More Than Everything

by Rachel Kane

  His entire dating life, he’d been keeping people away from Colby. To the point that it got weird: He’d bring them around to meet Dad, have dinner with him, see if he approved. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. But Colby would never have approved. There was no room in his life for that kind of emotion.

  I feel like I’ve spent my life hiding, because of you. Because you’d find it unprofessional. Because you’d use it to get a leg up in the company, you’d use it against me.

  And here was the proof. At the mere suggestion that Dalton might be interested in Noah, Colby went off the rails with these wild speculations about the company crumbling.

  The worst part was, he was right.

  They weren’t wild speculations; they were exactly what the investors would ask, what the board would ask, what the panicked people on the phone who needed reassurance about Dalton’s leadership would ask.

  He rose from his chair.

  “Where are you going?” asked Colby.

  “It was a mistake talking to you. It’s always a mistake talking to you.”

  “All I want is for you to take the job seriously. It’s not irrational, man. You’re not a cashier at some five-and-dime. You’re the leader of an industrial powerhouse, and you can’t lose sight of what matters.”

  What matters.

  The feeling of Noah’s body next to his. The softness of his lips. The electrical tingle when a strand of his hair fell against Dalton’s cheek.

  Didn’t any of that matter, even if he couldn’t say it to Colby?

  Didn’t any of it matter at all, if he felt it?

  He was nearly at the door, unsure of what he was going to do—get back to work, fly down to Superbia, he didn’t know—when the intercom on Colby’s desk buzzed.

  “Yeah?” Colby asked.

  “It’s your father, sir,” came the voice of Colby’s assistant. “He’s asking for the two of you.”

  “This late?” asked Dalton. “He should be asleep.” And Colby’s assistant should be at home. Didn’t anyone have a life outside the company?

  “I’m sorry, he seemed very insistent. I can tell him—”

  Colby scowled at Dalton, and grabbed his jacket. “We’re on our way up.”

  20

  Noah

  “Look at you,” Tina said. “You did so well for yourself. Nice house.”

  The last time Noah had seen Aunt Tina, she’d been standing at the screen door of the tiny apartment he shared with his mother, holding the door open, calling for him to come back. Yelling that all could be forgiven, all could be worked out. Forget what she said, you’re not a thief, she knows that!

  The burning humiliation in his cheeks.

  His mother hadn’t managed to come to the door. Just Tina.

  Not a thief. He could remember his great crime. That tube of concealer he’d picked up off the makeup counter at the mall.

  No son of mine is gonna be a thief, his mother had said.

  Well, you won’t give me any money, he’d said, as though it were the easiest thing in the world for her to reach into her purse and come up with a handful of twenties.

  I don’t have any money to give, where would I get money, every dime goes into this place—

  This place is trash! Our whole lives are trash! How is this better than living in the fucking car?

  Noah, his aunt had warned, maybe it’s time to calm down.

  Fuck calming down! I’ve had it! I’m sick of the way everyone in the whole fucking world treats me!

  Later, when his heart grew slower and his breath came back, he’d would remember that moment, almost in slow motion, shoving his way out, watching the screws pull out of the old rotted doorframe, the cascade of red-brown wood dust, like termite leavings, like rust, like a sign that the apartment had been crumbling all along, and only required one more push of rage to make it tumble down altogether.

  And now he stood in his cherry and plum outfit, hands behind his back, feet together, unsure how to stand or where to look. “I’m…I’m glad to see you, Aunt Tina.”

  She knocked on the pilaster next to him. “Listen to that! Solid. I would’ve thought it was fake. You really did move up in the world.”

  There was a reason his aunt was here. Something she wanted. And he feared he knew what it was. Feared the worst.

  “How… How is Bonnie? Is she okay?”

