More Than Everything

by Rachel Kane

  He could tell Noah wanted to argue the point. He even felt like he knew what Noah would say, that losing everything was different when you lived in a world of business connections and easy credit. But the conversation trailed off, as Noah’s eyes took him in.

  “Does your dad have your eyes?” he asked.

  Such a simple question.

  He shouldn’t have come. Shouldn’t have voluntarily opened himself up like this. He knew that now.

  “He does. Colby got our mom’s eyes. I got Dad’s. In his prime… All the rich widows wanted him.”

  “You know, I’ve got one more guess to make about you. Remember the deal you were so serious about? I only took two turns the other day.”

  The last thing he needed was more probing. He knew, in this moment, exactly how Noah had felt on the bridge. Exposed, seen in a way he didn’t want to be seen. His appetite had fled, even though he had been craving this dish for a week. Right now he wanted nothing more than to get back into the car, go home, bury himself in the same work that had been such a source of stress and pain in his life. At least there, nobody prodded at his insides. Nobody tried to get into his head.

  “Didn’t we have enough of that game already?”

  He expected Noah to begin prodding, insisting on his turn. He was that kind of man, wasn’t he, the kind that presses forward, that pursues what he wants, without much thought for other people? Wasn’t that the basic twink personality, all thoughts for clothes and appearance, and none for emotion, except the high spirits of drama?

  The thought immediately struck him as unfair, unworthy. The man on the bridge had not been shallow. He had been perceptive…and in pain. Whatever else Noah was, he was complicated.

  Right now, rather than push back, rather than demand he take a turn and make a devastating guess in their dangerous game, Noah sat forward. “I’m not out to hurt you,” he said to Dalton, quietly, not a whisper, but not something that could be heard at the next table.

  Enough. Enough. This thing with his dad, this continuing fight with Colby… He had to get out of his own head. He had to do something. Something that wasn’t mourning in advance. Something that wasn’t burying himself in work that increasingly seemed hollow and empty.

  I wish you were out to hurt me. I could use something shallow and meaningless right now. Why not? Everything else in my life is either meaningless or painful. This isn’t the life I was promised. This isn’t the life my money should be buying me.

  “Take your guess,” he said.

  If it was something bad, if it was an attack, that was easy enough to deal with; he’d already made his apologies, and he would get in his plane and go home. Marcia could deal with the real-estate portion of things. If Noah tried to hurt him, the response would be to hurt him back, by buying the house out from under him.

  And if he really doesn’t try to hurt you?

  “I thought of saying something funny at first,” said Noah, “but then your face got all serious. I thought it might lighten the mood. Now I don’t think so. Is something going on with your family? Why do you look like that?”

  Dalton shook his head. “Nothing really.” Nothing I can talk about to you. I don’t know you well enough.

  Except if that were true, why did it feel as though he knew Noah perfectly?

  That was a mistake. That was just loneliness, boredom, escapism, pretending to be knowledge.

  All this was going on inside his head, but he realized he was studiously ignoring what his body was telling him, too. Because there, on the other side of the table, sat a beautiful man. The kind of man he might see on a catwalk at Fashion Week, modeling something devastating in leather. Lips made for pouting. Eyes that never left your own, not even for a second; when he had taken midnight walks on the beach, the reflection of the moon on the water had followed him the same way Noah’s eyes followed him now.

  He wanted Noah. Even if only for a few minutes. Even if only for the worst reason possible, a head-clearing encounter. Something to take the edge off. Like a stiff drink in man form.

  Please don’t ask me if I’m okay, he thought, and realized he knew a way to stop any questions before they happened. He didn’t want Noah to look at him with sympathy. What he needed right now was lust. Hunger. Abandon. And he thought he knew how to get that.

  Like anything else in life, you had to buy it.

  “Okay,” he said. “Tell me your guess. No fair pulling punches. Like you said, you’re owed a turn.”

  “Dalton—”

  “Nope. I know you have something in mind. Say it.”

