A Springtime to Remember

by Lucy Coleman

  ‘Another thing you didn’t know. I’m sorry, Lexie. It wasn’t a secret; everyone felt he would go downhill fast if he was sacked but no one talked about it. The Rose, well, she was all heart. And hers was breaking. Can you imagine what it was like for her? Fabien loved the Rose as fiercely as he loved Versailles. She cared for him and worried about his increasingly erratic behaviour, but they were never lovers as far as I was aware. As time passed, she felt a sense of responsibility for him, which saddened us all but what could anyone do? She would have been living a lie and we knew the truth would come out.’

  I try to speak, but on my first attempt my voice breaks up and I stop to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

  ‘But when she decided to return to the UK to marry my grandfather, Fabien accepted her decision. It was several years later that he committed suicide.’

  George is leaning forward, but he instantly looks up.

  ‘Fabien met his wife, Colleen, in London. Think about it. This is a man suffering from severe depression, who leaves his beloved Versailles to fly to the UK for a holiday? No, he went to meet up with the Rose one last time, after she’d asked him to stop writing to her, because it was too late. She was married by then. When he returned, he never referred to what happened, but letters started coming through and at first we assumed they were from the Rose.’

  I’m aghast. None of us could have guessed what Grandma was going through. No wonder she couldn’t bring herself to talk about her time in Versailles. I wonder if she felt a sense of guilt, or worse – torn between two men, even after she had married.

  ‘When, eventually, he let slip that Rose was married and he had, in fact, met someone else, everyone was in shock. He seemed to get over his disappointment too easily. However, Colleen was good for him. She took charge. Bubbly, capable and caring, she began as his wife and his lover, but before long she became his nurse and his crutch, trying to salvage his sanity. Sadly, the demons in his head eventually won. He was a heartbroken man, who believed he was standing alone, fighting a battle no one else had the courage to defend.

  ‘He was only thirty-two years old when he took an overdose of prescription pills. Leaving behind a distraught widow with a three-year-old child. It shook us all. Everyone who knew him probably felt a sense of guilt in some small way. But what could any of us have possibly done to change a tragic end, to a tragic life? Fabien and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but he didn’t deserve a life of torment. Intelligence and passion are heavyweight companions that can be as much of a curse as a blessing. He ended up locked inside his own little world and it bore no resemblance to reality.’

  I feel drained emotionally, unable to comprehend the full horror of this story. Is it really possible that Ronan didn’t know about the real connection with my grandma? I suppose it would have been hard for his grandmother to tell the story of her husband’s love for another woman – I get that – but Ronan has interviewed so many people. Did they all keep silent, as George had, out of respect for Fabien’s memory?

  ‘George, I can understand why you didn’t want to sit down and have this conversation with Ronan. And I’m grateful for your honesty in telling me what you know about the Rose.’ I pause; the cold feeling in the pit of my stomach feels like a stone, weighing me down. ‘But this wouldn’t factor in Ronan’s wrapping-up of the series, as it hardly impacts upon the story of Versailles. It’s too personal, for one thing.’

  He looks at me without blinking while I’m desperately trying to put my thoughts into some semblance of order.

  ‘Because he’ll present Fabien Arnoult as a visionary who was proven right, when that wasn’t the case. A book is either fact, or fiction, even when it’s based on stories handed down over the years. Fabien was a good gardener, he will rightly point out, but his was a story of one man’s personal battle and that was all in his head.

  ‘Maurice was the one who ensured what little money came our way was spent in the best manner, so he was the true hero. He did a lot with a little and without his sound rationale to keep things ticking over, the gardens would have suffered. The Rose called him the Bulldog for a reason. My concern is that Ronan mistakenly blames three people for his grandfather’s untimely death, because he’s not in possession of all the facts. The Rose, Maurice and me.’

  His words make me feel sick to my stomach.

