Memiors Of White Owl

by J. Todd

  Chapter Three

  Arian followed me deep into the woods. I lead the way at a run to my home. Once there I entered and did everything I could not to cry. I grabbed all the food and stuck it into my bag and got Arian one as well. I also wrapped up the extra bedroll I had into his bag. Once I had stuffed as much into the bag as possible, I looked around one more time. Nodding we left the hut I called home. I sat my bag down and looked at Arian.

  "I know this looks strange, but we cannot stay here. I cannot trust you will be safe here. We will go somewhere else, ok?" I explained. He nodded. I sighed. I then turned and closed my eyes. I would miss my home. I pulled an arrow out of my quiver and unslung my bow. This one was for lighting fires. I used my flint and steel to light it. I then aimed the arrow at my home and lost it. The house caught fire quickly and would soon be rubble. I slung my bow back into place and grabbed my bag. "Let's go." I said.

  We sprinted away. The townsfolk would come to stop the fire. I would not be here. Let them think I am dead. I am White Owl, the reincarnation of death, the abomination of man without a soul. I am the one who will kill so others could survive with a soul. Yes, I would leave and they would think me dead. There was no one left to care for me, why should I care for them? No, that was not true. He did. Arian cared. I knew he did, I cared too.

  Alone? No, I had him. Monster or not Arian was now the only one I could care for now. I knew the town would eventually turn on me. I was too much of a loner. I knew this. But I wasn't alone, he was with me.

  I headed away and farther into the jungle forests. I would live where no one dared to go. I would go where only I knew it was safe. Those were my thoughts. After all, Arian couldn't tell me about his feelings. Like that story my mother told me about the three French men who fought for the people. All for one and on for all. That was me, and now it was like the cocoon I was in had cracked and now I saw the world for all of its color.

  Arian and I ran for hours. We found refuge in a small thicket, hidden in the lee of an old tree. We camped there and ate a cold meal. I dared not light a fire there. It was a small thicket and prone to fire. Dawn found us again running. We rested for lunch and again for supper but we kept running until dark. Again we slept without fire. We went like this for several days. I kept the pace fast and strenuous. Arian never complained.

  Finally, on the seventh day we came to my hidden home. This is where my people came from. My family. They were gone now. I was alone here. There were graves under the edge of the forest. My mother, father, grandparents, and my sister. All lay here dead. I was alone here. No, he was here. I went to the cottage in the center of the small clearing. I had kept it up. I did return periodically. I may have had a home near the townsfolk, but here was my personal sanctuary. This was the place I went for solace. This was a part of me.

  Arian followed me into the cottage. I went to the only bed in the place, dropped my things on the floor next to it and threw myself upon it. I left Arian to his own devices. I slept a healing sleep.

  I awoke to a clean cottage and food cooking in a pot on the hearth. I got up and went to the door. Something shifted to the left of the door. I thrust up with my arm and pushed the shadow hard into the door frame. Light hit his face. I had hurt Arian. I released him and backed away. He just stood there staring at me.

  I expected him to come after me and hit me. Many men did that if I attacked them. I was truly out of my element here. I was lost. I was alone. No, he was with me. I wasn't alone.

  It happened then. I cried for the first time since my family was killed. I cried for all I had done and not done. I cried for Arian. I cried. I don't know why anymore, but I cried for those who hated me and wanted me dead.

  Arian wrapped his arms around me then. I stiffened. I was not soft. I pulled myself out of his arms and ran. I ran to the graves. They were unmarked. I threw myself onto my mother's grave. There I wept until my eyes hurt and there was nothing left in me to cry for. I did this for myself, I think. I truly had not given them the release they had needed. I am alone but not alone. I have him. But do I truly have him.

  Finally, my hysterics done I stood. I turned and there he stood. He looked hurt and helpless. I must have scared him. He looked scared. I was the one who was strong and I had collapsed into sorrow and self-pity. I would be strong again.

  I walked past him and stopped a few feet away. "I know, I was weak. I will not be so again. I needed to do that, I think. It was time for me to cry. I had held my sorrow too long. You helped me realize this." I told him. I walked to the cottage. Arian followed.

