His eyes watched mine as he took his lubed up cock and pressed it to the fake pussy. He groaned as he pressed in and his cock filled the clear the tube. It was so erotic, I nearly came just from watching that.
“Keep fucking yourself, Leah.”
I returned to pumping my finger in out of my pussy, each time the vibrator hit my clit, making my need coil tighter.
“Tell me when you’re going to come.” He slid the fake pussy up and down his cock.
“I’m close…” Pretty soon, the need was too much. It was torture to try to hold back. I pressed the vibrating nub to my pussy. “I’m coming…” My orgasm slammed into me hard and fast.
“Fuck yeah.” Sebastian pulled off his fake pussy and jacked his cock again, coming on my stomach.
Finally, the waves of pleasure ended, and I lay in his bed as I caught my breath. He sank back on his heels.
“You like the toys, Leah?”
I nodded. “But I like your cock better.”
He gave me a wicked grin. “Good.” He leaned over and kissed my clit. “I like your pussy better too.”
At this point, I was sure he was going to start telling me how wrong this was and send me home, but instead, he offered me his shower and said he’d make breakfast.
When I was done cleaning up, I put his robe on, and made my way up the hall toward his living area. As I got closer, I smelled bacon.
I got to the doorway of his kitchen and stopped to watch him. He was in silky lounge pants and a t-shirt, but he looked as sexy as he did in an expensive suit. He was turning a piece of bacon when he realized I was there. He turned his head and smiled, and my heart squeezed in my chest.
“Hungry?”
I sniffed the air. “That smells like bacon.”
“It is. I figured after last night you could use some protein and fat to replace what you burned.” His grin was sinfully wicked.
My cheeks felt warm, a sure sign of a blush.
“There’s orange juice and coffee on the table, and I’ll have bacon and eggs here in a second.”
“Do you need any help?”
“I’ve got it all ready. Go sit.”
I went to the table which also was by a large window overlooking the city. I sat and waiting until he brought in a platter full of eggs, bacon and toast.
“You can cook too. You’re a real keeper.”
He flinched, and I regretted my words. I was sure he was afraid I was getting too attached. He wasn’t wrong, but I also knew my desire for more would go unsatisfied.
I sighed. “Sebastian, I know the score here. I’m not going to try to get more than you’re willing to give.” He was willing to give his body, but not his heart.
He sat across from me. “You deserve more, Leah. I’m a selfish asshole for taking pleasure from you. It’s not how sex should be.”
“But it’s okay for you.”
He shrugged and put his napkin in his lap.
“Why would you settle for that? Is it because you had love once and don’t want to betray that?”
He scoffed. “What I had with Valerie isn’t what I’d want for you.”
I sat back in my chair, curious about that comment. Knowing that if I started asking questions, he’d feel interrogated and close up, I served myself some food, and tried to act nonchalant.
“What do you want for me?”
“A good and decent man, who loves you. Who gives pleasure not just to your body but to your soul.”
I stared at him as I took a bite of my bacon, wondering how much further I could go with my questioning before he clammed up. “You didn’t have that?”
His jaw clenched, and he took a sip of orange juice. “Not exactly.”
I went back to eating, so he wouldn’t think I was dying to ask him more about his marriage, when I was, in fact, bursting with questions. “My mom and dad had a great marriage. I’d like that,” I admitted. “But what you describe sounds a little boring.”
He quirked a brow. “Oh?”
“I’d like love and good sex, and to feel fulfilled, but I want excitement too. I want fun and intellectual stimulation. I want to be challenged. I don’t want to settle into a rut for the rest of my life.”
“Is that what your parents had? A rut?”
“Don’t get me wrong, my father and mother loved each other, but I do think she felt a bit unfulfilled in her life. My father’s work took a lot of his time, and much of her life was done in service to supporting him. She was willing to do it, because she loved him. And he knew she was sacrificing, which is probably why he’s dedicating the rest of his life to honoring her by staying clear of other woman.”
“So, you’d be okay if your father fell in love again?”
I nodded. “If she was a good woman. My mother would be all for it. She wanted us to be happy.”
“Do you want marriage and a family?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t worry that it will take away from your goals? You’re about to have your MBA. Businesses takes a lot of time, as you’ve learned from your father and working with me. Time that will take away from a family. Do you really think you can be fulfilled in both?”
“My degree and work are my priority now, but that could change. Besides, you and your wife built a business together. You combined both worlds.”
Again, his jaw tensed. “Sort of.”
I cocked my head. Had their marriage not been good? “What do you mean?” I asked hoping I wasn’t stepping over the line.
He stared at me and I was ready for him to end the conversation. Finally, he sighed. “Valerie and I didn’t have a traditional marriage. Everything about us was related to business, including our sex life.”
Huh? “Well, you are in the sex business.” It made sense that their sex life would include their business.
He shrugged.
“Didn’t you love each other?”
“Valerie and I cared about each other. We had mutual goals, which was to get rich selling sex. We both had large sexual appetites, hers larger than mine, requiring her to need additional…” He stopped as if he thought he was saying too much.
