He Never Forgot

by P. D. Workman

  Zachary nodded slowly. It made sense. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Mr. Peterson would know anything about the case. He knew that foster parents weren’t allowed to share confidential information about their charges with each other. But apparently, there was no such prohibition against sharing gossip and speculation about where such a child would go or what problems he might have. There would be no names or private information shared, but people who knew the circumstances might still spread it on a no-names basis.

  And he hadn’t thought about his own story being shared between foster parents before. He knew that the social worker would tell them what she thought they needed to know about the circumstances, but they also held things back, trying to make it so that a child sounded less damaged or needy than they were in order to get them into the right home.

  He shifted uncomfortably. How much had the Petersons known about him before he was placed there? And later families and group homes?

  “Did you hear anything about him after he was placed in foster care?” Kenzie asked.

  It took Zachary a few moments to remember that she was talking about Burton, not him.

  “Heard he was quiet, withdrawn. You never know, with a kid who’s been through so much trauma, if he’s going to be angry and destructive.”

  Like Zachary had been. He wasn’t actually angry and destructive, but easily upset, impulsive, and making poor decisions. And foster parents and teachers had thought the worst of him. His social worker had been compassionate, but even she had dressed him down on more than one occasion, trying to get him to keep out of trouble. That had proved to be impossible.

  “Do you know who got him? Did you know the family he went to?”

  Lorne thought back, his forehead crinkling. “I think… oh, it was a long time ago… Marty and Kathy Anderson? I think… yes, I’m pretty sure they were the ones who got him. We had conferences that we attended in Burlington. Everyone in the state. So you got to know other foster parents, even if they weren’t close by.”

  “You don’t know what happened to them do you? If they stayed in the state? Still foster parents?”

  “I didn’t keep track of them. Maybe I could hire a private investigator to track them down.” Mr. Peterson smiled and winked. “Sorry it’s such a common name.”

  Zachary shrugged. “It makes it harder, but not impossible, if they stayed around. Helps if they stayed together too, but even if they didn’t, I might still be able to find them.”

  “What would you ask them? They won’t be able to share anything confidential.”

  “If I take Burton there, they can talk to him about his own case. Or he can sign a waiver allowing them to talk to me.”

  “Not sure of that. It’s statute protected. They might need to get lawyers involved before they can say anything.”

  “If it’s about a crime that was committed? Abuse and possible murder of another child? I think there’s an exception.”

  Lorne nodded, conceding the point. “Probably. But they still might want to get a lawyer involved just to confirm the fact. People have to be careful these days. Such a litigious society.”

  “Yeah.” Zachary nodded. He pulled out his notepad and wrote down the names before he could forget them, drilling Mr. Peterson to see what he remembered about where they lived, Marty Anderson’s profession, and anything else he knew that might help Zachary identify and track them.

  “Do you think they’ll know anything that will help you with this case, though?” Kenzie asked. “They weren’t involved until after Ben was taken out of the home. Social services probably didn’t tell them all the details. And they couldn’t share things they didn’t know.”

  Zachary rolled his shoulders. “I don’t know. They might know something. You never know what Burton might have said to them in the time he was there. Maybe he asked after his brother. Told them a few details. They wouldn’t necessarily know that anything had happened to the brother. They might have thought that both boys were recovered and sent to different homes.” Zachary looked at Mr. Peterson. “Did you know that it was just one boy? What would you have thought if one of your kids had started talking about a sibling you hadn’t been told about?”

  “I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. Kids come from all kinds of diverse backgrounds. They might have step-siblings, half-siblings, foster siblings, kids that were raised in the same family, facility, compound, whatever. The native kids often refer to their cousins as brothers and sisters. I would have just assumed the other child was apprehended before him, or left and went to a different home with a different parent at some point.”

  Zachary looked back at Kenzie. “So he might have said something to them and they never even thought to report it.”

  “I guess so. Hopefully, you can find them and they’ll remember something.”

  32

  Dinner at Lorne and Pat’s went well, as it almost always did. While it was sometimes awkward or overwhelming if there were too many people there, it was easy when it was just Kenzie, Pat, and Lorne. Zachary could relax around them and not feel like he was in the spotlight or had to put on a show all the time.

  The next day was the visit with Joss and Luke, which wasn’t nearly as comfortable. Zachary had to be careful of every word he said, worried that Joss would take it the wrong way and be angry or offended. He hoped that one day she would forgive him for his part in the family’s breakup and the sequence of events that had happened to her, so he was always trying to make up for it and to play the part of the penitent, perfect brother. But it wasn’t a role that he could fill.

  He was more distracted this time by Luke and focused on him more than on Joss. Not just because he wanted to know how Luke was and how he was settling in, but how likely he was to reform and stay on the right side of the law, to recover completely from his addictions, and to possibly be someone who would be stable and a good example for Rhys.

  It seemed like a long shot.

  “Are you… making new friends here?” Zachary tried. He wasn’t sure how to find out whether Luke was looking for a new partner and, if he were, whether he had found anyone who suited him. While Luke had been with Madison when Zachary met him, he knew that Luke had, in the past, had relationships with both boys and girls. He had no idea which Luke preferred, if he had a preference.

