The Inner Self: The Prophecy

by Raqurra Ishmar

  “He wouldn’t want to be saved this way,” Titus says.

  “Well, how would you know, we haven’t talked to him in months,” the first voice says.

  We want to keep listening, but the darkness is dragging us back into oblivion.

  The Ceremony for the Awakening of the Inner Self is about to commence and I can’t stop myself from panicking. I know that my mother believes that I will be blessed with one, but I can’t help but fearing that I won’t.

  The Ceremony isn’t exactly needed for the Inner Self to form, but it does help with the harmony of the two beings. Without the Ceremony, your Inner Self can form and feel as if it is an entirely different person, causing resentment and negative feelings to grow due to it feeling trapped. My cousins and I sit in the first row of pews, wanting to show that we are proud and we are confident that we will be blessed with an Inner Self. We aren’t the only ones sitting front and center, though.

  I grasp the hands of my two favorite cousins, silently praying that they get their Inner Self. They are the children of my Aunt Ariese and there is a fifty/fifty chance that they will walk away from this Ceremony as an Unblessed. I can feel the nerves pouring from them as if they were my own, and my hands grow clammy from the stress.

  The Elder of Ceremonies takes the stage, and the room grows hush almost immediately. There are over three hundred of us here today, and not even half of us will walk away a Blessed. Some families put their children through the Ceremony because it has been known for a child to become Blessed even though they are the product of two Unblessed parents. It’s very rare, but it has happened once or twice, and that’s all the hope those parents would need.

  “Welcome, all of Kor! To the Ceremony for the Awakening of the Inner Self! This is a special time! A time for us to see the Ancestors lay hands on the children that they claim, and to console the ones that they do not. We are seeing less and less children claimed, and that worries me. Let us not only revel in the generosity of our Ancestors today, but of all days! We must show them that we are eternally grateful for all that they are doing for us.”

  Well, that’s a little different. I have overheard a conversation between Mom and Dad about how the numbers for the Blessed are dropping with each Ceremony. She thought that it was because of the King. He’s doing something that’s causing us to lose favor with the Ancestors. If what she thinks is true, why won’t they punish him instead of all of us?

  “Please, children, stand and prepare to find out your fate!” the Elder calls out. We all stand, but only the front row turn sharply to the right. Having my cousins in front of, and behind me, calms me only slightly. My family, specifically my mom and dad, are the most influential family around, save for the Royal family. If I don’t have an Inner Self, I can’t imagine the amount of shame that I would bring to my family. We all begin to march forward, our white robes brush across the marble floors.

  The Ceremony is pretty simple. We must walk down into the Sacred Pool, walk across the bottom of it, and exit up the stairs on the other side. If you are Blessed, your white robe will turn gold. If you are Unblessed, it will remain white. The first child of Kor walks up to the pool and they look out into the crowd, probably searching for her parents. She takes a cleansing breath before walking down the steps into the Sacred Pool. Before her head completely submerges, she pulls in one huge breath, and I swear that we’re all holding our breaths along with her. It feels like hours instead of seconds until her head re-emerges on the other side. All of our eyes are riveted on her form, waiting for her shoulders to pop above the surface. Once they do, the only thing you can hear is the air whooshing out of all our mouths.

  Her robe is still white.

  The sound of a woman wailing could be heard in the back of the room, and a man angrily cursing is heard right after. “How is this possible?” he bellows. “We are both Blessed!” The sound of a door opening and closing is all we hear next, and then there’s silence. As all of that was unfolding, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the poor girl who is staring at her Unblessed robes. One of the Elders walk over to her and guide her off of the stage and through a door that leads to the Unknown. Hopefully, I won’t have to walk through that door.

  “Please,” the Elder of Ceremonies says. “Let us continue.”

  The line proceeds forward at a slower pace, and I can feel the dread rising up with each step I take.

