Wounded Souls

by R J Nolan

  “If you ever need a reference, just let me know. I’d be happy to provide one.”

  “I appreciate that.” Logan grabbed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. “Thanks again.” She quickly made her escape.

  Walking toward the staff exit, she couldn’t stop herself from scanning the halls. There was no sign of Dale. Stop it. Just leave. What’s the matter with you? Angry with herself, she shoved open the door to the parking lot, taking satisfaction in the loud thump it made against the outside wall.

  “Hey, Logan.”

  The sound of Dale’s voice so close-by made her clutch her chest. “You scared me.”

  “Ditto.” Grinning, Dale gestured to the door Logan had sent flying.

  Heat crept up Logan’s neck. “Sorry.”

  They stared at each other for several moments, neither seeming to know what to say.

  Logan hefted her backpack more securely onto her back. She had wanted the chance to say good-bye to Dale, but now that the time had come, she found herself tongue-tied.

  “So…um…where are you going next?” Dale asked.

  “I’m not sure. The staff representative I work with at Barron’s hasn’t found me a new job yet.”

  “Do you think you’ll stay in LA?”

  Shrugging, Logan looked down. She had never cared where she worked. And you shouldn’t care now. “Depends. Barron’s only expanded into California this year. They don’t have a lot of contract hospitals yet.”

  “Oh. Well, I guess this is good-bye, then.”

  Logan glanced up, surprised at the palpable sadness in Dale’s voice. Her breath caught as she was captured by stormy gray eyes. She wrenched her gaze away. Mentally stiffening her spine, she forced herself to look at Dale. Walk away now. This is what you do. No ties. “It’s been good working with you. Good-bye.”

  Logan marched away. As she reached the edge of the parking lot, her steps faltered. Don’t. It was useless. As if out of her control, she turned and glanced back at the hospital.

  Dale was gone.

  So what? She’s just like all the other doctors. You never missed any of them. Despite the reminder, an inexplicable regret weighted her steps as she made her way to her SUV.

  CHAPTER 12

  Ducking her head to combat the blowing sand, Logan trudged toward the RV resort’s so-called dog park with Drake. That was about as accurate as advertising the tiny trailer park in the middle of Brawley as a secluded desert oasis. She snorted. Yeah, right. The dog park had turned out to be nothing more than a small, barren strip of sand surrounded by a three-foot-tall fence. There wasn’t even a bench to sit on. She opened the gate and followed Drake inside. Not daring to take him off leash because of the highway right next to the low fence, she followed him around until he took care of business.

  As she stooped down to clean up after him, a gust of wind whipped the smell of rotten eggs into her face. God, I hate this place. If the wind wasn’t filling the air with sand, the smell from the nearby Salton Sea tainted the air with the odor of decaying fish and sulfur. According to one of the longtime residents of the pitiful RV park, when the Santa Ana winds really kicked up, the smell traveled all the way to Los Angeles, a hundred and fifty miles away.

  Drake tugged against his leash, anxious to get out of the blowing sand.

  “One more day, buddy, and I promise, we’re out of here.” She had already declined to extend her employment here. Four weeks had been more than enough. The hospital, while not new by any means, was a decent place to work, but the living conditions in the small desert community left a lot to be desired. The other two trailer parks in town were shoddier than this one. Things were worse for poor Drake. His elbows were still sore from his time in the poor excuse of a day care offered in town. In reality, it wasn’t a doggie day care at all but a boarding kennel that allowed Drake to stay during the day. After spending only a few days in a narrow cinderblock kennel, his elbows were abraded and he’d split his tail open. She’d refused to take him back there. Unable to find a better alternative, she unhooked the RV every morning and parked it in the hospital parking lot so that she could check on him during her shift.

  Now all she needed was her staff rep at Barron’s to find her a new job. But regardless of whether he did or not, they would be leaving tomorrow.

  As she walked past the RV park’s office, she felt eyes on her. She turned and scowled. Harry Bunch, the manager of the park, was staring out the window at her. The guy gave her the creeps.

  A deep growl emanated from Drake.

  “Yeah. I hear you.” She tugged on his leash, urging him back to her side. It was definitely time to get out of here. Maybe a nice trip to San Diego was in order; she’d never been there. It might be a good place to hang out until the next job offer. A spot on the beach sounded just like the ticket after their stint in the desert.

  Her phone rang as they stepped back into the RV. A glance at the caller ID made her smile. It was unlikely the staffing rep she worked with at Barron’s would be calling unless he’d found her a job. “Hello, Russell.”

  “Hi, Dr. Logan. I wanted to call you right away. I found you a new spot.”

  “Great. Where?” It better not be in the desert!

  “Mammoth Lakes in Northern California. The hospital is located right in town. The whole area is a year-round tourist destination. Beautiful place up in the mountains. Of course with it being December, skiing and other winter sports are the main attractions.”

  While Logan wasn’t a big fan of the snow, after her time in the desert it sounded pretty good. And if it was a big resort area, chances were good there would be a choice of facilities that could provide adequate care for Drake.

  “How long do they want someone?”

  “Contract is for three weeks over the Christmas holidays.”

