“Can I use your hair dryer?”
“Yeah, bathroom’s through there. I’ve got to let these puppies set for another ten minutes so I’ll be in my room getting dressed.” She shoved off the counter where she’d been leaning and disappeared into the other room. “Holler if you need me.”
Alexandra grabbed her toiletries and headed for the bathroom. She dried her hair, put on a little makeup and then dug through her suitcase to find something suitable for work. She hadn’t packed much for London except for a few party dresses, her bridesmaid’s dress and casual clothes.
She did have a knee length suede skirt and her boots, but she didn’t have a blouse or jacket.
“Hey, Janie?” She knocked on the bedroom door, which was still ajar, before poking her head in.
“What’s up?” Janie asked, not taking her eyes off the vanity mirror where she was applying mascara.
“Do you have a blouse I could borrow? I only have the clothes I took with me to London and I can’t go in looking like this.”
“Sure. Take whatever you want.” She gestured toward the closet as she began taking rollers out of her hair.
Alexandra selected a plain white button-up. It was a little large in the bust and a little short, but once she got it tucked into the skirt, it didn’t look too bad, and it went well with the tan skirt and boots. It was a far cry from the usual black suit and pumps she normally wore, but it would have to do.
“I like this look.” Janie said, surveying her outfit.
“Really?”
“Yeah, makes you look… human.”
“Is that a compliment or an insult?” Alexandra snorted.
“Neither. You look fierce any day of the week, Lex, and you know it. But this is a little softer, a little more approachable than the usual ‘boss bitch’ vibe you’ve got going on.”
“Boss bitch?” Alexandra laughed.
“Yeah. All badass business.” Janie grinned.
She knew Janie was just teasing her. She’d be the last to judge anyone’s style or life choices. But something about that descriptor felt… off. She didn’t like it.
“Janie, do I come off as… cold?” She asked. Janie frowned and screwed her mouth up to the side for a second, considering.
“I suppose you could call it that.” She said slowly. “I’ve always considered it a sort of professional detachment. At least at work. You don’t give anything away. But isn’t being unreadable a good thing in your line of work?”
“I guess.” Alexandra shrugged. So why does it feel so…
“Come on boss lady. We’re going to be late.” Janie said. “So, are we driving separately or do you want to carpool?”
“Yeah, about that…
✽✽✽
Connor wanted to tear his damn hair out. It had only been two hours since Alexandra had stormed out of his apartment and he’d already picked up the phone to call her a dozen times. He’d finally gotten so frustrated he’d chucked his phone into a desk drawer and slammed it shut, after checking in with Jackson twice.
He didn’t know what to say or do to make her understand that he would do anything-- anything to protect her. That he’d never be able to live with himself if anything happened to her. That she was the most important thing in the world to him. He loved her.
You could tell her that, asshat.
If she walked away from him now, he didn’t know what he would do. He had to focus on keeping her safe so that he’d have a chance of making things right. He wanted a future with her-- a future he’d never even considered until now.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Jackson snarled, marching into his office. He stood in front of Connor’s desk, feet planted, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.
“Hell if I know.” Connor grated out, running a hand through his hair.
“What did you do to her?”
Connor explained the situation and Jackson sank into one of the leather chairs.
“Shit.” He muttered. “You screwed the pooch, brother.”
“I know.” Connor growled. “What do I do now?”
Jackson frowned. “Look. She’s a smart woman and she’s given us no trouble when it comes to her safety. Even this morning, when she looked like she wanted to geld you, she’s followed all the rules. She knows how serious this is. Eventually, she’ll understand why we needed to know. And you’re just going to have to get down on your knees and beg her to forgive your sorry ass for not talking to her about it first.”
“I will as soon as she gives me a chance.”
“Good.” Jackson nodded grimly. Then a grin spread slowly across his face. “Can I watch?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, thanks. If you’re looking for that, ask Sam.” Jackson replied. “That mean you’re picking her up after work?” he added
“I can’t. I have a damn dinner meeting that I’ve rescheduled twice now. But do me a favor and see if you can’t put in a good word for me? For some reason, she claims to like you.”
“Southern charm works every time.” Jackson winked.
“Get out of my office before I fire you again.” Connor shot back.
“Sure thing boss. And a final word of advice?”
“What?”
“Don’t fuck it up this time.”
✽✽✽
Janie knocked on Alexandra’s door around lunch time and came in toting a large take out bag. Without a word, she began unpacking cardboard boxes of what smelled like greasy Chinese food. That could only mean one thing.
“Uh oh. What happened now?” Alexandra asked, setting aside a brief one of the Paralegals had put together while she was gone. Janie only resorted to unhealthy takeout and lunchtime dish sessions when she was having man trouble.
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Janie said, still unpacking boxes.
“What do you mean?”
“Angel, this is your first fight with the first boyfriend you’ve had in years. Years. I think that warrants a pity-party, don’t you?”
“It’s not that bad.” Is it?
“So then tell me.” Janie shrugged, sitting down with a carton of lo mein and a pair of wooden chopsticks.
“It’s…”
“Complicated. I know, you mentioned that. So speak slowly and use small words so I can follow along.” She said with a self-deprecating smile.
