A minute ago, I was worried about Jaxon, now I’m worried about the other guy. You should see the other guy. Is what he said to me last time he looked like he had been in a fight. He said it like it was a joke to him. I feel like I am going to be sick.
People around me are going crazy. Someone runs into me, almost knocking me over. I’ve had enough, I need to get out of here. I step backward trying to get away from the crowd. Jaxon finally gets off the other guy just when bikini girl comes in and hold up his arm. That’s when Jaxon looks up into the crowd. He isn’t smiling. He doesn’t look happy about his win. He really doesn’t look like he has any emotion right now. There is nothing but a vacant look in his eyes. That is until he spots me.
As soon as he finds me in the crowd, his eyes go wide in shock. He starts heading in my direction and I have the overwhelming urge to leave. Every step I take to get away from him, he takes one to get one closer. His eyes are fixated on me and he looks anything but emotionless now. He looks like he is in a maelstrom of emotions. Anger, fear, worry are all warring in his gaze for equal footing. I'm in a heap of emotions myself, so many I can’t stand to be in here anymore. I feel like I am suffocating. I need to get out, get away from here and most of all get away from him. I turn around and start running.
He has a lot more people to go through than me, so I have a good chance of getting out of here without having to talk to him and that’s what I am counting on. I run upstairs, through the hallway and out the door. Ignoring anybody who is looking at me.
Once I’m out the door I take a deep breath but I don’t stop running. I’m crying so hard I can barely see but I keep running down the sidewalk, away from the club. I keep running when I hear Jaxon screaming my name and I keep running even after the sidewalk end and Jaxon’s screaming gets louder and sounds more urgent.
The last thing I see through my tears are a set of blurry headlights heading straight for me.
15
Jaxon
My worst nightmare has come true. Eliza saw me fight, she saw the darkest part of me. Saw all the ugliness of the business I do at the club. I never wanted her to know any of it. I knew she would hate me, and now she does. I need to explain everything to her. Tell her I would never hurt her. That I would do anything it took to keep her safe.
I shove people out of the way but everybody wants to congratulate me while Eliza is getting further and further away. Finally, I make it out of the crowd and sprint upstairs in record time. I see her at the door and shout after her but she keeps running down the street. A car pulls out of a side road and my heart stops.
I scream out her name but she ignores me. She keeps running and doesn’t see the car until it's too late. I hear tires squalling, and then somebody screams. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, all I can do is run towards her, but it’s already too late.
The car couldn’t stop in time, Eliza’s thin fragile body is thrown onto the hood and into the windshield. I run to her so fast I can’t even feel my legs move, I can't feel anything besides the ache in my chest. She got hurt and it’s my fault, again.
I kneel next to her motionless body. Her eyes are closed and there is blood dripping out of her mouth.
No, no, no.
No, please, I can’t lose her. The silent prayer is running through my head on a loop. She can’t be dead, this can’t be happening. I can't move a muscle, I’m just frozen in place and time. Random people are gathering around us, someone is on the phone with 911. Another woman comes kneeling next to me. She tells me she’s a nurse. I hear someone asking about her breathing and that’s when I snap out of it.
“Is she alive?” I ask the nurse.
“Yes, she is breathing and her pulse is strong but she needs to go to a hospital. She could have internal bleeding.” I feel like a hundred-pound weight is lifted off my chest. She’s alive.
Taking her hand into mine, I just sit there next to her, feeling more helpless than ever before.
It seems forever until we hear the sirens and the ambulance finally arrives. I watch them as they put her on a gurney, hook her up to machines and put an IV in her arm. They won’t let me ride in the ambulance with her so I tell them I’ll be right behind them in my own car. When I run back to the club I find Colt and Hunter arguing at the door.
I hear Hunter yell, “Why did you even bring her here, dude?”
That's all I needed to hear to see red. I don’t give him a chance to explain. I grab Colt by his shirt and slam him against the wall. He looks at me with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open in shock.
“You brought her here?” I manage to say through my teeth as anger consumes me. “This is your fault! You are responsible for her getting hurt. How could you? You know what she means to me.” I release him with a shove. Colt looks at me with wide eyes, as if he can’t believe my reaction.
“Jax, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
I don’t even let him finish; I can’t listen to his apologies right now. “You are out, do you understand? If I ever see your face around here again I will kill you.”
I’m surprised by how much I meant what I just said. Maybe even more surprised than Colt. I want to punch him so bad but I know I probably won't be able to stop myself once I start so I peel my fingers away from his shirt and step back. My body is vibrating with anger. Colt doesn’t say another word, he just looks at me with utter shock and disbelief written all over his face and when I turn to Hunter I find him equally as shocked. Before I can ask, he throws his hands up in defense and says, “I didn’t know about any of this, I swear.”
Good, at least one of my friends hasn’t lost his mind. I run around the building to where my car is parked, ignoring everybody I see. I drive to the hospital breaking every traffic law there is. I’m surprised that I didn’t get pulled over or get into a wreck. When I get to the emergency room they, of course, give me the family only line, which I saw coming so I tell them without missing a beat that I am her brother. It helps that I know all her information when they asked me to fill out paperwork. A nurse tells me they are doing a CT scan and they will come get me once she is in a room.
