“I’m driving separately, and yes, I thought she’d ride with me.”
He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from popping off and sneaked a quick glance at Adeline. She’d drained the bottle then fallen asleep. Her head rested against his arm, and her little chest rose and fell. Her peaceful face reminded him that she was an innocent baby who needed love and protection, not two parents stuck in a constant cycle of squabbling.
Help me out here, Lord. I don’t know what to say to make this right.
“I’m not saying you can’t go,” Kelsey insisted, pulling him back to the conversation. “Why are you getting so upset?”
“I’m not upset.” Not yet, anyway. He set the bottle aside and slowly reached for Kelsey. Her skin was soft and warm as he covered her hand with his own. “I’m worried that once you get there, you’ll find a reason to extend your visit, and since you have your car, then it will make sense—” He fought to keep the raw emotion from his voice. “To just stay.”
Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being so manipulative.”
“And I can’t believe you keep pushing me away. No matter how hard I try to show you how much I care about you and our daughter, it’s never enough.”
I’m never enough.
Her eyes widened, then she pulled her hand away and jumped to her feet.
Landon winced as she crossed the room in long strides and stopped in front of the window, her arms wrapped around her torso. So maybe being vulnerable and transparent wasn’t his best move.
“It’s not easy for me to trust you. To trust anyone,” she said softly, her voice wavering.
His breath hitched. He leaned forward a fraction, silently willing Adeline to stay asleep and longing for Kelsey to say more.
“I can’t barrel into a packed arena on a dangerous animal and hope for the best.” She slid her palms up and down her bare arms. “As much as I want to believe that you’ll take good care of Adeline and be a wonderful father and trust you when you say that everything will be okay, the truth is I’m terrified to let you try.”
The air left his lungs in a ragged whoosh, and he sagged against the cushions. He mentally scrolled through their interactions since Kelsey had showed up at his house. He’d followed Gage’s advice. Shown up, kept his promises and never given her a single reason not to trust him. His friends and family had been more than generous.
But Kelsey still didn’t trust him.
Adeline heaved a deep sigh, shifting in his arms. He froze, petrified that he’d disturbed her. That was all he needed.
“It’s getting late.” He scooted to the edge of the couch then stood. “I’ll put Adeline down, and then I’ll go.”
He trudged down the hallway to Adeline’s room. His legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each. When he settled her in her crib, she flung one arm over her head, her little fist clenched.
“Sleep well, baby girl.” The night-light plugged in nearby cast a small golden circle of light into the room. He hovered at the rail, resisting the urge to reach in and smooth the back of his hand over her round cheek. His chest nearly split wide-open at the overwhelming love he felt for her already.
He’d do anything for her. Anything.
Except tonight’s conversation had clobbered him. He had no idea what to do. Or what to say.
He turned away and walked back into the living room. Kelsey sat on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Landon—”
“Good night, Kelsey.” He kept walking. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”
She didn’t respond. He moved toward the door and let himself out quietly. So much for not wrecking an almost perfect evening. Staring up into the clear sky filled with a full, silver moon, he silently prayed for direction. He didn’t want to lose Adeline. Or Kelsey. But hope was fading that they’d be able to find a way forward together.
Chapter Nine
Wow, she had not seen that coming.
One minute they’d been discussing the logistics for Wade and Maggie’s service, and the next Landon had gotten very real. Vulnerable.
Her cheeks burned. Instead of being grateful, she’d tried to run, just like he said she did when things got hard. Worse, she’d dismissed everything he’d done for her and Adeline and called him untrustworthy.
Maybe the flowers had set her off. Such a romantic gift made her nervous. Or maybe his incredible ability to show up and look so good holding Adeline had prompted her comments. The reason didn’t matter, really. There was no excuse for her behavior.
She owed him an apology. A grand gesture wouldn’t hurt, either.
“Ba, ba, ba.” Adeline squirmed in Kelsey’s arms, clearly not interested in being held.