“She cheated on you?”
“No.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin. “It’s not cheating if you know and consent to it.”
I gaped at him. “You didn’t mind that your wife was with other men?”
He shook his head. “What she needed in bed was more than I could… or even wanted to give her. She gave me what I wanted and needed, so I was okay with that.”
“If you had kids, that would have changed, right?”
“There wasn’t going to be kids.” His voice was terse, as he finished his orange juice. He looked as if he wanted to bolt from the table.
“I’m sorry. My parents had me but then my mom got cancer the first time and they couldn’t have more. It was hard on them.”
“I don’t know if we could have had children or not. We didn’t get that far.”
I studied him. There was a bitterness in his tone that I couldn’t understand.
“Valerie didn’t want to be a mother. She wanted sex and money.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I stared into his stormy dark eyes and realized that Valerie’s refusal to have kids was a source of pain for him. Immediately I wanted to sooth his pain. And while I knew it was a waste of wishes, I wished I could give him what Valerie hadn’t; genuine love and a child.
15
Sebastian
I couldn’t figure out how I’d gotten here; breaking everyone of my rules. I’d kissed her senseless. I’d held her after fucking her senseless. And now, I’d let her stay the night. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I was sure I’d never find the love that Leah seemed to believe in, but I hadn’t ruled it out either. If it were any other woman, I might not feel as out of my element as I did with Leah. But, she was my intern. My best friend’s daughter, for God’s sake. Jesus, if Henry knew the things I’ve done to her, asked her to do to me,
he’d kill me for sure. I was a forty-year-old man fucking a twenty-three-year-old girl like a pervert. And God help me, I couldn’t seem to let her go. Each time I fucked her, I thought I’d have my fill, but then I’d crave her even more.
When we weren’t fucking, she was sweet, smart, and funny, and I found myself wanting her to stick around just to talk with her.
But now we were delving into territory I didn’t want to go. Why I’d told her about my marriage and Valerie’s insistence that we wouldn’t have kids, I don’t know. Something about Leah seemed to scramble my brain.
“But you wanted kids?”
I could see in her eyes that she knew she was treading into areas of my life I didn’t want to go. “Maybe.”
“It’s not too late for you.”
God, I was truly fucked, because if she was getting a notion that she and I could live happily ever after, this was going to end badly. “Things change.”
She took a bite of bacon, but I knew she was just biding her time or trying to hide her need to grill me on my thoughts of marriage and family. I should’ve gotten up to leave, but I couldn’t allow myself to be such a big pussy about it.
“I don’t understand. You wanted more from your marriage, and now when you can go find it, you don’t?”
I nodded. “I think Val was right.” I lean forward resting my forearms on the table. “Seriously, what sort of father would I be? I make a living peddling sex. It’s not quite something that screams family values.”
“Oh, for the love of God.” She rolled her eyes.
I was surprised by her reaction and jerked back, not sure if I should be offended or amused.
“Sebastian, your own company mission is to take the taboo away from sex. And how do you think kids are made?”
“Kids are made from making love, not fucking.”
“That’s not always true, but even so, you’re saying your mission of making sex more mainstream is a farce. You don’t believe it?”
“It’s a marketing gimmick to sell dildos, Leah. You should understand that by now.”
She looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. Good. I didn’t need her believing in true love and all that bullshit, at least when it came to me.
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re full of shit, Sebastian.”
For the second time that morning she nearly knocked me out of my seat.
“All that is just an excuse because for some reason you want to believe the crap your wife sold you.”
“Life isn’t a fairy tale, Leah.”
“No, but doesn’t have to be lived alone with a fake pussy to get you off either. The reason you don’t buy your own marketing gimmick is because you’ve totally and completely taken love and intimacy out of sex.” She leaned forward and her eyes were defiant and I knew she was about to ask me something that I wouldn’t want to answer. “Did you ever, once, make love to your wife? Or was it all just fucking?”
My body went hot, and I wanted to throw my juice glass across the room. Who did she think she was pushing me about my marriage? “My marriage is none of your goddamn business, Leah. Who are you to judge what I had with my wife?” I stood. “I’ll tell you this, she got my rocks off like no other woman. When she sucked my dick, she could drink it all.”
I stormed out of the kitchen feeling sick to my stomach at what I’d just said. It wasn’t a lie. Valerie always made me orgasm, and she could drink all my cum, something Leah hadn’t done. But if I was honest, Leah had gotten me off every time too, and I found it very erotic to see my cum oozing from her mouth. More than that, I craved Leah in a way I hadn’t desired my wife. I was attracted to Valerie, and enjoyed fucking her, but with Leah, sometimes it felt like I had to be near her or die. There was something fucked up about that.
Leah appeared in the doorway. I saw the pain in her eyes that I’d wanted to inflict, but now felt guilty about. And yet, there was a defiant fire in them as well.
“You’re still full of shit, Sebastian. I don’t believe for a second that you didn’t care your wife slept around. I might not be as good in bed as your wife, but I know for a fact that you’d care if I fucked another man.”