  "I only want to help you." A whisper at my back said as I stepped into the cottage. Arian went to the pot of food and began dishing it out as if he had not said anything. I stood there and stared at him.

  "Wha... What did you say?" I blubbered.

  "I only want to help you." He answered. "Like you did for me." He smiled that sweet smile of his.

  "I don't need no one!" I cried. Tears threatened again. I couldn't allow him to care for me. Could I? Everyone who cared for me died, didn't they?

  "I need you as you need me," he said as he set a bowl on the table for me then dished out some for himself. "I was hunted and you found me, you cared for me. You need that now. I found you when you cried, now I will care for you." He smiled his infuriating sweet smile at me again.

  "I should have let you die." I muttered.

  "Then you would not know my story." He said smugly.

  "You couldn't talk to me before?" I accused him as I sat to eat.

  "I needed to know you first. My secrets are dangerous." He answered. He sat to eat across from me.

  "What make you think I care?" I asked.

  "You cried." He answered. Touché. After all, only the truly insensitive could not cry for everything I had. I sighed. I ate. I cared. Damn me to hell.

  "How long did I sleep?" I asked him between mouthfuls.

  "Three days." He answered. I stared at him.

  "You’re joking." I accused.

  "No, I'm not." He shook his head.

  "I have never known how long those sleeps take. I was curious. I always lost track of my time here. I was alone then." I said. I looked up at Arian. "I am not alone now." As I said it the thought that plagued me became truth. i wasn't alone anymore. I had him. The world shifted and I with it. The world and I made room for Arian. And he became part of my life that day, more than he ever had before.

  "You needed to heal inside. I could not help you there. I wanted to. I was lost without you when you slept. Then you cried. I did not know why you cried. I wanted you to stop. I thought if I showed you I cared and it didn't matter that you hurt me you would stop crying. I am sorry I couldn't help you." Arian said.

  "Who are you?" I asked bewildered. "I am sorry for hurting you." I blushed. "I acted on impulse. I am sorry." I lowered my head.

  "I am alright." He whispered.

  "Who are you?" I asked again standing and going to the hearth.

  "I am here to help you. That is who I am." He answered. "I have no name except the one you gave me."

  "Arian." I breathed. Tears fell from my eyes again. I turned away from him.

  This time I did not pull away when he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his bare chest through my threadbare blouse. He was warm and comfortable. I wanted more.

  I turned to face him. He looped his arms around my waist as I rested my hands on his shoulders and rested my head on his chest. It felt right being there with him. I let the tears scald his chest.

  When I was done I pulled away. I felt empty of sorrow then. I felt empty of him as well. He was here and so was I and yet I would not see. I had cried for him again. As I would for many times after.

  "Tell me." I commanded, finally ready for the world again.

  "I only remember bits of my life before I was changed." He started. I sat back at the table. He ladled another bowl of food for me. He then sat. "I remember a little as a small child, but I can't remember what was as
aid in my memories. I do know I didn't look like this then. I think I was captured and used as a test subject. I don't know anything more about that. I do know about a year ago I woke up in a lab looking like this. They made me fight monsters there. I survived. Then someone was careless. I got the keys. I ran. They sent those creatures after me. You saved me then." He sighed. "I know my story is incomplete. I do know they are now taking people to experiment on though. As a child I had heard rumors of the corporate entity doing that. I was about ten then I think. I remember that much. The knowledge. They thought I was stupid. I acted that way to get away. I think my seeming stupidity made them relax their guard on me. That is how I escaped." He sighed and stood. He then took his bowl to the tub for washing dishes and set it into the tub.

  I didn't know what to say, what did one say to a man who had been changed so, and then hurt. i felt tears again sting the backs of my eyes.

  "Don't." He snapped.

  "What?" I said.

  "Don't cry. Please." He asked. I stood and walked to the bed. I grabbed a blanket.

  "You need this more than I do. You get the bed." I said.

  "No. This is your house." He argued, still not looking at me.