  She looked at him then with the raised eyebrows and the sigh that showed mingled love, sympathy and exhaustion. “Your mama is fine, Noah. Stubborn as a damn mule, but she’s fine. She didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “She’s healthy? I mean, you’re not here to tell me—”

  “She’s fine, like I said. Look, it’s my fault I’m here, not hers. I was looking for a vacation spot, just somewhere I could take her for a little while. You know how she is, she never stops working long enough to enjoy herself. But while I was hunting down someplace to go, I came across Superbia Springs…and one of your Facebook posts. About you and those Cooper boys. And I thought, If that ain’t a sign from heaven, I don’t know what is.”

  He was going to need moral support for this visit, but when he looked around to find Judah, he discovered Judah had vanished. Damn it. Liam was nowhere to be found either.

  Stuck.

  “Well, the resort isn’t open yet,” he said, gesturing at the drop-cloths in the gallery.

  “I know that. And trust me, I know we couldn’t afford to stay here…and you wouldn’t want us here, either.”

  “Tina, don’t.”

  “What? You think I’ve forgotten how ashamed you are of us? How ashamed you are of your own mother?”

  “Jesus, I’m not ashamed—”

  “Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain in front of me, please. And don’t lie. There’s no point. I know why you haven’t called her the past few years. And I understand. You’ve got your own life now. Don’t like to be reminded of the bad old days.”

  Then why did you come, if not to remind me of them?

  A sudden horror, the idea of Tina and Bonnie meeting Dalton—worse, meeting Colby.

  How Colby would laugh at him then.

  I knew you were just a dirt-poor little redneck kid.

  And Dalton? Dalton would begin to understand that day on the bridge. He’d see how different the two Noahs were. The Noah standing here today, talking to Aunt Tina, the one dressed fabulously, the one in total control of his life…

  …and the other Noah, shuffling downstairs into a church basement for the free dinner, cutting eyes around to make sure he didn’t see anyone he recognized, mumbling thanks when someone handed him a plate, his back already aching in anticipation of another night sleeping in the backseat of his mom’s car, the car parked outside the diner where she had picked up the third shift. Bookbag on the floorboard with all his school books, and also where he kept his hair and skin supplies. Trash bag next to it, all his clothes folded as neatly as he could keep them, so nobody would know he’d been living out of a car.

  But they all knew.

  They always knew.

  And they never let it go.

  What would Dalton think, if he heard about that Noah?

  The only thing to do was to keep up the wall, keep up the division between the two halves of his life, and that meant Aunt Tina could not be here, she put things in danger, she risked Bonnie coming here. What would Bonnie even do in a place like Superbia Springs? Accuse him of stealing that, too? She never understood anything.

  “You came a long way to tell me something,” he said. “You could’ve called.”

  Oh, that sly smile, the one she used to get whenever she knew he was up to something. “You would’ve answered your phone, if you saw it was from me? I think you would’ve blocked my number. Thrown your phone away. Got a new one, new number, new everything. That’s what you like to do, isn’t it? Throw the past away?”

  “You’re here now.”

  “Yes, and I’m not here to fight. Look at yo
u. Look at this place. You’re settled now.”

  “Not very.” Not that he could tell her all the turmoil they’d been through over the house.

  “Settled enough that you’re not running away anymore. Settled enough that you could call your mama and talk to her.”

  “Bonnie doesn’t want to hear from me. I know her. I’m sure she still holds a grudge from the last time I ran away. Probably still knows exactly how much I cost her, breaking that screen door.”

  Tina laughed. “That door! I’d forgotten all about it! Oh, she went on about that door. I told her, Bonnie, it’s my apartment, I’ll get the super up here to fix it, and she wouldn’t hear of it. That ungrateful boy broke it, I guess it’s up to me to fix it, just like I fix all his other messes.”

  “See? You made my point for me. She doesn’t want to see me.”

  “That was ten years ago, Noah. People change in ten years.”

  “Do they?”

  “Haven’t you?”

  “No, I haven’t. I’m still the same shallow, ungrateful child she remembers. All I care about is clothes, and money, and—”

  He wasn’t expecting the hug. He didn’t want the hug. Didn’t need to be reminded of the scent of Tina’s shampoo, the same she’d been using his entire life. Didn’t need to be reminded how strong her arms were.