  Logan grimaced at the mention of Christmas. “Sounds good. I’ll—”

  Russell cleared his throat. “Before you make up your mind, I wanted to let you know about another much longer offer. It’s a little unusual, and I know you said you weren’t interested in anything longer than six weeks, but I thought I would mention it.”

  The six-week limitation was arbitrary. But Logan had found that after much longer, people began to think of her as part of the staff, with the social obligations that went along with that. “I don’t know if I’d want to commit to someplace for more than six weeks sight unseen.”

  “I understand. But you’ve worked there before. That’s not the unusual part. The request from the hospital specifically requested that you fill the position—if you were available.”

  What? “Where?”

  “LA Metro.”

  Dale. Logan had tried to forget about her. But no matter how hard she tried, the woman continued to slip into her thoughts uninvited. But why would the ER there need someone again so soon? “Did they give a reason for the opening?”

  The tapping of a keyboard filtered through the phone line. “Let’s see. It says here they recently lost one of their physicians on the night shift because of a medical issue. They estimate six months before they are able to return.”

  Logan’s heart gave a surprising thump of alarm. Not Dale. Her mind filled with increasingly distressing scenarios.

  “Dr. Logan?”

  Angry at herself for the reaction, Logan shoved away the rising emotion. She wasn’t sure why she was even considering this. Dale did just fine before you showed up. It probably wasn’t Dale that was having problems. “So I would have to commit to six months at LA Metro?” she found herself asking despite her reservations.

  “Well, that is what they requested, but if you’re interested in going back maybe we could work something out? I could tell them you are only available for, say, six weeks. Then you could decide later if you wanted to extend beyond that. Or you can sign on for the whole six months right now.”

 
It was on the tip of Logan’s tongue to say no. She never went back to places she had worked at previously. Thoughts of Dale nagged at her. Say no and go to Mammoth. She ground her teeth together. The words just wouldn’t come. She glanced down at Drake. He was stretched out on his bed, looking worn and tired. The white on his face seemed more prominent than it had just a month ago. And he had never been a big fan of the cold either. He needs time to recover. She consoled herself with the thought of how happy Bernice and her grandson would be to see Drake again.

  “Six weeks. That’s all I’ll commit to.” As soon as the words left her mouth, an unexpected thrill of anticipation leaped through her veins. It’s just temporary. Just like every other job.

  “Great. How soon can you be there?”

  There was certainly nothing holding her here. “Tomorrow night.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Logan. I’ll let the hospital know.”

  “Thank you, Russell. Bye.” She thumbed the disconnect button on her phone. “Well, Drake, how would you like to go see Bernice and Danny?”

  The big dog’s ears perked, and his tail beat a rapid tattoo against his bed.

  With a much lighter spirit than she had felt in weeks, she got ready for her final day at work here.

  CHAPTER 13

  Dale stifled a yawn and stretched her aching back. She longed to go home and get some sleep, but she had sent Gretchen’s husband, Darryl, off to get some breakfast. She had promised to stay with Gretchen while he got something to eat.

  The door to the hospital room swung open, and Jess stuck her head in the doorway. She smiled when she spotted Dale and motioned to her.

  After a quick check to make sure Gretchen was still sleeping, Dale joined Jess in the hall. She left the door to Gretchen’s room partway open so she could still see her.

  “How’s she doing?” Jess asked. “Donna said she was alert and talking last night.”

  All the ER staff, doctors and nurses alike, had been checking on Gretchen.

  “Her pressure is way down from what it was when she collapsed but still elevated. The visual disturbances have ceased. The proteinuria is still present, but the levels have decreased.”

  “And the baby?” Jess asked, her voice filled with worry.

  Dale felt sick at the thought of Gretchen losing her baby. It had been touch and go over the last few days. “So far, so good.” She crossed her fingers in her pocket.

  Jess blew out a breath. “This doesn’t make any sense. She shouldn’t have gotten this bad so fast without any warning. Her blood pressure had to have been rising before this happened. Gretchen’s too good a physician to not have known she had pre-eclampsia.”

  “She knew.”

  “What? And you didn’t say anything?” Jess glared at her.

  Dale held up her hands in a placating gesture. “She knew. I didn’t until today. I asked Gretchen the same thing. She never said a word, but turns out her husband hasn’t worked in almost a year. I don’t know what the issue is, and she didn’t want to talk about it. She kept working because they needed the money. Anyway, she was keeping things under control when she was working the limited day shifts with the no-trauma restrictions you had her under. But once she came back on nights and had to carry a full workload, things got out of control.”

  “Why the hell didn’t she say something to me?”

  “Pride.”

  Jess jammed her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “Pride be dammed. I would have made an accommodation for her.”

  “She wanted to pull her own weight and not have other people take up the slack.” While Dale felt bad about what had happened to Gretchen, she would have done the same thing in Gretchen’s situation.

  “And look where it got her. She could lose the baby.” Jess scowled, visibly struggling to gain control of her anger. “Well, she’s not going to be working for a while now. I’ll get some kind of a fund going for her.”

