By the time I wake up again daylight has lit up the room. My head is throbbing and my whole body feels stiff and sore. I don’t want to move, partly because Jaxon is still spooning me. Breathing loudly into my ear. I don’t mind. I’m glad he is asleep, he probably needed rest just as bad as I did. There is a tray of food sitting on the nightstand next to my bed. I wish I could have seen the nurse’s face when she walked in here and we were lying in bed like a pair of sardines. I slowly reach over with my good hand and grab the water from my tray. My throat is so dry it hurts. I drink the whole cup of water and put my head back on the pillow. A few minutes later Jaxon starts to wake up behind me. Half asleep he pulls me closer, nuzzling his face into my hair and tightening his arm around me. Then he suddenly pulls back.
“I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?”
“No.” My answer doesn't seem to satisfy him because he gets up from the bed. Losing his warm body next to mine leaves a void. When I carefully roll onto my back and stretch out I realize I really have to use the bathroom. I'm hooked up to machines and an IV and I'm not sure how to unhook myself so I hit the nurse button. A minute later the door opens and my favorite nurse walks in. I look over to Jaxon and he’s already glaring daggers at her.
“How can I help you?” She says in an overly nice and obviously fake voice.
“She needs to go to the bathroom,” Jaxon answers for me.
“Alrighty.” She starts unhooking something from my arm and moves the IV bag to a portable stand I can push around. She walks me to the bathroom, even holding the back of my hospital gown shut until we are in the bathroom.
“You got it from here, Sweetie?” She asks me, still in her pretend high pitch voice.
I give her a nod and she leaves me. It’s hard for me to get my underwear up and down with one hand but there is no way I was going to ask her for any more help.
After I use the bathroom I wash my hands and for the first time since the accident take a look in the mirror. I look like crap. My face is bruised and swollen, I have dark rings under my eyes and my hair looks like a bird nested in it at some point. I try to comb some of the tangles out with my fingers but give up very quickly. When I walked back into the room Jaxon is on the phone.
“Yeah just bring it here. I don’t want to leave her. Room 408.” He puts his phone on the table and sits down on the chair.
“I have someone coming by to bring us some extra clothes, toothbrushes, and stuff.”
I walk over to him and sit on one of his knees, noticing too late that my hospital gown was not closed all the way in the back. Heat creeps up my neck and face when I realize that I just sat down on Jaxon’s lap and now my panties and bare back are exposed.
Awkwardly I reach back with my good hand but that only makes the IV tubing tangle up. I whimper as I tug on the needle in my arm by accident.
“Stop,” Jaxon orders softly. “You’re going to hurt yourself. Wait, and let me help you.”
He takes my arm and the tangled IV tube to make sure I don’t pull on it again while moving. “Now just stand up and turn around.”
I follow his direction and push myself up. When I turn around, giving Jaxon a full view of my backside I almost explode from the mixture of excitement and embarrassment. As he pulls the hospital gown together, his knuckles brush over my bare skin, sending a shiver through me. By the time he is done tying the little strings that keep the back of the gown together, goose bumps have spread across my body.
“All done,” he announces, pulling me back into his lap. “Are you cold?” He rubs his hand over my arm.
“A little,” I lie. I’m not cold at all but I’m not ready to tell him how I feel about him yet. And I’m definitely not ready to tell him how my body reacts to him. Not until I know how he feels about me. Maybe he doesn’t even like me like this.
“So, what's going to happen next?” I hate even asking because I don’t want to be disappointed again.
“Well, what do you want to happen? Where do you want to live?” He says and puts his hand on my lower back. I relax a little after his answer. I was afraid he would push me away again like he had before but his offer sounds more like an invitation. It dawns on me that this is the first time someone is asking for my opinion. Until now I have been moved around to wherever a bed was available. Now he is asking me where I want to live. I can make my own choice of where to go. The sudden freedom that is presented to me both excites and frightens me equally. I don't have to think long to know that I want to stay close to Jaxon. He has been the one constant person in my life and I didn’t even know it.
“I want to live here again. If possible, I would like to go back to my old foster home, but there are only a few weeks left in the school year so maybe I could finish it at the group home.” That way I can spend some more time with Jen, who I will definitely miss if I really get to move back here.
“That's sound good, I will talk to Sarah when she gets back.”
My heart is so full right now. I can’t believe how lucky I am. Colt’s intentions might have been wrong, but in the end, I’m thankful I know the truth now. At least there are no more lies between us. I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder and when he started to stroke my hair, I close my eyes. This feels so nice, I’ve never felt so protected and cared for. All I can hope for now is that nothing will ever come between us again, because now that I know what this feels like, I don’t know if I would survive losing him.
17
Jaxon
A little while later, Hunter shows up. Eliza is lying in the bed again and I’m sitting next to her. When he first walks in and I introduce them, I can feel her whole body stiffen up.
“Hunter has been my friend since we were kids, he was with me three years ago.”
Eliza just nods in response, apparently not comfortable talking with him around. Hunter sits some bags down next to the bathroom door and turns to us.
