by Jen Davis
Matt would need to shower too.
His heart thumped in his chest as he thought about the trust and responsiveness his partner had shown him tonight. Every order obeyed, every request between them, honored.
Except one.
He sighed. Sooner or later he’d have to face that demon, but not tonight. Matt would have too many questions, and the answers would lead nowhere good.
It was bad enough he knew about the addiction. It would only be worse when he knew the reasons for it.
Of course, he’d have to share the details of his history with Matt at some point. The broad strokes he’d offered had seemed to be enough, but Matt deserved to know everything. The only problem…no one who really knew him ever wanted him for long. And there was no one who knew all of his secrets. He should’ve considered this before now, but he’d really never let himself believe they could be together this way.
Fantasies were one thing. In fantasies, he never had to worry about getting triggered by fingers in his hair or who knew what else he had lurking beneath the veil of his subconscious. In fantasies, he never had to worry about what he looked like naked when the lights were on or whether he’d have the nerve to answer hard questions with the truth if Matt ever thought to ask them.
Tonight, he kept things as close to the perfection of his dreams as he could. And hands down, it had been the best sexual experience of his life. Not because Matt let him top; he’d topped before. It was no guarantee of control. To be sure, his partner had all of the control tonight. One word from him and everything would’ve stopped or changed course to please him.
No, he loved the experience because Matt let him worship his body. And Robby did it because he wanted to. It wasn’t a transaction or exchange. He needed absolutely nothing in return.
Oh, but he wanted plenty. He wanted more kisses. More bouquets of flowers. More opportunities to see the desire and easy affection in Matt’s eyes when he looked at him.
He wanted to dance in the man’s arms. Slow dance, not the bump and grind stuff he did at Nitro.
He wanted to snuggle together on the sofa and watch scary movies on Netflix. Unwrap presents together on Christmas morning. Hold hands in the park at sunset.
The longing for it all overwhelmed him.
But for those things to happen, he had to give Matt a chance to make an informed choice. As amazing as this night was, he’d taken a shortcut to get here. Until he bared his secrets, the best he could get would be for Matt to fall in love with a lie.
He climbed out of the shower, dried off, and crept back into the bedroom to slip on some cut-off sweatpants and a white long-john shirt.
Matt mumbled something in his sleep, and he caught himself staring at the lithe strength in his torso and the dark liquid silk of his skin.
No way around it. He’d have to tell Matt the truth for the wishes of his heart to ever be a reality.
But he wouldn’t spoil tonight.
Climbing back in the bed, he kissed Matt’s forehead, breathing in the lingering smell of sex and massage oil.
Maybe tomorrow.
Sometime soon. What could waiting a few more days hurt?
Chapter
TWENTY-TWO
Matt
Matt woke up sticky, crusty, sore, and more than a little shocked to find himself stark naked next to another man. Of course, Robby hadn’t exactly needed to twist his arm to get him here. A couple of kisses and he was ready to roll over and beg for every drop of the guy’s thorough, careful attention.
He chanced a glance at his bed partner, who had changed into his pajamas and now snored lightly, curled around a pillow on his side. He couldn’t see Robby’s entire face, but his clear, pale skin damn near glowed pink at his cheeks, and his tousled hair paired with his soft, relaxed expression made him look like a freaking angel.
Thanks to the sun’s rays, seeping in through the blinds, he could see the bedroom for the first time. A small space, not much bigger than the double bed where they’d slept, with a single tall dresser made out of particle board. A framed photo graced the top, featuring a smiling Robby flanked by Brick and Kane, both grim-faced and possibly poised to kick someone’s ass.
Such an unlikely trio. But somehow, they fit. Just like he and Robby fit.
Biting back a groan, he levered himself off the bed. Thankfully, he didn’t disturb Robby’s sleep.