  27

  Coming Clean

  As I drive back to the cottage, I’m tearful as I admit to Elliot that I have no idea how to broach this with Ronan. Or how totally and utterly devastated I am that he hasn’t been totally honest with me from day one. Elliot says I have two choices – one of them is to forget the interview ever took place.

  ‘I can’t do that,’ I admit, with great sadness in my heart. ‘Even though I need some proof before I’ll believe it myself. I’m not saying that I think George is twisting things, but it’s still only his version of what happened. How did he know what was going on between Fabien and my grandma? The trip to London was maybe too much of a coincidence to misinterpret, and I grant that it’s likely he went there for one reason only. Grandma certainly wouldn’t have wanted to have upset my granddad in any way, so a meet-up in London makes perfect sense. But I can’t help wondering if George’s version contains some major assumptions, too. Fabien might have told everyone she’d agreed to marry him, but what if that wasn’t true?’

  Elliot is clearly a bit fazed by all of this and I can’t blame him. When he left, everything was very different; Ronan and I were colleagues, not lovers.

  ‘I need proof,’ I mutter, almost to myself. I’m distraught and I’m not sure what to do next.

  Elliot’s eyes are watching me intently, but it’s taking all my resolve to focus on the road ahead and I daren’t turn to look at him.

  ‘Lexie, you need to tread carefully here. I had no idea what to expect going in, but this is a shock.’ He hesitates for a split second. ‘Can I ask you a rather delicate question?’

  I nod.

  ‘You were the one who picked Ronan from the list of interpreters. Why him?’

  I swallow hard.

  ‘Because in general conversation when I was given the list, the connection between his grandfather and Versailles was mentioned. I researched him a little and found out that his grandfather was there in the sixties. I just thought… well, maybe their paths had crossed, briefly. That’s all. It didn’t seem like a big deal. But thinking back, the woman I spoke to laboured the point and, oh, please – I hope this isn’t true. Do you think Ronan put her up to it?’

  Elliot has gone very quiet. He clears his throat, ominously.

  ‘I might… no, I did – I mentioned it to my contact that your grandmother was at Versailles. I used it as a bit of a hook, you know, the personal angle, and I remember that now. Look, I’m sorry, Lexie, I had no idea what impact that would have.’

  Tears are now coursing down my face.

  ‘I’m in love with Ronan, and I thought I could trust him with anything and everything. And now I find I don’t know him at all.’

  We lapse into silence, trying to process what’s happened. Can any good come out of a relationship that began with a lie?

  Can I forgive Ronan for what he knowingly chose to hold back?

  ‘Are we heading back to your place?’ Elliot asks.

  ‘Yes. Why?’

  ‘I think it would be wise to go straight to Ronan with this now. But first, pull over Lexie, because you’re in no fit state to drive.’

  As we swap places, I let his words sink in. If I delay for a day, or two, I might be able to disprove some of what George said, or at least see if it’s motivated by jealousy or revenge. Maybe George was in love with my grandma, too – who knows? If I go through her notebooks there has to be a clue in there somewhere, surely? But how long will that take? What are the chances of stumbling upon the answers I’m seeking as I skim through? This is like a living nightmare and I can’t believe it’s real.

  ‘You’re right. There’s no point in de
laying the inevitable. It is what it is but I can only hope and pray I’m wrong.’

  ‘I suggest we simply let Ronan watch the recording. But be prepared, because witnessing your reaction was hard for me and there’s no way of knowing what exactly Ronan knows, or whether he’s able to discredit anything George said. Just take some deep breaths and we’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise.’

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Elliot. I couldn’t face this on my own.’

  ‘You filmed this behind my back?’

  My face drops as Ronan’s first words aren’t to dispute the content but to challenge me.

  Elliot and I are sitting at the long, polished table in Ronan’s dining room and the interview with George has just come to an end.

  I look up at Ronan, horrified, as he stands, striding purposefully out of the room. Elliot and I sit in silence, listening to his footsteps as he climbs the stairs and then returns a couple of minutes later with a whole sheaf of papers.

