Wonder

by Christina C Jones

  It was how she’d gotten any power in the Burrows in the first place – from the late Baron Hartford – and I believed that shit was Ruby’s last straw, with both.

  She and Ches had been friends.

  Good friends.

  That was how I’d first met Ruby, as a teenager, and developed my crush. The two of them were thick as thieves, but I saw now what I couldn’t back then. Ruby had been in it for genuine friendship – she loved Ches, and made sure her friend had everything she needed. Initially, that feeling had been reciprocated, but at some point for Ches it became about the access to power.

  It was why Ruby hated her now, but wouldn’t put that red blade through her chest and call it done. On some level, deep down, Ruby probably still loved the friend she’d had all that time ago, and never did replace. Besides that – she had principles. Baron Hartford gave Ches her power, and without a direct act of aggression, it couldn’t be revoked. Ruby had the resources to eliminate Ches, sure, but if it alienated her followers and put a crack in her reputation – and exposed a weak point – it wasn’t worth it.

  Especially considering that with the way Ches was moving, she would destroy herself, without Ruby having to lift a finger.

  Within our division, she was fine, everything was business as usual. Outside of that though, people talked – about her reneging on deals, switching rates at the last minute, betraying alliances.

  About her taking what – and who – didn’t belong to her.

  Whether all of it had merit – and I hated to admit it, but a lot of it did – the shit was getting around, and it was affecting her business. People didn’t want to work with her, not just because of personal issues but because of appearances. They didn’t want a relationship with her reflecting on their businesses, more than they were afraid of her screwing them over.

  Not only did this take away her negotiation leverage, it made shit dangerous. Once upon a time, “Franchesca Catlan” demanded a certain amount of respect, but not when word was that she didn’t have any allies and couldn’t be trusted. With the loss of respect came the loss of fear, and with loss of fear came the loss of safety, especially for our people who were posted in those other divisions.

  It was Ruby’s name holding this shit together. Even if they weren’t her people, she was within her rights to retaliate against aggression because they were from her division. Whether she would was up in the air, but nobody wanted to take that risk. Nobody was stupid enough to want Ruby as an enemy.

  Almost nobody.

  I shut off the water, knowing I’d put off the inevitable long enough. I finished up in the bathroom, then tossed on a tee shirt and fresh sweats. Dee and Dem were in my kitchen, and the smell of breakfast drew me in that direction.

  “Do not put your hand in my plate!” Dee scolded as soon as I stepped in, and I drew my hand back, because I damn sure was about to swipe a strip of bacon. “Your plate is over there,” she pointed.

  “Thank you,” I told her, and I smacked her on the ass as I passed to get to where she’d directed. I stopped in my tracks when both let out loud gasps. “What?” I asked, on high alert, already reaching for a familiar compartment under the counter.

  “Hands to yourself,” Dem admonished, jabbing the spatula she was holding in my direction. “Aly would not be pleased.”

  I frowned, confused as hell for a second until I realized she was referring to me smacking Dee’s ass – something that had been more reflex than anything.

  “Oh, shit.”

  They were right.

  It was nothing to me, and despite their reaction, nothing to them too. We’d known each other for years, and had been sexual, but that interaction wasn’t. I knew that, so did Dee, and so did Dem.

  But.

  If Aly had been in the room, to her it may have looked like something different.

  “Wow – look at his face, he’s so worried.”

  “He’s in love.”

  “It’s so adorable.”

  “Over the top.”

  “When is the wedding, Mad?”

  “Do you need us to help you pick a ring?”

  “Are you moving to the Mids or is she gonna live here?”

  “Did you get her pregnant, Mad? I know they sterilized us, but still.”

  “When is the baby coming, Mad?”

  “Is it a boy? Will he be wearing a hat?”

  “Goddamn it,” I groaned, fighting the urge to laugh. I couldn’t encourage that shit or they’d never stop, and it would be worse when they weren’t high anymore, cause I’d have to hear the shit twice.

  “We’re just teasing,” Dee giggled. “But it is cute that you’re concerned about her comfort level like that. It’s super cute.”

  “The cutest,” Dem agreed.

  There it was.

  If their high was wearing off, it meant I’d been back long enough that Ches would wonder where I was with my report. I endured their teasing through breakfast and then they went on their way while I dressed to leave my place. There was no denying how good it had been to escape to another world – Aly’s world – for a few hours.

  Now though, it was time to get back to work.

  She was too quiet.

  Long ago, I learned that nothing good was happening in her head when Ches stopped speaking, and got that vacant look in her eyes.

  Sometimes she was plotting.

  Other times, her mind had taken her to another place – a place of hellish pain she’d fought tooth and nail to drag herself from. I knew because she’d brought me with her.

  Those things were equally undesirable.

  “Ches…” I spoke, firmly, trying to pull her from her trance. Her hands were folded together in a neat stack, her shoulders were relaxed, her face in a placid expression – all working together to perform the appearance of calm, though she wasn’t.

  Suddenly, she pushed out a deep sigh, her long green nails drumming a staccato rhythm on her desk’s smooth finish.

