Her Protector
Page 9
“True.” Janie sighed. “It would probably be so much easier if I didn’t, but there’s just no substitute for a hot, hard d-”
“Here you go, ladies.” Connor said, placing their drinks on the table. Janie bit her lip to hide a giggle at what he’d probably overheard. Alexandra shook her head.
“Thank you.” She muttered as she took a healthy sip. It was cool and citrusy and had a delicious burn.
“You’re welcome.” He said, whispering in her ear. His hot breath on the shell of her ear made her shiver. He draped an arm over the back of her chair and his fingers began trailing lazily over her shoulder and down her arm. He leaned into her until his lips barely brushed her ear.
“She’s right, you know. There’s no substitute for the real thing.” He said. His voice was pitched so low that she knew no one else would have heard him. It sent a tingle down her spine and she had to repress a sigh of pleasure.
She forced herself to take a sip of her drink before she spoke.
“I’m well aware.” She said quietly. And she was. It had been an insanely long time since she’d had the real thing.
He pressed a soft, swift kiss to her neck, just below her ear and then turned his attention back to Janie.
“So, tell me about yourself.” Connor said. “Lex has told me about you, but I always like to hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.”
“I’m more interested in hearing about you, since Alexandra hasn’t said much about you at all. I was shook when I met you at the bar last night. First time I’ve seen her with anyone.”
Alexandra glared at Janie, wishing she had the power to turn her friend into a pile of goo on the floor with just her mind.
“You haven’t met any of her previous boyfriends?”
“What boyfriends?” Janie muttered before she caught Alexandra’s glare. “No, I haven’t.” She quickly added.
“Good. Hopefully it’s one of many ways I’m different.” He said to Janie, while looking directly at Alexandra. His look was hot, intense. He looked like he wanted to prove to her just how different he was. Possibly right Then and there.
“Tell me about this guy.” Alexandra deflected, focusing on Janie. Janie would take over the conversation if she had the chance to talk about a guy she was into. She was a verbal steamroller, once she got started you either got out of the way or you got flattened.
“His name is Luke and he’s a drummer, which means his digital dexterity must be exceptional.” She said with a waggle of her eyebrows that made Alexandra laugh. “He’s 28, 6’1” and he’s originally from Texas. Can you believe that? An honest to God cowboy. It’s like, on every woman’s fantasy list. And he looks it, too. He’s lean and strong like he just spent the summer bailin’ hay.” She finished letting a bit of her own much suppressed southern accent come out.
“I mean, if I can talk him into wearing cowboy boots and a plaid shirt, you might just have to scrape me off the floor. As it is I could just sit and stare at him all day.” Janie paused and eyed Connor up and down. “Though you’re not hard on the eyes either, killer.” She winked.
Alexandra’s eyes flicked to Connor for the briefest moment and it was a mistake. He was smiling like the cat that ate the canary. The phrase “tickled pink” had never entered into her vocabulary before, but he was the picture of it just then.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about Janie’s drooling, or Connor’s amusement, so she sipped her drink and kept her focus on Janie. She had tuned her out for a few moments and she tried to catch up.
“... haven’t even slept with him yet and it’s all I can think about.”
“Jesus, Janie.” Alexandra said, lowering her head and covering her eyes. “You’re going to give Connor the impression that you’re just a walking vagina!” Connor chuckled and Janie laughed. She glared at both of them.
“I am way more than a walking vagina.” Janie said haughtily. “I have many erogenous zones, and they had all better get the attention they deserve.”
“Oh. My. God.” Alexandra groaned. Janie snickered and Connor laughed. A genuine, throw back your head, close your eyes, hold your stomach laugh. It was so sexy that Alexandra just stared at him.
His dark hair had fallen across his forehead. Wrinkles had formed at the corners of his eyes, and she realized he had a small dimple in his right cheek. His large shoulders shook and she could see the defined muscles of his stomach flexing as he laughed.
He was like some sort of romance novel character. Too handsome, too perfect, too… vivid to be real. She briefly wished she were heroine material. Strong and seductive and confident instead of awkward and afraid. She took a large swallow of her drink and then stood.
“I have to use the ladies’ room.” She said softly. She’d only take two steps when Connor’s large hand caught hers.
“I’ll walk with you.” He said quietly as he matched her pace. In the hallway outside the restrooms he stopped her. He crowded her against the wall and she felt a sense of deja vu.
“We have to stop having conversations outside of bathrooms.” Alexandra said dryly. “People will think we’re talking shit.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but his eyes were wary, concerned.
“Funny girl.” He said. He stroked a knuckle down the side of her face before cupping her cheek in his hand, his thumb stroking softly across her cheekbone. “What’s wrong, funny girl?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged.
“You’re a bad liar.”
“I’m a lawyer.” She snorted. “It’s all we do.”
“No. It’s all some do. Not you.” He said quietly.
“You don’t know that.” She eyed him skeptically.
“Yes, I do. The way you talk about your job. The reasons you became a lawyer. You’re an honest woman. You don’t cheat the system and you don’t help others cheat.”
She looked away, embarrassed and pleased that he’d been paying attention and that he had such a high opinion of her.
