Sweet Hart

by Rae Marks

“Bray and Mase both told me how you—”

  “Mase?”

  The man’s eyes lit up like a child looking at a pile of unwrapped presents under the Christmas tree when he said Mase’s name. Mr. Hart’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

  “How is he?”

  “Mase? He’s great.”

  Sam wished he could tell the bastard that all Mase’s dreams had come true, but he wouldn’t lie. He didn’t know how much Bray had already told him, but his loyalty to Mase held strong.

  “Is he… Is he happy?”

  “Sure. He built a new family from the ground up. He and I, along with a bunch of other guys, are like brothers.”

  Sam didn’t want to say too much, because Mase wouldn’t want his dad to be privy to what was going on in his life, but he would make it clear that Mase wasn’t alone.

  “I’m glad he has a support system.”

  That answer threw Sam off kilter a little. The guy was obviously sick and was the ‘life or death’ in Bray’s message to Mase, but Sam wasn’t sure if that meant he deserved a chat with his oldest son.

  “So are you Bray’s boyfriend?”

  “I’m surprised you got the word out,” Sam said.

  Mr. Hart’s eyes flared with surprise, but there didn’t seem to be any anger there. He opened his mouth to respond but the nurse interrupted them.

  She brought in a tall glass with what looked like a milkshake and set it on his desk with a stern look before turning and leaving the room. Sam bit back a smile as he pictured Bray’s dad dumping it into a plant or something to get rid of it and totally getting caught doing it.

  “You can call me Russ,” he said when the door closed.

  “I’m not sure I can, Mr. Hart.”

  “Bray’s never brought a boyfriend home before, not that I can blame him. Nick hasn’t either, so I’m unused to the word. I didn’t mean any offense.”

  Sam nodded.

  “I know you can’t have known Bray that long. How long have you known Mase?”

  “Since boot camp.”

  Russ nodded and looked out of the window. Sam didn’t want to feel any pity or sympathy for the man who’d kicked his kids to the curb without a cent when he’d found out they were queer. He stood to leave. He’d come back when he was sure Bray was home.

  “You don’t have to leave. I’ll stop asking about him if it makes you uncomfortable.” There was a plea in Russ Hart’s voice, but Sam tried to close himself off anyway.

  “I’ll come back when Bray’s home.”

  “He’ll be back any moment. He and Nick are at brunch with their mother. It’s a Sunday tradition when they’re home.”

  As if speaking about him conjured him, Sam heard the large front door open and close. Nick called out for his father. Sam broke out into a cold sweat when he heard multiple sets of footsteps on the hardwood in the hallway.

  The door opened and Nick stepped in, followed by Bray and a small, beautiful woman who had to be Bray’s mom. They all stuttered to a stop when they saw Sam. Bray’s mom made her way to Russ and asked if he was giving Janet any trouble. She eyed the drink on his desk.

  Russ flattened his lips but picked up the glass and began slurping it through the straw until Mrs. Hart gave a satisfied smile. Then she turned her gaze on Sam, who tried not to squirm. Apparently, he could easily deal with mafia and drug lords, but moms made him uncomfortable.

  “What are you doing here, Sam?” Bray asked.

  There was no inflection to his voice. Definitely not a good sign.

  “Unless… Is Mase—”

  “Everything at HC is fine,” Sam quickly cut in, not wanting to cause worry. “I do need to speak with you, though. Just for a moment.”

  Bray looked at each person in the room before reluctantly nodding. Sam was pretty sure Bray wanted to tell him to go to hell but didn’t want the whole scene to play out in front of his family.

  He followed Bray silently through the house. They went through a bunch of large, overly decorated rooms before Bray opened a set of French doors that lead to a patio with more square footage than Sam’s childhood home.

  Bray walked to a staircase at the back of the patio. He didn’t turn or signal Sam in any way as he trotted down the steps. Sam followed.

