Not According to Plan

by A. m Madden

  “Yeah, no thanks. As I recall our first conversation the night you introduced us lasted seven minutes, and I hadn’t said one word during the whole thing.” Amy rolled her eyes, but before she could lecture me, I deflected. Knowing Amy was having dinner at Will’s place, I said, “I take it things are going well with Will?” She’d been seeing him for several months now, a record for Amy.

  “I guess,” she said noncommittally.

  “You seem to like him,” I touted, throwing her a smirk. When she merely gave me a shrug in response, I prodded, “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just feeling antsy. Not sure why.” Maybe it was the melancholy in her voice that concerned me, or the look on her face. Nothing ever got my friend down, and this was a side of Amy I’d never witnessed before.

  “Hey,” I said, taking her hand, feeling bad it’s been all about me lately. “I’m here, you know. If you need anything at all.”

  “I know.” Her smile was genuine, as was the shimmer of emotion in her eyes.

  “I’m worried about you, Aim.”

  “And I’m worried about you, Jade,” she countered.

  “Me?”

  “Yeah. Max is a good man, and you deserve to be happy. Please remember that.”

  “Have you been talking to my sister?” Another shrug. “Seriously?”

  “I agree with her, Jade. We could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus. We need to enjoy every moment and be happy, and you’re selling yourself short.”

  Why couldn’t they understand my side of the situation? My life was in New York.

  But my love is in Miami.

  Back and forth my pendulum swung. Amy picked up on my brooding and waved her hand. “Enough with the heavy shit. We’re here to relax.”

  Ignoring my own antsy feeling, I settled deeper into the chair, trying to enjoy the warm water that percolated around my feet. As I waited for my pedicurist to start, I shifted my legs until the jets were positioned directly under my toes and moaned embarrassingly at how good it felt. Everything hurt lately, most of all my feet.

  “Jesus, you’re a moan away from orgasm,” she said way too loudly. Before I could scold her, she added, “How did you get the prison warden to let you out while there was white slippery stuff on the ground, anyway?”

  “I regret telling you anything,” I grumbled over the day I told her how it was pouring out and Max, while in Miami, arranged a car to drive me home so I wouldn’t have to take mass transit. The poor driver sat outside for hours until I finally appeared.

  “Did you promise a sexual favor?”

  “No.” I sent him a sexy picture. Technically not a bribe, but that part I kept to myself. I closed my eyes to enjoy reliving what he’d sent in response to my picture—a video of him stroking himself.

  “Jade.”

  “What?”

  “Did you hear anything I just said?”

  “No.” I smirked. Why lie?

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why are you flushed?”

  “It’s the water temperature.”

  “Liar.”

  Once we had painted and dried toes, we sat side by side in the reception area, putting on our socks and boots. Oblivious to the stares, Amy, lacking her filter, was telling me about a book she had just read that put hers to shame in the kink department.

  As I bent over to pull on my other boot, I felt a warm rush of moisture between my legs. Knowing exactly what it was, my gasp caused her to twist her gaze my way. I could easily freak out, but I forced myself to remain calm.

  Amy, having heard the gust of air I expelled, waved a distracted hand. “Oh, stop. You’re not as vanilla as you pretend to be.” But when I failed to respond and instead stared down at the dark drenched denim crotch of my jeans, she realized what that gasp was actually for.

  “Your water broke?” she shrieked, her voice so high I was sure that dogs began barking a mile away.

  “Or I peed myself.” I needed to remain calm.

  “But Max is in Miami.”

  “I’m well aware of that, Amy,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Okay, don’t freak out.” She jumped up, fanning her hands and pacing. “We call your mom first. Right? She’ll tell us what to do. Or should I call a cab and take you to the hospital first, then call Max? He needs to know first, right? No, bad idea. He’s probably busy at the grand opening. Sapphire is better to call, since she’s done this twice and she’s only across the river and not thousands of miles away! But it’s snowing. It’ll take her forever to get here.” The rambling went on and on, the pacing increased in speed, and then she caused a tsunami of panic to travel through the salon by calling out, “Anyone in here ever have their water break in public?”