  I stare in disbelief; it appears to be photocopies of pages from Grandma Viv’s notebooks.

  Ronan rummages through, looking for one particular piece of paper, and waves it in front of me, before proceeding to read from it.

  In desperation I had a session with a psychic medium today. She came highly recommended and, as my days here are drawing to a close, I needed someone to tell me it was the right thing to do to leave. She told me: “The lines on your hand show two loves. One will bring you lasting happiness, the other has a link to your soul you cannot deny, but the end is not a good one. The choice is yours.”

  She was wrong. I have no choice in the matter. I cannot ruin the lives of two good men, when I know that one is beyond saving and given that I now fully understand that my heart has always belonged to Thomas. It always has – but how could I know that for sure, until Versailles tested me?

  That doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t bleed for Fabien. A soul mate on another level, but it isn’t this earthly one. I weep tears of frustration and despair for what I cannot fix. And for what I cannot heal.

  ‘The Rose accepted his offer of marriage and then she changed her mind.’ He throws the photocopy down on the table, angrily. ‘Can you imagine how I felt when I found that half-written note tucked into one of the notebooks? But because I love you, I decided to let it go. We aren’t responsible for the past and yet you’re sitting here, angry with me.’

  My eyes fill with tears and I’m unable to speak. Did Grandma intend to send this to someone close to her, feeling isolated and in need of some advice? But who could she ask who would understand what she was going through?

  ‘She knew that leaving my grandfather would break his heart,’ Ronan continues, his own voice overcome with emotion as he hands the photocopy to me. ‘He obviously tried hard to move on. But the harsh truth is that five years later even the love of my grandmother and his young daughter weren’t enough for him.’

  I shake my head to clear my thoughts. He’s sweeping aside the other issues surrounding a man who was clearly troubled on many levels. If he stopped to think this through, I’m sure he’d see that no one had any way of knowing how fragile Fabien truly was.

  ‘When did you find this? What were you going to do with it?’

  Ronan slumps down in his chair.

  ‘This afternoon.’ He pauses, his head tilting back and his eyes staring upwards into nothingness. ‘I needed to know for sure, before I wrote “The End”, that I hadn’t missed anything. If I’d known that George was in contact with you, I wouldn’t have needed—’

  ‘To take the notebooks without telling me? And to photocopy them without my permission?’

  A horrifying thought begins to worm its way into my head – did Ronan share so much of his backstory with me solely to gain my trust? Was he simply gathering as much information as he could with one aim in mind?

  ‘But I never left you alone with the box.’

  My eyes don’t move from his and he realises I want the truth.

  ‘The day that Renée knocked on the door to give you the plant, after the water leak, I slipped a couple into my pocket without really thinking about it. It was easy enough to pop them back on my next visit. The box was usually on the coffee table and then I found myself taking another, and another. I didn’t have time to go through them, as by then we were filming and spending so much time together. I know it was wrong, but I had to know what really happened. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.’

  Elliot shifts awkwardly in his seat, as he proceeds to put the camera back into its case.

  ‘But you lied from the start,’ I say bitterly.

  ‘This has been my life for nearly seven years, Lexie. Not just since you’ve been here. I’m a historian and I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I ignored a significant piece of information, just because it didn’t suit me. But can I ask you why you didn’t tell me George had made contact with you? I was the one who introduced you to him in the first place, so you owed me something, surely.’

  My head is spinning. How can I be sure of Ronan’s motives any more? I feel that he’s trying to counteract my accusations by turning this around and questioning my part in it. Which sure as hell was nowhere near as devious as he appears to have been.

  ‘What exactly are you accusing me of doing, Ronan?’ I ask, trying not to sound as cross as I feel by this conversation.

  ‘Withholding information that is rightfully mine.’

  That stops me in my tracks and my frown deepens.