“I know, pumpkin. Let me pack this food and we’ll go.” Kelsey settled Adeline against her hip, then gathered the lunch she’d made for Landon.
Adeline fussed and leaned toward the bag of potato chips sitting on the kitchen counter.
“Hang on.” Kelsey planted a quick kiss in Adeline’s hair then moved her out of reach of the food. “This will only take a minute.”
Adeline screeched and arched her back.
Kelsey gritted her teeth and rushed to the pantry to grab a brown paper bag. Adeline wasn’t going to make this easy. Hopefully she’d be able to get to the farm, deliver lunch and her apology, then come back to the house in time for Adeline’s afternoon nap.
While she’d learned to make a handful of decent meals, nothing in her measly repertoire was something she could cart out to the middle of a wheat field. Especially with a ten-month-old baby in tow. So she put a small container of fresh watermelon chunks in the bag and added a turkey and Swiss sandwich, then a half dozen brownies. If nothing else, the chocolate would be good. She added the chips last, tucked some napkins inside, then hurried toward the front door.
Adeline fussed all the way out to the car. When Kelsey opened the door to put her in her car seat, she realized she’d forgotten the diaper bag. Maybe she could go without it. Kelsey hesitated. Too risky. She left the food and went back for the bag. Adeline cried louder, twisting in Kelsey’s arms and making it difficult to hurry.
“I get it. You’re not a fan.” Kelsey’s stomach clenched in a hard knot. “I’m trying to do something nice for your dad, all right?” Maybe this was a terrible plan. She could find another time to apologize to Landon. This meal wasn’t exactly impressive. He’d never know if she didn’t deliver it. When she’d texted early this morning and asked if she could speak with him, he’d suggested meeting her during his lunch break and gave her directions. She’d come up with the bright idea to surprise him with lunch.
What if he teased her? Or Adeline cried the entire time and made meaningful conversation impossible?
She buckled Adeline in, offered a pacifier, then hopped in the driver’s seat before she talked herself out of this. Terrible idea or not, she had to follow through, because she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if she didn’t at least try to apologize.
A green combine maneuvered through the field beside the dirt road. Dust hovered in the air over a truck carrying a load of wheat, the bright sunshine glinting off its mirrors. Kelsey fumbled for her sunglasses and slid them on.
A few minutes later, Kelsey pulled into a driveway in front of a modest one-level home. Landon had suggested meeting him under the carport beside the house. This farm belonged to a friend, apparently. She didn’t ask for details. She’d been so nervous trying to figure out what to say that she hadn’t stopped to think about whether they’d have an audience. She turned off the engine and got out of the car, stealing a glance at the carport.
Oh no. At least ten guys sat around long tables on folding chairs. The aroma of something delicious filled the air. She’d obviously interrupted a meal. Three women stood nearby, chatting. They all glanced her way when sh
e closed her door and wiped her clammy palms on her denim shorts.
Landon stood and walked toward her, wiping a napkin across his mouth. Uncertainty flickered in his eyes.
She couldn’t resist letting her gaze slide from the pale blue T-shirt to his faded jeans and worn leather boots.
“Hey.” He stopped on the other side of her car. “Thanks for stopping by.”
She twisted the key ring around and around her finger. “No problem.”
The food she’d packed seemed like a lame contribution now. Especially since he’d already eaten. Adeline’s muffled cries stopped her from offering an explanation. She opened the back door, leaned in and unbuckled her.
“Anything I can do to help?” Landon’s voice was warm. Kind. He stopped beside her, holding the door while she settled Adeline in her arms.
Of course she’d stop crying the instant she spotted Landon. So aggravating.
“Hi there.” Landon pressed his fingertip to Adeline’s nose. She grinned and leaned toward him. “This is a sweet surprise.”
“Yeah, I wanted to...” The weight of all those curious glances unnerved her. Adeline squealed with delight as Landon scooped her into his arms. He gently lifted her toward the sky, earning another exuberant squeal.
