Connor hoped she would see it for the invitation it was. He wanted her to open up. He wanted her to share that pain that still burdened her. He wanted to understand her-- all of her, even the hurt. But he didn’t want to push it. It needed to be on her terms, and he would have to wait until she was ready.
After several minutes of quiet, Connor’s hand stilled for a moment when she finally spoke.
“When I was in college I dated this guy.” She said quietly. Immediately his heart began to race. He kept his strokes smooth and gentle. He didn’t want to interrupt her now that she’d started talking.
“Lucas.” She spat the name out as if it tasted of vinegar. Connor reeled inwardly. The one name her father had given him was Lucas Whitmore. He hadn’t gone into detail, but it was obvious now why his name would come to mind.
He took three deep breaths and tried to focus, pushing everything else aside so he could give Alexandra the attention she deserved right now.
“We started seeing each other when we were both in our last year, but since I’d finished high school and college a year early I was 20 and he was 22. I looked up to him as someone older, more worldly.” She laughed bitterly.
“He was good-looking, smart and he could be charming when it suited him. We dated for a couple of months before we had sex. I was a virgin and he didn’t pressure me, which I thought was a good sign.”
She paused, as if deciding how much to say or how to say it. She took a slow sip of her coffee, and Connor kept gently brushing her hair and waited.
“Things were good for a while.” She finally said. “After about four or five months, he suggested we… experiment a bit. Apparently he considered himself something of a Dom and he said he wanted to explore that part of himself. Being the supportive girlfriend who was still getting used to freedom, and still exploring my sexuality, I was willing to give it a shot.
“It started small enough, the usual stuff-- fuzzy handcuffs, scarves, blindfolds. Then it escalated to light spankings and a bit of hair pulling. I actually quite enjoyed it.” This last part was practically whispered, as if she was embarrassed about it.
Connor was surprised and aroused at the idea that Alexandra might enjoy that kind of thing. But at the same time, he could see the direction her tale was going and he didn’t like where he suspected it would end.
“Once in a while he would go a bit too far, but would stop when I asked. Being young and new to this, and assuming he was new to it, I chalked it up to inexperience or the heat of the moment. I didn’t think he’d done it on purpose. Until one day he did. He wouldn’t stop when I asked. He insisted that he knew my limits and that he wouldn’t push me too far.”
“We argued about it, especially since I told him I didn’t really think of myself as a submissive. I told him I was more than willing to help him explore this part of himself, but that I wasn’t as into it as he was. He tried to convince me that I was just afraid.”
Connor forced himself to keep his hands steady and light as he ran the brush through her hair, even though he’d already brushed all of it several times over. His teeth were clenched so tight he thought they might crack. His jaw ached already at the pressure.
“I’d had enough at that point so I told him I was done, that we should go our separate ways because I didn’t think I could give him what he felt he needed. It was all very mature and adult.” She snorted. “We agreed it was for the best and parted as friends, more or less.”
“At the end of the term, after the last exams, some friends of ours decided to throw a party to celebrate. Meagan and I went and had a good time. She and her boyfriend dropped me off afterward and then she went back to his room. About ten minutes later, there was a knock on my door. It was Lucas. He asked if we could talk and I let him in.”
Connor’s stomach dropped and he saw red. He wanted to stop her and at the same time he wanted her to finish the story so he knew precisely how much pain he would need to inflict on this worthless piece of shit once he found him. And so he could sweep Alexandra up and spend the rest of the day holding her and showing her how she should be treated-- like a goddess, not like a fucking toy for someone else’s amusement.
Alexandra took a shaky breath before she continued and Connor resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her.
“So we sat and had a beer while we talked. He told me that since our breakup he’d been failing some of his classes. He wasn’t sure he was going to graduate because he hadn’t been able to focus on studying for his exams. He said I was his best friend and that he loved me and he wanted me back.” Her voice was tight and raw, as if she was holding back tears. Connor cursed creatively in several languages in his head.
“I told him I was sorry he was upset, but that I hadn’t changed my mind. To be honest, I had been relieved when it ended. Afterward I’d noticed a lot of red flags that I overlooked. I asked him to leave and he got angry. Told me it was my fault if he didn’t graduate. Told me that I was ruining everything. He… hit me.” She choked back a sob, and Connor couldn’t sit still anymore.
He set the brush aside and wrapped his arms around her, tugging her back to his chest. He kissed the top of her head and clamped his eyes shut. He swallowed hard-- it was either that, or roar with the fury that was thrumming in his veins.
Alexandra took a deep breath and plunged ahead, as if she had to get the words out even if it killed her. He understood this. Once you started to tell your story you had to see it to the end, if only to prove that you could.
“He… he raped me, and… beat me. It was never about dominance, it was about pain. He was a sadist. He kept hitting me. He broke my jaw, fractured two of my ribs, and left bruises… everywhere.” She wiped away a tear. “I prayed I’d lose consciousness.” She added in a desolate voice.
“I couldn’t fight back. I was in so much pain and I just… wanted to escape. Go somewhere else until it was over. But I didn’t. I experienced every second of what he did to me and it was hell.”