“It’s not that, it’s just… really personal.”
“Does it have anything to do with him being your bodyguard?”
Alexandra froze reaching for a container and tried to cover it by feigning indecision.
“What do you mean?”
“Come on. I’m not stupid.” Janie snorted. “How long have I worked here?”
“Three years, give or take.”
“And how many guys have you brought to the office, or out to drinks or to the gym in that time?”
“I don’t know.” Alexandra hedged.
“None. Not one.” Janie shook her head. “Now, suddenly, you have a boyfriend who is spending every second with you, meeting your friends, going to London with you?”
“What? It’s impossible that after all this time I’ve finally found someone I actually like?”
Who I love?
“I’m not saying that.” Janie huffed, setting down her carton of dumplings. “You are gorgeous, smart, funny and damn determined. You’re a catch, Lex. But you haven’t let anyone catch you. I don’t know why, and that’s your business, but it makes the recent turn of events a bit suspicious. And it’s no secret that Connor is the head of MacLachlan Security Group, either. I mean he gave me a friggin’ business card, for crying out loud. And this morning, that fine-ass Jackson, who works for Connor just happened to offer to give you a ride because your car-- which you haven’t driven because you’ve been out of the country for the last week-- is in the shop?”
Alexandra sat, stunned. Trying to figure out where to go from here.
“So you wanna tell me what’s going on?” Janie asked, real concern in her ey
es. That should have shut down any inclination to explain, but there was also hurt and anger, which made her reevaluate.
So, Alexandra took a deep breath and started at the beginning. She was tempted to gloss over all but the pertinent parts of her past as they related to her current predicament, but once she started talking, she couldn’t seem to stop. She couldn’t seem to stop the tears, either, which should have mortified her, but oddly… didn’t.
Janie was quiet, offering no platitudes or trite sympathies. She held Alexandra’s hand across the desk, squeezing from time to time but saying nothing. It was still hard to talk about. Still painful. But the recitation was a little easier the second time around. When she finished she dared a glance at Janie’s face. It was contorted, not with pity, but with rage.
“That goddamned, fucking, low-life, son of a whore.” Janie said through gritted teeth.
“Pretty much.” Alexandra gave her a watery smile.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” Janie asked, looking hurt again.
“Because there was no reason to burden you with it.” Alexandra shrugged. “It’s the same reason I didn’t want Connor telling everyone under the damn sun, either.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Janie hissed. Alexandra started.
“No, it’s not bullshit to want to be treated like a normal human being, and not like a perpetual victim. It’s not bullshit to try and prevent your family and your friends from suffering on your account.”
“It is bullshit. You think I’m gonna coddle you because I know you’ve been through somethin’ terrible? You think I’m gonna think less of you ‘cause you’ve been hurt? Get yer head outta yer ass and look around. A lot of people have been through a hell of their own. Everyone gets hurt. The only way we get through it is knowing we’re not alone.” Janie shouted.
Alexandra had never seen her this angry before. It was more than a little scary. Her Mississippi accent never made an appearance, unless Janie was at least a little the worse for alcohol.
Janie paused to breath and Alexandra sat very still. “As my grandmother used to say, ‘A burden shared is a burden lessened’. And telling people what happened to you doesn’t give him power over anyone else, but not talking about it gives him more power over you.”
Alexandra thought about that for a minute. She thought about Janie’s reaction, which was not what she’d been expecting. She thought about Connor’s reaction. There had been no pity, no treating her like she was made of glass. They’d been angry-- furious-- for her. And at her, in Janie’s case.
Alexandra had a minor epiphany that she’d been playing the role of a martyr-- not because she had survived a traumatic assault, but because she’d dedicated herself to suffering in silence, as if she was the only one capable of coping with it. She’d underestimated her family, and her friends.
All this time she’d been so concerned about not being treated like a fragile victim, and she’d been thinking of the people around her in the same terms. Not trusting them to be strong enough to handle it. Not trusting them to be able to move past it. Needing to protect them while being angry that they’d want to protect her. Maybe that was the point of having people who loved you, so you can care for eachother.
“I’m sorry, Janie.” Alexandra said quietly. And she was. Sorry she’d shut her, and everyone else, out of so much of her life.
“Good.” Janie nodded, smoothing her skirt on her lap. “Now, how are we going to fix things with you and Connor?”
✽✽✽
After three unanswered calls to Alexandra, Connor gave up-- temporarily-- and threw himself into catching up on a week’s worth of work. He soldiered on until lunch time, but by then he needed a break. And possibly a drink.
Two taps on his door was the only warning he got before Sam sauntered into his office carrying two styrofoam containers. He plunked one down on Connor’s desk, right on top of the report he’d been reading, and sat down in the chair opposite the desk.
“Thanks.” Connor mumbled, opening the container. A medium rare burger and hot fries with plenty of salt. God bless Sam.
“Welcome.” Sam replied around a mouthful of fries.
“That’s gross. Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
In response, Sam shoved at least a dozen fries in his mouth and chewed loudly with his mouth open.