  They ended up on a stretch of private beach that either belonged to the gated community or to Bray’s father individually. It took Sam a minute to realize that Bray wasn’t stopping. He continued at a quick pace down the beach, so Sam hurried to catch up. When he finally did, Bray turned on him.

  “Why are you here, Sam?”

  “I came to apologize.”

  “Fine. You’ve done what you came to do, now you can leave,” Bray said the words to Sam, but his gaze was out on the horizon.

  “Don’t you want to know what I’m apologizing for?”

  “You’re apologizing because I heard everything. If I hadn’t heard, you wouldn’t apologize for all the asshole things you said and did.”

  Bray still wouldn’t look at him. Sam wanted to refute his words, but they were at least partially true—but not for the reasons Bray thought.

  “I’m here to apologize for not stopping that conversation in the first place. I never should have talked about anything that should stay between us. It all got blurred because it was part of an op, so everyone at HC seems to think they can have an opinion on it.”

  “Bullshit. You’re one of those guys who’s only sorry if he gets caught.”

  “If that were true, you and I would still be fucking.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “Bray…please look at me.”

  Finally, Bray turned to face him. There was fire in his eyes. His nostrils flared as he put his hands on his hips. He probably wasn’t going to listen, but Sam had to try anyway.

  “If my only concern was getting caught, you and I would still be sleeping together.”

  Bray shook his head and said, “You got what you wanted in Spain, then you acted like I wasn’t even there.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re the one who snuck out of bed at dawn-o-thirty and wouldn’t look me in the eye.”

  “I was sick of you putting distance between us as soon as the cum cooled.”

  “Bray, you slept on top of me every single night. There wasn’t much distance.”

  “That last night you wouldn’t even look at me.”

  “That last night, I’d just gotten an email from your brother asking me how you were adjusting, asking me if I was watching your back. I’d just fucked you and Mase is asking me if I’m looking out for you.”

  “I don’t need looking after. I don’t want special treatment.”

  Sam looked at the mulish frown on his mouth. He wanted to kiss it right off Bray’s face. The look reminded Sam of a spoiled child. It was unfortunately pretty adorable on a man as gorgeous as Bray.

  “Bray—”

  “What are you saying here, Sam?”

  “I don’t want you walking away from HC because of me.”

  “I won’t.”

  That stopped Sam short. Maybe he was projecting his feelings, because Sam sure as hell would have a difficult time being around Bray and pretending he felt nothing.

  “So you’ll be back at work on Wednesday?”

  “Not Wednesday. I did ask for some time off.”

  “Bray—”

  “I realize I haven’t worked there long, but Nick has to go back and finish out his active duty. He’s got a month left before he can move to Reserves or IRR. I’m going to try to be available for my dad as much as possible until he’s done. I told Wade I’ll be available for West Coast ops. He mentioned maybe helping out in San Francisco.”

  If Bray was working SFO, it would be with Ax. Why did that make Sam’s gut burn?

  “Look, Sam. I forgive you, okay? It wasn’t the funnest moment to have after my first op, but I’m the one who started things between us. I have to take responsibility for that as well. I was also willing to continue things. That’s o
n me too. You can go with a clean—”

  “Was?” Sam blurted.

  “What?”

  Bray’s face scrunched in confusion. It took Sam a moment to realize he’d said the word aloud—the word he hadn’t been able to get past to hear the rest of Bray’s speech.

  “You said ‘was willing to continue’.”

  “Okay.” Bray drew out the word.

  Sam had lost his chance with Bray, just as he’d figured out what he wanted.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Brayden

  Bray didn’t know what Sam’s goal was in picking apart what he’d said. He was trying to take responsibility for his part in this mess. If he stayed on with HC as he planned to, he’d have to see and even possibly work with Sam.

  He couldn’t let Sam wallow alone in guilt. Some of it rested on Bray’s shoulders as well. He had been the one to back Sam into a bit of a corner in Kiev.

  “You were willing to continue things…but now you’re not.”

  Sam sounded so much like the men who questioned him in the debriefs, as if nothing could be misconstrued. Everything needed to be spelled out.

