Destroyed & Restored - The Baron's Courageous Wife

by Wolf, Bree

  Moments ticked by as her father fought to regain control. Then he swallowed, the hint of a smile on his face as he looked down at her. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered. “You deserve to be happy.” Overwhelmed, Adelaide watched as her father stepped around the chair. “I promise I will not bother you again. My presence is like poison to everyone around me, and so I will keep my distance. You have my word.” He nodded to her, utter sincerity in his eyes, before he stepped toward the door without a look back.

  Adelaide kept staring at the empty spot where her father had stood a moment earlier as she listened to the door open and close and then the sound of his receding footsteps. Had he truly meant what he had said? Would she now be safe from him? Was he truly relieved she had defied him?

  Beside her, Matthew cleared his throat. “Are you all right?”

  Absentmindedly, Adelaide nodded. “I never would have expected him to say this,” she whispered, feeling as though she had strayed into a dream. Blinking, she turned to her husband. “You heard him, too, didn’t you? It wasn’t my imagination, was it?”

  A soft smile on his face, he looked at her. “I heard him, too,” he assured her, brushing a curl behind her ear. Then she felt the tips of his fingers travel down the slope of her ear before they traced along the line of her jaw. Finally, he gently grasped her chin, his green eyes meeting hers. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered, a mischievous twinkle in his gaze.

  Adelaide chuckled, feeling all tension fall from her. “Is that so?”

  Her husband nodded, his gaze studying her face. Then he leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

  Looking up at him, Adelaide smiled. “I must admit you seemed prouder before.”

  At her teasing, he laughed and then pulled her into his arms, kissing her soundly.

  Surrendering to his warm embrace, Adelaide wondered what had brought on her father’s change of heart. What had made him face his past? Admit his wrongdoings?

  And more than before, Adelaide wondered if she ought to confront her own past as well. Speak truthfully and accept the consequences…however much they would cost her.

  Was not that the right thing to do?

  The only way to find peace?

  Chapter Thirty-One – Past Demons

  Over the next two days, Matthew watched his wife wander the house with a blank expression on her face. Almost like a ghost. He knew that the encounter with her father had left its mark, and it would take time for Adelaide to think everything through and make her peace with it.

  Still, Matthew worried.

  “Are you all right?” he asked as they sat together in the library, each a book in their hands. Still, his wife’s gaze had been unfocused, blindly staring into the distance, and she had not turned a page in a long while.

  Then again, neither had he…as he had been too busy watching his wife.

  Blinking, she turned her pale blue eyes to him. “Pardon?”

  “Are you all right?” he asked, closing his book and putting it aside. Then he leaned forward in his chair and placed a hand on hers. “Is it your father?”

  A long sigh left her lips. “I’ve never seen him like that. Never have I heard him utter regret about how he treated us or even acknowledge that he did.” Shaking her head, she set her book on the small table next to her. “Was it my sister’s return that brought forth this change?”

  “Possibly,” Matthew said, nodding to her. “However, do not discount the way you spoke to him. It was all too visible on his face how shocked he was to hear what you had to say, to hear you speak to him so honestly. Now, he finally knows−beyond the shadow of a doubt−how his actions affected you and the rest of your family, how they made you feel. Perhaps he truly had not been aware of or had ignored that realisation because deep down he knew how it would affect him.”

  Adelaide swallowed. “He looked almost devastated,” she mumbled, her eyes distant as she recalled the scene in his study two days prior. “As though he was ready to give up.”

  Squeezing his wife’s hand, Matthew smiled at her when she turned to look at him. “How do you feel about all this?”

  Shrugging, she sighed. “I cannot say. Mostly, I feel drained, exhausted…and sad. All this is so sad.”

  Matthew nodded. “It is.” Inhaling a deep breath, he swallowed. “It’s not easy facing one’s parent, but you stood your ground, and I’m proud of you.”