Oh, this was not going to be easy. Kelsey pinched the hem of her red T-shirt between her fingertips while Landon settled Adeline on his shoulders. She giggled and twisted her little hands in his hair. Huh. Funny thing. Her own fingers itched to do the same.
Warmth crawled up her neck, and she forced herself to look away.
“Did you stop by so Adeline could see me or...” Landon trailed off, his questioning gaze finding hers.
“I—I owe you an apology.” She pushed the words out quickly. “I’m sorry. Not just about last night, but the way I’ve responded to you since I’ve been here.”
His eyes rounded.
Shifting from one leg to the other, she forced herself to continue before she lost her nerve. “You are trying your best with Adeline, and I get that. I’m sorry I’ve been so...hard on you. And I can see why you thought I was being manipulative about leaving for the memorial service without you.”
“So I was right is what you’re saying.” His mouth twitched at the corners as he clasped Adeline’s knees with his hands and bounced her gently up and down.
Kelsey pressed her lips together. Did she have to admit that part out loud?
His half smile made her insides dip and sway.
“It hurts to admit that, right?”
She nodded then quickly turned toward her car. “I brought you lunch.”
“Ah, a peace offering.”
Kelsey extracted the bag from the floorboards and handed it to him. “I didn’t realize you’d have lunch here.”
“Thank you.” Landon carefully set the bag at his feet. “Four families work together to feed everyone a hot meal so if we have to work late into the night, we can.”
“Oh.” She ducked her head. “I didn’t know.”
“Hey.” He stepped closer, his voice dropping low. Why did he smell that good after riding around in a combine? Like the outdoors and hard work. So unfair.
She tipped her chin up, determined to conceal her body’s traitorous response to his approach.
“I appreciate the food. Don’t worry, I’ll eat it.” He hesitated, those gorgeous hazel eyes still locked on hers. “Is it safe to assume we’ll be traveling to Wyoming together?”
She managed a nod.
“Good.” Landon lifted Adeline from his shoulders, then kissed her cheek and handed her over to Kelsey. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Me, too.” And she was. It would be nice to have someone along for the drive with Adeline. She wedged her sweet girl on her hip and stood there staring at Landon, unable to move. Instead of regretting her apology, she felt lighter. Relieved.
Landon opened his mouth to say something, but a man’s voice bellowed across the yard.
“Let’s go, Landon.”
“I’ve got to head out.” He smiled. “Thanks again for stopping by, and for bringing lunch. It’s good to see you both.”
“You, too,” she managed to squeak out.
“There’s a storm in the forecast, which means we’ll have to hustle to finish up. If I don’t come by for a few days, that’s why.”
“Okay.” She bounced Adeline on her hip, partly to keep her from fussing but mainly to shake loose the disappointment settling in her abdomen. She’d wanted to limit her contact with him, and now she was unhappy that they wouldn’t see each other.
Fickle girl. Stop it.
Landon inched even closer, his callused fingers clasping her forearm as he planted one more kiss on Adeline’s forehead. Her pulse skyrocketed. He let his hand linger, and something undecipherable flashed in his eyes.
“I’ll see ya.” He winked then turned and strode away.
She watched him go, already missing that smile and wishing she didn’t. And now she’d agreed to a road trip. She’d have to keep her attention focused on her family, because he couldn’t know how he affected her.
* * *
The following Tuesday, Landon showed up on Kelsey’s doorstep at 7:55 a.m. Five minutes early. He hoped his effort to honor her request to leave for Wyoming by eight might earn him some points. He’d undoubtedly need to cash those in later when his driving didn’t meet her expectations or he said the wrong thing. He smiled, imagining her witty comments. This road trip might test his patience, but he was secretly thrilled they’d agreed to travel together.
