The Quiet Game (Pushed Aside Book 1)

by Cassandra Hallman

  When I walk in the house things go from bad to worst-case scenario in a split second. I expect my foster parents to be angry because I didn’t tell them I was going to be out all night but they are not angry with me at all. Instead of me apologizing, they are the ones apologizing and it takes me a minute to even understand what they are saying.

  “Eliza, we are so sorry. We don’t know what happened. Or why this is happening. We told them you were happy here and that we are glad to have you but they insisted that you will move into a group home. They said it will be in your best interest to go as soon as possible and that there is an opening today,” Christine says the last part with tears rolling down her face.

  “What?” Is all I can manage to say.

  “We don’t know why you are being moved so quickly and why they are sending you so far away. This place is at the other side of the state,” Brad tells me while swinging his hands in the air like he just can't believe how this is possible.

  I still don’t know why this is happening but I have a pretty good idea who is responsible for sending me packing.

  I gather the few belongings I have and wait for the car to pick me up. It's a three-hour drive to the new place. I won't particularly miss my old school, mostly because I don’t have any friends there, but I will miss my last foster family. Brad and Christine have been nothing but nice to me. I have never been in a group home before, so I am not sure what to expect when I get there. Right now, I expect the worst. I don’t know how or why he did it but I am almost certain Jaxon had me moved. Judging by the way he treated me this morning he hates me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sends me to the worst group home the state has to offer. The drive stretches on, we stop a few times, got lost once and by the time we get there it is late at night. A young woman, with brown, shoulder length, wavy hair, is waiting at the door for us. She greets me with a warm smile and kind eyes.

  “Eliza, I am Sarah, I'm so glad you made it. Sorry this all happened so suddenly, but we are happy to have you and I'm sure you going to fit right in with us.”

  My face must show how surprised and relieved I am by her genuine friendliness because she takes me into a big hug and holds me there for a few seconds while rubbing my back. When she releases me, she keeps her hand on one of my arms, squeezing gently.

  “You going to be alright here, Eliza, I promise I will do everything I can to help you feel welcome here.” Her voice is so warm and honest it almost makes me cry. She takes me upstairs to show me my room while explaining some of the house rules and telling me about the school I’m going to start attending on Monday. When she opens the door to my new room I’m surprised to see two beds inside. One of them is occupied by a girl my age with long brown hair pulled up in a messy bun. She is sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, literally grinning from ear to ear.

  “Eliza, this is your roommate Jenna, Jen this is Eliza. I think you two will be perfect for each other.” Sarah turns to me while Jenna is frantically nodding her head.

  “See Eliza, where you don’t like to talk, Jenna likes to talk enough for two people.”

  Jenna must see that as her cue because she jumps up and pulls me into a warm hug just like Sarah had done a few minutes ago.

  “I'm so excited to have a roommate! We can share clothes and makeup and we can do your hair and you can do mine. We can stay up all night and talk, well I’ll talk, and you’ll listen. I’m completely fine with that.” She says without taking a breath but managing to keep the big smile on her face the whole time. Her smile is so infectious I can’t help but return the gesture.

  I don’t know about the hair and makeup thing but the rest doesn’t sound that bad. I never had a roommate or a close friend to do any of those things with. I never had the chance, but now that I have the opportunity the thought is welcoming. I think I might actually like it here.

  11

  Jaxon

  After I send Eliza across state to live in the group home, my life becomes almost unbearable. She doesn’t know it, but I’ve spent a lot of time watching out for her. I often sat in my car outside of her school just so I could see her for a few minutes. To make sure she got there safe and then after school, I would make sure she got home okay. I’m fully aware of my stalker tendencies when it comes to her but I can’t help it.

  I’ve always been worried about her and until now I’ve been able to control those fears by going to see her, even if it was just from afar. My hasty decision to send her far away left me without that crutch. Now I have nothing left besides calling my contact at Child Protective Services to make sure she is doing okay in her new home.

  Days feel like weeks when you are depressed. I’m in a constant foul mood and on my off days I have to force myself not to go and see her. Until now I was able to stay away, knowing that it’s going to be better this way. I’ve always been able to come to my senses before I got in my car to drive off…always until today.

  It’s her birthday and even though I know that’s not a good reason, it’s reason enough for me. I just want to see her. Even if it’s just for a few minutes and then I’ll drive back. I need to see her with my own eyes. I need to know that she is happy there and that I made the right decision by sending her away.

  It’s a three-hour drive from my place to where she lives now. Three hours to see her for a few minutes and then I’ll drive back home another three hours. Totally worth it.

  12

  Eliza

  It’s my seventeenth birthday and I can’t believe I let myself be talked into getting my hair and makeup done. Where I have my way without words, my new best friend Jen has her way with words. It’s almost like a superpower, she talks so much about something that by the time she is done you don’t even remember your own thoughts on the matter. I'm sitting in front of the vanity mirror in our room while Jen is buzzing around my head with all kinds of tools and brushes I have never seen before.