My blood turned to molten lava at the thought. Why the hell was that? Why didn’t I care very much that Valerie fucked other men, and yet just the sight of Niall putting his hand on Leah’s ass had sent me into a fury?
I hated that she was right. I hated that she had some sort of power over me. Worse yet, I hated that even though she was right, and a part of me wanted more than what Valerie and I had, I’d never allow myself to go there.
So, I rose up to my full height and towered over her, showing her she couldn’t get to me. “I guess we’ll test that theory, because this… us fucking… has to stop. You can find Niall or some other dumb fuck to bang you.”
“You’re a coward.”
If she’d slapped me, it wouldn’t have shocked me more that her bravado did.
“And you’re a child.”
She jerked back. “I feel sorry for you, Sebastian.”
I laughed derisively. “I told you, Leah, that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. That you deserve someone better. You’re not going to change me and I’m sick and tired of your judging me and the life I’ve chosen.”
Her eyes soften slightly. “I don’t judge you—”
“The hell you don’t. I may not have had what you think is an ideal marriage with Valerie, but I was happy.” Sort of. “I hope to hell your father’s new girlfriend never pulls this type of shit on him. Jesus, can you imagine if she tried to tell him that his marriage to your mother wasn’t right?”
She stepped back with horror in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Sebastian… I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did.” I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Getting angry would only be proof that she had her claws in me. I had to be indifferent. “I’ve always been upfront with you. I didn’t want this Leah. I still don’t.” That was a lie. “You get off on knowing I’m unable to resist you, but if you had any compassion, you’d either just be willing to be lovers, or leave me alone. Right now, I hope you’ll choose to leave me alone.”
I stared at her, not liking the hurt I saw in her eyes. I wished she’d get mad because it was easier to deal with that. “I’m going to take a shower. Your dress is hanging in the closet. You can see your way out.” Not wanting to feel bad for how I was talking to her, I stormed off, heading straight to the bathroom and locking the door.
When I finally came out, she was gone, and my chest squeezed tight at the emptiness. “Fuck!” Why was she tying me up in knots? I hoped to hell I’d gotten through to her this time, even though the thought of not talking to her or touching her made my chest hurt.
I still had a couple of hours before I was to meet Henry for nine holes of golf. If it was difficult to face him yesterday, it was going to downright impossible now. What the hell had I been thinking to let myself indulge in Leah? I should have tossed her dress to her and tossed her out of my office that first day. In fact, I shouldn’t have agreed to let her intern for me. I’d been having wet dreams about her long before she showed up to intern.
This was my fault and because it was, I felt guilty for how I’d treated her. I’d been a vulgar asshole. A young twenty-three-year-old didn’t know about heartache like I did. Of course, she’d confuse sex with love. Especially considering the way I’d kissed her and let her stay the night.
I’d have to apologize and that meant being in proximity to her again. I was learning the hard way that I couldn’t trust myself around her. Truth be told, I didn’t want to trust myself. I wanted to have her again. That was the fucked up part. The more I had her, the more I wanted her. That was a sure sign that I needed to stop. But I was a man who liked to indulge his sexual fantasies, and I still had plenty left unrealized with Leah.
My dick started to thicken at the images filling my head. I thought about pulling out a toy, but then I remembered her comment about fake pussies. Instead, I ignored my hardon
, deciding to focus on work to help me rid my mind of Leah and her tiny, taut sexy body. It wasn’t easy to do, and by the time I left my apartment to meet Henry, I knew that if she forgave me and agreed to a simple sexual affair, I’d have her again.
16
Leah
When I rushed out of Sebastian’s apartment, I was both stunned and angry at how he’d talked to me. I was trying to make him see that he could have more, deserved more, and he’d thrown how good his wife was in bed at me.
By the time I entered my place, I felt guilty. He’d been right. I’d been judgmental, not so much of him, but of his wife. Why the hell would anyone cheat on a man like Sebastian? Why would be put up with it? It baffled my mind, but he was right that it wasn’t my place to judge. If they were happy with their arrangement, who was I to say differently?
Only, I wasn’t sure he was happy. Apparently he’d wanted kids at one time, but his wife had said no and made him think he wasn’t good enough to be a dad based on their business. I hated that she didn’t appreciate him, but again, if he was okay with it, I had no business getting in the middle of it.
I changed my clothes, cleaned my apartment, and then worked on my thesis. When my dad was back from golfing, I went and had dinner with him. Sebastian had said something about my father’s new girlfriend. Did he know something I didn’t? I suspected my father was smitten with the lady at the coffee shop that had suggested he eat more salmon, but were they dating? I thought about asking, but then worried it would give away that I’d been spending time with Sebastian on a personal level. My father didn’t say anything so maybe Sebastian was wrong about it.
The next day, I headed to my internship determined to find a way to apologize to Sebastian about his wife and marriage. Because the fierce anger in his eyes still haunted me, I decided to wait and see him later in the day. I’d keep my head down and do my work and hopefully have an opportunity at some point to apologize.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were avoiding me, Hammond.” Niall rested a hip on the side of the computer desk I was working at.
Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4 Page 27