The House
Page 15
Fuck it.
“What’s the matter, babe?” Fin moved around and pulled her into a hug. She hated to see her cry. Sadie buried her face in Fin’s stomach and laced her arms around her middle.
Fin stroked her hair and rocked her gently. “Has something happened?”
Sadie leaned away and Fin wiped at the mascara which had run down her face.
“I missed the interview.”
“Oh.” So it was sort of to do with her. “What happened?”
“There was a problem with the trains. They were delayed half an hour.”
Fin felt that familiar old guilt settle inside her. She could have taken Sadie to her interview—she’d had time. But no, she had to be an arsehole and she wasn’t even sure why.
“Can you rearrange it?”
Sadie nodded. “I’m not crying about just that.”
“Oh.”
“What’s happening to us, Fin? You’re horrible to me, I’m horrible to you. We’re both so bloody horrible to each other. Why?”
Fin gulped. Sadie looked so sad and so confused. “I don’t know.” She sat down heavily in the chair beside her. “Maybe we need a holiday? There’s still a week of half-term left.”
“We don’t need a holiday, Fin. We need to see a therapist. I want you to come with me.”
Fin sucked in a breath. “Okay.”
“Really?”
“You didn’t think I would?”
“I wasn’t sure. I know you hate that sort of thing.”
“What sort of thing?”
“Emotions.” Sadie smiled. It wasn’t a dig.
Fin grinned. “It’s worth a go. Rose told me I needed to get my head out of my arse. Maybe this will help.”
Sadie started to laugh but stopped suddenly at the sound of a loud bang. She had just enough time to pull Fin out of the way before the light fitting crashed down, splitting the dining table almost in two.
Chapter Twenty-nine
The sound of the crash brought Liam running in from the other room where Sadie had sent him and Lucy to watch a film. Fin gathered him up in her arms, something she hadn’t done for a long time. She wasn’t sure if it was more for his comfort or hers.
The light fitting had landed inches from where she’d been sitting and probably would have killed her if Sadie hadn’t pulled her back. Jesus.
“We’re fine, we’re fine.” She spoke into his soft hair as she rocked him.
Liam pulled back in her arms and studied her intently. “You look scared.”
Fin laughed shakily. “Yeah, I am a bit scared. And I’m lucky Mummy pulled me out of the way of the light.” She put him back down on his feet. “I think I’ll be having a serious word with the electrician.”
“It wasn’t her fault, Mum,” Liam said, his big brown eyes serious. “It was the house.”
Fin bit back the harsh words on her lips. “It wasn’t the house, mate. It’s just a house, and houses can’t hurt people.” She looked at Sadie, the words meant for her as well. Sadie looked away.
“Why don’t you go back to your film? Lucy’s waiting for you.”
“Lucy went upstairs to play with Koosh. They’re friends again.”
“Great.” Fin groaned. Neither she or Sadie had heard her, and when Lucy was quiet it usually meant trouble. “Do you want to go and see what’s she’s getting up to? I’ll sort this mess out,” Fin said to Sadie.
Sadie nodded. “Don’t try to move the light on your own, though. I can help.”
“I’ll just turn off the power to the kitchen light. All the wires are exposed up there.”
The last thing they needed was a fire, although Fin was starting to think it might be the answer to Sadie’s prayers. When had everything wrong in their lives started getting blamed on the house?
More to the point, why was everything going wrong in their lives?
Fin picked up a dustpan and brush and began sweeping broken glass from the bulbs that smashed. She and Sadie had always been so solid. Even the stuff with Lance Sherry hadn’t put a dent in their relationship. Sure, they argued sometimes—they weren’t perfect—but they never did it in front of the kids, and Fin knew she’d never done anything like how she’d handled Sadie’s job interview before. She didn’t want Sadie to get a job, and she didn’t even know why. It was a feeling which was almost foreign to her.
Their whole relationship, Fin was proud of Sadie’s career. Of course there were times she felt resentment that the bulk of childcare or housework fell to her, but Sadie worked so hard to get where she was, and Fin loved being with such a successful woman. Until they came here.