  “You probably wonder how I’m so good at this stuff? My mom taught me most of it. It was a game we used to play. Kind of like dress up.”

  Jen doesn’t talk a lot about her mom but I know that she had been with her mom her whole life and only got put in a group home a few months ago. She actually still gets to see her every other weekend while she is in some kind of mandatory rehab. This happens to be one of those weekends and Jen is supposed to leave in a few hours. She told me a few times she was going to cancel but I kept waving her off. I would never expect her to stay here for me and miss an opportunity to see her mom.

  “My mom played dress up with me every day before she went to work as an exotic dancer.” She draws out the last two words and makes air quotation marks with her fingers.

  I imagine that most girls would be ashamed of their mom being a stripper but in an odd way I find myself envious of Jen. I never knew my mother and I would prefer what Jen and her mom have, however messed up it might be. Anything is better than not having a mother at all. I am sad that I don’t know any part of my family. I never knew my parents or my grandparents. I don’t know if I have siblings or cousins. I mourn all of the people in my life that I lost and will never know, but nothing is quite as strong as the longing that I have for my mother.

  When Jen is finally done and I look in the mirror I am pleasantly surprised and relieved that Jen didn’t go overboard. She curled my hair into big loose curls and sprayed some kind of spray into them that shimmers golden in the light. My makeup is done light, only enhancing my features not changing them.

  She reads my expressions and yells, “See I knew you would like it!”

  After I put on a dress that Jen picked out from her closet I look at myself in the bathroom mirror for a long time. I look good I realize and it’s not just the hair and make-up. I have gained some weight since I moved here and the few extra pounds make me look less like a scrawny kid and more like a young woman.

  “Come on Cinderella, time for dinner!” Jen yells through the door.

  When we go downstairs everybody is already there. Two
of our caregivers including Sarah are sitting around the table along with the four other kids that live with us in the house. I’m pretty comfortable and relaxed here, because I know all of them as well as my surroundings. We eat dinner and afterwards Sarah brings in a cake while everybody sings happy birthday.

  Today, I’m happy and heartbroken at the same time. Happy because this has been a great birthday, probably the best birthday I ever had. Heartbroken because just like everything else in my life, this is only temporary. I am heartbroken because there is no one here I can ask ‘hey remember my last birthday’ and there is no one here I can tell ‘you know what I want to do for my next one’.

  Jen pulls me out of my thoughts when she gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry I'm leaving on your birthday. I love you and I will miss you and I promise I will make it up to you when I get back.”

  I hug her back and tell her, “Love you too” before she walks out the door and I walk up the stairs. Back in my room I take off my dress and pull on shorts and a tank top. Next, I wash off the makeup and brush my teeth. Before I get into my bed I do what I do every night before I go to sleep. I go to my dresser, open the top drawer and check the phone Jaxon gave me. It’s stupid to keep checking it or even keeping it charged. Nobody besides Jaxon has that number and I don’t even know if this phone still works. He probably forgot he even gave it to me. I shut the drawer and walk to my bed when I hear the buzzing noise. I freeze and listen. I shake my head and take another step but then I hear it again. I go back and open the drawer once again, this time the screen on the phone is actually lit up.

  JAXON: OPEN UP

  Open up? My excitement turns into disappointment. He must have messaged the wrong number. I'm about to slam the drawer shut when the screen lights up again.

  JAXON: LET ME IN OR I’LL BREAK YOUR WINDOW

  I walk to my window, slowly, scared to find him outside, even more scared not to find him. When I finally get there and look down, I think my heart skips a beat the moment I see him standing there.

  He is really here.

  I open the window; my heart racing as I watch him climbing up to me. I'm on the second floor but there is a ledge on the wall and he uses it to get up here with ease. I step back when he stumbles in my room. He straightens up and looks around the room. He seems so out of place its comical.

  Looking up at me with his dark blue eyes, he takes a step towards me, making my heart beat faster in my chest.

  “Happy Birthday,” he tells me, slurring just a little and I wonder if he had something to drink before he came here. When I don’t say anything back he steps even closer and takes my hand. As soon as our hands touch, butterflies flutter around my belly.

  “Please talk to me. I know I messed up. I'm sorry, okay? Please talk to me,” he pleads with me. I want to tell him that there is nothing to be sorry about, but that would be a lie. The truth is he really hurt my feelings. I trusted him. I thought he was my friend and then he just sent me away and I don’t even know why. So before I forgive him of anything, I need to figure out what’s going on. I need to ask him a lot of questions and he needs to answer me truthfully.

  “Are you drunk?” Is the first thing I need to know.

  “A little,” he admits.

  “How did you get here?”

  “I drove.”

  “Drunk?”

  “No, I drove here, then got drunk. I was just gonna come, bring you a cupcake and leave but then I saw you through the window and…” he trails off.

  “Where is it?” I look down at his empty hands.

  “Where is what?”

  “The cupcake?” I ask with a giggle.

  “I ate it. I'm sorry I'm an asshole.” He shakes his head and looks down to the floor between us reminding me of a dog who just chewed up its master’s favorite shoe. My giggles turn into a quiet laugh.