He trudged to the bathroom and made quick work of cleaning himself in the shower. It sucked a little he’d missed his chance to do this with Robby, but they’d have other opportunities, right? And he couldn’t begrudge the man the chance to clean off all this crap before it dried. Thank God, he kept his body mostly hair free or it would be exponentially worse.
Bathing complete, he toweled off, sparing a glance at himself in the mirror. Stubble coated his jaw, but there was no help for it. A shave would have to wait until after he finished up at the bar. As it was, he was going to have to double time it to run home and grab a clean shirt before his shift.
His red button-down may not have raised any eyebrows if it was still in its original condition. Minus buttons? A whole different story.
Creeping back into the bedroom, he swiped his discarded clothes from the floor, then tugged them on. He kneeled beside the bed and shook Robby’s shoulder gently. “Rob.”
Nothing.
He tried again. “Babe. I’ve got to go to work.”
Robby cracked one eye open. “Hmm?”
“I’ve got to—” His breath left his body in a rush as Robby yanked him down to the bed into a bear hug.
“Stay.”
If he didn’t need his second job so much, he’d stay in a second. Snuggled up to Robby, his lower half flush against the other man’s thigh, at least one part of his anatomy would have happily sold his soul for the chance. His other head still made the decisions, though. At least for now. “You could tempt a saint to sin.”
He kissed Robby’s scruffy cheek. “God knows, you tempt me, but you’ll have to settle for knowing I’ll be thinking about you all day. I’m opening the bar this morning; I can’t flake out.” Even if by some miracle, he and Patty could work out custody without the lawyers, he needed the security the money would bring.
“Fine.” Robby released him, dropping his arms dramatically to the bed. “I’ll just have to console myself with Double Points Sunday playing Battlefield.”
He reared back. “Without me?”
Robby shrugged. “I do what I have to do to keep the loneliness at bay.” Grinning, he nudged Matt away. “Now, you’d better get out of here before my baser nature takes over, and I decide to coax you to stay with the best blowjob of your life.”
As far as threats went, Robby was clearly a master. Hopping off the bed, he skittered backward to the door, then leaned against the frame. “Thank you—for last night. I never knew it could be so…”
“Amazing? For me too.” Robby sat up. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. If things are going to be serious between us.”
“Things are already serious between us, Rob. At least for me.” His secondary alarm sounded on his phone, warning him his shift was less than an hour away. “I’m working a double. I’ve got to go. See you tomorrow?”
“I can’t wait.”
***
A busy day at Closing Time kept him from thinking too deeply on the night he’d spent at Robby’s, but the resulting unfamiliar physical sensations kept it on the periphery of his awareness. As a result, by the time he got home at the end of the night and tumbled into bed, his face hurt from smiling so damn much.
His grin finally retreated when he faced the Q-Center Monday morning. It wasn’t the place. Actually, he was excited to help make Robby’s vision a reality there.
He didn’t worry about facing Robby either. In fact, he couldn’t wait to wrap his arms around the man and kiss him senseless. Only, he couldn’t really give into the temptation—not at work. Could he?
Did Robby tell the other guys they were, what, dating? We
re they dating? They’d never talked about labels for it. It sure felt like they were dating.
Part of him wanted to grab a megaphone and tell the whole damn world that Robby Jordan was spoken for and completely off the market. The other part? Scared shitless.
For multiple reasons.
Obviously, his high school memories had something to do with it. The other guys had hit him hard before Patty stepped in, calling him queer and names far worse. Some had threatened him straight out, saying they were going to kick his ass or something equally lacking in creativity.
He didn’t worry about Brick or Kane thinking less of him for being gay—which, hey, guess those high school pricks were right after all, at least in a way—but he wasn’t quite so sure about the other guys on the crew. Brick and Kane never seemed to judge Robby, but he had no idea how Will, Cyrus, or Evan would react.
Kane and Brick presented a different problem entirely. Those men treated Robby like family. What if they thought he wasn’t good enough for their friend? What if they warned Robby away?