“I’m sorry about Colt making you come to the club and everything that happened to you,” he tells Eliza. “I had no idea what he was up to.”
Then he turns to me. “I swear I didn’t know. If I would have seen her at the club I would have told you right away. I think he avoided me on purpose, he knew exactly what he was doing. It’s the drugs, Jax, he is spiraling out of control. I told all the staff at the club that he is not welcome anymore.”
As he talks, I can feel Eliza relaxing next to me. She might not know him as well as I do but she can read people well enough to know he is telling the truth.
After Hunter leaves I change into the new clothes and brush my teeth. When I get back into the room Sarah is sitting on the chair next to the bed, talking to Eliza. “I just talked to the doctor, they going to release you first thing in the morning. I’ll be here bright and early so we can leave as soon as the doctor signs the release papers.”
Eliza doesn't say anything she just looks at me, telling me with her eyes she wants me to talk to Sarah.
“Sarah…” I start, then her phone rings and she held up one finger.
“Sorry, I got to take this.”
She answers the phone with a cheery “Hello” but as she listens to the other person on the phone her expression saddens.
“Oh no,” she says in a sob and covers her mouth with her hand. “I'll be there as soon as I can.” She hangs up the phone, stands up, and looks at Eliza with tears in her eyes.
“Eliza, Jen’s mom just passed away. She had a relapse and accidentally overdosed.”
Eliza sits up in the bed and stares at Sarah in shock.
Sarah turns to me, “How would you feel about bringing Eliza home in the morning? I would like to head back now if possible. I assume you were planning on staying with her tonight anyway.”
“Yes, I won't leave her side and I'll bring her to you in the morning as soon as she’s released.”
She turned back to Eliza. “Are you okay with that?”
She nods right away, her eyes still large and sad. Sarah gives Eliza a careful hug and giv
es my shoulder a squeeze on the way out.
We spend the rest of the day lying in bed, walking to the cafeteria, and taking strolls through the hospital garden. I notice that Eliza doesn't talk when we are around other people, even though she is holding on to my arm. Only when it’s just us, or we sit down somewhere, does she feel safe enough to let go of her compulsion.
I hate to admit it but having this with her makes me feel really good. The way she only feels comfortable enough to speak when she is with me. I know it's wrong, but part of me likes having her depend on me. I want to take care of her and I want her to need me. I wanted her to choose on her own where to live, but on the inside, it was killing me to offer. I just want her to stay with me. Just like I always wanted her with me, even when we were kids.
We sleep the same way we slept last night. I carefully get into the bed next to her. I know the nurses don’t like us doing this and I am sure they have figured out by now that I am not her brother, but I really don’t care what they think. This time I wake up before she does and use the time to watch her sleep. Her face already looks less swollen but the bruises are still hiding her normal ivory complexion. I kiss the tender skin on the nape of her neck and she lets out a sleepy moan. Her warm body nestled up to mine, the sweet smell of her hair and skin combined with that soft moan she just let out, stirs some dark desires inside me. I push it deep down and try to think about something else while I carefully get up and put my shoes on. A knock on the door followed by the doctor walking in is the final distraction I needed.
Eliza’s eyes fly open and she immediately reaches next to her and the spot where I was just laying. The next moment, she sees me standing across the room and relief flickers over her eyes.
Did she think I would leave her?
“How are we doing this morning Miss Parker?” The doctor asks her.
“She is doing great, ready to go home,” I answer him. The doctor looks over the chart again and nods. He is already aware of the fact that Eliza doesn’t talk and is seemingly satisfied with my answer.
“Alright then, everything looks good. I just signed the release paperwork, you are ready to go home as soon as the nurse comes in to remove your IV. I still need you to take it easy for a few days, ok?”
Eliza sits up a little and gives the doctor a smile with a soft nod of her head.
“Take it easy now,” the doctor repeats and leaves the room. The new nurse comes in shortly after and unhooks Eliza from the IV. She gets dressed in the bathroom, while I gather all of our stuff and then we head out.
This time I don’t mind the three-hour drive. We stop at a little diner in the middle of nowhere to get something to eat. As soon as we sit down an older sweet looking woman comes to take our order. Her voice is even, neither friendly nor hostile but her eyes are glaring at me like she is about to pull out a kitchen knife and stab me. At the hospital, people at least knew Eliza was in a car accident but all this lady sees right now is a young girl with a busted face, not saying a word and looking nervous. Me being twice her size, with my knuckles still bruised from the fight and all I'm ordering for her, is a cup of soup and a glass of water while I order a three-course meal for myself. Eliza still can’t chew without pain because of the cut in her cheek, so there isn’t a lot more she wants to eat right now.
At least the waitress doesn't look at Eliza with judgment, only with some kind of pity and sad understanding. She doesn’t know she is completely misreading this situation. Eliza isn’t talking at all, just nervously looking around the restaurant. After the waitress leaves, I get up and I do what I did last time, I take the seat next to her. She cradles into my side and her whole body relaxes.
“Better?”