  “Yeah, I’m meeting other people in AA and NA,” Luke said casually. “I’m… pretty good at making people like me.”

  Zachary nodded uncomfortably. Luke’s previous life had him luring young people of both sexes into the trafficking business. He was very charming and easy to talk to. He was handsome and had a way of appearing vulnerable and likable.

  “Anyone in particular that you really click with?” Zachary still tried to keep the question casual, as if Luke’s answer didn’t mean anything to him. Just chit-chat. Small talk. Two people marginally connected with each other catching up with the other.

  “No…” Luke stared off into space. “I don’t know that I want to get involved with anyone at this point. I mean, a hookup, okay, hanging out together or calling when things get tough with the recovery. But someone special…? No. I don’t really feel like I can trust anyone at this point. Maybe in the future… when people have had a chance to prove themselves. Right now. I don’t really know anyone… know them. I don’t want to get too close to anyone.”

  Zachary nodded. “You open yourself up… to being hurt, betrayed.”

  Luke clicked his tongue. “’Zactly. I’m not ready for anything… personal yet.”

  Joss cleared her throat. She rocked back in her easy chair, bringing her legs up to a crossed position in front of her. “So what are you doing in these parts? Checking up on us?”

  “No… just came to see Lorne and Pat… thought it would be good to see everyone in one trip. Them. You guys. Catch up a bit.”

  “You didn’t bring your girlfriend this time? Mackenzie?”

  “Kenzie. I did, actually. She just stayed back at Petersons’. I thought… m
ight be too much of a crowd here.”

  “How did she feel about that? I bet that went over well, you invite her along and then pawn her off on your friends.”

  “No, it was her idea, actually. I thought she would come all the way. But she knows me too well. Didn’t want to make it more difficult by having to juggle…” Zachary motioned to Joss and Luke and made a third motion to where Kenzie would have been. “Dealing with everyone at once. She didn’t want to be…” He couldn’t think of the right word. Third wheel? Extra baggage? Nothing sounded respectful and appropriate. There wasn’t anything negative about Kenzie being there with him. It might just have been too much for him to focus on, when he was trying so hard to heal his relationship with Jocelyn and evaluate how Luke was settling in and whether he was likely to maintain his new life or fall back into his old ways.

  “She’s smarter than she looks,” Joss said coldly.

  “Kenzie’s very smart,” Zachary told her, not sure how to take that. “She has a doctorate.”

  “Yeah, but that’s book smarts. I’m talking about being people smart. I don’t get the feeling she has a lot of experience in… dealing with people like us.”

  “Well… no. I guess you’re right there. But she’s trying. And she’s been really good for me.”

  “You’re lucky to have her.”

  “Yeah. I know. Trust me; I count my blessings every day she stays with me.”

  “Can’t be easy for her. We’re not exactly the easiest people to get along with.”

  “No.” Zachary rolled his eyes. “She’s had to put up with a lot of my crap. I try, but I don’t always succeed in being… good relationship material.”

  Jocelyn blew out her breath. She made a noise in her throat and spoke to Luke. “You should have seen this guy when we were kids. He was always ‘trying.’ But man, did he like to screw up. There was always something. And it didn’t matter what you did, how many times you told him not to do something, he’d always find another way to screw it up, or just plain disobey. Man, he gave me a lot of grief.”

  Zachary tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I know, Joss.”

  “You were the most aggravating kid. You wouldn’t believe that someone could want something so bad, and screw it up so royally.”

  Zachary nodded, unable to think of anything to say in his defense. She knew that he tried.

  And he knew that he failed.

  Every single time.

  “You’ve been quiet since you got back,” Kenzie observed.

  They were on the highway again, back on their way home. Zachary was glad to be going home. And glad to be on the road, where he could zone out and not have to think about anything as he drove. It was one of the only times that he could reach what he thought of as a flow state. A time when his brain seemed to stay on track instead of running out of control, and he could stay focused and think things through more easily.

  “Just thinking.”

  “About what? Joss and Luke or the case?”

  “A bit of both. Burton’s big brother. My big sister. The different ways our lives have taken us.”

  “Yeah. You lead very different lives. Imagine what yours would have been like if you had been adopted when you were five, and grew up in just one home.”

  Zachary thought of Burton’s nonstop drinking and antisocial behaviors. Zachary had managed to avoid substance abuse. But he had gone off the rails in other areas where Burton seemed to be more secure. What would Zachary’s life have been like if he’d been raised in a single stable home after age five, like Burton and Zachary’s brother Tyrrell. Would it have helped him? Or would he have still had to deal with the same problems?

  And what about if he had spent his first five years locked in a dark, lonely basement instead of growing up in the dysfunctional family he had? While he’d had to deal with violence and neglect in his own home, he’d had five siblings to play with. He’d had the great outdoors to stomp around in and run off his energy in. It had been a completely different start from Burton’s.

  “Different lives,” he acknowledged Kenzie’s comment. “I don’t know if it would have been better to grow up in just one adoptive home, like he did.”

  Kenzie raised her eyebrows and looked at him. “Really?”