  “Let me go in front of you,” my cousin, Dawn, says behind me. “I want to go right after Dan, please?” I nod my head, allowing for her to stand behind her twin. The next person in line is my cousin Dan, and I’m terrified. He turns around and flashes me and Dawn the brightest smile that he could muster. His white teeth gleam against his dark brown skin, and I can’t help but pray with all my might that he will be Blessed.

  With his head held up high, he walks down the steps and into the Sacred Pool, and I can already hear the sobs that escaping out of Dawn’s mouth. “It’s ok,” I whisper to her. “He will be Blessed.” She doesn’t respond, but I saw the barely imperceptible nod that she gives me. Seconds later and Dan emerges from the pool in all of his golden glory.

  “Oh thank the Ancestors!” Dawn sobs out. I can hear my aunt and uncle rejoice in the blessings that’s bestowed upon Dan. He looks down at his golden robes, and he closes his eyes for a second. He looks back at me and he mouths “thank you.” I don’t have the time to ponder what he could actually be thanking me for, because it’s Dawn’s turn to go into the water next.

  As she takes her first tentative steps towards the Sacred Pool, I close my eyes and pray with even more oomph to the Ancestors. “Please” I pray internally. “Bless Dawn, too. Please.” My cousin submerges under the water, and I continue my litany the entire time that she’s under. Her crown of curly hair pops up from the water first, followed by her golden clad shoulders.

  “Yes!” I yell out. “Blessed are the Ancestors!” Dan rushes from his spot on the side of the stage and embraces his sister in the biggest bear hug I have ever seen. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I see the two golden robes mashed together. Dawn turns towards me, the biggest smile on her as she calls out, “It is because of you, Ren!”

  The Elder ushers them both off, and I am stuck thinking about what it is she was talking about. The Elder of Ceremonies waves me forward, and I know that I cannot put this off any longer. With a deep breath, I walk into the Sacred Pool. As soon as the water touches my bare feet, I already know that I will be blessed with an Inner Self.

  Once I am completely submerged, I hear the first sound on my Inner Self. “We must be prepared,” they say.

  “I don’t understand,” I say.

  “That’s all that the Ancestors have told me. I am sorry.”

  “Why did my cousin Dawn say it was because of me?”

  “It is because they were to be Unblessed, but the Ancestors wanted you to know that they will always hear your prayers, so now they are Blessed.”

  I emerge from the waters, head held high as I know that I am one of the Blessed. As I take the last step out of the water, I am not met with the cheers that I have come to expect. Instead, I hear the awestruck whisper from the Elder of Ceremonies. “Freedom,” he gasps.

  I don’t know what he means by that one single word, so I look down at my golden robe. Only it is not golden like my cousins’.

  It’s blue.

  11

  Renee

  I wake with the worse migraine that I’ve ever had. I roll over and squint around my room, not too sure how I got back here. All I remember of last night is drinking and possibly making out with Titus or Caylen. Maybe both of them?

  “Hey, Sheya?” I reach out.

  “Yeah?” they whisper.

  “What happened last night?”

  “I can’t remember.”

  “Why does it feel different? You know, in here.”

  “We’re closer.”

  “Closer to what?”

  “Closer to each other, Dispshit. Can’t you feel it?”


  “Yeah, I just thought that was a figment of my imagination.”

  “Well, you said you have a bad feeling about last night, I’m guessing this is it?” they ask.

  “No,” I say. “This is the most peace I’ve felt since you’ve formed.”

  “Do you recall the dream?”

  “Barely. All I remember is the robe being blue. What do you think that means? And do you still think that that isn’t us?”

  “It is us, but it isn’t. I don’t know what it means.”

  I groan into my pillow, hating all of the unanswered questions. My phone begins to vibrate on my nightstand, and I let it. I’m not in the mood to deal with anyone right now, especially when I’m still dressed in last night's clothes. My phone vibrates once again, and I can’t ignore it any longer. Whoever is brave enough to call me back to back, they deserve for me to at least answer it.

  “Hello,” I croak.