Maybe Robby would have his own reasons for keeping things low-key right now. You know what they say about assuming. He didn’t want to make an ass of himself or anyone else…and Robby wasn’t always an open book.
Okay. So, a hello kiss was off the table. Should he just nod? Pat Robby on the shoulder? Text ahead?
“Yo, Matt. You waiting for the seasons to change, brother?” Kane elbowed him lightly on the arm. “Get your ass in gear. We’ve got a lot of shit to do and not a lot of time before we need to get back to the Sandpiper Development. Berringer is cool with our community service, but we can’t get behind on his houses.”
Kane linked their arms at the elbow and dragged him through the door of the newly leased portion of the property. The rest of the team was already inside. Cy and Evan pulled up the carpet while Brick and Will marked the walls in the places where they planned to add sheetrock.
Robby and Xander had their heads together, looking at some papers on a clipboard. Before he had a chance to plan his move, his lover looked up and flashed a sultry, secret smile, scorching him to the bottoms of his feet. And no one noticed.
Bashful as a blushing-freaking-bride, he smiled back, and nearly tripped over his own feet when Kane stepped in front of him.
“Where do you want us, Xan?”
The foreman glanced up at Kane’s question, then gestured back to the front door. “You and Matt can start hauling in the posts from the back of my truck.”
Well, then, no need to sweat their reunion at all.
The day moved by quickly as they worked efficiently, putting up the wood bones of the bedrooms. Basic pipes already ran to a toilet and sink in the back, but they had to call in plumbers to set up the line for the shower and add a tankless hot water heater. The setup wasn’t fancy; the narrow stall would only allow for one person to turn around in and get clean, but Robby swore it would be a godsend to someone. Or several someones.
By quitting time, his back and shoulders ached, and he damn-near swayed on his feet. The energy generated from his sub sandwich at lunch had abandoned him hours ago.
Brick and Kane waved goodbye as they hit the exit together. Cy and Evan followed two steps behind. Other than Robby and himself, only Xander and Will remained, and they chatted over plans in the far corner of the room.
“Wanna grab dinner with me?” At least the hard work had effectively snuffed out any residual nervousness. Matt leaned against the wall, fighting gravity.
“You sure you’re up for it?” Robby raised one eyebrow in a move Matt was sure came from Brick.
“I can’t bear the thought of a TV dinner tonight, and I’m too tired to cook. Señor Patrón is right down the street. We can grab some tacos or something. Their bar service is pretty quick.” His mouth started watering as he thought about the seafood enchiladas.
“Sure. Go grab us a couple of stools, and I’ll meet you there after I wrap up with Xander.” Almost every day, Robby managed to be the first person in and the last person off the job. The guy was as sure as the sun, basically the antithesis of Patty this past year.
A short walk later, the familiar arched ceiling greeted him. He didn’t get to eat out too often, but he couldn’t always fight his soft spot for Mexican food. When he allowed himself a treat with his money, it either went to a used PlayStation game—or here.
Snagging a padded wooden chair at the bar, he settled in and placed his keys on the seat beside him for Robby. He ordered two glasses of water from the bartender and zoned off, staring at the rays of a rising sun painted on the far wall.
He nearly jumped out when Robby whispered in his ear. “This seat taken?”
Robby’s smile took his breath away. Matt transferred his keys into his pocket and gestured for Robby to sit. “I’m starving. Do you know what you want?”
Robby opted for queso quesadillas while he got the enchiladas he’d been craving. They kept it light as they waited for their meals, chatting mostly about the build at the center and whether guacamole counted as delicious or disgusting.
Delicious, obviously.
When the food did come, talking stopped altogether for a few minutes, and the calories fortified him enough to venture out of neutral territory. “Saturday night was…amazing.”
Robby blushed in the freaking adorable way he always did. “For me too.” He said it looking at his dinner, but it still counted as a win.
