The Bull Rider's Fresh Start

by Heidi McCahan

  He stopped pacing long enough to shoot her another fiery glare. “Is my name on the birth certificate?”

  She hesitated, then slowly nodded. This was so much harder than she’d thought it would be.

  “Is that why your mom begged me to take her?”

  “Good question.” Kelsey shrugged one shoulder. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”

  Landon’s gaze narrowed. “And what plan is that?”

  So much for getting out of here quickly. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “The navy requires that I file a family care plan to ensure Adeline is safe and cared for so I can honor my service commitment.”

  “So Wade and Maggie were listed as her guardians?”

  “Temporary caregivers.”

  “Are you required to file a backup plan?”

  Again, more truth telling. She looked down and smoothed the toe of her flip-flop across the floorboards, stalling. Did she really have to tell him about the paperwork her commanding officers required? The clock on the mantel above the fireplace ticked out the seconds, adding to her unease.

  She tipped her chin up and looked him in the eye. “I have to file short-and long-term plans.”

  “Who else is included in these plans?”

  “My mother and stepfather.”

  Landon tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “That explains why your mother called me.”

  Kelsey’s scalp prickled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He met her gaze. The space between them was taut with unspoken doubts and accusations. “Your parents aren’t capable of caring for an infant.”

  “Why not?”

  Landon clamped his mouth closed. Regret flickered in his eyes.

  “Tell me, Landon.” She stepped toward him. “What’s wrong with my folks?”

  * * *

  She didn’t know.

  The realization wrapped around his chest like a bull rope and cinched tight.

  “Landon, please.” Her chin wobbled. “I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

  Was it really his place to tell her? “When was the last time you spoke to your mom?”

  “Yesterday.” Her nostrils flared. “You’re scaring me. What happened?”

  The fear swimming in her eyes gave him pause. He hated that she’d kept Adeline from him, and he was angry that Wade and Maggie had betrayed him by not telling him he was Adeline’s dad. And now they just kept peeling back layers of deception. Why hadn’t anyone told Kelsey about her stepfather?

  “Your stepdad has had some issues lately.”

  “What kind of issues?”

  He held in a groan. “I—You should probably—Isn’t it better if you talk to your mom about this?”

  “She’s not here. You are. Tell me.”

  “All right, all right.” Landon held up his palms. “He had a stroke.”

  Kelsey’s eyes rounded, and she sucked in an audible breath. “When?”

  “About six weeks ago.”

  She shook her head. “No, that can’t be. They would’ve told me.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. His words fell flat. An apology meant nothing to her. And yet he kept trying.

  She pressed her palms to her cheeks, then her gaze darted around the room like a trapped animal seeking escape. He surveyed her reaction, trying to anticipate her next move. Was she going to leave? They hadn’t even talked about Adeline yet. She’d probably wake up soon, giving them even more opportunities to argue.

  Kelsey turned and moved toward the window. “Why didn’t they tell me? I call all the time. I mean, as often as I can.”

  He wished he knew why. “Maybe they didn’t want to upset you.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” She dismissed his suggestion, like he knew she would. He swallowed back a response. No need to aggravate her more than he already had.

  The news of her stepfather’s stroke combined with Wade and Maggie’s accident had to be a lot to handle. Part of him wanted to help. To pull her into his arms as she grappled with the reality of her family’s struggles.

  He squelched that crazy notion and stayed on the sofa. He was the last person who needed to try to comfort her. Not that she’d let him, anyway. He’d better give her space to process. Besides, he had arena-size issues of his own to deal with. Like the fact that the baby asleep in his laundry room was his daughter.

  Lord, what have I done? He’d prayed more in the last eight months than he ever had in his life. Kicking his pill habit had brought him to his knees again and again. Somehow, he’d thought he’d won. Didn’t all these months of sobriety count as a victory? He’d expected a peaceful yet productive summer, spending time with his family and working on the farm. Finally getting out of debt. Not facing unexpected fatherhood.