  It was in that moment that I fully understood why my boyfriend worried so much that I’d go into labor on Amy’s watch.

  …

  Max

  Finally standing in my new gym, a dream that I carried for so long, seemed so surreal. New members utilized the state-of-the-art machines, and some mingled near the banquet tables holding a spread of appetizers and champagne flutes lined up like little soldiers. Valentine balloons welcomed couples who walked by, promising a two-for-one special admission price if they signed up today.

  The day went off without a hitch—except for Jade not being there.

  I’d hired a photographer to capture everything from the ribbon cutting to the party that followed, so Jade would be able to see all she had missed.

  My business partner, Byron, came up to me and clapped a firm hand on my shoulder, his other holding an almost empty glass of bubbly. “We did it, my friend.”

  “We sure did.” I twisted to face him. “I really appreciate your backing me in this. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “I believe in you, Max.” He tapped his glass to mine. “You’re having quite a year. Not only do I wish success for us, but I wish you all the best with your personal life.”

  “Thank you,” I said, appreciating his support. Another man would have busted a nut with worry over all I had going on. “And thank you for covering next month.” Byron had easily agreed to move to Miami from Chicago to manage the gym while I was in New York.

  “My pleasure. Next year, we open in Chicago,” he taunted, just as my phone buzzed in my pocket. Not recognizing the number, I almost sent it to voicemail but answered it just in case. “Hello?”

  “Max! Get back here!”

  “Who the hell is this?”

  An audible sigh preceded another barking command. “Amy! Your girlfriend’s water just broke. Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to do?”

  Panic gripped every muscle in my body. “Get her to a hospital!”

  “Well, duh. That I know. We did that first. But with the snow, her family’s having a hard time getting here. You’re not here, either. It’s just me. I’m freaking the fuck out!”

  Ignoring her rant that continued, I muted my phone. Byron’s expression mimicked mine. “I have to go. Jade’s water broke.”

  “Holy fuck. Go!” he said in a shaky voice before swallowing. “I’ll handle this.”

  I mouthed a thank you. “Amy. Put Jade on,” I demanded before breaking into a full-on sprint.

  “Max.” Jade’s sweet voice came over the line. “I’m so sorry. You’re opening, and now—”

  “Stop it, Jade. I’m so sorry I’m not there.”

  “It’s not your fault. I’m fine.”

  “Where are you now?”

  “We just got to the hospital a few minutes ago. They’re hooking me up to a monitor. Sapphire is on her way, and Amy will keep you posted. Just let her know once you get a flight. Please get home safe.”

  Easier said than done. “I will. I love you, Jade.”

  “Me, too.” When the phone screen went dark, I growled at the all the to
urists I had to navigate through while running along Miami Beach toward my apartment.

  After grabbing a coat, my phone charger, and extra cash, I then endured a torturous cab ride in traffic to the airport. What seemed like days later, but only turned out to be an hour, I finally sprinted into the terminal.

  I must have apologized to at least a hundred people for knocking into them before I finally careened into the ticket counter at full speed. The older woman’s smile morphed into an annoyed expression when I blurted out, “I need to get to New York.”

  Silently, she tapped the keyboard without even glancing my way. “There’s a flight leaving at six with seats available.”

  “That’s five hours from now. I need one sooner,” I countered.

  “Well, I’m afraid that’s not possible, sir. In case you haven’t heard, it is snowing up north. All flights in and out of the region are delayed. I can get you on a flight that’s boarding soon to Raleigh, and then have you transfer—”

  “We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t figure out how to keep runways clear of snow?”

  The woman glared at my interruption. “Would you like the flight at six?” she asked with a tight, cemented smile.

  “Yes.” Once I finally had my ticket in hand and suffered through security, I resumed my run toward the gate. What I was running toward, I had no idea, since I’d have hours with nothing to do but to stress over my situation.

  Knowing Nate was visiting a friend in Connecticut, I reluctantly called Brad. “Hey. Shouldn’t you be celebrating?” he asked.