“I, um, wanted to ask you some questions, and I feel…” He swallowed. “I feel kind of awkward, but—”
Robby’s gaze shot up and his shoulders tensed like he was preparing to run a gauntlet. “Ask.”
Well, shit. He hesitated. The need to avoid the strained, rigid look Robby now wore was the reason why he kept so many questions to himself.
“Ask.”
“What are we to each other?”
Robby tilted his head to the side and set his fork on his napkin. At least he no longer looked ready to take a punch.
“It’s stupid—and I’m not trying to put you on the spot—but I’ve never really been with anybody. I mean, I’ve never been in a relationship with anybody before, you know, if we’re in a relationship right now.”
Oh God. He might be sick.
Robby blinked. “Are you asking me if I’m your boyfriend?”
Stomach now churning in earnest, Matt covered his mouth with his hand as he nodded.
“Hey. Just breathe.” Robby put a hand on his back and rubbed in slow circles. “I would love to be your boyfriend. In fact, I can’t think of a single thing I would love more. But only if it’s what you want too. I can’t tell if you’re freaking out because you want to be a couple or because you don’t.”
Matt closed his eyes and silently counted to ten, willing his anxiety to step down a notch. It helped a little. “I do,” he whispered. Unsure what he’d see in Robby’s expression, he chanced a look at his face.
Praise be. A smile. It calmed him better than trying to wrestle his fears under control. “When I got to the center this morning, I realized I didn’t even know how to say hello. Obviously, I know how to say hello, but everything feels different now, you know?”
Robby’s hand stilled but didn’t leave his back. “Different good or different bad?”
“Different good.” He turned to face Robby fully, their knees bumping together between the chairs. “I am all-in, Rob. If you’re in this too, you can stamp your name on my forehead if you want.”
“And ruin your gorgeous face? Not in a million years.” Robby’s right hand, the one closest to the bar, squeezed his thigh. “When you say you didn’t know how to say hello…how did you want to say hello?”
He laughed a little. “Honestly, I wanted to touch you. Not like in some grand, passionate…whatever. Well, maybe a little, but not just a wave or a nod. But I didn’t know if you wanted the same thing or even whether you wanted your friends to know about us. Or if we’re supposed to be different at work.” None of this was coming out right.
“Brick and Kane will flip their lids when we tell them.” Robby chuckled.
Why was it funny? “It’s not funny,” Matt groused. “They’re your best friends. I thought they liked me, at least a little.”
“They do like you.” The megawatt grin Robby sported should’ve been illegal. “They’re gonna flip because they’ve known about my inappropriate, almost stalker-level crush on you for months now.”
Matt gaped.
“They tried to let me down easy. Gave me tons of pep-talks. Ha!” He slapped the bar beside his empty plate. “I should just plant a fat kiss on you right in front of Kane to watch him swallow his own tongue.”
Smiling despite himself, Matt sipped his water. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to go full-tilt PDA. Some things should stay private, I think.”
Robby fluttered his hand in the air. “I’m just playing about the kiss. They’re going to be happy for us, though. I promise. And you can tell me hello any way you want. I still can’t get over the fact you want it to be something special. You wanting…me…at all blows my mind.”
“Stop it right now. You’re the best person I know.”
“Hardly.”
Gripping Robby’s hand, he interlocked their fingers. “You are smart and kind and giving and patient. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. I’m lucky, and I need you to hear it and believe it. Know you deserve special hellos and flowers at the front door and probably a hundred other good things I haven’t even thought of yet.”
“I didn’t thank you—for the flowers. No one’s ever—It was the first time I’ve ever gotten flowers.”
“The first time I’ve ever given them.” He kissed the back of Robby’s hand joined with his own. “Also, the first time I’ve ever been in love with someone. A bunch of firsts with you, Rob.”
Robby’s fingers tightened around him, but he didn’t say anything; he only nodded to himself for a while, like everything was sinking in. Matt wanted to stuff the words back into his mouth.