by Eve R. Hart
Half-brother.
Newly found, that was. I’d only recently discovered that my father wasn’t the one I’d grown up with and that my biological one already had a nice, happy little family. Well, did. Because once my mother told me the truth on her deathbed, I’d started searching. And I found that I’d learned the truth too late to meet dear ole dad.
But I did have a half-brother.
When I’d finally gathered the courage to reach out to him, I hadn’t expected a warm welcome. And I hadn’t really gotten one. I couldn’t blame him because after seeing all the articles and basically mapping out my father’s life, I’d figured out that he’d been married at the time I was conceived. I assumed I was either a dirty little secret he never wanted anyone to know about or he didn’t even know about me. Deep down, I’d hoped it was the latter because that meant he wouldn’t have been such a bad man.
We all made mistakes.
I was proof of that.
So I guess I thought everyone deserved a second chance.
That said, Reed, my half-brother, had been shocked at the news. He hadn’t wanted to believe it to be true and I couldn’t blame him. I told him over and over again that I didn’t want anything from him. Other than to get to know him, that was. He didn’t trust that. And with him being worth millions, I couldn’t hold it against him for needing to have some kind of proof. There was no hesitation from me when he asked me to take a DNA test.
Then the reality that his father wasn’t quite the perfect hero Reed had made him out to be his entire life came crashing down on him hard. I felt helpless and truly regretful.
I left because I’d turned his life upside down and didn’t want to cause more damage.
But then he sought me out and said he wanted to get to know me.
I liked Reed. He was strong and commanding, but still down to earth and kind. More than once I’d wondered if he’d gotten those traits from our father. Had his dad been the same? Was he kindhearted? I had no doubt he had been smart given the company that he owned. A company that I’d learned he’d built from the ground up. And now Reed was running it and well, from what I’d been able to find.
I might not have known him all that well, but I felt pride early on.
For some reason, he wanted to be a part of my life and I let him. There was something about Reed that made me feel safe and happy. It didn’t take much to see that I’d always wished for a brother just like him. Someone that could protect me and also would listen to me.
As nice as it was to have Reed in my life, I knew I had to be careful. I hadn’t boasted to anyone that I was related to him. It was safer that way. For him.
I mean, not like I had many people to tell anyway.
Perhaps that was a good thing since it seemed I was a terrible judge of character.
When Reed had offered to pay for college I turned him down. He kept offering and finally, I took him up on it so he would stop.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true.
There might have been a couple other reasons. One of them was that I was looking for a chance to get away.
And I knew if I didn’t go, I’d end up stuck with my dad, who was really my stepdad, and sucked into a world I was desperate to get away from.
Growing up with Carl hadn’t been easy. I had to admit that finding out I didn’t really share blood with the man was like this weight had been lifted off of me. It didn’t change the past or all the things I’d had to go through, but it somehow gave me a strange hope for the future. Maybe it was that little worried voice in the back of my head that told me since I’d come from him, I’d turn out just like him. I knew that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t get any more opposite from that man even if I tried. Or at least I hoped so.
So here I was, failing at every turn, it seemed.
And falling for any guy that looked me in the eye.
Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic, but it wasn’t far off.
First, there was Perry. I didn’t even want to think about him.
And now there was the mysterious stranger that had captured my thoughts.
Yes, the guy had been sexy. His eyes this stunning brown that seemed to have hints of gold shining in them. But then there was his face. Stern. It pretty much looked like it was stuck in a scowl. I might have only stared at it for half of a minute, but the lines seemed to be etched so deep in his skin that I knew it wasn’t a look that simply overtook his face because I’d bumped into him. Sure, I might not have been looking where I was going, but who stands in the middle of the doorway when a class is about to get out?!
I shook my head, willing myself to forget about the man and his sexy scruff and his broad shoulders and his hard chest. It wasn’t like it mattered. I had enough crap going on that I didn’t need to add on one more distraction.
Not even the fantasy kind.
3
Cade
What could I say?
I was stunned. That was one thing. Having Theon literally run into me had been unexpected. But what was more unexpected were the feelings that shot through me.
I left him alone after that. I hadn’t followed him to his next class or lurked in the corners trying to catch another glimpse of him. I’d seen enough.
Yeah, right.
I’d seen enough to know that something was going on, though I didn’t even know where to begin to speculate how he’d gotten that bruise. I knew next to nothing about his life so of course, I didn’t even know where to start.
Could it have been an accident?
Or perhaps he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Something inside of me was screaming that it was more than that. This had been intentional and Theon had been the target.
Maybe Theon held some deep, dark secrets.
Then again, it could have been a jilted lover.
Not that the thought made things any better.
In fact, picturing someone touching him in an intimate way had a strange kind of anger rising in me.
There was no longer denying that with just one look, Theon had been able to throw my body into a tailspin. Or it could have been the feeling of his soft skin against my rough hands. Whatever it was, it had me running scared, I guess you could say.
