranteed good mood. How you feeling?”

  My shoulders went up for a shrug that made me cringe, which I tried to play off by sucking my teeth. “Like I got my ass kicked, but I’ll manage. I want to find my sister.”

  “Understandable, but there’s no reason for you walk around any more uncomfortable than you have to. We’ll grab something simple for you on the way out, after you change.”

  “Change?” I asked, my eyebrows going up. “This is all I have.”

  He nodded, then gave me a different smile this time – more calculated than the usual one. “Yeah, I’ve got that covered.”

  Those words were barely out of his mouth before there was a knock at the door. He opened it and stepped back, revealing the twins.

  “Good morning, Maddox,” they chimed, in unison, both fawning over him as the door swung closed. After he’d enjoyed a few moments of their attention – lots of winking and groping and giggles and whispered comments – he came up for air.

  “Aly – meet Deneira and Demaris – Dee and Dem. They’re gonna get you together, then we’ll head out. I’ll see you in a few minutes,” he said, disappearing through the door before I could protest.

  It wasn’t until then I realized they’d both been carrying large duffels they’d dropped to sweet talk Maddox, but they retrieved them now to head in my direction. Like last night, they wore tiny shorts and cropped tops, but there were no words this time – stripes for one, and polka dots for the other.

  “Um… ladies, I don’t mean any offense, but I don’t know that your look is my style?”

  Like mirror images, their flawlessly made-up faces pulled into scowls, and they looked to each other.

  “Does she think we want to make her look like us?” Dem – I think – asked Dee, and Dee scowled a little deeper, then responded, “Look like us? She thinks that’s what we want?”

  Still frowning, they turned to look at me. “No offense sweetie, but you could never,” Dee said, and Dem nodded. “Never, sweetie. No offense.”

  My mouth dropped open. “I’m sorry, I—”

  Dee – Or Dem? – raised a hand, quieting me. “We’re professionals, okay? We know what we’re doing.”

  “Okay?” Dem nodded, stopping forward, clearly expecting me to nod too. “We know what we’re doing. We’re professionals.”

  I couldn’t argue.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “Fine. Just tell me what to do.”

  Both frowns disappeared, and they looked at each and smiled.

  Dee pulled piles of clothes from her duffel, and Dem pulled makeup from hers.

  “How do you know what size I need?” I asked Dee, straining to look as Dem patted something on my face.

  “She has an eye for it,” Dem answered for her, before Dee answered, “Yeah, I have an eye for it, you know?”

  Dem grabbed my chin, making me face her, staring at me for a moment before she picked up a tube of something that was the same color as my skin. “You have a really pretty face, you know? Like, a perfect canvas.”

  “You do,” Dee chimed in. “A perfect canvas. Just like, a really pretty face.”

  “Um, thank you?”

  “You’re welcome,” they trilled, at the same time.

  It went on like that, with them repeating after each other, “We have to lay these baby hairs down – these baby hairs? We have to lay them down.” until my makeup was done. Then, Dee dressed and undressed me several times, something I only tolerated because I was so grateful to see the underwear she’d brought for me to choose from, really nice stuff, with all the tags still on.

  When they were finished with me, they stood me up, opening a closet door I hadn’t noticed. On the other side was a full-length mirror, and they flanked me as I looked at myself.

  “You’re so totally pretty I went natural with your makeup, none of the men will think you have any on. They’re so dumb,” Dem laughed, as I admired her work. Sure enough, it was still my face, but perhaps what I could’ve looked like… pre-apocalypse.

  On my other side, Dee laughed. “Yeah, the men are so dumb, they’re gonna like, see how natural she went with your makeup – cause you’re totally pretty – and think you don’t have any on.”

  I returned her smile and nodded. “Yeah, Dem did a beautiful job.”

  “And I saw you had your little conservative girl thing going on, so you see I put you in some cute jeans, with the vintage boots you already had, and gave you a vintage top. It’s like a century old, so don’t lose it, okay? And you can put your same jacket on.”

  “Mmmhmmm,” Dem added. “Your same jacket, and your same vintage boots, some cute jeans, and a vintage top, so you can keep your little conservative girl thing going on, you know? Dee saw that for you, she told me about it. Don’t lose that top either, it’s like a century old.”

  Looking down, I read the words across the shirt in the mirror. Ivy Park meant nothing to me, but I looked cute, and the only vintage things I owned were because they’d been handed down.

  I wasn’t complaining.

  “Thank you, Dee. Thank you, Dem,” I told them, and they smiled.

  In the mirror, Dee winked at me. “Maddox is totally gonna want to fuck you now.”

  My eyes got big.

  I was not expecting that.

  “Totally,” Dem agreed, laughing. “Now, he is so gonna want to fuck you.”