  What was that look Noah gave him? It wasn’t sympathy; Dalton would’ve fled from sympathy. Was it…understanding? That was almost as bad, but the question of it, the mystery of it, wouldn’t let him look away.

  Say it. If it hurts me, you lose. If it doesn’t…

  Noah brought his hands together, entwining his fingers, as though he were about to bow in prayer. It was an oddly solemn look coming from someone like him. It made him seem boyish, younger than he already looked, with his clear translucent skin and his wide eyes.

  “You want the truth?” Noah asked in a small but searching voice.

  “And nothing but.”

  “I think no one ever taught you how to deal with uncertainty. I think not knowing something makes you uncomfortable. And you can cover that up by spending money. Right? I have no idea how much roses cost, but you sent me a hundred dozen of them. Just as a way of getting my attention, getting me to listen. You decide you want to buy the house, and rather than trying to convince Liam yourself, you bring in all these experts.”

  Dalton smiled, a sense of relief washing over him. “That’s it? Your big perception is that I don’t like uncertainty? As opposed to…? I’m a businessman, Noah. Of course I don’t like uncertainty. Risk is tough to predict. You can’t get ready for a major order, a huge shipment, not knowing whether you’ll get paid or not. You can’t buy a factory without knowing if you’ll make your money back.”

  But Noah waved his hand at his words. “I’m not talking about all that. I don’t know anything about business, honestly it kind of bores me. Whenever we have a big meeting to talk about finances, I fall asleep a little. Liam gets so mad. I’m talking about you. Why are we here, Dalton?”

  “So that I could apologize. Oh, and also eat Renee’s meatloaf.”

  “Which you haven’t touched, by the way.”

  “Things got very serious all of a sudden.”

  “Things got uncertain. You thought you knew how the conversation was going to go, but then you didn’t.”

  “So that’s your guess. I don’t like not knowing things. I don’t know if that counts as a win.”

  “No, no, it’s right, so I win.”

  “It’s not very specific.”

  “Oh, I could get much more specific.” What was that look? What was Noah communicating with those huge eyes?

  “Please do.”

  “Nope.”

  “Come on.”

  “Nuh-uh. I made my guess, it was accurate, and now you owe me dinner someplace really nice. Which, it has to be said, won’t be here in Superbia. Maybe then I’ll tell you more about yourself.”

  So forward. So certain. How did someone like this get so sure of himself, as though he knew exactly what Dalton would say next?

  Before he could answer though, his phone rang.

  He could’ve ignored it. Maybe he should’ve. Left the phone in his pocket, not pulled it out, not seen his assistant’s name at the top of the screen.

  His assistant, who knew better than to bother him for anything that wasn’t an emergency.

  He looked up at Noah, whose expression of victory faltered when he saw the look on Dalton’s face.

  “I’d better take this,” Dalton said. “Excuse me.”

  14

  Noah

  “Tell me I’m crazy,” Noah whispered. “Tell me I’m literally the stupidest person on earth, okay?”

  One of the town mo
ms turned around in her metal folding chair, and lifted her finger to her lips: Shh.

  He glared at her and turned back to Judah. “I mean, it was a signal, right? Dalton was giving me a—”

  The mom turned back. “If you two can’t hush, can you take it outside? It’s Story Hour!”

  “She has a point,” whispered Judah. “Come on.”

  The Overcrowded Shelf had a weekly story-time for Superbia’s babies and toddlers, and normally Liam would’ve brought Roo, but he was busy with more house stuff, so had asked Judah to take her, and Noah had tagged along, desperate to talk about his experience yesterday with Dalton. Roo was in the middle of the store, on a play-mat with other kids, listening to the owner of the store, Alex, read to them. Alex was in his element, making big eyes and big gestures to go along with the story.

  Judah led him to the science fiction section, where nobody ever came, and which was far enough away that they could at least whisper in peace. “What are you going on about?”

  “The roses. Taking me out to lunch. All of it. Do you think he was trying to tell me something?”