Maybe it was having Sadie home more, taking on more of the stuff with the kids that she didn’t want to lose. Perhaps somewhere inside she’d been resentful this whole time and just hadn’t realized it. Fin sighed and tipped broken glass into the bin. Something inside her had changed, and she didn’t understand it or know how to take it back. It wasn’t the house or Sadie’s job—it was Fin. That old darkness from years before was rising again, and she wasn’t sure if she could turn it back. Meeting Sadie and Rose and having the kids had pushed it away, and Fin thought it was gone for good.
Maybe what she’d said to Rose at the dinner party was true. Claibornes always ended up fucking things up, and she’d been deluding herself to think otherwise.
Sadie called from upstairs and roused her from her dark introspection.
* * *
Sadie met Fin at the top of the stairs. “Don’t get angry,” she said.
“What’s happened?” Fin asked and Sadie noticed she hadn’t agreed not to get angry.
“Lucy’s made a mess in her bedroom.” That wasn’t quite the truth, but with the way Fin was behaving lately, Sadie wasn’t sure about telling her the extent of it. She was shocked herself. Lucy had always been rambunctious and slightly heavy-handed, but she’d never before engaged in the kind of destruction she’d unleashed on her room. Sadie still wasn’t sure how she’d managed to do it so silently.
“What sort of mess?” Fin tried to move around her, but Sadie blocked her path.
“I mean it, Fin. No angry outbursts.”
“Fine, fine. It’s obviously pretty bad. Where’s Lucy?”
Sadie had sent her to wait in Liam’s bedroom after coming upon her sitting on the floor amongst the mess, looking just as surprised as Sadie. She probably was. Lucy wasn’t one for thinking things through—she was the opposite of her brother in every way.
Sadie led Fin down the hall and opened Lucy’s bedroom door. She stepped back to allow Fin inside first.
“Jesus Christ.” Fin sounded in awe rather than mad. “What the fuck did she do in here?”
Lucy’s mattress had been pulled from the bed and slashed. The chest of drawers Fin built for her was pulled over and the contents strewn around the room. Broken toys and torn clothes littered the floor. The worst part, though, were the crayon drawings of penises all over the walls. They were hideous and graphic and Sadie had trouble believing their three-year-old child would have the knowledge—let alone the ability—to draw the detailed renderings.
Fin turned to her, wide eyed and horrified. “Is this my fault?” she asked, and for the first time in ages, Sadie wanted to hug her.
“Of course it’s not your fault.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I’ve been particularly horrible recently—”
“Neither of us has been very nice.”
“Why would she do this?”
“I don’t know.”
Sadie hadn’t asked her yet. Besides, Lucy was only three and the chances of her being able to articulate her feelings wouldn’t be high.
“It’s some sort of reaction to the stress, maybe? Of us fighting all the time?”
“Maybe,” Sadie agreed. “But, Fin, she’s three and she’s got a broken arm. How did she manage to push over a chest of drawers? How would she know what a penis looks like when it’s…when it’s…you know?”
“You think Liam helped her?�
� Fin stepped further into the room and began picking up the detritus on the floor. “Look, her unicorn.” Fin held out the stuffed toy Lucy had had since birth. It went everywhere with her, and now it was destroyed. The stuffing was torn out and the horn ripped off.
“I doubt he would do something like this.”
“Let’s go and ask her,” Fin said.
In Liam’s bedroom, Lucy sat on the bed, her broken arm resting in its bright purple cast across her lap. She looked scared.
“Lucy, we need to talk to you,” Fin said gently and sat beside her.
“I’m sorry, Mummy,” she replied quickly, looking between the two of them. “Koosh is sorry too.”
“Lucy, why did you do it?” Fin asked.
“I didn’t. Koosh did.”
Sadie came to sit on the other side of her. “Lucy, you need to tell the truth.”
“Koosh said, play hide-and-seek. I hid. Koosh did it when I was hiding.”
Sadie sensed Fin struggling to hold her temper. “Koosh isn’t real.”