She took a deep breath again and let it out shakily. Connor kept holding her tight, pressing kisses to her head and cursing himself for having caused her pain. He remembered his off hand remark about tying her up to keep her still and her ensuing panic attack.
You bloody bastard.
Alexandra who had been quiet for several long minutes, finally spoke again.
“Luckily, Meagan had forgotten something and she and her boyfriend came back together to get it. They caught him… in the act, and Ryan, Meagan’s boyfriend, beat the living shit out of him while Meagan called the police.
“Good.” Connor said. “I’d like to shake his hand.”
“You can.” Alexandra said with a weak laugh. “Who do you think she’s marrying next week?”
“Good.” He said again. “So he was arrested?”
“And convicted.” Alexandra replied. But there was something in her tone that sounded… unsatisfied? Angry? She took a deep breath and he kept quiet, sensing there was more.
“Considering the state I was in and that there were two witnesses to what happened, it seemed like a solid case. I didn’t relish the idea of having to testify in court against him, or having to ask Meagan and Ryan to do the same, but I knew I would have to if it went to trial. But, it never did.”
“Why?” Connor asked softly, rubbing her back in soothing circles.
“My father.” She said sadly. “Not directly. He was hell bent on making sure he got the maximum sentence. But… the defence produced a… video. Not of that night, of course, but of… previous nights we’d been together. Nights when he’d wanted to experiment. I had no idea they existed, but they apparently wanted them admitted as evidence in support of their defence that the night in question was a case of consensual sex that got out of hand, and not an all out violent assault.”
Connor swore under his breath and he shook with the tension in his muscles.
“There was also the fact that I’d been drinking, and at twenty years old, illegally. The DA thought we st
ill had a good case, but they asked me what I wanted. My father didn’t care about the tapes. He said that whatever went on between consenting adults was no one’s business and the issue wasn’t the type of sex anyone enjoyed, it was the consenting to it that constituted rape.”
“He encouraged me to stay the course. But… I couldn’t do it. Not because I was ashamed, although I was. I could have handled the embarrassment if it had just been me. It would have been worth it to see that bastard go to jail for as long as the law allowed. But the idea of my father’s friends, his colleagues, a judge that he might have to go before in the future knowing about all of it… it just made me sick to my stomach.”
“And Amanda… she was just starting college. I didn’t know what she would have to deal with if it got out. I couldn’t do that to her. So I asked the District Attorney to offer a deal to get it over with. All in all he was sentenced to five years for felony assault and served only three. He didn’t even have to register as a sex offender.”
Connor waited to see if she would say anything more. When she didn’t he squeezed her and encouraged her to turn. She did so reluctantly. He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead and wiped away the rest of her tears with his thumbs as he cupped her face. He looked her in the eye and gave her a small, proud smile.
“Thank you for telling me.” He said softly. Her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re very brave, lass.” She gave him a watery smile and he hugged her tightly.
He was going to find this prick and disembowel him, slowly, with something dull and rusty.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Alexandra collected the hamper from upstairs and carted it down to the first floor laundry, adding it to the already overflowing laundry basket beside the washer. She put some music on and began sorting laundry as she attempted to find her equilibrium again. She’d told that story to precious few people but every time it drained her.
She felt as if she’d spent several hours sparring with Trey. She winced at the thought and made a mental note to call him and apologize for not showing up for her session yesterday. He’d make her suffer next time to make up for it.
She sorted laundry into piles and tried to vanquish the rising anxiety that always followed reliving the most horrible moment of her life. Connor had seemed to handle it well enough. He had been patient and kind as he listened. He’d held her and comforted her but didn’t offer platitudes. He simply listened and acknowledged how hard it must have been for her to share it with him.
But she’d told other men that story, although she’d never gone into nearly as much detail, and they’d all seemed to be able to handle it at first. It wasn’t until weeks, or sometimes months into a relationship that they realized exactly how much that night still affected her. It was usually then that they decided it was more than they could deal with.
Would Connor be different? Or was she just postponing the inevitable? She’d been back and forth a million times about this and had decided that there was no way to know without trying. She’d already made her decision and she didn’t want to go back. She wanted to look ahead for once.
Trying to distract herself from her persistent uneasiness, she turned the volume up and sang along as she dealt with her laundry. Connor had said he had some phone calls to make and she’d left him in the spare bedroom she used as an office.
She got the first load started and returned to the kitchen to consider breakfast, or brunch rather considering the hour. She refilled her mug and sipped, looking over the contents of her fridge.
Fifteen minutes later, Alexndra was chopping vegetables and whisking eggs for a frittata when a familiar favorite started playing. She turned the volume up and sang, feeling more herself. The song always made her smile. She swayed her hips and danced in place a little, smiling to herself. After the second chorus, she jumped when she heard a deep, smokey voice, that wasn’t Mike Doughty’s singing.
“...Let’s go make out up in the balcony…”
Alexandra whipped around blushing with surprise. Connor was smiling and singing in perfect pitch. His voice washed over her like a physical caress. He strolled toward her- dancing.