  "Fine, we'll both sleep on the floor." I lay down on the side closest to the door, and pulled the blanket over myself. I closed my eyes, but not before I caught a glance of surprise on his face.

  I slept through the night. As I woke a thought came through my head. He needed to learn survival.

  I rose and crept from the cottage. I took only my bow and arrows with me. I hunted and brought a small and untainted rabbit home. I skinned it and gutted the thing. I buried the offal in the woods far from the cottage.

  Taking the rabbit home I found a frantic Arian climbing down from the loft. Ah, that is why he did not sleep in the bed I thought. He found mine and my sister's old sleeping place. I had wondered where he slept. I shook my head and took the rabbit to the hearth. I put it on the spit hidden in the hearth. I then stoked up the fire and began to roast the thing.

  I stood and went to the tub where I rinsed my hands off. I then turned to Arian. "I am afraid you will not survive out there without some training." I told him. I grabbed my bow and arrows. "Come on." I said and lead him behind the cottage. There I pulled out an old battered target from the small chest placed there for practice equipment. I then attached it to a post several feet away. I handed him the bow.

  "Listen to me carefully. This is a weapon. It is for killing. Never point it unless you are sure of your target. Do you understand me?" I explained. He nodded. "This is the bow, here is the string." I pointed to each as I named them. "Here is the arrow. The tip always faces away. The fletching is here. The knock is here." Again I pointed to each as I named them. You knock the arrow like so." I said. I demonstrated placing the nock to the string and setting the arrow across the bow. "You stand like so." I said as I turned my body sideways to the target. I then raised the arm holding the bow. "And aim. Keep both eyes open. You will see the target better." I sighted along the arrow. "Next you draw." I pulled the arrow back to the edge of my lip. "Position your arms like so," I said as I pulled the arrow into position. I loosed. It hit the target, dead center. "Alright your turn." I handed him the bow and an arrow.

  Arian did as I had instructed and he soon was hitting the target. However, he didn't hit it every time or for that matter the center. After practice we went inside to eat the rabbit and some greens I had gathered while Arian practiced. After all this time the herb garden had survived, so I made use of it. After we had cleaned up I again dragged Arian out into the clearing. There I taught him and undid the so-called training of fighting monsters with whatever weapons were available. We ate lunch. I then took him into the woods where I pointed out the plants which were edible and those that could heal. I also showed him the dangerous ones. We went back to the cottage for dinner.

  I went into the loft and found an old chest hidden in the musty hay and lugged it downstairs as Arian prepared our dinner.

  "Here," I said. "This is yours now." I said. And went to the bathroom." There I filled the tub and undressed. I climbed into the water and washed myself.

  When I was clean I dressed in the spare clothing I kept there for that purpose and threw my clothes into the tub. I washed them and hung them in the drying room. I went into the main room and found Arian staring at the chest.

  "What is wrong?" I asked. "Don't they fit?" I placed a hand on his shoulder.

  "No one has ever given me anything." He said.

  "Is that all." I laughed. "They are just clothes. They were my father's and they would be better used than packed away." I reached for the chest and pulled the lid open. "There, see, clothes." I said.

  I started to move away, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap. He buried his head in my chest. I think it was more than he could take in that day. He cried. I felt the tears fall. I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry. This I was used to. Others always cried on me. I was the loner, I wasn't supposed to cry, and they were. I allowed it. This is something I knew. I never said a word. I just let them cry. I knew this. They needed it. And now I knew why. I too needed this. I needed it from Arian. A shoulder to cry on. I let him cry. I always let them all cry on me. I hold them and I protect them. I am White Owl. I bring them strength by being me. I protect, I am death to monsters. Arian needed me this way now. The strong woman who fought to keep people safe. I became that for him.

  When he was done he did not push me away like others did. He held me for a little longer. He was done crying, but not done with my comfort. I shifted slightly and he let me go. I think he thought I wanted to be let go. I moved away and climbed the ladder to the loft. I would let him have the bed. I climbed into the straw pallet me and my sister used to share. I went to sleep, both emotionally and mentally drained. He slept in the bed. I was glad to give him the luxuries he had been denied.