  “You know what the problem is here, right?” she asked, the first words she’d spoken after I delivered the news that though her delivery was coming, it would be her last with that supplier. As I spoke, it was obvious that my words were just making her angry – at everyone except herself.

  “Yeah – you don’t like to listen,” I told her, unphased by the look she shot me.

  I was not afraid of Ches.

  As a teenager, she’d rescued me from something I couldn’t have gotten myself out of. People I couldn’t have gotten away from on my own. She’d risked her own freedom to ensure mine, before she knew me.

  Because it was the right thing to do.

  In another life –though it wasn’t so long ago – Ches had been a social worker. The first and only friendly face I’d ever seen in the place I was sent after my parents died – a place I was convinced had the specific purpose of leaving you dead inside.

  Ches was too much of a bright spot.

  So those people swallowed her.

  Did the same things to her they did to us.

  Maybe worse.

  But she survived.

  We both did.

  Spilled necessary blood and burned that fucking place to the ground.

  I still remembered, still had the scars, but this was a different life. An entirely separate existence, where anybody that came for me now, had to come with death in mind – mine or theirs. But otherwise, I didn’t mess with anybody. I didn’t have to operate from that place anymore.

  Maybe her trauma ran deeper than mine. Maybe she’d given too much of herself to have anything left for decency and all the other things that tyrants found optional.

  Other people were right to be afraid of her, but I was not.

  She saved me when she saved herself, yes.

  But I’d repaid that a hundred times over.

  “The problem,” she snapped, opting to ignore my input, “is that I’ve been too nice. These people think they can do whatever, say whatever, act however, because I haven’t been
ruthless enough.”

  “That’s what you took from what I told you?” I asked, sitting forward. We were in her office, which bore no signs of the destruction she’d wrought not even a week ago, when she first got word she wouldn’t be getting her shipment.

  She tipped her head. “What else should I take from it, Maddox?”

  “That your ass needs to chill,” I urged. “Everything was good last year – business was thriving, you were happier. Then this year comes around and you start just doing shit. Pissing people off.”

  “That’s how power works. Sometimes, you’re going to piss people off.”

  “You’re pissing the wrong people off, Ches. You’re not gaining power – you’re losing it. And you need to be more worried about damage control than you are about acquisition, or you’re not gonna have any.”

  “Oh please, Maddox – your new pussy already got you going soft?”

  I sat back, letting out a dry chuckle. “I’ve been trying to warn you something like this would happen since before I knew Alyson Little existed, so don’t deflect this shit on her. Or me. We’re talking about you.”

  “How about you remember who the fuck you’re talking to,” Ches growled.

  I shrugged. “How about you tell me who the fuck I’m talking to, cause I don’t know who the fuck you are,” I shot right back. “The Ches that earned my loyalty, the one I’m willing to ride for, would be smarter than this. For the longest you’ve been cold, calculated – fine. I can rock with that. But the shit you’re on now is just reckless, and that is something you won’t fucking drag me into.”

  “How dare you?!” Ches pushed up into a stand, her sharp claws digging into the desk. “I made you little boy – you don’t tell me what you will and won’t do!”

  I stood too, meeting her glare with one of my own. “You’re right, Ches – you made me. Into a grown ass man. You wanna go at it, okay, we can go. Call your goons in here, call your army, call everybody, and I’ll drop every motherfucker you put in front of me. That’s what you made. Remember that every time you say that shit.”

  Her eyes narrowed, blanketing her rage because she knew I was right. I was the absolute wrong one, of every single person who followed her, she wanted to turn away.

  It would take a lot more than this though.

  “I should have left you there a little longer,” she whispered, and I didn’t have to wonder for a second where ‘there’ was. “Maybe you’d be a little more grateful now.”

  I blinked.

  Years ago, I’d wanted to believe she wasn’t capable of this kind of vitriol, but here it was. This was Ches.

  A terrified, shattered woman, hiding behind inflated bravado.

  “Yeah,” I told her, smirking. “Maybe you should’ve.”

  I turned to walk off – I didn’t have shit else to say to her. But like most narcissists who’d just finished spewing the ugliest of their innermost thoughts, she was right behind me, hanging on my arm, wanting me to hear her out.

  “Something is happening in the Mids,” she blurted, darting between me and the door. I could shove her aside, but Aly was in the Mids, and Nadiah. If they were in danger…

  “I don’t know what yet,” she continued. “But I’ve heard whispers – from connections in the Apex,” she added, sensing my doubt. I couldn’t move around in the Apex though, not like other places, so I wasn’t as informed as she was.

  “Something like what?”

  “I don’t know,” she repeated. “But there will be territory available. Resources. I need to claim some of it if I ever want to get from under Ruby’s shadow. I need the power, Maddox. I’ve fucked up, I know. I know. But I need you. If all these other people are turning against me, as you say – I need you now, more than ever, if I’m going to do this.”

  I scoffed. “Then fucking act like it.”

  I moved her out of the way – not roughly, but not gently either – so I could yank open the door.

  “Where are you going, Maddox?!” she called after me, and I shook my head.

  “Where do you think?!” I snapped, not turning around.

  I was going where I always went I needed to decompress, and between her and Aly – for polar opposite reasons – I needed that shit today.