“Much,” she murmurs into my arm.
When the waitress comes back with our order, the way she looks at me changes from cautious to curious. Eliza is visibly more relaxed since I switched seats, she is even talking to me now, making jokes and laughing. The waitress outright stares at us while setting our plates down in front of us. Eliza must notice as well.
“People are confused by us,” she points out.
“Well, that’s their own problem, people just like to make assumptions.”
“I don’t blame them. I know they say you should not judge a book by its cover, but in my experience most of the time, you can. At least if people would pay attention.” There is a sad note in the way she says this and I want to ask her more about it but decide not to. She is going to have to deal with enough heartache when she gets back to her current home and her grieving friend.
Ten minutes after we got back on the road Eliza falls asleep. She is acting so normal that I keep forgetting she is still healing. I wake her up when we are ten minutes away from our destination.
“Are you going to be ok with everything that's going on?" She’s looking out the window like she’s deeply in thought.
“Yeah, I think so.” She turns to me. “Are you just dropping me off?”
“I don’t particularly want to, but I do have to get back to the club and even though Sarah seems to like me now, I highly doubt she would be ok with me staying with you.” Disappointment paints over Eliza’s features and all I want to do is wipe it off. I would like nothing more than to stay with her, if it was up to me she would never leave my side again. But she is right, school is almost out and it would be hard on her to switch school so close to the end of the year. I’ve waited for her for so many years; I can wait a few more weeks.
18
Eliza
I don’t know what I was expecting. Of course, Jaxon would not be able to stay with me here. Still, the thought of him leaving me soon hits me like a ton of bricks. I try to make my voice sound steady instead of the shakiness I feel inside. “Can you really get me moved back?”
“Eliza, I promise I will make it happen and if for some reason you can’t or you don’t want to move back, I will move out here, closer to you. Whatever you want, I’ll make it happen.”
He says this like it's the most normal thing in the world. Does he not realize what this means to me? What he means to me. I’m almost crying because I'm so happy.
We park in front of the group home and Jaxon gets out to grab my bag out of the back.
“I’ll walk you in,” he tells me and holds out his hand. I take it and together we walk in.
The house is unusually quiet. The other kids that stay here are younger than me and Jen. Normally the house is filled with the sound of children at play and laughter. I hear a quiet sob coming from the common room and we follow it. Sarah is sitting on one of the couches holding Jen in her arms. They both look up when they notice us walk in. Jen's eyes are red and puffy, she is still in her pajamas, and her hair is in an even messier bun than usual. I sit on the other side of her and she turns to me and falls into my arms. My injured rib is screaming out in pain from the sudden movement but I suppress the urge to groan. I suck in a deep breath and keep breathing through the pain until it dissipates.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble into her ear. I wish I could make her feel better but I have no idea how. I know how to live without a mother but I don’t know what it feels like to lose one. Jen doesn't say anything back. She is just holding on to me like I’m her lifeline.
Maybe that is all she needs right now. Someone who is here for her. I already feel unbelievably guilty for thinking about leaving her in a few weeks. When I look back up I realize Jaxon and Sarah have stepped out. After one loud sob, Jen lifts her head from my shoulder and looks at me.
“Did you bring me a hottie too or are you keeping them all for yourself?”
That makes me smile. Even now she is being sweet and funny. I wipe some tears off her cheek, stroking her face.
“Can we go to our room? I just wanna curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there.”
I nod and Jen takes my hand as we walk up the stairs. I sit down next to her on the bed and when she is cuddled up on the bed, I put my hand on her back and rub gently.
“That feels
nice,” she says approvingly.
A few minutes later the door opens slightly and Jaxon sticks his head in. I wave him over, and motion for him to come in. When he steps in, Jen's eyes are closed, but I can tell she’s not asleep.
“I’m going to head back,” he whispers.
I get up and give him a hug, holding on to him as long as I can. His arms are around me, his warmth seeping into me, and his aftershave tingling my nose. When I let go we stand there for a moment just looking at each other.
“Kiss already,” Jen demands in a mumble from the bed. When I glance over to her, she is looking at us with one eye open, grinning at me.
Jaxon leans down and gives me a quick kiss on the lips…way too quick. I want him to stay and kiss me all night but I know he needs to get back and more importantly I need to be here for Jen.
“I’ll text you tonight,” he says before turning and walking out of our room. I miss him the second he’s gone.
“I didn’t want to say anything when you first came in, but you look really terrible. I think you’ve done your makeup wrong.”
Oh, Jen. My sweet and always funny friend, the sister I never had. Why do bad things always happen to good people?
I start walking towards my bed but Jen stops me. “Eliza, will you sleep with me in my bed tonight?” I change my path and walk to Jen’s bed instead. She scoots over and I get into the bed next to her. I search for her hand and when I find it I just hold on to it. I have no idea how I can make her feel better but that’s not going to stop me from trying. I can’t offer her much, but I will give her everything I can, even if that just means being there to hold her hand through this.
The Quiet Game (Pushed Aside Book 1) Page 9