  “Dalton? You said he left after taking the phone call. How much of a signal could it be?”

  Noah got up on his toes and looked back over at the babies, making sure Roo was still okay. She was happily looking up at Alex, holding a plastic block in one of her chubby hands. “I felt like there was a vibe there, you know?”

  “A rich guy makes you buy him Renee’s meatloaf and then ditches you without an explanation? I mean, I’m not expert on how seduction works—”

  “Will you please promise me never to use that word again?”

  “—but it doesn’t sound like you two were vibing.”

  “It was weird, okay? Normally, it’s all really clear. Like, painfully clear, when a guy likes you.” He tried to find a way to describe it that Judah would understand. Judah was pretty innocent, definitely still a virgin, and his few attempts to find a boyfriend had gone very badly. “Remember that book you were telling me about, the one where the space emperor wants to take over the galaxy—”

  “Yeah, it’s over here on the shelf—”

  “No, don’t get it, I’m making a point! That’s usually how guys are. They want something, and they make their move, and all their forces come flying in. They’re making jokes, they’re giving you little gifts, they’re putting their hand on your knee… I mean, it’s so obvious.”

  “So in this metaphor, Dalton is Emperor Afflictio? And you’re the galaxy he’s trying to conquer?”

  “See, now you’re getting it.”

  “But there’s a problem. Emperor Afflictio didn’t get a subspace message that had him dropping the invasion and leaving the galaxy alone to pay the bill at the Red Cat.”

  “Why do I even try metaphors with you, Judah?”

  “Don’t blame the metaphor, blame the metaphorer. He hasn’t called you. He hasn’t texted. I haven’t seen another hundred million roses show up. Which, by the way, Liam wanted to know if we should start throwing them out once they wilt. Mason says we can use them as compost—”

  “Oh god, I don’t care, why can’t you stay on-topic? You don’t think Dalton likes me? Even a little? You think he made an escape because he realized whatever he thought was there, wasn’t?”

  “I think you’re making an awfully big deal over something that was probably just a ploy to buy the house.”

  “We hardly mentioned the house.”

  “Of course you hardly mentioned it,” huffed Judah. “It wouldn’t have been a ploy if he’d come right out with it. No, he’s messing with you. Keeping you on your toes. That way, he’s got all the power. You’re sitting there wondering whether he likes you… Dude, he thinks you’re the weakest link. He thinks if he can get you on his side, then he gets the house. It’s that simple.”

  “That’s awfully manipulative of him, if you’re right.”

  “You don’t think a billionaire industrialist might be a little manipulative? I mean, all he needs is an underground lair and a really powerful laser, and he’d be a supervillain.”

  Noah shook his head. “I think you’re wrong. You weren’t there, you didn’t see him. He was feeling some kind of way there at the table. Like he wanted to tell me something…”

  Judah rolled his eyes. “Oh, Noah, come on. I’m supposed to be the one who’s really bad at this. You’re supposed to be the one who sees all the drama in the world. Why on earth would a guy that rich, that powerful, be interested in you?”

  Noah took a step back and put a hand over his heart in mock despair. Well, mostly mock. “Why, Judah Cooper, you have cut me to my very soul. I didn’t realize I wasn’t good enough to be a billionaire’s plaything.”

  With a groan, Judah turned away from him, and put his fingers against the book spines, as though he were going to pull down a volume about elf battles or sentient robot whales or whatever it was these books were about. “Could you miss my point any harder? I’m not saying there’s something wrong with you, I’m saying he’s trying to use you. If he liked you, he would’ve explained why he left. He would’ve called. Or sent thirty thousand begonias. Or something. But here’s my real question: Do you like him?”

  Stated so plainly, the question took him off-guard. He opened his mouth to answer, then closed it, then shook his head. “Do I…like him?”

  “You keep talking about whether he likes you. Does that even matter, if you don’t like him back?”