  “But, I–” I stammered, but they waved me off, moving to pack up their things.

  “It’s nothing to be nervous about, Maddox is totally a gentleman,” Dem assured, as Dee nodded. “He’s a total gentleman, don’t be nervous.”

  They exchanged another grin, and Dee turned hers in my direction. “Unless you don’t want him to be.”

  “Yeah,” Dem agreed. “If you don’t want him to be, he won’t. But don’t be nervous either way.”

  “Right, either way, don’t be nervous!”

  “I’m not doing that with him!” I said, my voice going sharp as I tried to stop this whole line of conversation.

  With their duffels on opposite shoulders, they looked at each other, then looked at me.

  “Why not?” they harmonized, in a tone that made it obvious they thought I was crazy. Before I could answer, a knock sounded at the door, and th
ey forgot about encouraging me to “fuck Maddox” in favor of doing it to him themselves, with their eyes.

  A deep, quiet sigh blew from my nostrils as I watched their exchange, full of lip biting and teasing, and Maddox giving them a perfect simultaneous smack on the ass as they moved on their way. He watched them walk down the hall, enjoying the view before he turned, wearing the friendliest of smiles.

  “You look nice. You ready to go see Blue?”

  Six

  I wasn’t expecting the motorcycle.

  I’d never been inside a vehicle smaller than a bus, and I found that nerve-wracking, so the idea that I was supposed to ride on the back of this fast-moving thing with no protection except the helmet Maddox handed me was daunting.

  He must have sensed my hesitation, because he gave me another one of those grins as he pulled the helmet from my hands, tucking my braids behind my shoulders before he put it on me.

  “Let’s go,” he said, with an impatient edge that suggested I was the holdup – like I’d somehow been responsible for the mini-makeover he found necessary. I’d have much rather had a shower and toothbrush to go with it all, but again, I was in no position to complain.

  I climbed up on the bike behind him, at his instruction.

  “Put your feet here,” he told me, pointing. “And keep your arms around me, unless you want to fall off.”

  Two seconds later, he took off.

  I kept my feet where he said, and kept my arms around him.

  Tight.

  In the bright light of day, the Burrows looked normal. From all the stories, from the reputation, I’d expected it to look like a hellscape of toppled buildings, animals roaming the streets, decaying bodies scattered around. I’d realized last night this wasn’t the case, but now, as we came out of the area where Underground was, into an area that was more populated, I wondered if the Burrows was better.

  Appearances were deceiving – this was wisdom I understood. But looking around this “lawless” place and seeing happy children playing together in a park, to see a fresh market with no armed guards flanking the entrance, to get a nod of acknowledgment from a stranger, instead of narrowed eyes and mistrust… it was hard not to wonder what the hell was going on.

  In fact, once the motorcycle stopped, and Maddox helped me climb off, curiosity overruled my determination to not seem naïve.

  “Hey,” I said, stopping him before he could move along the sidewalk. “We’re still in the Burrows, right?”

  Confusion wrinkled his brow. “Uh, yeah. What makes you ask?”

  “Well…” I held my hands out, gesturing around me. “For a name like the Burrows, this is sure as hell a lot of open air and sunshine and… life.”

  Maddox chuckled. “Ahh, you thought we were like, mole people or something, right?” he laughed again, nodding. “I see the Mids still doing a thorough job with their indoctrination protocol.”

  “I’m not indoctrinated,” I snapped, offended. “I know the government isn’t some benevolent entity with the good of man at heart.”

  “Maybe so, but you believe the other lies they feed you to keep you in line, and you follow all of their rules, don’t step a toe outside of the boundaries.”

  I curled my nose. “How can you say that when I’m here?!”

  “Only because of an extreme circumstance, to find your little sister,” he countered. “Which is admirable. Impressive. I wouldn’t think a good girl from the Mids had it in her.”

  “This good girl has a lot in her, actually. Not that you’d know, because you don’t know me. I follow the rules because it keeps me alive, to take care of Nadiah, to take care of my grandmother. I’m doing what I have to do.”

  Maddox shrugged. “So that’s your answer, huh? That’s it? Just being alive – not happy, not thriving, just living, that’s worth your rights and freedom?”

  “Oh hell, don’t tell me you’re of those,” I snapped, shaking my head. “Your “freedom” over everything?”

  “Damn right. I’m supposed to be satisfied with just the air I breathe, while motherfuckers living lavish off the shit they murdered, raped, and stole for? Fuck that.”

  “No fuck you!” I shot back, drawing a sideways look from a couple passing by. “Because people like you get the rest of us in trouble – dragged off for questioning for being your neighbor, accused of a crime from dropping off a package as a favor. Or blown to pieces, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” I finished, my voice cracking as I turned away, only to have him grab my arm, turning me back to face him.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, catching me under the chin to make me look at him. “I’m not taking you to see anybody unless you tell me.”