While I sit in the waiting room I call Sarah and try to explain to her what happen. As expected she doesn’t take the whole thing well, placing all the blame directly on my shoulders, which is perfectly fine with me. I really don’t give a damn what she thinks about me and I don’t want anyone to be mad at Eliza, I just need Sarah to be here for her.
Finally, the doctor walks into the waiting room. I jump up. “Is she ok?”
He raises his hand in a calming manner.
“Yes, she is fine, the CAT scan showed no bleeding in the brain. She had a nasty cut inside her cheek that needed a few stitches, a bruised rib, a sprained wrist, and a mild concussion. We’ll keep her for observation overnight. You can see her now; the nurse will take you up to her room.”
I sigh in relief and head toward her room. I step inside as quietly as I can. She looks like she is sleeping and I don’t want to wake her. I sit on a chair next to her bed and her eyes flutter open. As soon as she sees me, a tear rolls down her face and she turns her head away from me. I grab her hand but she pulls it away. Her bottom lip and her cheek are so swollen I don’t think she could talk right now, at least not without pain.
“Eliza please, you don’t have to talk, just listen. I know I kept a lot about me a secret. I did it because I thought I was protecting you from that part of me. I didn’t do any of it to hurt you. It was the opposite really. I tried everything not to get you hurt and believe me the irony is not lost on me. Not telling you the whole truth is exactly what got you hurt. I'm sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” I wait for her to respond but she doesn’t.
“Do you want me to leave?” I wouldn’t hold it against her if she wanted me gone.
I’m about to get up when she doesn’t respond after a moment, but then she shakes her head the tiniest bit. She still doesn’t look at me but it's a huge relief that she doesn’t want me to leave.
Of course
, I have no illusions that the only reason she doesn’t want me to go might be that she doesn’t want to be alone. I'm sure when Sarah gets here that they’re both going to want me gone. I don’t say anything else, partly because I don’t know what else to say and partly because I don’t think she wants to hear anymore right now. I just enjoy the time I can at least sit next to her.
The nurses come in sporadically to check on her and bring her ice packs to keep on her face. I don’t think the nurses like me very much. I can only imagine what this looks like to an outsider. Eliza doesn’t even look at me, I'm almost as beat up as her and all I’m wearing is shorts and a wife beater since that's the only thing I had in my car. I can handle the dirty looks they give me, but when they look at her with judgmental eyes I want to tell them to eat shit and not to come back. How dare they look down on her. They have no clue what she’s been through.
I’m not leaving her side while she is here. Not when there are people here looking at her like that, making her feel less than when she is so much more than most people. I’m furious that no one sees how special she is. No one but me.
16
Eliza
The next time the nurse comes in it’s early in the morning, she brings me apple juice and holds it up to my mouth with a straw. One of my hands is in some kind of brace on the bed and with my other I’m holding an icepack to the side of my face. “You think you are ready to eat some Jell-O? Or do you want anything else?”
I just shake my head a little and take a sip of the apple juice. She rolls her eyes and says more than a little annoyed, “You know you could write down what you want, you can write can’t you?”
“Keep your condescending bullshit to yourself,” Jaxon growls at her.
The nurse gives Jaxon a death stare, and then slams the apple juice down on the little table next to my bed, spilling half of it and startling me in the process. She turns around on her heel and leaves the room without saying another word.
Jaxon grabs some tissues, walks around the bed, and stands in the same spot the nurse was just standing in. He wipes up the spilled liquid, picks up the apple juice, and holds it up so I can continue drinking it. This is the first time I really look at him since the club. He looks horrible. His eyes are swollen and he looks extremely tired like he hasn’t slept in three days.
I didn’t plan on talking to him at all, I’m so angry with him and this is the only way I know how to retaliate. The way he just stood up for me to the nurse reminded me why I felt so drawn to him in the first place. He is the only person who has ever had my back, who watched out for me when no one else would. Most importantly he did so because he wanted to, not because it’s his job or he’s obligated to.
When I’m done drinking I put my icepack down and grab his hand before he sits back down. My fingers are freezing from holding the ice, making it seem like his skin is burning hot. He puts the juice down and wraps his other hand around mine as well. Covering my one hand with both of his, in a warm and cozy cocoon. I break my silence with a question that has been bothering me. “Did you drug me?”
His face twist, like he is pained by the question. “I didn’t, Colt slipped you a drugged drink at the club. I swear I didn’t know. As soon as I saw what you were drinking, I stopped you and took you to my place. Nothing else happened that night. I swear…I just let you sleep it off. All I did was hold you.”
I know he is telling the truth because I still have some faded memories about that night. My next question is even harder to ask because the answer might be scarier than anything else. “Do you like hurting people?”
He doesn’t seem surprised by that question. I’m probably not the first person who asks him this. He doesn’t have to think long before he answers.
“I like being stronger than other people. I like being hit and being able to hit back harder. I like fighting, I like everything about it and I guess…that includes hurting whomever I fight.” He adds in a softer voice, “I like to fight in the ring, against someone who wants the same. I don’t just go around hurting people and I would never, never hurt you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I guess some part of me already knew that he wouldn’t hurt me, but it's still good to hear him say it out loud. I’m about to ask him more questions when we are interrupted by a knock at the door.