  “You know better than that,” she said. “I know you better than that.”

  “She hates me. My own mother hates me.”

  “It’s not like it was. She still lives with me. Did you know that? We’ve got a better apartment these days. She’s got a better job. Things aren’t bad like they were back then. She went to night school, got her GED. Does a lot of volunteering. But she misses you.”

  “She said that?”

  “She doesn’t have to say it.”

  He sighed. They could go back and forth like this all night. She loves me, she loves me not.

  Memories can get confused. The story he used to tell was that Bonnie threw him out. Then it became, he ran away from home. Somehow, they were both true at the same time, and it made the ejection from his childhood that much more forceful. A team effort, kicking him out of his old life into the new.

  How was he supposed to tell Tina that there was no room in this life of his, for his own mother?

  That between the house, and Dalton, and everything else, the last thing he needed was his past coming back to haunt him?

  “I could bring her down here,” Tina said.

  “Is that a threat?”

  “She’s your mama, Noah, how is it a threat?”

  How could it not be a threat?

  And just think of the havoc it would wreak.

  You think Violet Mulgrew hates you now, for being gay? Wait till she finds out your past. Wait till she gets her talons in the fact that you were homeless as a kid. She’ll find some way to use it against you. Use it against the house, against Liam, against Judah—

  She would find a way to make sure Dalton heard.

  Surely he was being paranoid.

  How would Violet even find out?

  He feared the answer to that question. She’d somehow found out about his interest in Dalton, hadn’t she? She’d practically mugged him at Alex’s bookstore, just for the chance to tell him.

  She always found a way to make trouble. This would only give her more ammunition.

  It’s simple, then. Bonnie—and Aunt Tina—just have to stay far, far away.

  “I hate that you drove all this way just to talk to me,” he said.

  “Well, I had to get a first-hand picture of my new vacation spot, didn’t I?” She touched his cheek. “I’m going to leave her number with you. I want you to call her.”

  “I—”

  “Don’t answer. All right? If you say no, I’ll have to stay here and argue with you. Just…just take the number.” She pushed a piece of paper into his hand.

  A soft tap from his door. “You’re a hard man to find,” came a familiar voice, and Noah sat straight up in bed.

  “Dalton! Oh my god, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? What time is it?”

  “Late,” said Dalton, stepping into the room. “Ooh, I like this. It’s very round.” He reached out and touched the walls. “Although how do you get furniture in here? Your friends told me you had a hell of a night.”

  “I would’ve cleaned up if I’d known you were coming.” He saw, on his bureau, the slip of paper Tina had given him.

  Meant to throw that into the trash.

  “You mean you don’t have a housekeeping staff?”

  “Ha-ha. Come sit next to me.” He pulled his blanket-covered legs up, and patted the side of the bed. “I missed you.”

  Rather than say anything at first, Dalton kissed him. While their last kiss had been one of passion, of hunger, there was something more tender in this one, more emotional, and Noah had the most absurd sense that he might start crying if he wasn’t careful. But he kissed Dalton back, his hands finding his shoulders, the back of his neck, touching the soft hair, the warm skin. Dalton’s arms were strong around him, and he realized just how safe they felt.

  A different kind of safe than he’d felt when Tina held him. A safe without so many strings tying him to the past.

  Having a man like Dalton hold you… He understood that in this moment, nothing in the world could possibly hurt him. Dalton would bring down heaven and earth on anyone who tried.

  His mouth suddenly tasted of ashes, like someone had put a cigarette out on his tongue. He pressed his face against Dalton’s warm neck.

  It was then that he realized something was going on with Dalton. Something in his posture, something in the way he seemed to be clinging to Noah, as much as Noah was clinging to him.

  Noah pulled just far enough away to look him in the eye. “Hey,” he said.

  Were Dalton’s eyes wet? “Hey.”