  “I don’t think I’ve used the word like this much since fourth grade. I mean, he’s a billionaire. He’s hot as hell. Have you seen his eyes? I’d kill for eyes that pretty. What’s not to like?”

  “His personality? The fact that he thinks he can buy our house?”

  Noise from the front of the store meant things had wrapped up. Moms were collecting babies, so it was time to go.

  Alex gave them a weird look as they came to pick up Roo. “Where did you guys go? Was my reading that boring?”

  Noah got Roo up on his shoulder, and she put a wet kiss on his cheek. “Sorry, we had to have a conversation.”

  “God, that serious? You look like you were back there doing taxes or something.”

  Judah snorted. “Noah’s trying to have boyfriend problems with a guy who doesn’t even like him.”

  “Who wouldn’t like Noah?” asked Alex.

  “That’s what I said!” Noah replied. “See? Alex understands the mysteries of the human heart.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” said Alex. “I mostly sit alone in my house reading at night. I’m not around a lot of human hearts, except for my customers.”

  “You two should get together,” said Noah. “All Judah does is sit up reading, too!”

  “Wait, how did I become the topic of conversation?” said Judah. “We’re supposed to be talking about your billionaire non-boyfriend!”

  Alex’s eyes widened. “Billionaire… You’re not talking about Dalton Raines, are you? Didn’t he just come to town?”

  Noah managed not to blush. “That’s him, yeah. We had lunch, except he suddenly ditched me—”

  “You haven’t seen the news?”

  “What news?”

  “It was on the headlines of the business section this morning—”

  “I’m not fifty, Alex, I don’t read the business section.”

  “He doesn’t read the paper at all,” added Judah. “He’s blissfully unaware of the world around him.”

  Without another word, Alex went to the store’s counter, and pulled a newspaper from underneath. He laid it out for Noah to see.

  Dalton Raines Named CEO of Raines Holdings; Interim Position Made Permanent.

  At first, Noah didn’t understand what he was reading. Wasn’t Dalton already the head of the company? Then the first paragraph hit him.

  The announcement that Nathan Raines would be leaving the company he founded due to health concerns raised questions of a power vacuum within the company, but the speedy ascent of his son has quieted sto
ckholders. “I share the values my father brought to this company,” Raines said in a statement, “and intend to carry them forward, to build Raines Holdings into the largest industrial supplier in the world.”

  He thought about the way Dalton had looked, when he’d talked about having his dad’s eyes.

  The pain, the barely-hidden sorrow.

  Noah knew he’d touched a nerve at that point, but hadn’t wanted to pry further.

  It was shortly after that, that Dalton had been called away.

  “His dad has been sick for some time,” said Alex. “But they kept thinking he’d recover enough to take his place in the company again. I guess something happened that made that impossible.”

  Dalton hadn’t left because he wasn’t interested. He’d left because of a family emergency.

  That changed things.

  Changed them, even if Noah wasn’t sure how they were changed.

  All he knew was, he wanted to talk to Dalton again. Make sure he was okay.

  That’s stupid. He’s now the head of his company. He’s got a billion dollars. He’s fine.

  But was he? That look on his face. The tension whenever they’d talked about his family… Was he fine?

  “I’ve got to call him,” he said.

  Judah rolled his eyes. “You do not have to call him. Don’t be ridiculous. He’s out of our world now. Just let him go. Maybe he’ll forget about buying the house.”

  Can you just shut up about the house for one second? Noah didn’t dare say that. Yes, Superbia Springs was important. It was so important. But right now, this man he’d only just met, but who he felt some strange connection to, was in pain. He needed Noah, even if he didn’t realize he needed him.

  “Hold Roo for me, will you?”

  Judah took his niece. “You’re not serious. You’re going to call him?”

  Alex’s eyes widened. “The things you guys get up to, your lives are so much more exciting than mine.”

  Then the bell over the door rang…and Alex’s eyes widened even further. To the point that he looked like he might go into shock. Noah spun around to see what the surprise was.