While he dreaded Wade and Maggie’s memorial service, he couldn’t wait to see Adeline. Kelsey, too. The last five days had been grueling, and he’d fallen into bed each night at an hour far too late to visit the girls. While the harvest had produced an abundant supply of wheat, and he’d made enough to carve a dent in the debt he owed his parents and have some left over for Adeline, he hated that he’d missed almost a week of his baby girl’s life. And ever since Kelsey had stopped by with lunch, his thoughts kept circling back to her. Circling back to the possibility of building a life together.
Lord, help me to trust that Your plans for me are good, he silently prayed, then knocked softly.
When Kelsey opened the door with her hair soaking wet, a frown on her face and a fussy Adeline in her arms, he tried for an optimistic smile. “Mornin’.”
“I’m not ready.” Her weary gaze slid toward Adeline. “We’ve had a rough start. Can you hold her, please?”
Without waiting for him to respond, she thrust Adeline into his arms. “Sure, not a problem.” He chuckled at Adeline as she clutched a fistful of his T-shirt, and he drew a deep breath.
“Hi, pumpkin.” He kissed her cheek, earning him an appreciative coo. At least one woman in this house was happy to see him. “Come on, let’s play so your mom can finish packing.”
“I am packed,” Kelsey growled. “Well, almost.”
Landon followed her inside and closed the door, determined to keep his comments to himself. Based on the plastic laundry basket sitting on the floor behind the paisley-print sofa with stacks of clean clothes inside, and the half-empty duffel bag slouched on the floor beside it, he mentally questioned her definition of “almost.” Probably best not to say anything. They had a long drive ahead, and six hours in the car with a baby was probably going to require every single ounce of his patience.
He sank to the floor in the living room and set Adeline down beside him.
“Ba, ba, ba,” she said, pushing onto all fours then crawling toward one of her baby toys.
“Hey, Kelsey. Check this out.” Landon called for her while he reached for his phone.
Kelsey glanced up from behind the sofa where she stood, sorting the folded baby clothes into neat stacks. “Oh yeah. She’s been doing that for a while.”
“What?
” He couldn’t keep the irritation from his voice. “Since when?”
“I’m not sure.” Kelsey shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “Two days ago, maybe?”
“Did you take pictures?”
“Sorry, I guess I forgot to send them.”
Anger simmered in his gut, like hot magma, threatening to erupt. Forgot?
“I might have a short video clip on my phone. I’ll send it to you later.”
“Thanks.” There was so much he wanted to say right now. Was she really that busy that she couldn’t bother telling him about one of their daughter’s major milestones? Did she think he didn’t care?
The familiar sinister voices crept in, taunting him. You’ll never be a good enough father. You left her and now she’ll never trust you.
He drew a deep breath, fighting to keep his anger contained.
“Lord, I need You,” he whispered quietly. Adeline glanced at him over his shoulder and gave him a slobbery smile. The tightness in his chest lessened some. It was hard to stay angry with Kelsey when Adeline grinned at him like that. She held up a toy, a clear tube with rainbow-colored beads inside that sounded like rain when she shook it. The same one Kelsey had brought to the park.
“Oh, nice,” he said. “Is that your favorite?”
She instantly dropped it and picked up a stuffed monkey instead.
“A monkey. Always a good choice.” Landon quickly snapped a picture then put his phone away. “What’s your monkey’s name?”
“Goo.” Adeline thrust the monkey high in the air then screeched loudly.
“I’ve never met a monkey named Goo before. May I hold your monkey?” Adeline sat on her bottom and shoved the monkey in her mouth, staring at Landon while she gnawed on its arm. She was so stinkin’ adorable he could hardly stand it.
“Kelsey, is there anything I can do to help?” He mentally calculated the six-hour drive to her parents’ place, plus another hour or two of stops for diaper changes and lunch. He couldn’t imagine Adeline tolerating a whole day in her car seat.
“Nope, I got it,” Kelsey called over her shoulder as she hurried down the hall toward her bedroom. “Just keep an eye on Adeline.”
The Bull Rider's Fresh Start Page 12