  I huffed, blinking away tears. “My parents. Six years ago when I was Nadiah’s age. They were passing through the gate between the Apex and the Mids to get home. They were just trying to get home. But terrorists decided that sending their message was more important than the innocent people who might come through, and they blew it up. There weren’t even bodies for us to bury. But freedom, right?”

  Maddox was quiet for a moment, then swiped a hand over his chin. “I didn’t know your parents died like that. I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well now you do. Can we talk to this guy now? I need to see my sister.”

  “We will, but hold up a second,” he said, not taking a step. “I get you aren’t a big fan of… you call it terrorism, I call it resistance. I get it. You lost half your world. But understand that this–” he motioned around us “- the ‘open air, and sunlight, and life’, this shit came with a price I’m glad the people before me paid. It wasn’t free, and it wasn’t pretty.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I asked, shaking my head. “Nothing you say will make it be okay.”

  “You’re right, it won’t. Because the shit isn’t okay. But instead of being angry at the people fighting for something better, you can spare some loathing for the ones who made it that way.”

  He didn’t wait for a response – not that I had one. He walked, and I followed, into a brick-front building where the smell of food hit me right in the pit of my empty stomach. The chicken and waffles from last night felt so far away.

  I forced myself to keep up with Maddox as he blew right past the hostess stand, past the tables of people eating, to a private room in the back. It was darker back here, with the curtains drawn, and hazy. As we got closer to the head of the room, the haze thickened, into sweet-smelling smoke, colored indigo from the strips of neon that lined the room.

  It made me feel a little woozy, but Maddox seemed unaffected, using a firm hand to wave it out of his face as he stopped in front of an occupied table.

  I was confident the person sitting there was “Blue”.

  He was a large man, in a blue velour sweat suit with the jacket unzipped, displaying his hairy chest and a heavy-looking gold rope. His beard and mustache were thick, but his hair was cut low, everything lined so sharply it was feasible that he’d just stepped away from the barber. I got the feeling though that he was this immaculate every day.

  His gaze came to me first, then rolled over to Maddox. He took a deep drag from the tube attached to the detailed hookah on the table in front of him, then spoke.

  “Mads. Whassup?” he asked, reaching to smack hands with him.

  Maddox accepted the gesture, then shrugged as he stepped back. “Typical shit.”

  “I got you. Who are you?” Blue’s eyes returned to me, bored and waiting. I glanced at Maddox, expecting an introduction, but he only stared back.

  I took a breath, then turned back. “Alyson.”

  “Alyson? Alyson who? I’m supposed to just know who the fuck you are off rip?”

  “No.” I swallowed. “Alyson Little.”

  “Who the fuck is Alyson Little?”

  Again, I looked at Maddox for help, but all I got was a slight hitch in his eyebrow.

  Asshole.

  “I’m… a hair stylist. From the Mids. I’m looki
ng for my little sister.”

  Blue stared at me while he took another hit from the hookah. He held the smoke for a moment, blowing it out in little rings that floated in my direction before they dissipated.

  And then he laughed.

  “You think you’re looking for your sister, huh? I like that.”

  I frowned. “I am looking for my sister.”

  “Nah, that’s what you’re supposed to think, what they want you to think. But okay, I’ll let you rock with that.” He picked up a huge strawberry from the platter of fruit in front him, taking a bite. Taking his time chewing. Then, finally, “Why does it matter if you find your sister? Who is Alyson Little?”

  “What?”

  “You hard of hearing or something? I’on know nothing about you, nothing about your sister. You gonna tell me why she matters? Or who the fuck you are?”

  “Blue…” Maddox spoke up, but Blue waved him off.

  “Nah, she gotta answer me, Blue helps those who help themselves.”

  I shook my head. “But I don’t understand what you’re asking me, or why you’re asking it. Can you elaborate?”

  He scoffed. “Can I elaborate? Can I elaborate? Don’t burn yourself Alyson Little, you’re playing with fire, looking at the full fucking story, right here, right in front of you. I’m about to give you a vital tenet right here, so listen in. Listen up. You listening?”

  “I nodded. “Yes. I’m listening.”

  “This is breaking news, aiight?”

  Again, I nodded. “Yes.”

  “If you can’t answer the question, you gotta get the fuck outta my establishment. You’re not thinking hard enough, and you’re blowing my vibe. You feel me?”

  “I do.”

  “Aiight then – tell me who the fuck Alyson Little is. And tell me why finding her sister matters.”

  I let out a sigh. “I…dammit. Alyson Little is an orphan. A selfish one. Her sister is the most precious thing she has. Someone took her. And Alyson wants her back.”