  “Are you asking me to continue fucking you on the down-low, or are you just clarifying?” Bray asked.

  “Our fucking was never on the down-low,” Sam scoffed.

  Memories of things they’d done flooded Bray’s mind. He tried to shake them off before he had a tent forming in his jeans.

  “We aren’t compatible,” Bray said.

  “If that’s incompatible, I’d like to see what you consider compatible.”

  “Sexually compatible, sure, but emotionally…” Bray shook his head.

  He needed someone who would talk to him, open up to him. He wanted a real relationship, not just sex. Sam wasn’t willing to give him those things.

  “We’re not looking for the same things,” Bray finally said.

  “That was true,” Sam replied.

  Bray’s heart cracked in two.

  “I sure as hell wasn’t looking for a relationship,” Sam said. “I know for a fact that I never expected Mase’s kid brother to stumble into my life and tempt me beyond all reason. I’m not sure what makes you so sure we’re not compatible. You seem to tie me up in knots and have me running around in circles.”

  “Stop,” Bray said a little too loud. “Stop being an asshole just to turn around and say something sweet. Pick one or you’re going to make me dizzy with all the back and forth.”

  “I’m not trying to be an asshole. I’m trying to be honest here. I wasn’t looking for you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. Bray, I’ve…I’ve never told anyone about what happened to me—not Mase, not Kota, not Jazz or Mitch or Wade. But I’m going to tell you.”

  Bray sucked in a breath.

  “I told you my folks kicked me out when I was sixteen. But I couldn’t join up even with parental permission until I was seventeen. I thought… Well, I thought my ‘boyfriend’ who was older would take me in. I didn’t know he was married with a kid on the way. The kicker was that he pursued me, yet I felt like a home wrecker when I yelled at him in front of his pregnant wife and punched him in the face.”

  Sam shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe it. Bray fisted his hands to keep from reaching out and comforting him. He needed to hear the whole story.

  “I had a hundred and twenty bucks to my name, no real job prospects and no place to live. I couch surfed a little, but when my friends’ parents found out why I’d been kicked out, I had fewer and fewer places to go. I, uh, I’d lived a pretty sheltered life. I didn’t exactly have a lot of job skills. I started looking at ads for roommates. Most of them were still way out of my price range, but one guy…”

  Sam took a few breaths as he looked out at the waves crashing on the sand.

  “One guy said I could pay a different way. I had just under six months until my birthday. I had a plan, but I had to get through those six months. I saw the army as my salvation and I just kept my eye on the prize as I got my GED and worked as much as I could.”

  Bray’s heart lurched and his stomach plummeted at what Sam was saying. He’d had to…

  “It’s like once you give up a little control, it’s all taken away from you. Rent turned into more, turned into letting his friends use me, turned into guys with fetishes for young boys showing up. I guess he posted some ad somewhere.”

  “What? That’s… That’s like—”

  “Like a prostitute? Yeah, I know.”

  “I was going to say child abuse or trafficking. You were still a kid.”

  “I felt used and dirty. I didn’t like it, but I had nowhere else to go. I hated my life and myself, but I felt so much shame because I let it happen.”

  “A sixteen-year-old with no financial support doesn’t let anything happen. Adults aren’t supposed to take advantage of a child. They’re supposed to protect children.”

  “We both know that isn’t always what happens. When I was finally seventeen, I lit out of there in the middle of the night. He didn’t want me moving out.”

  “Sam…” Bray whispered the word.

  He wasn’t sure why Sam was telling him all this. Was it tit for tat? Hell, it didn’t even matter. Bray’s heart twisted for sixteen-year-old Sam. When Sam saw Bray reaching for him, he stepped back and continued talking.

  “After being so totally out of control, I think I took it back with a vengeance. Before that, I… Well, I always preferred topping, but I enjoyed bottoming on occasion as well. Afterward, I couldn’t even touch myself that way. I went to a therapist when I was in college and I thought I’d made peace with it for the most part—or at least made peace with the fact that I didn’t want that to be part of my sex life anymore. Because I never even considered…never wanted that to be a part of it until you.”

