“You went into labor on your own.” She squeals so I take the phone from my ear until she’s finished. “I’m getting up now but I’ll have to wait on a taxi. Don’t you dare give birth before I get there.”
I’m starting another contraction so I’m done talking. “I’m hanging up now because I’m in too much pain to talk. I’ll see you in a few.”
I’m immediately taken into the observation area of labor and delivery. Sin helps me change into a hospital gown and get into the bed. It’s a slow process since my contractions are so close.
The nurse takes a quick assessment and does an exam. “You’ve dilated five centimeters and thinned almost all the way.”
“I was pretty sure these pains had to be the real thing.”
“The baby coming first feels vertex. Head down. We’ll need to do an ultrasound to be sure. If that’s the case, Dr. Kerr would probably let you attempt a vaginal birth if you wanted to try.”
Baby number one has been breech for months. He or she has been stubborn without a single sign of turning. I’ve mentally prepared myself for a surgical birth so I’ve not given a vaginal one any thought.
I think Sin is as thrown off by this new information as I am. “Is a natural delivery something you’d want to try with twins? It seems like it would be easier to have the C-section and be done.”
I know I’ll have pain with the cesarean. It’s surgery. My belly will be cut open. It would probably be easier to recover from a natural delivery. That’s something for me to consider since I’ll have three babies to care for when I get home. “We should talk to Dr. Kerr and see what he recommends.”
Dr. Kerr comes in and scans my abdomen with the ultrasound. “She was right. Baby number one is presenting head first so this changes things. It’s perfectly safe for you to attempt a vaginal birth. If you want to proceed with the C-section, we can do that as well. There’s no right or wrong decision.”
A thought occurs to me. It would be horrible to deliver the first one vaginally and then be rushed to surgery for a C-section with the second one. I could potentially have pain in my butt and abdomen. That would make it very difficult to recover. I don’t think I want to risk it since there’s no guarantee things will go well.
“I prefer to deliver both babies the same way. The only way I guarantee that is to opt for the C-section. I don’t want to attempt the vaginal delivery. Is that okay with you?”
“It’s your body, Bonny. Your decision. I’m fine with whatever you decide.”
“Then my mind is made up. Let’s do the cesarean.”
I’m moved over to a surgical table. The room is freezing cold, the lights bright. A nurse helps me to sit on the edge of the OR table and I’m told to curl my spine like a C. I’m shaking. Jerking. I can’t control it. It’s impossible to be motionless despite the warning it’s what is expected of me.
“Just getting started. This part feels like a bee sting.”
“Oh!” Shit. It does. A huge-ass bumblebee.
“Hold very still for me.” Easier said than done.
The worst part of being told to hold still is when a contraction comes and all you want to do is move. “Here comes another contraction.”
“Got it. It’s in.”
“We can’t wait on your contraction to finish. We have to get you on your back now. The medicine spreads by gravity so your level of anesthesia won’t be high enough for surgery if you’re not lying down. It’ll all go to your legs.” The nurses assist me into a lying position and shove something under my left hip so I’m tilted. My arms are spread to my side, stabilized with Velcro. An oxygen mask is placed over my face.
I’m scared. I need Sin with me. “Where is my husband?”
“Don’t worry. A nurse will bring him in just a moment.”
I’m strapped to this OR table without the use of my arms. The mask presses on my face and I can’t move it. Doesn’t matter that it’s blowing oxygen into my mouth and nose. I feel trapped. Helpless. The onset of a panic attack is dancing across my chest. “I can’t breathe.”
“Your oxygen saturation is at one hundred percent. I assure you that you are breathing just fine.”
The anesthetist doesn’t know my history. Doesn’t understand that my body may be breathing fine but my mind tells me it isn’t. “I’m having a panic attack. I feel like I’m smothering. I need to sit up.”
My doctor calls out, “Tilt her to her left side a little more and see if that helps.”
I feel the surgery bed beneath me move. “Try to calm down, Mrs. Breckenridge. Your surgery has started so we can’t allow you to sit up.”
Dammit. I haven’t had an attack in two months. Everything has been going so well. Why now? “Where’s my husband? I need my husband. Right now!”
“Hey. I’m here, Bonny.”
I hear his voice but I can’t see him yet. “Where are you? I can’t breathe, Breck.”
I lift my chin to look in the direction where I think I heard his voice. I’m relieved when I see him coming to me.
Sin notices the restraints around my wrists. “She has issues with her mobility being restricted. Is there any way we can take those off?”
“We can if it’s contributing to her problem.”
The Velcro wraps around my arms are removed and I immediately feel better.
“Inhale slowly and deeply. Blow it out gradually. Concentrate only on your breathing. Think about moving air in and out of your lungs.” He strokes my forehead with the back of his hand. “Own it, Bonny. You’re not a slave to it.”
“I can put you to sleep if it becomes too much for you, Mrs. Breckenridge.”
Going to sleep means I don’t get to see my babies when they are born. I don’t want that.
I reach out to touch Sin’s face. “I’ll be fine as long as my husband continues to talk to me.” Only he can soothe me.