  “I have to talk to him.” Kelsey turned and patted her back pockets, as if searching for her phone. “I need more information.”

  “I can help.” He’d spoken with Wade right after his father’s stroke. “What would you like to know?”

  Doubt flashed in her eyes. She obviously didn’t trust him. Fair enough. He wanted her to at least know her stepfather had a good prognosis, and her mom was doing the best she could caring for him.

  “Let me get my phone.”

  “Kelsey, wait.”

  She hesitated, halfway to the front hall, probably to grab her purse. She turned back and huffed out an impatient breath. “What?”

  “We need a plan.” He stood and faced her. “A plan for Adeline.”

  Her brow furrowed. “I already told you, I’m taking her with me when she wakes up. I’ll rent a hotel room in town then leave for Wyoming tom—”

  “No.” Was she out of her mind? “You don’t get to show up on my porch, tell me I’m a father, then take my daughter from me.”

  “Adeline’s not staying here with you.”

  “And you’re not leaving with her.” Anger stampeded, hot and fierce, through his gut.

  Adeline’s muffled cries filtered in and interrupted their argument. Kelsey’s eyes locked on his, and this time there was no way he could stop her. She pushed past him and strode toward the laundry room, clearly determined to hold her baby girl.

  * * *

  The ache to comfort her daughter propelled Kelsey across the living room. She half expected Landon to intercept her. Not happening. Nothing could get between her and her baby. She’d traveled too far and waited way too long to hold Adeline again.

  Her heart hammered as she reached the laundry room door, then gently nudged it open. Adeline sat in the car seat on the faded linoleum floor.

  “Hey, sweet girl.” Adeline’s cries mingled with the hum of the dryer. Kelsey sank to her knees in front of the car seat and fumbled with the clasps on the five-point harness.

  “You’ve grown so much.” She scanned her wisps of golden-brown hair, swooping into a soft curl across her smooth forehead. A rosy flush formed two circles on her pudgy cheeks, and tears clung to her long dark eyelashes. “Come here.”

  She gently scooped her baby girl out of the car seat’s cocoon and nestled her in her arms. Reunited. Finally. Her vision blurred. She patted Adeline’s bare leg with her fingertips, enjoying the smooth feeling of her flawless baby skin. And her scent. She drank it in, filling her lungs. Oh, that sweet fragrance. She’d spent many nights lying in her bed in Hawaii, eyes closed while she mentally tried to recreate the scent in her imagination.

  Adeline stopped crying and regarded her with wide blue eyes, then shoved a chubby fist toward her mouth, revealing several teeth.

  “Oh my. Look at those teeth.” Smiling through her tears, she awkwardly bounced her baby girl in her arms.

  Adeline babbled around her fist, and Kelsey chuckled. “C’mon, let’s find a clean diaper.”

  She slowly pushed to her feet, turned and
collided with Landon in the laundry room doorway. His fingers quickly steadied her with a gentle clasp on her elbows. Landon’s gaze bounced between her face and Adeline cradled in her arms. Something indecipherable flickered in his eyes then vanished. He stepped back, releasing his hold on her, and she pushed out a relieved breath.

  His broad shoulders, tan skin and gold-flecked hazel eyes still held the power to sweep her into his orbit. She forced her attention back to her baby girl. She couldn’t lose focus. Adeline was all that mattered right now.

  “She needs her diaper changed,” Kelsey said.

  Landon held up a diaper and the plastic package of wipes crinkled in his large hand.

  “Oh, good.” She nodded as if granting her approval. Adeline fussed and arched her back, reminding Kelsey that she wasn’t the same tiny infant she had left in Wade and Maggie’s care five months ago. She shifted from one foot to the other, quickly adjusting to holding a larger baby determined to squirm out of her grasp. The heat of Landon’s expectant gaze warmed her face, and she silently willed him to move out of her way.

  She’d changed lots of Adeline’s diapers in the eighteen weeks they’d spent together while her daughter was a newborn. But everything about that compliant infant had disappeared. Kelsey scanned her baby’s features, memorizing as many details as possible. Adeline’s porcelain skin, the slope of her adorable button nose and even the rolls and creases on her legs made Kelsey proud. Such a perfect little human.