I went to my motel room and thought that if I locked the door, I’d be able to shut the whole thing out. But it hadn’t worked. Now I was alone in a room that was too quiet for me to feel comfortable in. With every second that ticked on, I became even more twitchy in my own skin.
What was it about that brief encounter that had me so shaken?
I told myself it didn’t really matter. It was best to check on Theon, make sure he was fine, then move on as fast as I could. Truthfully, that had always been the goal, but now, I felt this panic welling inside of me to get it done even faster.
Reed had sent me here in hopes of saving me. He thought if I had something to focus on then I’d stop living in the shit I kept in my head. He hadn’t said that, but I knew him as well as I knew myself. But the bad news was that coming here was quickly sending me further into chaos.
One touch.
One look into Theon’s eyes.
That was what had done it.
Theon had the power to unravel me and I couldn’t let that happen.
In the darkness of my motel room, I tried my best to shut the world out. Shut today out. But I couldn’t.
And now I was slipping.
Because if I wasn’t thinking of the brief encounter with Theon, then I was going back to that place Reed had tried so hard to pull me from.
How did I get here?
The realization that my hand had lifted to my chest at some point while I was spiraling out was enough to bring me back to reality. The fact that I was now clenching my dog tags like I could rip them through my shirt had me taking a deep breath in.
I didn’t want to go back there, but that was where my mind was pulling me. Where it always dragged me to. I’d failed then, and I was failing now. With any luck, Theon w
ould make it out with his life in the end.
Unlike my brothers…
That was when the panic and paranoia wrapped around me.
Theon wasn’t safe. If the state of his face were any indication, something bad had happened to him. It could have still been happening for all I knew. And here I was, damn near immobile with the shit that went through my head. All because I couldn’t handle one touch. One look. One tiny moment that wasn’t even supposed to happen.
A chill began to wash over me and it was then that I realized I was sweating. When had that started? My lids blinked and I tried to focus on the items around the dark motel room. The dresser. The painting that hung above it that I could only guess was meant to be a white flower. The TV mounted on the adjacent wall. The bed. I mapped out the locations and dark shapes with my eyes as I forced my mind to fill in the details as if they were in the light.
The polished silver knobs on the dresser drawers. The still-packed duffel that sat on the corner of the bed. The head-sized indent in the pillow on the opposite side. The light gray pattern on the lampshade beside the bed. It was fucking ugly and I hated turning on the low light. I rarely did, choosing to move about the room guided by the light that spilled out from the bathroom.
Finally, my breathing returned to normal and my heart didn’t feel like it was beating so hard I was in fear it might explode right there in my chest. The world fell around me again and even the sounds of cars driving by on the main road helped to ground me.
As soon as I felt like I could stand without dropping immediately to the floor, I made my way into the shower. Still fully clothed, I reached out to turn the water on. I kept the water cold and forced my body to remain under the spray. The water hit my skin feeling like tiny little needles stinging me all over. My shirt became plastered to my body, feeling like a second skin, and my pants became weighted and heavy. My arms went to the wall and I let my head hang down between them. I couldn’t say how long I stayed there, but finally, I felt like I had my shit together. At least for right now.
This might have worked for the moment but I needed to find something else. I needed to fix it myself so that I could function out in the world like a normal person. It wasn’t like I could just hop in the shower every time I needed a jolt to my soul. Life didn’t work like that and the sooner I adapted to the fact that I was alive and still living, the sooner I’d feel like I could be a part of those things again.
Only I knew it wasn’t that simple.
It wasn’t that easy.
The stuff in my head had a tight hold on me and I let it.
I couldn’t forgive the fact that I was still here and my brothers weren’t. I couldn’t live with it. Even if that was what I was supposed to do.
I shucked my clothes and shoes, then dried off. After I redressed, thankful that I thought to bring an extra pair of boots, I headed out with food on my mind.
I definitely had no intention of finding a bar to drown out the noise, but somehow I’d ended up at one. But I was strong enough to ignore that fact and ordered something greasy off the menu instead of something that would numb the pain.
“Don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”
I glanced up to see a tall guy looking at me from the other side of the bar. The white towel slung over his shoulder felt a little too cliché.
Was I in a movie?
More importantly, was he hitting on me?
I must have really been off my game if I couldn’t tell. Then again, there was only one set of eyes that filled my head and it wasn’t the dark ones peering back at me like he was waiting for an answer to something.
“New in town,” I said as I ducked my head and focused on the food in front of me. “Just passing by.”
“Which is it?” he asked causing me to look up in confusion. “New in town implies that you are staying for a spell. Passing by means you won’t be here long.”
Hm.
He had a point.
How had I messed that all up? Even simple conversation I was failing at right now.
I eyed him as he dragged a fresh glass out then went over to the taps in the middle of the bar to fill it up.
Then he slid the golden amber beer in front of me.