Alexandra laughed and Connor’s smile grew wider as he reached her and tugged her into his arms, dancing her around the kitchen island. He was… good. Very good. And he kept crooning in her ear in a way that made her shiver down to her toes.
The song ended, and segued into a slower song. Connor slowed, but continued to sway with her, arms tightening around her as Ed Sheeran sang about love and photographs. Alexandra rested her head against his shoulder and relaxed into him, feeling warm and… hopeful. Connor was so easy to be with, when he wasn’t driving her crazy. She loved it when he was playful.
Maybe that explained why she felt so much like a young girl embarking on her first real romance. He had such a boyish charm for someone who was also so very obviously a grown man. It was an odd combination, but one that surprised and delighted her.
Like now , when he was giving her that sexy stare with his intense sapphire blue eyes, and a wide, genuine grin that showed off his dimple. He screamed fun and sex, warmth and strength, compassion and passion. Who didn’t want all that?
“I like your music.” Connor grinned, spinning her as she laughed.
“Thank you. I like your voice.” Alexandra gave him what she hoped was a suggestive smile. From the way he kissed her, she’d gotten it right. He plundered her mouth, making her whole body flush and her nipples tighten. She felt moisture gather between her thighs and she pressed them together to try and relieve the ache.
Connor pulled back just enough to speak softly against her lips.
“Why is it that every time we’re alone in this kitchen I want to bend you over the counter and have my wicked way with you?”
“I haven’t the slightest.” Alexandra breathed. “But it seems to apply to the living room as well. And the bathroom. Perhaps we should experiment with the other rooms.”
Connor gave her a devilish grin and kissed her swiftly.
“I love the way your mind works.” He chuckled.
The doorbell rang, interrupting their heated exchange, and Connor groaned. Alexandra started for the door, but Connor stopped her.
“Let me.” He gave her another quick smooch and headed toward the foyer. Alexandra sighed and went back to the frittata. She assembled everything in the cast iron skillet she’d used to saute the peppers and onions and mushrooms and was just putting it in the oven when Connor came back. He wasn’t alone.
“Archie?” Alexandra exclaimed. Archie gave her a tight smile and a quick hug, at which Connor frowned.
“I see you’ve met Connor.” She said, gesturing both of them toward the table. They sat on opposite sides and she sat at the end.
“Yeah. Good. It’ll save me a phone call.”
Archie was in his early thirties and handsome. He had a square jaw perpetually covered in stubble, deep set brown eyes, and a full mouth. His sandy blonde hair was kept high and tight.
He was tall and formidable and taciturn to a fault. The whole effect was intimidating, a fact he used expertly to his advantage when the need arose. If he hadn’t worked so closely with her department, Alexandra might have been afraid of him, but she’d gotten to know him pretty well. He was a good guy and frighteningly competent. She could easily believe the rumors that he wasn’t so much former military as former military intelligence.
“You want some coffee?”
“I’m good.”
“So, what brings you out here on a Sunday? Must be something important.” Alexandra said, trying to put on her professional front to hide her anxiety. Archie was kind enough not to comment, but he seemed to notice everything. It was why he was so good at his job.
“Got a couple pictures I want you to look at.” He slid two photos which looked like still images from security camera footage across the table. She looked at it but couldn’t make out anything other than that the man was average height and average weight. He wore a hat and su
nglasses and a tan jacket. He was placing a small package on top of a bin of mail while the postman’s back was turned retrieving something from his truck.
“Look familiar?” Archie asked.
“No… I don’t think so. With that hat and jacket, it’s hard to tell what he really looks like enough for me to even hazard a guess.”
Archie gave her a curt nod and slid the photo over to Connor. Connor studied the photo as Archie slid another toward her. This one was of a black sedan. Four doors, very nondescript. The license plate was partially visible, but nothing about it seemed familiar.
“Is this his vehicle?” She asked. Archie nodded, sliding that photo over to Connor as well.
“Can you send me digital copies of these? Maybe the raw footage too? I’ll see if my tech guy can get anything.” Archie gave him a skeptical once over as if to say, “You think you can do better?”
“Already did.” Archie replied instead. “We’re working on it. I’ll call you.” He added as he stood to go.
“Thanks.” Alexandra smiled. Archie gave her a quick grin and a wink before he walked away, muttering something about seeing himself out. Connor followed him anyway and Alexandra went back to making breakfast.
Connor returned several minutes later, scowling at his phone.
“Sam’s got ‘em now. He might be able to get us a better look.” He said, not looking up from his phone. The set of his jaw was tense and his hair was mussed, as if he’d been running his hands through it.
“Okay.” Alexandra nodded. She picked up her cup and sipped, suddenly anxious. It was odd that she could have forgotten about the photos, and she hadn’t really, but she’d been so focused on what was happening between her and Connor that she’d pushed it to the back of her mind. Archie’s visit somehow brought it all into sharper focus and she couldn’t help the wave of panic that swept through her.
Connor must have noticed something because he tucked his phone away and put his arms around her.
Her Protector Page 20