  “I’ve made a place to change diapers in the guest room.” Landon’s deep voice interrupted her thoughts. “If you follow me, I’ll show you.”

  She trailed after him, his brown cowboy boots click-clacking on the worn hardwood floors as they strode down a narrow hallway. The walls on either side were covered in more framed photographs—black-and-white pictures mingled with sepia-toned images documenting his family’s long history on their eastern Colorado farm. Kelsey glanced down at Adeline cradled in her arms and savored the sensation of holding her baby close again. Besides, the more she stared at Adeline, the less she noticed the way Landon’s crisp white shirt emphasized his muscular frame.

  Stop, she mentally scolded. He’s not right for you. Not right for Adeline, either. You’ve got to get out of here.

  Landon stepped inside a bedroom at the end of the hall. A queen-size bed adorned with a beautiful patchwork quilt filled most of the small room. Framed artwork of a sunset over a golden field of wheat hung on the wall opposite the bed. A portable crib claimed the extra floor space. Landon had layered several towels on top of an old chest of drawers in the far corner. Wipes and diapers, cans of formula, and stacks of baby clothes sat in various piles on the floor beside the bed.

  “I’ve changed her on top of the dresser a few times.”

  “But that’s dangerous,” Kelsey protested. “What if she rolls off?”

  A muscle in Landon’s jaw flexed. “Feel free to change her wherever you’d like. She’s probably hungry. I’ll get started fixing a bottle.” He tossed the diaper and wipes on the bed then brushed past her and left the room, an appealing aroma of leather and spice lingering behind him.

  Adeline cried louder. Her face flushed a deeper shade of pink, and she gnawed on her fist again. Landon was right about one thing. She definitely seemed hungry.

  “It’s okay, I’m here now.” She dug through the supplies on the bed with one hand. Did her words mean anything to Adeline? Did her daughter even remember her? She pushed the hard questions away and spread a baby blanket on the bed to protect the quilt, then gently laid Adeline in the center.

  She tried humming a lullaby, but Adeline was having none of it. Twisting onto her side, she wailed louder.

  “It’s okay, sweet girl.” Kelsey kept one hand on Adeline as she stretched to reach the wipes and the diaper on the corner of the bed. Adeline rolled over onto her stomach and pushed up on her hands. Her crying echoed throughout the bedroom. Panic scratched and clawed its way through Kelsey’s insides. Why couldn’t she do this? She could dive to the depths of the ocean, repair a damaged submarine and recover artifacts from a shipwreck, but she couldn’t change her own baby’s diaper?

  Hot tears stung her eyes.

  “Please, Adeline,” she whispered. “Let me do this one thing for you.”

  She gently redirected her baby onto her back. Adeline twisted out of her grasp again. Her pulse sped as another wave of frustration crested. Landon’s steps moved closer. She quickly swiped at the moisture on her cheeks. She would not let him see her cry.

  * * *

  Landon strode back into the bedroom. “Here’s the bottle of—”

  Uh-oh. Kelsey sniffed and angled her head away. Was she crying?

  “What’s wrong?” He raised his voice to override Adeline’s wailing.

  “Nothing.”

  Adeline grabbed her toes with her fingers, blocking Kelsey’s efforts. “Everything’s fine. I’m just trying to put this stupid diaper on.”

  Adeline’s screams escalated to a whole new pitch. Man, she sounded angry. Or hurt. His adrenaline spiked. Was she supposed to sound like that?

  Landon set the warm bottle on the floor then stepped closer. He’d officially decided he couldn’t handle his baby girl crying. It made him feel so helpless. Between Adeline’s tears and the telltale moisture dotting Kelsey’s skin, this whole situation had morphed from bad to worse.

  “Do you want me to change her and you can give her the bottle?”

  “No.”

  Landon bit back a frustrated groan. The woman had a stubborn streak a mile long. Maybe that’s where Adeline got it. Probably best if he kept that thought to himself.