“My friends made this. It’s good. Light. And it goes really well with that Western Big Boy burger you got there.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled and felt obligated to lift the glass. As I tilted it to my lips, I caught a hint of citrus and maybe… “Is that ginger I taste in there?”
I took another long pull, swallowing slowly so the flavors could roll over my tongue again.
“Yep.” There was a slight smile on his face as if he were pleased that I’d been able to pick up on the flavor. “Name’s Big Tony. This is my place,” he told me with a chin jerk.
I still couldn’t tell if he was hitting on me.
“Cade,” I supplied and went back to my food and beer.
Luckily, he got the message and turned his attention on someone else further down the bar.
I finished my food slowly, taking in how the beer seemed to make the flavors of the burger explode in my mouth. He knew his shit, I’d give him that. Then again, it was his place. It was clear he took pride in it and it wasn’t often I saw that nowadays.
And I had to say, it was nice to have a beer and actually enjoy it. Which was what I did, drinking it slowly enough to last throughout my meal. Too often lately, I’d just downed my alcohol with the intention of getting drunk. Of drowning out the noise in my head long enough so I could escape the world with sleep. Or passing out. Which, let’s face it, had been what I’d really done every time.
“What did ya think?” Big Tony asked as he slid the bill across the bar and took away my empty plate and glass.
“Really good, man. The beer was just the thing,” I told him and did my best to smile.
“I’m always trying out new things. You should stop by again and check it out… if you’re around awhile.”
I huffed out a laugh but didn’t promise anything. I wasn’t supposed to be making friends or even becoming a little bit chummy with the people in this town. While I couldn’t deny there was something about this Big Tony guy, I didn’t want to leave him with a glimmer of hope. I mean, if he were interested or something. I still didn’t have a damn clue. I guess the guy could have just been one of those people who was nice to everyone, but I wasn’t going to stick around and find out.
“Thanks,” I said as I handed him my card to pay.
He turned and quickly ran it through the machine. Once it printed out the slip for me to sign, he faced me again.
“Have a good night,” he told me as he slid the receipt and pen my way. He shot me a quick smile before moving on to someone else.
I couldn’t lie, my night had taken a turn for the better. I hadn’t expected it and it wasn’t like Big Tony had pushed me. He’d said a few words, gave me a beer, and topped it all off with a friendly smile. It might not have been much to some people, but as I walked out of the bar, I realized it meant a lot to me.
My head felt clearer. I felt halfway normal. And I wasn’t itching to run to my motel room so I could hide away in the dark. I guess that was something.
I ended up walking around for a while and as I focused on my surroundings, taking in every detail about them, I realized that I wasn’t doing it out of fear. I wasn’t looking for a hidden enemy or threat. I was actually noticing all the little things that made up this small town.
By the time I walked back into my motel room, I felt like I could close my eyes without being plagued with all the things that had consumed my mind earlier. They were still there, but I’d been able to find a sense of calm for this moment.
I sure as hell was going to take advantage of it.
And as I flopped down on the bed, instantly letting my eyes fall closed, Theon came to mind. I didn’t push it away this time. I didn’t try to hide or deny the things I’d felt earlier. Even if it meant that it made this whole thing messed
up.
It was Theon that I saw in my mind.
The way the blush instantly tinted his cheeks when he looked up at me.
The way his eyes dilated in a split second.
The way it felt as if he had to tear himself away from me like he didn’t want me to let him go.
It was thoughts of Theon that I fell asleep too, and I didn’t mind at all.
4
Theon
The bruise on my face had faded enough to where I thought it would be safe to pick up my life as it had been before. I’d been to class and that was about it. I’d even called out of work because I didn’t want anyone to ask questions. Plus, I didn’t think I could stomach the pity in their eyes.
A sad sigh escaped my lips as I stared at myself in the mirror.
Sometimes I really didn’t like myself.
And worse, sometimes I couldn’t stand the sight of myself.
Like now.
But I pushed on, kept moving forward. If I could just find my place in life then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
As much as I wanted to believe that, I was still struggling. I was just as much of a loser here in college as I had been in high school. I was still that awkward kid that didn’t know how to make conversation. I was practically scared of my own shadow. Yeah, I was that pathetic. And the one time I’d tried to step out of my comfort bubble, well, it had landed me here— bruised, battered, and in some seriously deep shit.
“Stupid,” I mumbled to my reflection and I averted my eyes.
Then, without letting myself slip down that slope of feeling sorry for myself, I scooted out of the bathroom.
I snatched up my backpack and dug out my wireless earbuds. After I tossed on the backpack, I slipped the buds into my ears then started up the last podcast I’d been listening to. Then I was out the door.
With brisk steps, I made my way to the coffee shop I stopped at nearly every day that I had class. I hadn’t been by the last few days and the moment I pulled open the front door, the scent of coffee and sugar and chocolate assaulted my senses. Oh, how I’d missed this place. I’d missed the coffee. The smell. The quiet click-clack of fingers on keys as people worked on whatever assignment they were deep into at the moment.