  “I mean… I think that would have been better overall… but it would depend on what the parents were like… and the therapy and everything… I think Burton grew up in a pretty good home, but maybe that doesn’t matter with the amount of damage that had already been done. To him. To me. Maybe once you reach a certain threshold… no amount of love and stability can fix you.”

  He stared at the road, thinking about it. He’d told Rhys that they were alike in that way, both broken inside. And so was Burton. Rhys had a good life with his grandmother, but she’d made her mistakes in the past, and what he’d had to live with the first fourteen years with his mother and his aunt and the loss of his grandfather… was her love and attention now enough to keep him on the right track? Zachary wanted to think that he would be okay. But he’d already seen warning signs. Rhys taking off on his own to go to Zachary’s house in the evening, when he wouldn’t be able to get back home before dark. Lying to Vera about where he was going and holding things back from Zachary. Now showing an interest in Luke, someone who was not just lost, but dangerous.

  “Do you think it can make a difference? After the damage has been done, does anything make a difference?”

  Kenzie sighed and looked out her window. “I don’t know. I’d like to think so.”

  33

  It wasn’t as hard as Mr. Peterson had feared for Zachary to track down Marty and Kathy Anderson. Unfortunately, only Kathy Anderson was still alive. Her husband had died a few years earlier, and Zachary was still trying to figure out by her explanation that he’d been “taken suddenly” whether he had died of disease or accident. Not that it made any difference to his discussion with the widow.

  They had introduced themselves at the door. Burton was quiet and more subdued than usual, not drinking openly or being difficult to get along with. All of the emotion he’d shown over Allen’s name and what had happened to him was suppressed. He acted as if he remembered none of it. He introduced himself as Ben, one of Kathy’s former foster children, and she hadn’t shown any recognition at first. They’d fostered a lot of kids over the years. She had probably had others show up at her door in the past. She couldn’t be expected to remember all of them.

  They sat down in her tidy living room and made small talk for a while, Zachary saying more to Mrs. Anderson than Burton did. He asked about her home, how long they had fostered, and anything else he could think of that would make her comfortable and put her at ease before the more uncomfortable questions that would follow.

  Eventually, there was no way to avoid it, and Zachary took the plunge.

  “Ben’s name when he was here as a foster child was Bobby Weaver. Do you remember that name?”

  “We’ve had more than one Bobby,” Kathy said thoughtfully, digging back deep into her memory. “Bobby Weaver…”

  “He came to you after a very negligent home,” Zachary went on. “He was quite thin and malnourished.”

  “He wouldn’t be the only one.” Kathy closed her eyes briefly. “Yes… Bobby. That was…” she looked at Burton for a moment, and then away, careful not to stare. “He’d—you’d—been kept in a basement.”

  Burton nodded.

  “Oh, yes. I remember Bobby.” Kathy Anderson’s chin lifted as she thought back to it. What she had known at the time. Maybe other things she had learned since. It had been a big deal when he had been put into her home.

  “I’ve heard that he was pretty quiet,” Zachary said. “And he would only have been with you for a few months before he was placed with his adoptive parents.”

  “Yes. That’s right. All of that is right.”

  “He wasn’t disruptive?”

  “Oh, no,” Mrs. Anderson gave a short laugh and shook her head. “On the
contrary. He had to be pushed into any new experience. Encouraged to try new things. To experiment. He was very quiet and would just sit there if you didn’t get him doing something.”

  “And did he like… animals?” Zachary tried.

  “Oh, yes. He was a bit scared. Especially with dogs that were loud or moved quickly. But gentler animals, yes, definitely. And his bugs!” Her eyes lit on Burton once more. “You probably don’t remember how obsessed you were with bugs.”

  Burton gave an embarrassed grin. “Actually, yes. I do remember. They were… my whole world. Always trying to catch them, looking for something new.”

  She nodded agreement. “Yes. I never knew what I would find when I went into your room. You had jars, but sometimes there were escapees. Or sometimes, maybe, you didn’t put them into jars in the first place.”

  Burton scratched the back of his neck, smiling. “Maybe.” He admitted. “I didn’t like them to be trapped.”

  They all sat and thought about that for a few moments. They all knew what Burton’s experience with being trapped in on small room had been.

  “Could Bobby read or write?” Zachary asked.

  “No. He didn’t have any reading readiness skills. We taught him the alphabet. Things like shapes and colors that he wasn’t familiar with. Reading through books like Richard Scarry’s Cars and Trucks and Things that Go to learn about things that were out there in the world that he had never experienced. And feeding therapy.”

  “Feeding therapy?”

  Kathy looked at Burton, verifying with her gaze that it was okay for her to talk about it. Burton nodded.

  “Normally, you start toddlers on soft, smooth foods, and then work your way up to different textures and learning to chew things properly. You expose them to a wide range of foods so that even picky kids have a lot of options to choose from and can stay healthy. Bobby had a lot of sensory defensiveness. He didn’t like different textures or strong flavors. He had probably only been given pablum or oatmeal, or maybe some soups. So he would gag or spit food out a lot. We thought at first that he was sick, that there was something wrong with his stomach. But it was just that he wasn’t used to eating what a normal child would.”