  “Renee Imani Harrington!” Cymone screeches through the phone. I wince, putting the phone on speaker and placing it far away from my ear. “What the fuck happened last night?! I can try to look past the weird ass burgundy eyes, because maybe I was a little too fucking drunk and I was seeing things. I can even get over the hot ass make out session you had with Caylen and Titus right there in the middle of the yard. But what I can’t get over is you passing out and whispering ‘danger’ every time one of the boys came near you. And then when they did, they’d drop like a ton of fucking bricks! Do you know how heavy you are?! I had to get some guy I don’t know to carry you to the car, and then I had to carry you into the house. How’s your head feeling? Cause I dropped you on that big motherfucker a couple of times! What the hell is going on, Ren?! And you better not lie to me!”

  “I’ll have to tell her something,” I say to Sheya.

  “Just tell her everything we know. Which isn’t much.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Who knows, maybe she’ll run away from you and I won’t have to hear her annoying ass voice anymore.”

  “Oh, gee. Thanks.”

  “Just come over and I’ll tell you everything,” I finally say.

  “Be there in ten,” she says before she hangs up.

  “This should be interesting,” Sheya says.

  I roll out of my bed and head to the bathroom to take a quick shower. My eyes are crusted with old makeup and my mouth tastes sour. My heart feels heavy, as if I’ve just experienced something that will change my life.

  “I wish we could remember the dream,” I state.

  “Me too. I feel like there’s something important that happened that we need to know.”

  “What do you think Cymone meant when she said that we kept saying ‘danger’ when the boys got closer?”

  “Something is off about them, Dipshit. They show up out of the blue, fawn all over you, make these offhand comments as if they know exactly what we are, and you don’t think that it’s a little weird?”

  “Yeah, it’s a little weird. But dangerous? I haven’t felt any danger from them.”

  “That’s because you’re thinking with your vagina. Try to think with your head instead. What do we know about them?”

  “Besides that they’re all adopted and moved from San Francisco?”

  “And were the social outcasts of some weird commune?”

  “Other than that, nothing,” I say

  “Exactly,” they say. “We know nothing about them. Something doesn’t feel right about this.”

  Once I’m back in my room and fully dressed, I jog downstairs to the kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal. I’m just taking my first bite when Cymone bursts through the door like Satan’s on her ass. Her hair is pulled up into a bun on the top of her head and she’s dressed for comfort in a pair of black sweats and a purple tank top.

  “Start talking,” she demands. She walks into the kitchen and sits down next to me. I finish chewing while I decide what it is that I want to tell her. I know Sheya said that we should just tell her everything, but we don’t even know everything. Also, I don’t want to lose her, but I need someone to know what I’m going through. After my fifth or sixth bite, her patience has finally reached its limit. “Bitch, I said start talking!” she screeches while slapping my spoon out of my hand. I smirk at her, kind of amused by her antics.

  “So,” I began. “I think I’m possessed or something.”

  Her green eyes narrow and her full lips curl into a sneer. “This is not the time to try your hand at comedy, Ren.”

  “I’m not trying to be funny. There’s something going on with me, but last night it’s like it all came to a head or something.”

  “Ok, fine. Let’s say I believe this hokey ass story. When did this start?”

  “On my sixteenth birthday. That’s when they were first manifested. But it wasn’t like it is now. Back then, Sheya was just a distant voice in the back of my head.”

  “Sheya? Who the fuck is Sheya?”

  “Yeah, who am I?” Sheya asks sarcastically.

  “Sheya is my Inner Self,” I say.

  “You’re what?!”

  I take a deep breath, knowing that I sound insane but, hell, I already got this far. “My Inner Self. I didn’t know exactly what Sheya was until I started having these weird dreams. It’s like it’s me but it’s not me and, I don’t know, it kind of helps explain what’s going on with us.”

  “Us?!”

  “Ok, maybe I’m not explaining this well enough. A few months ago, Sheya had gained enough power to take control of my body and do with it as they please. But that’s only when I’m super weakened or exhausted. That’s why I stay up all the time and why my grades are so good, because I’m not allowed to sleep some nights because of Sheya.”