“Close your eyes and visualize yourself breathing. In. Out. The mask you’re wearing is giving you more oxygen than you need. Breathe it in.”
My hysteria spirals downward. Sin’s voice always does that for me. “It’s getting better.”
“Good.”
Sin sits on a stool next to my head so I’m looking at him upside down. “You look weird.”
“Says the woman who is wearing a plastic mask over her face.”
“Right,” I laugh. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“Perfectly understandable.”
Dr. Kerr calls out, “Just made an incision into your uterus, Bleu. Won’t be long now.”
Sin kisses my forehead. “Only a few more minutes and we finally get to meet them.”
I’m trembling, almost violently.
“Nervous?” Sin asks.
Nervous doesn’t even begin to cover it. “Extremely.”
“Just broke the bag of waters on the first baby.” The room immediately fills with the sound of suctioning very similar to what you hear during dental work.
Oh my God. This is it. Our first child is about to make his or her entrance into this world.
Sin leans down to kiss the top of my head. “Boy or girl? Last chance to make a guess.”
I’ve been taking care of Lourdes so now it’s hard to imagine myself with a boy. “I think this one is a girl. What’s your guess?”
“Boy.”
A high-pitched cry fills the room. The most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.
Sin and I look at one another, grinning and waiting for the verdict. “Number one is a boy.”
Sin leans down to kiss my forehead. “I can’t believe it, Bonny. We have a son.”
A moment later our newborn is placed upon my chest. I stroke my hand over the top of his head. “Hello, Liam. We’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”
The nurses wipe him off and cover his head with a beanie before tucking him inside my hospital gown so we’re skin to skin.
I don’t get to admire him for long before a second cry pierces the room. I look at Sin. “Quick. Boy or girl?”
“I’m going with another boy. It’s what I’ve been saying for two months.”
“I’m sticking with girl.”
“I hear some guessing going on down there,” Dr. Kerr says.
“My husband says boy. I’m going with a girl.”
“Mr. Breckenridge has it right again. Another boy.”
Liam is scooted aside to make room for Harrison so both of my sons are lying against me, skin to skin. “Oh my God. I can’t believe how much hair they have. They must get that from you because I was almost bald until I was two.”
“I had a head full of dark hair, just like them.”
“I thought one might inherit Isobel’s hair.” When I imagined what our children would look like, I always saw one being a little red-haired girl.
It’s difficult to see their faces the way we’re positioned. “Do they look anything alike? I can’t tell from here.”
Sin gets up and looks back and forth between their two faces. “I think they do.”
“I’m going to send the placenta to pathology to confirm that they’re identical.”
Identical isn’t a possibility. “They’re in vitro babies. They have to be fraternal.”
“It’s possible only one embryo implanted and then split. That would result in identical twins. It’s unlikely, but not impossible. I should have an answer for you in a few weeks.”
Sin leans forward to study them. “Thank you for giving me not one, but two healthy sons. Two grandsons for my parents.” He leans close to my ear. “Two future leaders for The Fellowship. And two brothers for Lourdes.”
My heart pounds. “What are you saying?”
“What do you want me to be saying?”
“That we’re keeping her.”
“Then that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
I want to throw my arms around him but I can’t. They’re full of babies. “You are amazing. I love you so much. Thank you.”
I may be looking at him upside down but I recognize his expression. He presses his forehead to mine and together we whisper so softly that only we know and hear what we’re saying.
“Into me… you see.”
Epilogue
Bleu Breckenridge
“This was bound to happen. Three babies. Three nappies. I knew at least one of them would shite and need a changing before the ceremony.”
“Language, Sin.” We’ve had this conversation. They’re babies but they won’t always be. We must learn to control our tongues now so we don’t teach them to be cursing toddlers.
Sin holds Liam out to me. “Here, Mummy. Take your son. He stinks.”
I don’t even glance in Sin’s direction. He isn’t going to charm me into diaper duty with his dashing smile and lone dimple. “Then change him.”
Sin uses his baby voice and wags Liam as though he’s the one talking. “But, Mummy. You do it so much better than Dad.”
Cute. But not convincing. “Because I have far more practice. You always manage to sweet talk me into doing it so you don’t have to.”
“Can I sweet talk you into it this time?”
He’s still holding my sweet boy out for me but I’m not taking the bait. “No. I have to finish getting dressed.”
“I thought you had already gotten ready.”
This is rinse and repeat. “I did, but Harrison spit up all over me and my dress. I smelled like soured baby puke so I had to shower again.”
Raising three babies is so much more work than we could have imagined. But it brings us a joy we’ve never known. We couldn’t be happier.
“Then I guess I have no choice.” He sounds defeated.
“Good luck with that,” I call out as Sin leaves with Liam.
I know my husband. He’s going to find his mum. “Don’t even think about asking your mother to do it. She’s busy making sure everything is perfect for the ceremony.”
I’m entertained by what just played out. Finally, I get to laugh at Sin for a change.
Hell may have just frozen over. My entire family is ready on time. I’m glad because today is a very special event for my children. Consecration day.