  “Jade’s water broke. Nate’s not home, so I had to call you.”

  “Gee, thanks. And what do you expect me to do, play quarterback and spiral the baby to you in Florida?”

  “Are you trying to piss me off?” I asked through gritted teeth. “Get to the hospital. I’m stuck here waiting for my flight, and I need you to go over there now.”

  “Whoa, dude. I have no experience in this kind of stuff.”

  “The be a decent brother kind of stuff? Amy’s there with her. Because of the snow, her family is delayed. Call Mom, too. I won’t be up there for hours. I need you, Brad.”

  “Okay,” he conceded, sensing the desperation in my tone. “I’m going. Where is she?”

  Deciding it was easier to give him Amy’s number, I shared her contact. “Please keep me posted. I’m dying down here.”

  “Stay calm. Everything will be fine.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  Seriously, what the fuck? What did I do to the universe to piss it off enough to have me missing both of my children’s births?

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Jade

  “Goddammit!” I hissed through another crippling contraction. They’d begun a few hours ago and had been beating the crap out of me since. Once I decided to have an epidural, it was too late.

  To add insult to injury, the snow hadn’t let up, having already dumped six-plus inches with no end in sight.

  Amy returned and quickly resumed her place beside me. “The stuffed suits you work with know you’re in labor and send their best.” A cup full of ice chips landed against my lips. “Here.”

  “I don’t want ice chips.”

  “Okay, then just breathe,” she voiced for the hundredth time. She was driving me nuts. It was why I sent her to let my firm know I was in labor. “In…out…in…out… You’re not breathing.”

  “I. Am. Breathing,” I hissed through my clenched jaw.

  “Jade, you need to stay calm,” she threw in for good measure.

  Was she serious?

  My sister wasn’t here. My mother wasn’t here. Max wasn’t here.

  I had her and Brad, and they were as helpful as the lamp in the corner.

  Another spasm sliced through me, and I let out an ear-piercing wail.

  “Oh, Christ.” Brad picked himself out of the chair he’d been hyperventilating in, mumbled something about his mother, and rushed for the door.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Amy barked, fisting her hips.

  “I’m just in the way. I’ll be more useful getting refreshments. Coffee? Vodka?”

  “No way. We’ll take ten-minute shifts.”

  “Great. Ladies first.” He managed only one step toward the door before Amy gripped the back of his shirt.

  “Do you think I’m stupid? Once you leave, you’ll never come back.”

  “Fine, we’ll flip for it.” Brad dug a coin out of his pocket, not even arguing her accusation. “I call heads.” He tossed the coin upward then caught it and slapped it onto his hand. “Ah, look at that. Heads,” he said on a grin and pocketed the coin.

  “How do I know you didn’t cheat?”

  “Oh my God!” I screamed, stopping them both in their tracks. “I need you both to get the hell out!” I gripped the bedrail when another contraction hit. “Shit! Kill me! How fast are they coming? I feel like this kid is ready to fall out any second!” When I was met with silence, I barked, “Get help!”

  “Going,” they both said at the same time and disappeared.

  Clearly, I would be doing this on my own and needed to focus. Trying to remember everything I had learned in my childbirth class, I picked my focal point and prayed. I was terrified he was coming too soon, even after my doctor assured me the danger of complications at this point was very low.

  Please, God. Let him be okay.

  Dr. Laramie appeared with two nurses and Amy in tow. “So, you think you’re ready to go?” She tucked her hand beneath the drape on my legs and poked around, adding to my agony, before retracting her fingers from my vagina with a smile. “Yep. This peanut wants out.” She saw the tears rolling down my face and took my hand. “Jade, you concentrate on delivering your son. Okay?” Dr. Laramie patted my knee and with one nod sent the two nurses in the room to instantly fuss around me.

  Amy came closer and took my hand in between both of hers. “If you want to sit out there with Brad, go ahead.”

  “I’m not leaving you.” She wiped away my tears and palmed my face until I met her eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re always so brave I didn’t realize how scared you were. He’s going to be fine, Jade.”