  “Renee, are you being for real right now?” she asks, I can see the wild look in her eyes and she’s probably thinking of the best way to get me locked up in a crazy house or something. Her pulse is thudding in her neck and the fast rise and fall of her chest lets me know that she’s probably regretting all those years of friendship.

  “I’m sorry, Cymone, but I’m being serious right now. The other day, with Titus, do you remember asking me if everything was ok with me?”

  She nods.

  “Sheya was in control, not me. I didn’t take back control until after Titus started making out with me. It shocked Sheya so much that I was able to get my body back.”

  “Ok… Ren… You have to understand how insane this all sounds. You’re trying to tell me that there’s this thing living inside of you and sometimes it takes over? So… you’re schizophrenic?”

  “No. I mean, yeah that’s what I am trying to tell you, but no I’m not schizophrenic.” I sigh. “I guess the only way for you to believe me is for me to show you.”

  “Oh hell yeah!”

  “Show me what?” she screeches.

  “Last night, something happened and Sheya and I were able to bond in a way that we’ve never been able to do before. From the dreams, it’s a natural thing that’s supposed to happen when I turn eighteen.”

  “Ok… but you don’t turn eighteen for another few months.”

  “Exactly, which means that Sheya and I bonded earlier than what my dream said.”

  “So, you’re not only convinced that there’s an entity living inside of you, but that your dreams are actual replays of events that’s giving you real life answers?”

  “I know it sounds crazy! But you’re the only person that I can trust with this and I’ve been going crazy with only having Sheya to confide in! So, I’ll just show you everything and hope that I don’t lose you in the process.”

  I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and reach deep within my heart, trying to see how confident I am in this.

  “You’ll have to trust me, Dipshit.”

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

  “I won’t hurt her, and if I do decide to take over, you know that you’ll be able to get the control back because you’re not weakened.”

>   “Yeah… Sorry. This will take some getting used to.”

  “Let’s do this,” they say.

  I don’t remember what happened last night, but I do know that Sheya and I were able to be in control of my body at the same time. Like we became one person. I relax my mental shields, inviting Sheya to join me in the place that my conscience resides. Once I feel them move through the barrier, I imagine opening my arms and embracing them. The tightness that’s constantly in my chest instantly loosens once we’re connected, and I can’t help but feel like we’re both, and yet neither, one of us. We open our eyes and glance at our friend, noticing as her skin pales considerably.

  “Your eyes,” she whispers. “They’re burgundy.”

  “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you,” we say. Our voice holds the slight echo as if two people are speaking, but as we continue, the echo slowly leaves. “We have no idea what is going on with us, but as of last night, we’ve gotten closer. The animosity is still there, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.”

  “Wh-wh-what’s with this ‘we’ shit, Renee?” she asks, with a slight tremble in her voice.

  “We say ‘we’ because right now we are bonded. Neither Sheya nor Renee is completely in control. Do you believe us now?”

  “Um, kind of. It’s really hard to not believe you when your eyes are glowing a faint burgundy and that weird ass echo that just left your voice.” She audibly swallows before continuing. “So, is that all? You just have some thing living inside of you and that’s that?”

  “First,” we say. “Sheya is not a thing. They are Renee’s Inner Self, which is a great blessing from our Ancestors. Secondly, no, that is not all. Having an Inner Self also means that the person is blessed with gifts. We do not know the full extent of our gifts, but we do know how to do small things, like telekinesis.”

  “Show me,” she says with a defiant tilt of her chin. So, even with us bonded right before her eyes, she still doesn’t fully believe the things that we are saying. We look over her shoulder, locating a pair of slides that’s right by the door. With barely a thought, we have the shoes walk over to us, making sure that they slap the floor loud enough for Cymone to hear. She spins around on her stool, trying, and failing, to squelch the scream that’s forcing itself out of her mouth. She hops up and sprint to our side of the kitchen Island, hiding behind our back as if we weren’t the ones that caused the slides to walk on their own.