  “Sam.”

  Again, Bray didn’t know what to do with this confession. Sam didn’t want comfort, so Bray wasn’t sure what he did want.

  “No one’s ever guessed anything happened except you.”

  “Is this your way of telling me you think we’re emotionally compatible?” Bray asked.

  “I guess it’s my way of telling you I’m just selfish enough to realize you’re good for me. I could probably be good for you if I put more effort in. I…I want to talk to Mase, but—”

  “What the hell does Mase have to do with any of this?” Bray circled his hand between the two of them as if to prove his point.

  “I just need to talk to him about what’s going on. He’s pretty protective of you. When he thought you were in love with me… Well, it was the first time he ever punched me for real, not sparring.”

  “The gut punch surprised you, huh? Jazz said it was rare for someone to get the drop on you.”

  “It is—and apparently specific to your family. I’m sorry about all that shit with Mitch. You’re right that I wouldn’t have apologized if you hadn’t overheard—not because I didn’t feel bad, but because at that point it would have been about making you feel bad to make myself feel better.”

  “Why did you vote against me?”

  “Oh, B, that’s such a loaded question."

  Bray felt his throat close at the use of the nickname Sam had given him.

  "I didn’t want you putting yourself in more danger," Sam continued. "You almost gave me two heart attacks in Kiev. The bottom line is that every reason I had for voting against you was selfish, and for that, I am truly sorry. I know you’re capable. I know you’ll be a valuable member of the team.”

  “So is this you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Bray asked.

  Sam chuckled. “Just as soon as I ask your brother’s permission.”

  “Why do you need Mase’s permission?”

  “Because more than anything in the world, he wants a relationship with you, and I won’t fuck that up. I came here to make sure I hadn’t already done that. I was all set to try to stay out of your way, but then you had to go and talk about San Francisco ops, which means you’d
be working with Ax and…” Sam rubbed the back of his neck.

  “You’re jealous? Even if we’re together, I’ll still need to work with Ax.”

  “But then we’d be together and Ax would keep his hands off you.”

  “Ax doesn’t want me and I don’t want him. It’s like you and Mase. I see him like a brother.”

  Sam shrugged.

  “Samuel Wheeler, what am I—?”

  “Fuck,” Sam said then started laughing.

  Bray didn’t know what was happening. He was a little worried about whether Sam’s laughter was a good or a bad thing.

  “What’s so funny?” Bray demanded.

  “I’ve slept with guys who didn’t know my name, but I’ve never asked one to be my boyfriend.”

  Sam fell into another fit of laughter. Bray was elated. Sam was asking him to be his boyfriend. But…

  “Wait, what? Sam’s not your name?”

  “Wheeler. It’s my alias.” Sam had to pause to catch his breath. “Sam’s real, but it’s not Samuel. My full name is Samson Fletcher.”

  “I’ve never had sex with a guy when I didn’t know his name.” Bray frowned.

  “You have now.” The words burst out of Sam before he started laughing again.

  Bray couldn’t help but smile. After all, he did kinda know Sam, even if he hadn’t known his name. He didn’t find it as funny as Sam. With Sam laughing so hard, eventually Bray joined in, laughing more at Sam’s mirth than the actual situation.

  “What are we doing here, Sam?”

  “I was going to be all selfless and give you up so you would stay at HC, so you and Mase could build a relationship. Just like all my well-laid plans, you blew it all to hell.”

  “So I’m good for you,” Bray clarified.

  “Yeah,” Sam admitted. “Definitely.”

  “Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. Then, yes.” Bray nodded.

  “Yes?”

  “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend. It’ll have to be long distance for the next few weeks. That will give us time to get to know each other a little better outside the bedroom and—”

  Sam groaned, which made Bray laugh. He pulled Bray to him and kissed him until they were both breathless.