  “I thought you’d hate me,” He says all serious.

  Hate him? Mad at him? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. But hate? No I don’t hate him.

  “I don’t hate you but I thought you hated me,” I say.

  “Why would I hate you?” He seems honestly baffled by my statement.

  “I don’t know, you seemed so mad at me that night and then the next morning, you didn’t talk to me, you didn’t even look at me.” I can't even say it without my voice cracking. The reminder of the day still hurts.

  “I’m sorry. I was never mad at you. I was mad at myself.” He looks so sad when he says this.

  I don’t know why he is angry with himself but I can see that whatever it is it’s eating him up and all I want to do is comfort him. I let go of his hand, wrap both of my arms around him, and press my face into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my head. It’s not until this exact moment that I’m sure I didn’t dream of lying on his chest that night. This is too familiar. The sound of his heartbeat, his smell, the warmth, and the safe feeling, I'm back in my limbo world.

  “Since I ate your cupcake, is there anything else you wish for?” He says into my hair.

  I lift my head slightly so he can hear what I’m saying. “Stay.”

  “Okay.” I’m surprised when he agrees and even more so when he starts walking me backwards towards my bed. He kicks his boots off before lying me down, covering me up with my blanket and climbing in the bed next to me. We both turn on our sides so we are looking at each other. He doesn’t get under the blanket with me and for a moment I’m shocked to realize that I’m disappointed about that…I want him to get under the blanket with me.

  My bed has never felt this small before. My heart is racing as he traces the curve of my face with his fingertips and whispers, “So pretty…”

  He’s looking at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world. His hooded gaze combined with his touch and the fact that we are lying so close to together turns my insides to mush. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I want to be even closer to him, I want him to touch me everywhere and not just my face.

  The few inches of space between us seems too much, the air between us seems too much and before I know what I’m doing, I inch myself towards him and touch my lips to his. At first, he freezes and I think he is going to push me away but then he starts kissing me back and all I can do is melt into his arms.

  13

  Jaxon

  Her lips are so soft, they feel like a feather brushing against mine. I know this is probably a bad idea, but there is just no way I can stop kissing her right now. I slide my arms under her and pull her closer to me. Tucking her into my body, deepen the kiss, wanting her as close as I can get her. Even with all that fabric between us I can feel her body molding to mine. She scoots her body even closer, as close as she can possibly get.

  I have dreamed about this so many times. Wanting to hold her, kiss her; I always hoped that one day she would look at me the way I look at her. Now that she is here, clinging onto me while we kiss, I realize that none of those dreams come even close to the real thing.

  Her lips were perfectly molded to mine, as if we were meant to be. My arms wrapped around her small fragile body while she leans into me with nothing but trust. My heart is so full of joy it hurts. I wish I could stay here forever, just holding and kissing her lips. I want to do more than that, I want to kiss her all over, explore her whole body, but I won’t. I can’t. I can’t let it get that far no matter how much I want it to.

  By the time we break the kiss, we are both out of breath. I pull her into me and turn onto my back so she can rest her head on my shoulder. She settles half on top of me. Draping her leg over mine, and her arm over my chest. I can feel her warm breath on my neck as I close my eyes, enjoying how she feels in my arms, even if it’s just for tonight.

  It’s still dark outside when I wake up. Eliza is still cuddled up in my arms, breathing evenly. I should leave before she wakes up. It would make this so much easier but I can’t bring myself to carefully move her arm from my chest and her leg that is wrapped around m
ine, so I can sneak out. A few more minutes, I keep telling myself. I lie awake like this for a long time. It feels like hours. I don’t mind. I could stay like this for many more hours. Unfortunately, I need to get out of here before anybody notices that I’m here. Eliza would get in trouble for having someone in her room, an older guy nonetheless. I know she likes it here and I don’t want to mess things up for her.

  I lift my head and start kissing her face ever so softly, over her eye, her cheek, next to her mouth, and then I make my way down her jaw and the nape of her neck. I know she is awake now by the way her breathing changed but her eyes remain closed.

  I lay my head back on the pillow and whisper, “I gotta go.”

  She answers me by tightening her grip around my body and shaking her head.

  I kiss her forehead one more time before sitting up. “I really need to go. I don’t think Miss Sarah would appreciate you having nocturnal company.”

  She frowns, still holding on to my arm and I can’t bring myself to pull away.

  “Also, I have to be at the club at noon.”

  “What do you do there anyway?”

  “Tell people what to do,” I say with a grin. “I pretty much act like I own the place.”

  “Take me with you,” her voice is small and sweet, almost like a plea. It kills me that I can’t give her what she wants. I need to make things right. I need to get my shit together so I can give her what she deserves. So that I can give her who she deserves.

  “You can’t stay with me. I don’t even want you anywhere near me right now.” The words come out harsher than I intended and I can see the disappointment and the pain of rejection on her face. Two feelings she is very familiar with by now and I hate that I am the one causing them this time.