  A gentle smile danced across her face; however, her tone remained serious. “How did you feel when you realised the truth about your father, about his nature?”

  Despite having expected this question, Matthew felt himself returned to the darkest moments of his life. It seemed like an eternity had passed since then, and as he glanced around the room, his wife by his side as they sat comfortably by the large window front, sunlight spilling inside and birds singing outside, Matthew wondered if it had all been a mere nightmare. Nothing remained of that dark place that had once been his life. From the moment his wife had set foot over the threshold to this house, everything had changed. Life and happiness had returned.

  “To tell you the truth,” he finally said, “I was devastated. My world was turned upside down, and yet, a part of me felt that I should have known. I felt regret and guilt, and, yes, sadness, grief…utter grief.” He shook his head. “All my life I dreamed of having a family to feel safe in and be able to rely on.” He scoffed, “Don’t we all? Well, I wanted it so much that it…it blinded me to the truth. Only when my father revealed his true nature, only when there was no longer any chance of explaining his actions in a rational way, only then was I able to accept that he was not the man I had wanted him to be.”

  “You’re right,” his wife whispered, her eyes gentle as she placed her other hand on his. “We all want a family. We want to feel safe and be loved. There is no shame in that longing. No one can blame you for wanting to see the good in him.”

  Matthew inhaled a shuddering breath. In a strange way, her words of comfort brought on even more guilt. “I don’t know if that is true,” he admitted, head bowed. “My unwillingness to see him for who he truly was almost got my cousin killed. His life was at stake, and still I was willing to follow my father’s lead.”

  Her hand squeezed his, and he looked up, meeting her pale blue eyes. “From what I heard,” Adelaide said, “both of your lives were at stake, and the moment you realised that your father was serious about risking the both of you, you stepped in his way.” A proud smile came to her lovely face. “You risked your life to protect your cousin. You proved yourself to be the kind of family we all dream of. You’re a man who stands by his family no matter what. You’d risk your life to save…them. There is no shame in that. You should be proud.”

  Matthew’s heart swelled with warmth at her words, at the way she looked at him, at the slight pause before she had uttered the word them as though asking whether or not he thought of her as family as well. How could she not know? How could she not see that she was everything to him? “You’re right,” Matthew whispered, unable to look anywhere but into her gentle eyes. “I would give my life to protect my family. You, Tillie, my mother, Tristan and Beth. We belong together, and we look after one another as it should be.”

  Tears came to her eyes as she nodded her head. “As it should be.”

  “Indeed,” Matthew agreed, awed by the silent bond that grew between them. “My only regret is that my father never came to see the error of his ways. A part of me still wishes he had come to realise the truth before he died. Still, I cannot mourn his loss for I know now how poisonous his presence has been to this family. Ever since he’s been gone, our family seems to be reawakening, and joy has finally returned to this house. It was a tomb for so long, too long, but now it is no longer. You and Tillie have brought life back into this place, and for that alone, I will forever be grateful to you.”

  A shy smile flashed across her face, and she briefly averted her gaze. “Do you think I ought to have spoken to my father sooner? Do you think it would
have made a difference?” Her blue eyes found his once more. “I keep thinking if I had said something sooner, perhaps the past few years could have been avoided.”

  Matthew shook his head. “The one thing my father taught me is that you cannot change people if they don’t want to change. He was never willing, not even at the very end. Even then he’d rather cling to his anger than admit that he might have been wrong.” Inhaling a deep breath, Matthew held her gaze, hoping she would believe him and not blame herself. He knew only too well how painful that was. “Things unfold in their own time. I don’t believe that you could have swayed him before he was ready. Only now when everything came together−your sister’s return, the circumstances of your wedding, Tillie’s removal from the household−was it enough for him to finally see through the haze he had been hiding behind. He seems to slowly come to see the truth behind it all.”

  Holding his wife’s gaze, Matthew allowed silence to fall over them as he reminded himself that there was still something left unspoken between them. Everything had turned out so promising if only she would tell him her secret. Then they could finally move forward.