The door opens a second after we hear the knock. Sarah pokes her head in first, she smiles in relief when her eyes meet mine and as she walks in she clutches her chest like she is trying to hold it together. I feel so guilty for putting her through this, waking her up in the middle of the night and making her come out here was not what I wanted. She is the sweetest person and she doesn’t deserve any of this.
I think she expected Jaxon to leave or at least move when she steps closer but he doesn't move a muscle. He is still holding on to my hand. Sarah frowns and moves around to the other side of the bed. She touches my thigh gently.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I say and I mean it, both.
“Don’t worry about anything right now. You just get better,” She tells me while taking the seat next to my bed.
“You can go now that I’m here, I think you’ve done enough.” She dismisses Jaxon, in a tone I did not think was possible coming from sweet Sarah.
Jaxon doesn’t seem offended by her statement or by her tone. He just turns to me. “Do you want me to go?”
“It depends. Is there anything else you’ve kept from me?”
I can hear Sarah gasp next to me, she never heard me say anything but a few single words here and there, and she doesn’t know about the deal that I made with Jaxon. He looks at me with his dark blue eyes and I know right away that there is more.
Then he closes his eyes like he can’t bear to look at me when he starts talking again. “Yes, there is more.”
I want to pull my hand away and tell him to leave, but I cannot bring myself to do it. Maybe it was because I’m too curious or maybe because he looks so heartbroken right now. Either way, I can’t let him go.
“Tell me everything,” I order.
The moment he opens his eyes again he starts talking. “We didn’t meet three years ago. We’ve known each other for much longer. You just don’t remember because you were so little. You must have been around four years old… I was seven. We were put in a home together. I had been there for a while by myself and then they brought you one summer. The foster mom was a raging bitch who just kept kids for the money. She didn’t want to deal with you, so I took care of you mostly. You stayed with me in my room, and you slept with me in my bed. I read stories to you to keep you busy, I got you food when you were hungry.” He sits next to me on the edge of the bed and takes a few deep breaths like it's hard for him to talk about this.
“I knew you weren’t safe there, I knew once I went back to school after the summer, you would be in danger. I knew, but I didn’t tell anyone, even when I had the chance and then it happened. I went back to school and you got hurt and it was my fault.”
It’s hard for me to process what he is telling me. But the way he is looking at me right now, with so much guilt and pain swimming in his eyes is simply heartbreaking.
“Jaxon, you were seven. You were just a kid yourself. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault.”
He shakes his head. “Yes, it was my fault! I knew and I didn’t tell anybody. I knew exactly what was going to happen and I didn’t say anything. Not because I was scared or didn’t think they would help. I didn’t say anything because I was so fucking lonely. I just wanted you to stay with me no matter what.”
My heart hurts so bad I feel like my chest is about to collapse. How could he carry all this pain and guilt around for so long? How could he believe that it was his fault that we got a bad foster placement?
I don’t know at what point Sarah started crying next to us but she is full on sobbing now. I hate seeing her like this but even more so, I hate seeing Jaxon like this. He looks so broken. I just want
to hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright. I want to take his pain away but I know I can’t.
“So, you own a nightclub and all you bring me for my birthday is a lousy cupcake?” I hope he knows I really don’t care about money or a present and that I just said that to lighten the mood. Apparently, it worked because he looks up at me with a smile ticking on his lips.
“I told you I was an asshole.”
Sarah stays a little bit longer, seemingly warming up to Jaxon a bit after his confession. Even making a little small talk. When she is about to fall asleep in the chair she suddenly gets up. “I booked a room at the hotel across the street. I only slept about an hour last night so I’m going to lay down for a few hours and then I’ll be back, if that’s ok with you Eliza.”
I nod and smile at her. Well, as much of a smile I can manage with half of my face swollen. I probably look like a pufferfish.
Jaxon stands up as well, letting go of my hand for the first time since I woke up. He stretches and I realize he has been sitting in an uncomfortable position on my bed for a long time. For a second I think he is going to leave and the thought fills me with dread but he just walks around back to the chair. He scoots it all the way next to the bed so I can touch him even if he sits in it.
“You should go to sleep. You need the rest. I’ll be here in this super comfy chair making sure the mean old witch nurse won’t fly back in here on her broom.”
I take his hand and give him a light tug towards the bed. “Lie on the bed with me.”
He looks to the door like he was estimating how much trouble we would get in if the nurse or the doctor sees us. He must decide it's worth the risk because he gets up and moves me over just a few inches and tucks in the blanket around me. He takes off his shoes and I roll onto my good side so he has room to cuddle up behind me. He gets in the bed like I’m made out of eggshells, trying not to touch me anywhere I’m hurting. It takes us a minute to get situated but then I am very comfortably cuddled up. He slides one arm under my head and rests his other on my hip. I’m already feeling better now having him so close and it doesn’t take long before I drift off.
The Quiet Game (Pushed Aside Book 1) Page 8