Lucy nodded her head vigorously. “He is real. He’s my friend.”
“Lucy.” Fin’s firm voice made Lucy flinch. “You’re already in trouble for what you did. Lying to us is only going to make things worse. Now tell us why you did it.”
Lucy hung her head and began to cry. She tried to crawl into Sadie’s lap, but Sadie held her back. “No, Lucy. You’ve done a really naughty thing. Do you understand?”
“It’s not me!” she suddenly screamed. “Koosh did it!” She jumped up from the bed and ran out of the room. Fin went to follow, but Sadie held her back. “Hang on a minute.”
“What? So she can go and trash another bedroom, then blame it on her imaginary friend?”
“What if she’s telling the truth?” Fin looked at her like she was an alien. Like she’d lost her mind. “I mean, what if she thinks this Koosh did do it?”
“You mean she’s schizophrenic? Come on, Sadie.”
“No, I don’t mean that.”
“What do you mean then?”
Sadie wasn’t sure. There was something in this house. She’d seen it push Lucy from the playset outside. She didn’t believe in ghosts or demons, but there was something here, and it was bad. How did she tell Fin that, though? Fin, who flipped out at the slightest mention that the house wasn’t anything except amazing?
“I just don’t want you to fly off the handle.”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything of the sort so far. Jesus, Sadie, do you always have to make me out to be such a fucking monster?”
Fin stood and left the room too.
Sadie sighed. She felt like crying. Her family was falling apart, and there didn’t seem to be any way to stop it. Maybe they all needed therapy. If the horrible drawings on Lucy’s walls were anything to go by, she certainly did. All the same, Sadie wasn’t sure if it had been Lucy. Maybe this Koosh was some kind of manifestation of the badness in the house. That was what she had wanted to say to Fin but was too afraid. And since when was she afraid to voice her fears to Fin? Fin, who was becoming angrier by the day and less and less like the sweet woman she’d married.
Something poking out from the side of Liam’s wardrobe caught her attention. It looked like a sheet. Sadie stood and went over to the wardrobe. She pulled it out.
It was a sheet from Liam’s bed. She recognized it as being from part of a set of racing car bed sheets Fin bought him for his last birthday. It was damp and crumpled. She sniffed it and found it smelled faintly of urine.
Sadie sat back on the bed with the sheet clutched in her hands and struggled not to cry. Liam was wetting the bed, and instead of telling her, he was hiding the sheets down the side of his wardrobe.
Everything was such a mess, and she had no idea how to fix it except by leaving this house. This horrible, evil, fucking house.
She started to cry.
* * *
Fin stood over the mortuary table, dull and rusted in places. Lance Sherry lay with his eyes closed, and a single drop of blood hung suspended from his nostril, defying gravity.
“The first cut is the hardest. It gets easier after that.” The voice came from behind her. Nathaniel Cushion. He sounded kind and encouraging, like he was teaching her to ride a bike without stabilizers for the first time. “I suppose it could be compared to that, yes,” he said again.
He could read her mind. It didn’t make sense, but this was a dream and she supposed anything was possible in a dream.
“I don’t want to do it.” She cringed at the whine in her voice.
“You must. He deserves it. Who would care?”
“Sadie would care.”
Suddenly, he was behind her. His breath was hot on her neck, scalding. “She doesn’t love you any more.”
Fin turned with the scalpel raised. “Shut up. We’re going through a bad patch, that’s all.”
He grinned, and he reminded her of Uncle Finlay. Of a lizard. “She doesn’t think you’re good enough. Her family don’t think you’re good enough. Her friends don’t think you’re good enough. Show them you are.”
“No. It’s only a dream. I’ll wake up in a minute and you’ll be gone.”
“I’m always here. I’ll be waiting until you change your mind. You can’t fight your destiny, and that family is holding you back. You’ll see.”
Fin woke up. Her hand was clenched in a fist as though she still held the scalpel. She turned her head to see Sadie sleeping peacefully beside her. She got up quietly and went downstairs.