  For good.

  “We are family,” Matthew finally said, “and that will never change. No matter what.”

  Her gaze narrowed slightly, and he could see that she was taking note of the underlying meaning of his words. Then she suddenly stilled, and her eyes widened. Her hands tensed, and almost imperceptibly she leaned back…away from him.

  “Why can you not tell me?” Matthew asked, trying to put as much reassurance in his voice as he could. “I promise there is nothing that would make me turn from you. For years, I’ve watched you from afar, dreaming of…of…this. And now that I have you here with me, I will not do anything that might risk what we have. I have made mistakes in the past, yes, but I’m not a fool.”

  Tears began misting her eyes as she looked at him, the hint of a smile playing on her lips as though his words pleased her. Her mouth opened, and Matthew could see the desire to speak in her eyes. Still, a moment later, she shot to her feet and rushed from the library.

  Closing his eyes, Matthew fell back in his seat. For the millionth time, he wondered what could be so awful that she even now felt the need to hide it? Did she truly doubt him? Doubt his love for her?

  Sitting up, Matthew suddenly realised that in truth he had never once spoken of love, had he? In his heart, he had known for a while although it had taken him some time to even admit it to himself. He had been too afraid to have his heart broken should she not return his feelings. But she did, did she not? Was it not all in the way she sometimes looked at him, the way she now finally stood tall and held his gaze, the way she had responded to his kiss? Or could he be mistaken? Did her heart belong to another−to Bartholomew! −and she did not dare share this with him?

  Indeed, if that was the case, then she was right. It was a truth, he could not live with. And yet, he would have to. After all, he had married her, and there was no changing that. He had given his word, and he would not break it. No matter what, he would always protect her. Still, if she loved another, he could not continue living here with her. It would eat him up inside until there was nothing left of him but pain and regret.

  And yet, was not knowing better? Was it less painful? Or more, as now there was still hope? After all, was not disappointed hope the worst pain there was? When something seemed to be within one’s grasp only to have it snatched away?

  A knock sounded on the half-open door, and Matthew flinched.

  “Do you mind if I come in?” his mother asked, stepping inside, her eyes watchful as they flew over his face. “Are you all right?”

  Clearing his throat, Matthew rose to his feet, forcing a polite mask on his face. “I’m fine, Mother. What can I do for you?”

  Her brows rose. “A moment ago, your wife rushed up the stairs and headed straight for her chamber. She seemed rather out of sorts, to say the least.”

  Matthew swallowed, willing his shoulders not to slump. “It’s nothing. She’ll be fine.”

  Taking a step closer, his mother put a hand on his arm, her pale eyes holding his. “I can see that you’re lying,” she said, a touch of humour in her voice. “Don’t look so shocked. I’m your mother. I’ve known you your whole life. Now, tell me what’s going on!”

  For a moment, Matthew stared at his mother. Never had she spoken to him thus. Always had she been so quiet and inconspicuous. She truly had changed since his father’s passing. Life had reclaimed her, and it did her good, judging from the strength that shone in her eyes.

  “Perhaps I can help,” she urged when he continued to remain silent.

  “I doubt it.”

  “Please.”

  Sighing, Matthew nodded. “All right, even though there isn’t much I can tell you as I don’t know myself.” A slight frown came to his mother’s face. “She has a secret, and she refuses to share it with me.”

  “A secret?” his mother repeated, her gaze veering from his for a split second. “How do you know if she never told you?”

  “I don’t know what it is, but she admitted that she has one.” The last words sounded like a strangled growl, and Matthew drew in a deep breath, trying to hold his frustration at bay. Strangely enough, he realised that it had been a while since he had been out boxing. Life had changed, and he had rarely felt the need to relieve tension through physical exhaustion.

  Life was good.

  Almost perfect.

  Almost.