  ‘Ronan, I was doing what I thought was in everyone’s best interest. If I’d insisted you were there, George wouldn’t have spoken to me. And I’m here, now.’

  ‘You did what you thought was best.’ He shakes his head, grimly. ‘As your brother did for you and look how that ended!’

  ‘That’s unfair and you know it,’ I yell at him.

  ‘Why do you get to be the judge of what I should and shouldn’t be told, Lexie?’

  I look at him, shocked by the spiralling anger he’s trying so hard to suppress. And this is the man who claims he’s in love with me. I’m speechless with anger and indignation.

  ‘You think you can come here for a couple of months and take the lid off something that has repercussions way beyond your understanding. You knowingly kept me out of the loop on this. Is that because you’re disappointed your beloved grandma turned her back on a man she knew couldn’t live without her? For all I know, you might have been fully aware of that fact from the start, but you desperately needed confirmation that she hadn’t had an affair. Well, my grandfather wasn’t like that.’

  I shake my head in disbelief at what I’m hearing. He’s blaming the Rose for the death of his grandfather and keen to let me know that Fabien never took advantage of her.

  ‘I realised this would upset you; it’s upset me, too. It’s a truly horrible situation, Ronan, but I had no idea what George was going to reveal. You can’t seriously blame my grandma; in her heart the choice had already been made and that was her fate. Staying wouldn’t have changed anything, because she loved someone else. She wanted to save Fabien from himself, but that would have meant living a lie. It wasn’t meant to be, Ronan, and she knew that.’

  Elliot steps in.

  ‘Look, guys, you both need to calm down a little. Lexie went into this with no prior knowledge of what was going to happen. I can vouch for that, Ronan. I don’t want either of you to do anything you will regret. Take a little time to think this through, guys.’

  Elliot’s words make me see red.

  ‘You don’t need to make excuses to Ronan on my behalf, Elliot. I’m not the one who has done anything wrong. He took photocopies of personal documents without my permission. He’s not the only one whose family is involved here, and he’s just levelled an accusation at my grandma, as if she was solely to blame for a terrible tragedy. I’m sorry, but I’m done here,’ I declare vehemently as I push back on my chair and stand. ‘None of this is relevant to the history of the gardens, it’s about one man f
ighting his own demons and a woman whose heart was torn because she knew no one could save him. If you include this in the book, then you’re obviously not the man I thought you were, Ronan.’

  He jumps up out of his chair but I literally run out of the house, leaving Elliot to restrain him. Ronan hasn’t only shattered my trust in him, but also my heart.

  Part III

  June 2018

  28

  All Work, No Play

  ‘Today on the Morning Sunshine show it’s time to hit the shops. As summer kicks off with record temperatures, we’re looking at the latest fashion trends and zooming in on the must-have items you need to add to your wardrobe. We’ll also be talking about what not to buy, because trends aren’t always a great investment.

  ‘This season it’s all about the vintage look and the fifties are definitely in vogue. Colour is key and it’s a softer, prettier feel, full of the promise of summertime romance.’

  My smile for the sake of the camera is as fake as the skip in my voice.

  ‘Sasha Regan, you’ve been touring the various shops to pick out the very best of those seasonal bargains for our lovely viewers. So, it’s over to you.’

  I shuffle my notes, preparing to sum up Sasha’s report after the hand-back, when my earpiece kicks into life.

  ‘Nice intro, Lexie. Smooth. There’s a bit of forehead shine going on – Make-Up is on their way over.’

  Another day, another dollar, as they say. Only one hour and fifty-eight minutes to go.

  Jake’s offices sound impressive, but then that’s his style. Before, it would have been London, not Oxford, but it demonstrates his brand-new approach to life. He’s living in Stow-on-the-Wold; his main priority was that it had to be within an hour’s drive of the new house. Work, it seems, no longer comes first above all else. If I needed further convincing that he is a changed man, this is it.