  It was a good idea, but Dale wondered if Gretchen would accept. “Count me in.” She hesitated to bring up the subject, not wanting to appear callous, but it needed to be addressed. “Um…we’re going to need to replace her on the night shift.”

  “I’ve already taken care of it. I put through the request for a six-month locums position.”

  “How soon do they think they can get someone here?”

  “I just got the e-mail a little while ago,” Jess said. “New doctor will be here tomorrow night.”

  Relief washed over Dale. After three nights on her own, she was exhausted. While two ER residents at a time also covered the night shift, they were in training and needed supervision. The department required an additional experienced ER physician to cover the patient load. Someone like Logan. She mentally berated herself. Forget her. But she hadn’t; she had thought of her frequently over the last four weeks, wondering where she was and how she was doing.

  Gretchen stirred. “Darryl,” she called out.

  “I better get back in there,” Dale said, glad for the distraction.

  “I’ll go with you. I want to say hello.”

  Together, they entered Gretchen’s room.

  CHAPTER 14

  Logan’s steps faltered as she crossed the rain-swept parking lot. Now that she was here, she was having second thoughts. Her gaze landed on the bright-red emergency sign mounted above the entrance to the ER. Even through the pouring rain, it shone like a beacon in the night, beckoning to her. That was her reason for being here. Patients needed her.

  She pushed through the main doors and headed directly for the patient check-in area. The clerk behind the glass-fronted desk smiled and waved. She nodded in acknowledgement. The door lock buzzed, giving her access to the ER proper.

  “Hi, Dr. Logan. Welcome back,” Paul said when he spotted her. He picked up a sealed envelope from the counter in front of him and handed it to her.

  Logan opened the flap and looked inside. The envelope contained her ID badge and the new security codes for the doors. “Thanks.” She headed for the staff lounge to stash her backpack. As she walked, she looked around hoping to catch a glimpse of Dale. The intake board had not listed her name as being with a patient. The shift hasn’t even started yet. She tried to shrug off her concern. You’re here to work, not worry about a coworker.

  When she went to the locker she had used her last time here, she found it still available. After putting away her jacket and backpack, she noticed the name plate on Dale’s locker was missing. Her concern ratcheted up a notch despite her effort to ignore it.

  The door to the lounge swung open.

  Hope flared. Logan spun around, trying hard to tame her smile.

  Dr. Franklin stepped into the room.

  The smile fell from her face. Why was he here and not Dale? Was she just not on tonight?

  “Hi, Logan. What a nice surprise.” He approached and shook her hand. “Welcome back. Glad you were available to give us a hand again.”

  “Thanks.” She hesitated to ask about Dale, but her worry finally got the better of her. “Um…so where is Dr. Parker?”

  “She’s not here—”

  The door banged opened and Martinez rushed in. “I need you right now.”

  “Excuse me.” Franklin sprinted away with the resident.

  Logan’s stomach sank. Was it Dale she was replacing after all? It’s not your problem. She knew better than to allow herself to care about anyone. You don’t deserve to care about people. She slammed the locker closed, then stomped out of the lounge. Just do your damn job. That was the only thing she was good at.

  Logan leaned against the nurses’ station. It was two hours into her shift, and she had not been able to rid her thoughts of Dale. She didn’t know what it was about the woman that made her so hard to ignore, even when she wasn’t around. She repeatedly told herself it was because of Dale’s war injuries, but that excuse didn’t hold much water
anymore.

  Don’t get involved. No matter how many times Logan told herself that, it didn’t seem to matter. She blew out a breath. Was there anyone she could ask about what had happened to her? Dale was the only person who had ever managed to crack Logan’s carefully constructed walls. All the usual techniques she used to distance herself from people hadn’t worked with her.

  “Logan?”

  Logan jumped and spun around. Dale!

  “Hey.” Dale grinned. “It’s great to see you. I was expecting a new doctor, but I had no idea it would be you. Welcome back.”

  She swept her gaze over Dale from head to toe, unable to tame her smile. Her happiness dimmed at the dark circles under Dale’s eyes. She still wondered where Dale had been tonight. “You okay?”

  Dale rubbed her face. “Just tired. But I’m great now that you’re here.” She stepped forward with her arms slightly raised as if she was going to hug her.

  Instinctively, Logan stiffened. Avoiding personal contact had become ingrained over the last two years. It helped her to keep her distance from people—literally and figuratively.

  Dale’s bright smile faltered; her arms dropped, and she stepped back.

  Feeling unexpectedly bad, Logan gave Dale’s arm a brief squeeze. “It’s nice to be back.” And as hard as it was to admit, it was true—regardless of her continued reservations.

  “Dale, you all set to take over?” Dr. Franklin asked as he approached.

  “Yeah. Thanks for filling in. I owe you a couple of hours.”

  “No problem. I’ll remind you in a few weeks when it comes time for my daughter’s Christmas pageant.”

  “It’s a deal. At least I’ll know you’re having a lot more fun than I did tonight.”

  He laughed. “You’ve obviously never been to a holiday production featuring four-year-olds.”

  Dale snorted. “You love every minute of it. Now get out of here. And thanks again.”