“So tell me what’s wrong.” He prompted.
“Nothing really. I just get in my own head sometimes.” She sighed.
“And what goes one in that pretty head of yours?” He asked. His eyes bore into her as if he could see her thoughts if he stared hard enough.
“You.” She shrugged. “Me. Life.” He snorted and gave her that crooked half smile that she knew so well already.
“Very vague.” He chided her. “But we’ll talk more later.” He stepped back and she ducked through the bathroom door.
The band was surprisingly good, and Alexandra had to admit that Janie’s drummer was in fact, very cute. He had that “aw shucks” vibe that made him seem sweet and innocent. That won’t last long. Alexandra snorted to herself. Janie hadn’t said a word the entire time. She’d just been making eyes with her good ol’ boy while he played.
Alexandra hadn’t met any of Janie’s other conquests so she couldn’t tell if this behavior was typical for her, but it certainly wasn’t what she’d expected from Janie. She guessed she expected her to be more… aloof? Disinterested?
At any rate, she and Connor were left to occupy themselves, which they did, mostly, by watching the band in silence. He seemed content just sipping his beer, one arm resting on the back of her chair, his thumb brushing over her shoulder in a maddeningly steady rhythm. She wasn’t content. Between his casually intimate touch, the heat she could feel from his proximity and the scent of his cologne, she was practically squirming in her chair. Her skin tingled and her face felt flushed. Not a blush, but a constant warmth that wasn’t from the drink she’d been nursing.
She needed room to breathe.
“I could use another drink,” She said, standing. “Anyone else?”
“I’ll get it.” Connor said, standing as well. “Stay put. Janie?”
Janie nodded absently and handed him her empty glass, not taking her eyes from the stage.
As soon as he was gone, Alexandra switch sides, sliding into the chair between Janie
“Come sit with me.” Connor said, smiling sweetly.
“I can see better from over here. I was getting a cramp from having to turn my head.” Alexandra replied.
“Well, in that case…” He stood and moved around Janie to stand behind her chair. “You’re right, the view is better on this side.” He swept his hands across her shoulders and then began working the muscles with his strong fingers.
Alexandra couldn’t help herself. She groaned and closed her eyes. He chuckled and inched his hands in towards her neck. He ran his thumbs firmly up either side of her neck and then back down. It was heaven. She leaned farther back into his touch and let her head droop forward to give him better access. After a few minutes she was both relaxed and very, very, aware of her body. Every stroke, every brush of fingers, sent goosebumps down her arms.
“Up.” He whispered in her ear. She shivered and hesitated, but then stood. He stepped around the chair and sat, pulling her into his lap.
“Thank you. For the massage.” She quickly added.
“Happy to help.” He said with a devilish grin as he settled her more fully onto his lap. Happy indeed. Either that or he was carrying a nightstick in his pocket. And holy moses it must be a big one. Her face burned and she looked away.
She felt his breath on her neck as his arms tightened around waist, pulling her closer to him. She was almost sure she felt… it grow a little. Oh, my. It was certainly a compliment coming from a man like him, but she wasn’t sure what to do with this information. She didn’t know what she wanted to do with it.
Yes, you do, chickenshit.
Alexandra shook her head and sat up straighter, trying to clear her head.
Connor sucked in a sharp breath when she shifted and the bulge in his lap grew yet more.
“Damnit, sit still.” He growled. He punctuated the command with a nip to her earlobe. She squeaked and jumped, eliciting a hiss from Connor.
“Christ, woman, are ye tryin’ ta kill me?” His voice was thick, and his accent was thicker. “Do I have to tie ye down to keep you still?”
Alexandra froze. Her breaths came in shallow pants and her vision began to tunnel.
No, no, no, no… not now. Not here. Breathe. Breathe.
Her stomach flipped and nausea assaulted her, sudden and overwhelming. She jumped up and scrambled around Janie without explanation. She made a mad dash for the bathroom and made it just in time to puke her guts up in private.
She couldn’t stop shaking and a cold sweat broke out on her forehead. She was so dizzy. She sat on the cool tile floor and closed her eyes, trying to keep the room from spinning. She took deep, steadying breaths to try and calm her roiling stomach. She counted. She did all the things her therapist had told her to do, and still the tears came. Still her hands trembled.
She didn’t know how long she sat there trying to pull herself together, but she didn’t recognize her name until someone said it for a third time.
“Lex?”
“Yeah.” She croaked. Her throat was raw from vomiting and her mouth tasted foul.
“God, are you okay?” Janie said.
“Sick.” Was all she could manage.
“Can you unlock the door?”
She didn’t answer. Instead she knelt up long enough to unbolt the stall door and then sank bank to the floor.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Shit. What the hell is going on in there?
Something was wrong. He knew it the moment she bolted from the table. He just didn’t know what. He hadn’t been able to catch her before she made it to the ladies’ room. He gave her 10 minutes before he dragged Janie away from the table to go in after her. They’d been in there too long already.
He pounded on the door. “Janie? Lexi? What’s going on?” There was no answer. Fuck this.
He pushed the door open and walked down the row of stalls until he saw two pairs of feet. He rapped gently on the door.