“I thought you lot were supposed to be all about manners and shite.”
“You lot?”
“Yeah, namby-pamby, nancy boys.” Connor teased. Sam snorted and shook his head, continuing to devour his lunch.
Connor and Sam had served together in the Army. They’d been through some very bad moments and some very good moments together. Sam had been kicked out by his conservative midwestern parents when he came out to them at eighteen. Without many options and wanting to get as far away from where he’d grown up-- what he’d referred to as “that backwater shithole”-- he’d joined up. Only to have “don’t ask, don’t tell” keep him in the closet for another 12 years.
His team knew, and not one of them had given a damn. They had treated him like the brother he was, complete with name calling, teasing and the occasional smack upside the head when warranted. Connor considered him family, and since Sam had none to speak of, he’d come to Connor when he’d processed out. Connor was glad to have him on the team, and glad to call him friend.
“My manners are still better than yours, dumb-ass. For instance, were I a hetero man, I would at least know enough to send my girl flowers when I fucked up.”
“Got me there.” Now that they were on the topic, there were a few things that had been bothering Connor about this situation and Sam was the best person to talk to. He took a bite of his burger, chewed and swallowed. “Why do you think the situation is escalating now? From photos taken weeks or months ago, to a note on my car to B&E within the space of two weeks. Seems… off.”
Sam shrugged. “Could be he panicked.”
“How so?”
“Think of it this way. Whatever game he’s playing, he’s been setting up the board for weeks, like you said. Then all of a sudden, she disappears. He loses her, not just for a day or two, but a whole week. Maybe he wigged thinking she’d gone into hiding or moved away.”
“Why break into her apartment if he knew she wasn’t there?”
“Maybe he wanted to see if her stuff was still there. Maybe he figured someone would call her and she’d come to look over the damage. Who the hell knows how this asshole’s mind works.”
“Good point. I know I’d go crazy if she disappeared on me for even a day or two.”
Sam smiled and shook his head, shoving more fries in his mouth. “You’re so screwed.”
“Fuck off.” Connor growled.
“Yes, sir.” Sam stood, grinning from ear to ear, turned on his heel and marched out of the office with the precision of a soldier on inspection day. Connor finished his lunch in thoughtful silence and then went back to half-assing his work, keeping an eye on the clock the whole time.
He tried Alexandra’s cell phone one more time and got no response. In desperation he called the office. Janie answered on the second ring with her usual cheerful professionalism.
“Janie, hi. It’s Connor.”
“Hi.” She sounded… relieved, as if she was glad he’d called. Was something wrong?
“How are you?”
“I’m fine. Your girlfriend on the other hand…”
“Is she okay?”
“She will be. We had a bit of a chat…” Janie trailed off. Ah. That kind of chat.
“What’s the verdict?” Connor asked, anxious.
“I think you’ll probably get a slap on the wrist. Maybe some community service. Play your cards right and you might even get a full pardon.”
“Pardons come from the governor or the President, not a judge, Janie.” Connor smiled, relieved beyond words. If Alexandra had still been mad, Janie, as her Assistant/Best-Friend would have had to take her side out of loyalt
y and she wouldn’t be this nice.
“I work at a law firm, of course I know that. But Judges dismiss cases so I thought pardon sounded better than dismissal. Nobody wants a dismissal from their girlfriend.”
“You are a brilliant and lovely woman, Janie.” Connor didn’t care that he was being shameless. He meant every single word at that moment. “Is Alexandra there?”
“She is, but she’s in a conference and told me not to disturb her.”
“Can you tell her I called?”
“I can do you one better. I’ll text you my address and you can surprise her after work.”
“How is it that you’re still single, beautiful genius that you are?”
“By choice.” She snorted and hung up the phone. A moment later his phone dinged and he started making plans to get himself that pardon. Though he’d more than take a slap on the wrist-- or anywhere else-- if it meant fixing things.
Now all he had to do was get through this horrible dinner meeting and he could see her. Hold her, touch her-- make sure that she was alright and hopefully take her home. Home.
He wanted it to be her home, too. He wanted to keep her there. He wanted her in his apartment, in his bed, in his life for the foreseeable future.
One step at a time.
He’d make things right, and then he’d make her his.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Something was up. Janie had been cheerful all afternoon, which wasn’t unusual, but she’d also seemed a little too pleased with herself about something. Alexandra suspected she was planning some sort of kidnapping/girls’ night. The last thing she wanted to do was go out after work. She was tired, having spent the day before on a plane for seven hours and last night not sleeping.
She wanted nothing more than a long hot shower, some PJs and maybe a pint of ice cream. She needed to talk to Connor, but she hadn’t yet been able to get up the nerve to call him. Her phone had died this morning, since her charger had been packed in her suitcase in Connor’s room all night. She’d left it charging in her office, checking it periodically. She’d missed four calls from Connor but he hadn’t left any messages.
Maybe after some food and a little time to screw up her courage, she’d call him this evening and talk things out. She’d overreacted just a tad last night. Yes, he should have told her what was going on sooner. But she understood that he was using all available information to do his job to the best of his abilities. Objectively, she knew that he’d made the right call.
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