Fin booted up the computer and searched for genealogy websites. She found one which looked reputable and began her search.
Three hours later and she leaned back in the chair, absently reminding herself to fix the squeak. There it was on the screen in black and white—or rather in the website colours. It hadn’t taken long or even much effort to show her link to Nathaniel Cushion, and part of her protested at that. Shouldn’t there be some great revelation or uncovering? It appeared not. The wonders of technology, some names, and a few birthdates. He was her great-great-grandfather through her father’s line. It appeared that her great-grandfather, Finlay Cushion, changed the family surname, which made sense considering what his father was hanged for.
Fin wasn’t sure what to think or what to do. It seemed a strange coincidence she ended up in the house Cushion built, she dreamed about him, and Sadie was convinced the place was bad. Fin was lost. She didn’t believe in ghosts or hauntings or any of that other nonsense. A house couldn’t be bad—it was only bricks and mortar. But Sadie was so insistent. And Fin was so tired.
She scrubbed her eyes with her fists and yawned. If she could just get a good night’s rest, she’d be able to think clearly. She’d be able to make sense of this and separate out the superstitious nonsense from the facts. But she was exhausted.
Fin cleared her browser history and shut the machine off. She lay down on the sofa and hoped to get a few hours’ sleep before Lucy woke up.
Chapter Thirty
Sadie dragged one of the boxes through the hall and into the kitchen. Fin had squirreled them away in the basement and Sadie was curious to learn what was so interesting about them. She spent all her free time down there going through the contents. When Fin wasn’t in the basement, she’d been busy with work, and Sadie had hardly seen her lately. In a way she was relieved and suspected Fin was staying away on purpose.
After their brief truce, things had pretty much gone back to the constant bickering and rows. Thankfully, they’d managed to keep it away from the children, but Sadie knew they weren’t stupid and had both picked up on the terrible atmosphere in the house.
Fin hadn’t mentioned therapy again, and every time Sadie brought it up, she fobbed her off with later, or it just started another argument. Sadie was beginning to think it might be best if she went to her parents for a while. Perhaps the time apart would be good for both of them. She refused to consider it might be the start of a formal separation yet.
What was i
n these bloody boxes? Fin told her there was tons of junk left down in the basement, and while she’d moved out most of the old and broken furniture, these remained down there, pushed into a corner. Sadie opened the flap on one and peered inside. It looked like documents and old photos.
Intrigued, Sadie sat cross-legged in the hall and pulled out a handful of the stuff. The first photo she came to sent shivers up her spine.
Sadie’s first thought was: What was Fin doing dressed up in Victorian garb? At closer inspection she saw it wasn’t Fin at all, but a man who looked remarkably like her. He sat on a chair, striking a pose common for the times. No smile, and his head angled slightly away from the camera. Sadie touched her finger to the photo and then pulled away sharply. Her finger tingled unpleasantly.
She looked at the man again and was filled with a sense of dread. This man was not a good man. She wondered at his link with Fin.
Sadie picked up a couple of the documents from the box and saw that they were from a ledger and detailed costs for building materials. A neat hand had filled up several columns for things that were familiar to her: bricks, stone, cement, and slate. Beside them were prices in a currency long since extinct.
She guessed they dated to around the Victorian period, and that would make sense with the photograph. They’d never really looked into the history of the house, but Fin told her the house was built around the late 1800s. Could this be the man who’d built it? And why did he look so much like Fin?
Now that Liam was in school full-time and Lucy half days, Sadie had a lot of time to go through all these boxes. Perhaps this would help to settle her that the house wasn’t evil or haunted or whatever she was afraid of—even she wasn’t quite sure.
She dragged the box back into the kitchen with the others and began sorting the contents. She pulled out another sheaf of documents which looked as though they belonged together in a ledger. These weren’t for building materials though. At first, she was puzzled, not quite understanding what she was looking at. When she flicked to the next page, it became clearer and horrifying. The pages detailed the sale of cadavers to various medical facilities in London and beyond. There were hundreds listed in the handful of pages.