“You alright, love?” He said softly.
“Connor?” Alexandra rasped. She sounded awful.
“Aye. I’m right here. What’s going on? Are you sick?” He had tested her drink and knew there was nothing wrong with it, and she’d only had two so far tonight. It couldn’t have been the Indian food they had that afternoon because he felt fine.
“She’s been throwing up.” Janie said, opening the door and moving aside. Lexi was slumped against the wall of the stall breathing steadily in through her nose and out through her mouth. Her eyes were closed and her hands were shaking.
He swore under his breath and bent down to scoop her up. Her whole body was shaking but she didn’t feel feverish, despite the sweat dampening the hair around her face. She protested but he just tucked her head onto his shoulder and carried her out the door.
“I’m taking her home.” Connor said. Janie nodded and handed him Alexandra’s purse. Then she draped Alexandra’s coat over her and handed Connor his.
“Will you be okay?” He asked. He didn’t like the idea of leaving her there alone, but he needed to take care of Alexandra now. She was his priority.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Go.” He raised an eyebrow and she gave him a tight smile. “I promise I’ll call you when I get home. Better?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” He nodded, and headed out the door.
Alexandra was still shivering even though he’d piled her under both their coats and his sweatshirt. Her eyes were still closed and she hadn’t said anything since he’d pulled away from the club. Her breathing seemed to be steadier now, though she was still taking deliberate, deep breaths. Every once in a while he thought her mouth moved. He suspected she was counting.
“How long have you been having panic attacks like this?” He asked quietly. She stared at him in shock, and then he saw it. The embarrassment, the shame. She didn’t lie. She didn’t tell him he was wrong. She simply said nothing. She turned away and stared out at the city as it passed them by. He contemplated doing something he’d rarely done before and he wasn’t sure why, but it felt like the right thing.
“I still remember the first time.” He began. She turned toward him, her expression carefully blank. “I spent twelve years in the Army. Eight of those as a Ranger. Saw some pretty scary shit.” He took a deep breath.
“I came home two years ago. June fifteenth. Mom had been gone about six months, and Angel was here, alone. I moved in with her and started trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life. People talk about vets transitioning back into civilian life and how hard it can be, but it’s not really just finding a job and a place and starting over. Everything is different. Everything. Your brain is conditioned to work differently, it has to when you’re in a combat zone. You train and drill and you’re broken down and built back up with all these rules and procedures that are meant to keep you alive day to day. To keep you from dying.”
He took a breath and tried to gather his thoughts.
“When you’re in combat, all that training kicks in and becomes instinct. You just react. When you get back it’s like being on another planet. The rules change, your reactions are expected to change, your focus is expected to change. And all overnight. One day you’re a soldier, the next day you’re not.”
He shook his head.
“I’m sorry, I’m getting off track. Anyway, the transition was hard for me, like it is for so many guys. Angel is a sweet kid and she knew I was strugglin’. So when the 4th of July came around she wanted to do something special for me.” He couldn't help but grimace at the memory.
“Her friend’s family invited us to Long Island for the weekend to watch the fireworks on the beach.” He shot her a nervous glance. Just thinking about this gave him a pit in his stomach and had his hands shaking slight
ly on the wheel.
“She didn’t tell me where we were going. She said it was a surprise. When we got there it was almost dark and there was a bonfire on the beach. I thought it was just a party. I had totally lost track of the date, and having spent most summers out of the country from the time I was eight years old, I didn’t have much first hand experience of the holiday. I certainly hadn’t celebrated many of them.” He felt a little embarrassed admitting that. After all he was an American citizen, and one who had served his country in the military. The 4th of July should have been one of his holiest days. He felt stupid having forgotten it.
“Anyway, we get there and everything’s fine. I had a beer, met her friends, sat on the beach. I was actually enjoying myself.” He couldn’t help the bitterness in his tone.
“And then, the bombs went off. I know now that it was the fireworks, but at the time, I was back in Iraq. Explosions, gunfire, shouting… all that shit you see when they show flashbacks in movies. Except what they can’t show you is how it feels. Your adrenaline kicks in and it’s not just memories you can’t control. It feels real.”
“PTSD.” She whispered.
“Yup.” He sighed.
“What happened?”
“I freaked out.” He sighed heavily. Even after all this time, and knowing it wasn’t something to be ashamed of, a hint of it still lingered. It had lessened, but it was still there. “After the initial flashes, I kept trying to remind myself I was home. I wasn’t there anymore. I felt like I was breathing through a straw. My hands shook and I wanted to puke.”
She nodded but said nothing.
“Like I said, Angel’s a sweet kid, but she had no idea what was happenin’. She saw me laying in the sand trying to get myself under control and she did what anyone would do. She put her hand on my arm. Except it wasn’t her in my head.” He gritted his teeth and his jaw ached with the pressure. Finally he said, so quietly he wasn’t sure she’d hear. “I pushed her. Hard. Thank God we were on a beach and not somewhere else. She went down and I lost it. I realized what I’d done and all I could think about was ‘What if I’d had a weapon? What if we’d been up somewhere high? What if we’d been closer to the fire?’ I could have killed her without even knowing what was happening.”