  “You need to be patient with her,” his mother counselled. “Like yourself, your wife has past demons to battle with, and you need to let her do so in her own time…as difficult as it may be for you.”

  Balling his hands into fists, Matthew nodded. He knew his mother to be right, and yet, he felt his own strength slipping away as doubt ate at it. Not knowing−but imagining! −slowly drove him mad!

  “Take strength from knowing that she loves you,” his mother said gently, her eyes shining as she looked at him.

  Matthew felt as though she had punched him in the stomach. The air rushed from his lungs, and all he could do was stammer, “D-did she t-tell you so?”

  Smiling, his mother shook her head. “Of course not. In my experience, the two people most concerned in these matters are generally the last to know.” Chuckling, she patted his arm. “Be patient, my son. Everything will be well.”

  Listening to the sound of his mother’s receding footsteps and then the door closing quietly, Matthew stood staring at something on the opposite wall.

  She loved him!

  Could this be true? Or was his mother wrong? If Adelaide had not said so herself, then his mother could not be certain. And yet, she had seemed certain.

  Inhaling a shuddering breath, Matthew sank back into the armchair he had vacated upon his mother’s entrance. If only he knew!

  Chapter Thirty-Two – Daughter Mine

  Pacing the length of her bedchamber, all Adelaide could see in her mind were her husband’s kind eyes as they had looked into hers, pleading with her to speak honestly, to confide in him, to share her secret.

  Adelaide knew she ought to have told him. And yet, she had not. Fear had all but paralysed her, making it impossible for her to utter a single word.

  Fear had always been such a big part of her life that it felt almost natural to allow it to make decisions for her. All her life, Adelaide had done her best to avoid things that made her fearful as they generally proved devastating. All her life, she had done her best to avoid her father, to avoid angering him, to avoid even being noticed for fear of what the consequences might have been. For whenever there had been consequences, they had never been good.

  Always had they been devastating.

  Always.

  Sighing, Adelaide sank onto her bed, her heart aching with such acuteness that she feared it might stop beating. Her husband’s kind smile once more drifted before her inner eye, and the sight almost made her topple over in pain.

  Always had h
e been there to protect her−even when they had not yet known each other. Always had he been patient and kind. Always had he urged her to speak her mind. More than anyone else he deserved her trust. But if she gave it, would such a risk be rewarded? Would he forgive her, and would their relationship grow ever closer? Or would he be unable to forget what she had done? Would she and Tillie lose the little family they had only just found?

  Perhaps he would send her away to the country, unwilling to lay eyes on her ever again. Once, that would have seemed like a desirable outcome. Away from her husband. Alone. Safe.

  Now, however, Adelaide could not imagine being without him. His presence had become essential to her happiness. She no longer feared him. What she now feared was losing him.

  What if he divorced her? Never had she known anyone to suffer such consequences, but one never knew!

  Out of habit, Adelaide’s mind conjured the worst consequences it could find in order to prepare her for what might lie ahead. She had done so all her life, and her imagination had rarely fallen short of the truth. Was there truly a limit to the consequences that could be thrust upon one?

  A soft knock sounded on the door, and before Adelaide could utter a word, the door opened, and her mother-in-law stepped inside.

  Almost jumping off the bed, Adelaide stepped toward the window, her back to her husband’s mother, and quickly brushed the tears off her cheeks. Then she drew in a deep breath and tried to smile as she turned back to face her mother-in-law.

  “I can see that you are upset, dear,” Clara said, a gentle smile on her face as she crossed the room. “I just spoke to my son, and he looked about as miserable as you do.”

  A sob escaped Adelaide’s lips, and she clamped her mouth shut. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, no strength in her voice, as fresh tears began to fall. “I never meant to hurt him. He has always been so good to me and deserves better.”

  “He does,” his mother confirmed, but her eyes held humour, “but so do you.” Placing a hand on Adelaide’s arm, she looked at her. “He told me that you have a secret that you refuse to share with him.”