  “Do you want me to help you?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know.” Kelsey’s brow furrowed. “Was her skin this red the last time you changed her?”

  Landon pushed his fingers through his hair. He had no idea. This wasn’t the best time to admit he hadn’t changed her lately. Hadn’t the women in the church nursery taken care of that? He’d brought Adeline back from Wyoming and kept her alive for the past twenty-four hours. Didn’t that count for anything?

  “I think she has a diaper rash.”

  Landon’s scalp prickled. Great. What did that mean?

  Kelsey’s eyes flashed. “We have to do something.”

  Wonderful. Another problem to solve. Kelsey’d probably find a way to blame him for this one, too.

  “Does she have a diaper bag? Maybe there’s some lotion or cream we can put on her skin.”

  Landon gestured to the baby supplies strewn across the room. “Everything you see here is what your mom sent. Her diaper bag’s that gray backpack on the floor by the closet.”

  “Did you introduce any new foods?” Kelsey braced Adeline with one hand then leaned over and snagged the backpack with the other. “She isn’t eating solids yet, right?”

  “Actually, she’s supposed to be eating that baby food stuff. Mixed with oatmeal or cereal or something.”

  Kelsey shot him a doubtful look. “Really?”

  “I can show you your mom’s instructions.”

  “It’s fine. I believe you.”

  No, you don’t.

  Instead of arguing, Landon reached into the side pocket of the backpack, plucked out a pacifier and offered it to Adeline. She stopped crying and suckled away, the pink-and-white-dotted button bobbing up and down in her perfect little mouth. Well, look at that. At least he did one thing right.

  Kelsey stared in disbelief, then twisted the cap off a small tube and applied a white paste to Adeline’s splotchy red skin. Landon held his breath, bracing for more crying.

  Adeline’s face scrunched up and she fussed a little, then went back to sucking on her pacifier.

  “There.” Kelsey slid the tube back in the bag, cleaned her fingers with a wipe then quickly slid a new diaper into place. Landon stared. Amazing. How�
�d she do that so fast?

  He sagged with relief. “I’d be glad to run to the store and get anything you feel Adeline needs.”

  “Perfect.” Kelsey flashed the tiniest hint of a smile while she fastened the snaps on Adeline’s outfit. “Diapers, wipes, formula, more of that diaper rash cream—”

  “Hold on, hold on.” Landon found some paper and a pencil in the drawer of his grandmother’s old sewing table under the window and scrawled a list.

  “I’m going to be gone about an hour or so.” He picked up the bottle and handed it to Kelsey. “I need to know you’ll be here when I get back.”

  She took her dear sweet time answering him, after huffing out an exasperated sigh. “I won’t leave with Adeline, if that’s what you’re implying.”

  “Promise?”

  She snatched the bottle from his hand. “You have my word.”

  “Good.” He pocketed the list then followed her into the living room. She settled on the sofa with Adeline, who was already drinking from the bottle like she hadn’t eaten in days. Kelsey ignored him while he lingered behind the sofa, her attention riveted on the baby nestled in the crook of her arm. Their baby. His chest pinched. They’d created a child together.

  “I’ve got this.” Her voice sounded raw. She cleared her throat. “You can go.”

  Her words chafed. “Not so fast.”

  She tipped her chin up, and he caught a glimpse of the emotion simmering below the surface of her hardened expression. He mentally swatted away the impatient words hovering like a wasp, waiting to sting. Kelsey hadn’t held her baby or fed her for months. She’d lost Wade and Maggie. Then he’d announced her stepfather had health issues and she’d grudgingly revealed Adeline belonged to him. That seemed like a lot for one person to process, even a woman as strong and self-sufficient as Kelsey.

  Go easy on her, a subtle voice prompted.

  He’d learned to heed that wise voice in recent months.

  “I’d like for you and Adeline to stay here tonight.”

  “Not happening.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll bunk at my parents’ place. You and Adeline can have the guest room.”