  “I know.”

  Through her own tears she quirked her lips up in a half smile. “Let’s do this, okay?”

  “I don’t…shit…fuck…shit…” As my grip tightened on Amy’s hand, she released a pathetic whimper. Meanwhile, I commenced my breathing ritual, riding it out until I was able to finish with, “Have. A. Choice.”

  Just as she said, “Ow,” I glared at her to see my sister rushing through the door.

  “I’m here! I’m here!”

  “Oh, thank God!” Amy and I said at the exact same time. Sapphire pushed Amy toward the chair Brad had been sitting in and took command of the situation. Everything after that happened so quickly. My bed was pulled apart, my legs shoved into stirrups, and Dr. Laramie took her place between my legs.

  “Please! I need to push,” I begged.

  A few seconds later, Dr. Laramie gave me permission. “Okay, Jade. Push.”

  Sapphire immediately began coaching me. If I thought the contraction pain was like being in hell, then pushing was like getting a root canal in hell. Somewhere along the line, I thought I lost consciousness. Of course, I didn’t, since I could hear voices and feel every bit of the pain, but I miraculously zoned it all out until I heard the sweetest little cry.

  “Oh, Jade. He’s beautiful,” Sapphire said.

  “You did it!” Amy said on my other side, and I had no idea when she’d rejoined us.

  “Is he okay?” I asked through tears. God, I couldn’t stop crying. The entire room blurred, but I kept my focus on the little bundled angel they carried away from me.

  “We just need to check him out,” Dr. Laramie said. It felt like I waited an
eternity as the nurses called out numbers that I didn’t understand.

  “He’s six pounds, five ounces,” one of them finally said. “Eighteen inches.”

  “Good size, Jade,” my doctor agreed.

  Each minute that passed while my son and I were separated seemed like hours. I was so nervous I could hear my own frantic breath thundering in my ears. Conversations continued around me, Dr. Laramie continued treating me, and the nurses continued hovering over my son.

  None of what went on registered until I heard the words, “Say hello to your son, Jade.” A nurse placed his swaddled little body on my chest, and the level of emotion I felt—love, relief, fear, gratitude—became so overwhelming that it stole the breath right out of me.

  Dr. Laramie was a bit concerned with Michael’s breathing. She assured me it was very common in newborns, but because Michael was a few weeks early, they wanted to be sure his lungs were fully developed.

  The twenty or so minutes seemed to drag on as I waited to be taken to the NICU. Forgetting everything else, a smile split my face in two when she handed me the most precious thing on earth.

  “Is he okay?” I asked, my voice shaky.

  “He’s doing great. His lungs are clear now. He should be released very soon.”

  Instantly, I expelled all my fear through an exhale. Thank you, God. Thank you, for this beautiful little boy.

  I wiped away the tears that had been falling as the nurse placed him in my arms, the first genuine smile spreading over my face since he arrived.

  “I get to finally hold you, my sweet boy.” Michael squirmed and fussed a bit, clearly not in the mood for small talk. The moment I moved him toward my breast, he latched on and began enthusiastically sucking. Euphoria immediately unfurled in my heart. “Oh my God. He’s doing it. He’s eating already.”

  “Yes, they tend to instantly know what to do,” the nurse said. “That right there is nature at its best. I breastfed my kids until they got teeth. It’s a wonderful experience that not every woman gets to practice…so enjoy it, honey.” She gave me a warm smile before leaving me alone with my son.

  As I breastfed my baby for the first time, I could physically feel my love for him grow with each passing second, as if it were a tangible, living, breathing thing. Silently, I watched Michael, memorizing his creamy skin, long lashes, and a perfect Cupid’s bow of a mouth. I touched his palm with a fingertip. Instinctively, he grasped my finger and held tight. At that moment, I felt buoyant from bliss. For the first time in a long time, I felt something other than worry, tension, or stress. The profound swell of emotion that surged unexpectedly caused fresh tears to spring and spill. They fell relentlessly, and I found comfort in their cathartic purpose. Because this time, my tears were of pure joy.