  I was heading to the cages.

  Thirteen

  Mmmmm.

  I was a little obsessed.

  Either with the coffee or with Maddox, I couldn’t say, but in the week since he showed up at my back door, I’d found a new favorite morning routine: I made myself a cup of coffee – hazelnut flavored, with sweet vanilla creamer – and sat at my kitchen table sipping it slowly, eyes closed, while I replayed, in painstaking detail, Maddox’s head between my legs.

  It was a great way to start my day.

  “You look happy,” Nadiah chirped as she breezed into the kitchen, book bag in hand. “Been a trend, since Maddox showed up to get you together.”

  I drained the last of my coffee. “Get me together?”

  “Mmmhmm.” She smirked, taking a bite from the toast I’d prepared for her before she did a double-take. “Is there butter on this?”

  “Yep,” I told her, standing up. “I thought it would be nice.”

  What it had been was a splurge. Even so, buttered toast had been one of her favorite things back when our parents were still alive. It hadn’t been a regular thing, but still – they’d made it happen.

  “It is,” she replied, beaming. “You should get laid more often.”

  “Nadiah!”

  She shrugged. “What? I’m jealous, honestly.”

  “Jealous?” I asked, putting my washed mug on the counter. “Meaning…?”

  “Meaning, you got laid, and I didn’t – don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “Oh I will definitely act like my teenage sister isn’t talking about ‘getting laid’.”

  Nadiah laughed over another mouthful of toast. “I’m barely still a teenager, Aly. I’ll be twenty in a few months – far from a kid.”

  “I do not want to hear this.”

  “Too bad,” she giggled. “If it eases your mind any – I’m not having sex with anyone. But if – when – I ever get back into a room with Mos? I’m definitely—”

  “Go to school please!” I spoke up over her, making her laugh again.

  She shoved the rest of the toast into her mouth, spreading bread crumbs all over my cheek as she planted a kiss on me. “Give Gran a kiss for me.”

  “A much cleaner one, sure,” I called after her as she left.

  And then it was my turn to go.

  Nadiah had classes today, but for me it was a day off, which meant I could get back to Gran. We’d managed phone calls, but seeing her in person was high on my list of priorities, since our last attempted visit had gone awry. I was determined to see her today.

  My determination paid off.

  When I arrived at the facility, not only was she awake, she was out of bed, relaxing in the covered garden. With the way everything had gone after the earthquakes and storms and the long list of other disasters that precipitated the current state of the world, plant life had suffered. Keeping a garden now was a luxury – I’d realized a while ago that most of the plants out here weren’t real. But there were enough living plants mixed in with the intricate fakes to make it feel like you had stepped into another world – a time back when forests and trees dominated the landscape that made what was now Division 3.

  I could understand why she gravitated here.

  “Gran,” I greeted her, when the attendant led me to where she was swaying back and forth in a rocker. She looked up at me with a placid smile, her eyes clouded with confusion for a moment before they flooded with recognition.

  “Mari,” she grinned.

  Okay.

  So maybe not.

  “Aly,” I corrected her. “Mari’s daughter.”

  Gran’s face wrinkled into doubt, and she laughed. “Mari, you too old to be playing pretend. Sit down
and look at this with me, help me figure this out.”

  I sat down where she’d directed, on a nearby bench, and let out a heavy sigh. It had been a long, long time since she’d gotten me confused with my mother, and then it only took a gentle reminder.

  Must be a side effect of the new medicine…

  Yes.

  The “new” medicine that was suddenly available to my family, at the same price as the other one. It couldn’t reverse the damage, or give her any more time, but it was – at least – supposed to make her more comfortable, without making her loopy, or tired, like the other one.

  Very convenient, that it was an option, after the conversation I’d had with Ruby Hartford.

  I wasn’t complaining though.

  I wouldn’t dare.

  As long as she wasn’t in pain, I had no real interest in questioning their systems, though I realized that was how these fucked up policies and procedures worked. And that went so far beyond this facility.

  They relied on people’s hesitance to make things worse for themselves, our fear of losing our comfort. We’d shut up and take a lot, as long as there was someone else who had it worse – as long as we lost nothing we thought we deserved.

  As long as we were the ones with the advantage.

  But I could worry about my complicity later.

  Gran was out of bed.

  “You see this plant right here? I don’t think that shit is real, Mari!”

  “Me either,” I told her. “Look – the leaves don’t come off!” I tugged at one of the plastic leaves, and Gran’s eyes went wide.

  “Stop it girl,” she scolded, waving my hand away as she looked around, making sure none of the attendants were nearby. “You gone mess around and get in some trouble you can’t get out of, I keep trying to tell you and Leo. Can’t be doing that with those girls to take care of. Mess around and have the APF looking around again.”

  I frowned.

  Again?

  “What are you talking about?”

  She pursed her lips, setting off lines and ripples around her mouth. “You know what I’m talking about. Those meetings and crap got you thinking you and your lil friends are gonna save somebody. Save the world,” she croaked, half-cough, half-laugh. “You make sure you don’t get your ass shot. Or get those kids hauled off to one of those work camps.”