All Fellowship children are formally dedicated to the brotherhood, but our children’s ceremony will be much different since they were born to a leader. Sin and I must vow to nurture them in all ways Fellowship. We will pledge to teach them how to one day lead our people. It’s a huge undertaking, the same one Sin’s parents took and his grandparents before them.
Isobel and her event planner have struck again. Our home looks worthy of any king’s coronation. Our backyard is overrun with dozens of tables, each covered by a cream tablecloth and enormous floral arrangements in varying shades of salmon and lime. Elegant chic baby is the theme. That’s what the event planner calls it. It’s gorgeous.
Parents gather their children when we take our place on the rostrum with Thane. “Today is very special for The Fellowship. It’s been twenty-one years since an infant was consecrated into our brotherhood.” He’s referring to Cara’s ceremony.
“Sinclair and Bleu have been ardent in their duties to produce future leaders for our brotherhood since they are bringing forth three children.” That earns a laugh from the crowd.
Thane motions for us to come forward before taking Liam from me. “What name is given this child?”
“Liam Thane Breckenridge,” Sin says.
“Liam Thane Breckenridge is Sinclair and Bleu’s child. But today he becomes our child as well. This covenant reflects a solemn, symbolic act on the part of his parents to rear him in the nurture and admonition of The Fellowship. Do you accept this responsibility?”
Sin and I say the words together. “We do.”
We pledge the same vows for Harrison MacAllister and Lourdes Elizabeth.
It’s done. All three of our children have officially been dedicated to The Fellowship.
With the formalities behind us, Westlyn, Lorna, and Ellison take over temporary care of my wee ones. My hands are empty. It’s a rare moment so I’m not sure what I should do with myself.
Sin comes up behind me and slips his hands around my waist. I’m still a little self-conscious about the stubborn bulge that hasn’t gone away. “Dance with me, Mrs. Breckenridge.”
He leads me on to the dance floor and pulls me against him. The band is playing their rendition of “Blessed” by Elton John.
The songs were chosen by the event planner with the idea of maintaining consistency with the ceremony’s baby theme.
Sin brings our clasped hands to his mouth so he can kiss the top of my hand. It never gets old. “I’m blessed with everything I didn’t know I wanted or needed. I have it all––a beautiful wife I love. A precious daughter who already wraps me around her tiny finger. Two sons who will one day make me proud by taking my place as leaders to our people. What else could I possibly ask for?”
I can hardly recall the person I was before Sin and our babies. I was dead inside, filled only with hate and thirst for revenge. But then hate met love. My desire for vengeance became a longing to love. And be loved.
Sunshine meets rain and makes a beautiful thing. The same can be said about me meeting Sin. I was in the dark. Our love illuminated my world with its light. And together we have made beautiful things.
The End
Endurance
Book Four
Jamie and Ellison's story
I’m a doctor. Mobster. Killer.
My hands are covered in filth. I don’t have the right to touch anything as clean and pure as Ellison MacAllister.
I distance myself … always remaining obscure, composed, restrained.
Careful to never allow my eyes to linger too long.
Careful to hide my interest.
Careful to keep my burning desire buried beneath the surface.
I do it for her—suffer in silence—because it’s what is best for the woman I love.
And she has no idea.
She’ll be initiated as a Fellowship member soon. One of my mafia
brothers will go through endurance so he’ll earn the right to claim her.
Make her his wife.
Kill. Me. Slowly.
I’m running out of time. Only a month remains before she’s beyond my reach forever.
I want to taste her. Share sleepless nights. Ride out her storm.
I want to give her the kind of nights she will still feel between her legs the next morning.
I want us to share the kind of passion that forms on our skin and drips down to saturate the sheets.
Between the sweat and the moans and the messy hair, I want her to know how hard she’s been loved.
To have her is to taint her.
I should stay away. But I won’t. I can’t.
I’m a selfish bastard.
A selfish bastard in love.
Prologue
Ellison Macallister
I left everything behind. Every. Thing. My possessions. My career. My friends. My past. My present.
My future.
I’ve traded my nursing clogs for rain boots. Shorts and tank tops for jackets and scarves. Sunscreen for an umbrella.
I’ve been calling bonny Scotland home for the last nine months. I spent the first five weeks living in a bubble within my sister’s domain where the criminal world known as The Fellowship didn’t exist. I believed Bleu and Sin were a normal husband and wife expecting not one, but two babies, to go along with the precious baby girl they’d adopted. They were a beautiful family. A living and breathing fairy tale in my mind. He was her rich and handsome Scottish knight in a shining black luxury sedan. She was his beautiful, badass princess who carried a Beretta… but still needed saving.
I envied the fuck out of them.
And then the bubble burst.
That was almost eight months ago. Everything changed. I know about the brotherhood’s world of organized crime. Or at least as much as any outsider can know without being clipped. Burned. Marbh. I don’t know what that word means but I’ve heard Sin use it with an angry tone more than once when talking to a brother. I haven’t asked but I’m pretty sure it means somebody fucked up big time and they’re about to get whacked.
Complete Sin Box Set Page 69