  He wanted to tell Dalton everything that had happened. No, scratch that, he wanted to tell Dalton nothing. He couldn’t know about the return of Aunt Tina, or why it was a bad thing she had shown up tonight. How she was just the precursor to Bonnie showing up, and his strange vision of his mother as some kind of devil ready to drag him back to the hell of his childhood years.

  It was a really uncharitable way to think of the women who had raised him.

  It’s not their fault. I was a little changeling who never belonged. I was supposed to live in a shining castle, not the back of a car.

  Now I’ve got my castle, and I’m never, ever leaving it.

  Except that visit had made him want to hide.

  To run away again.

  Run back to Atlanta, to the clubs and dancefloors where he had hidden from his memories for years.

  He couldn’t. There wasn’t a way to say it all, to have it make sense. To go back over the past, to explain his childhood…he couldn’t.

  Besides. Dalton looked like he had something to say.

  “Would you still like me if I wasn’t a billionaire?” he asked.

  “How much less than a billionaire?” Noah joked weakly. “Because if you were still worth, say, a couple hundred million, I think we could still get along.”

  It was clear Dalton wasn’t joking, though. And that was a problem.

  “You better start from the beginning,” Noah said.

  Dalton shook his head. “It’s a long story.”

  “It’s a night for long stories. You know what? Come with me.” He pulled at Dalton’s hand.

  “Where are you taking me? Not the diner.”

  “Silly. Renee isn’t open this late. No, come on. We’re going to have a soak in the spring water that makes this place so great. It’ll clear our minds, and make story-telling easier.”

  Someday, when the resort was up and running, these private nights in the spring-house wouldn’t be possible, and that was a thought that made Noah a little sad. Not to the point of not wanting to open the resort; that was what all of them had been working towards, and had sacrificed so much for. Bu
t there was a certain melancholy, knowing that he would have to share this experience with strangers, this quiet, intimate experience.

  “It’s beautiful here. I’m amazed every time I see it,” said Dalton, touching the tiles of the mosaic.

  “You might be surprised to learn,” said Noah in his best tour-guide voice, “that the ceramics that make up that mural were created right here in Superbia, thanks to the area’s supply of pure, clean kaolin clay.”

  Dalton, his back to Noah, peered closely at the wall. “You didn’t get these pretty blues from kaolin. Is that lapis?”

  “Imported—or, to be honest, smuggled—from the Lake Baikal region of Russia in the 20’s. At least, some of it is. When Liam inherited the place, some of the tiles had been picked over, stolen. Theft of a theft. So some of them are replaced with tiles painted ultramarine. Now, if I can direct your attention to this tub, which features the original spigot for hot mineral water…”

  “I wish I’d brought a swimsuit.”

  “You didn’t seem to care when my sweater got soaked…”

  They sank into opposite sides of the tub, the water almost too hot to be borne, and yet, as Noah’s skin adjusted, it felt like the most perfect temperature on earth. The natural salts in the water buoyed him, made him feel like he could float, leaving behind the heavy sinking tension of the evening.

  A tension he was going to have to talk about.

  Eventually.

  But not now. Not while he was watching Dalton lie back, gasping at the heat, eyes closed, breathing heavily, sinking into the water with a look at first concerned and then gradually relaxing into pleasure. “My god, Noah. This is…bliss.”

  Would you still like me if I wasn’t a billionaire?

  The question hung in Noah’s mind. Clearly, Dalton had something he needed to say. It’s just, watching him relax, watching the hot water bead on his perfect chest, sliding around his nipples in little rivulets before dripping down his sides and into the tub, all Noah wanted to do was stay in this moment. He wasn’t even looking further down, where the bubbling water obscured Dalton’s cock. He wanted to, of course; he wanted to have a repeat of their first experience, even though Liam and Judah would kill him if he had sex out here in one of the tubs (”They’re for customers, damn it!”), but he was going to be on his best behavior, and instead he let himself sink to the extent the minerals would allow him to, his thigh pressed companionably against Dalton’s calf, and tried to enjoy the moment.