Of Curse You Will

by Dorie, Sarina

  My new best friend, guilt, sidled up to my heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You should have told me.” This news made me wonder about the last time we’d been together. “Does that mean you didn’t come the other time either?”

  He wet his lips. His face was so close to mine, I could see it in his eyes, that yearning to escape from telling me the truth.

  “Don’t lie,” I said.

  “No. I didn’t. But it’s fine. You were tired and needed sleep.”

  That highlighted how selfish I was that I hadn’t noticed. I drew away enough to stare up into his eyes. “I really am sorry. Will you let me make it up to you?” I stroked the length of his shaft, watching his expression.

  “I suppose I could think of something if I tried hard enough.”

  “If you tried hard enough? Is that a pun?” I asked.

  He didn’t deign to answer. He leaned back against the mosaic wall, closing his eyes. “Do you remember that lesson in animal husbandry involving manual expression of a unicorn?”

  I giggled. “Are you the stallion in this case?”

  He managed to keep a straight face as he blew air out his lips and neighed. I laughed harder.

  I touched him, watching his expression shift from smug humor to unrestrained pleasure. His brow furrowed, the muscles of his chest bunching and tensing under his skin. I enjoyed having the opportunity to study his face, for once unguarded. Now that I wasn’t distracted by my own body, I could appreciate the long slope of his nose, his deep-set eyes fringed with a forest of lashes, and the perfect shape of his lips now parted as his breath came more quickly. If this was the penance for my earlier selfishness, I welcomed the chance to redeem myself. I wanted to bring him satisfaction.

  I stood on tiptoe to kiss his chin. Obligingly he dipped his head down to meet my lips. I pulled his hair because I knew he would like it. He moaned into my mouth.

  Unexpectedly he drew back. “You should get out of the way.”

  “Why?”

  He pushed me to his side. I nearly slipped on the slick surface of the shower floor. His back arched, and he groaned. Red lightning flashed, fractals of energy exploding out of him and sizzling in the shower. The steam multiplied, making it difficult to see anything but the red flashes coming out in spurts.

  His breath came in shallow pants. “This is the other reason I didn’t want to come inside you,” he said. “I can’t imagine a condom set on fire would be pleasant for either of us. Nor would it be enjoyable for you to experience this.”

  “Wow. And I thought a rainbow vagina was shocking.”

  I had never considered he might have a bigger sexual problem than I had. I didn’t know if there was a solution for this.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Curses and Hearses

  Thatch escorted me out of his private chamber and into the dungeon. This time we’d dried my hair with magic so Vega wouldn’t know I’d showered.

  Sconces on the walls flared to life as Thatch approached. He walked leisurely, and my legs had no trouble keeping up tonight. I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but I didn’t dare.

  “Do you know why I broke off my engagement with Gertrude Periwinkle?” He spoke quietly, the murmur of his voice such a low rumble I had to lean in to hear him.

  I was surprised he spoke so freely, even if no one was around. We weren’t in his private rooms anymore. Then again, he was more likely to use his soundproof spell if we were going to talk about being Red affinities.

  I was careful in my choice of words, not wanting to give anything away should someone be listening. “Because you increased her siren affinity and made her go mad with pining.” His affinity made her more like a succubus than a siren.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Just so. But more than that, I couldn’t satiate that pining. I was often away recruiting. How could I relieve the siren magic within her? I couldn’t. That’s why she cheated. I couldn’t blame her for cheating when it was my fault.”

  “But it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t either of your faults. Your magic just reacted to each other that way.”

  He didn’t look at me. “Be that as it may, it wasn’t fair to her. Nor is it fair to you that I should be called away when I’ve told you I’ll be there for you.”

  Was he afraid I would cheat on him? I wasn’t a siren ruled by my sexuality. Touch was my weakness, but it only ruled me when I touched someone.

  Another sconce on the wall flared to life, illuminating the features of his perfect face. He was doing that thing again, composing his face into an unreadable mask.

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way,” I said. “You could train me so I could go recruiting with you. I could help you like I did with Maddy.”

  “I would rather not put you in situations in which you would be apt to encounter unscrupulous Fae. We don’t need to give them additional reasons to snatch you.” His lips pressed into a line. “Especially not now.”

  Now that I was allied with Elric’s court? Or now that I had a secret enemy?

  We ascended the stairs and walked down the hall to the women’s dorm.

  He stared straight ahead, not even glancing at me. “You will tell me if you wish to . . . not see me anymore. You won’t try to spare my feelings because you’re trying not to hurt me.”

  I wasn’t sure if that was a question or an order. I knew he wasn’t big on the public displays of affection. I wanted to hug him or touch his hand, but I figured he would object.

  Instead, I punched him in the arm—which actually made him smile. “It sounds like you’re trying to give me excuses for breaking up with you.” Perhaps I should have given those words more thought before speaking. I didn’t know if we were dating. We couldn’t break up if we hadn’t really been together.

  He squeezed my shoulder once before disengaging. “Not excuses. The freedom to change your mind.”

  He waited at the end of the hallway as I returned to my room. When I reached the door, I turned back over my shoulder to find him watching. I waved and opened the door. The hinges creaked loud enough to wake the dead as I closed the door behind me. I tiptoed into bed, freezing when the lamp next to the bed flared to life.

  Vega leaned against her headboard, arms crossed. “That was more than ten minutes.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend

  Vega gazed at me with heavy-lidded eyes. “I knew you were up to no good. Where have you been this time?”

  “I told you not to wait up for me.” I cleared my throat. “I wasn’t feeling well.”

  “Really? Then why weren’t you in the bathroom as you claimed you were going to be?”

  She sat on top of her blankets, wearing her slippers. She’d wrapped her black silk kimono over her pajamas. It looked like she’d gone out to check up on me.

  I removed my housecoat and flung it over a chair. “The door was locked up here. Someone must have been in the bathroom on our floor. I went to the downstairs bathroom.”

  “No, you didn’t. I checked downstairs too.” A lazy smile crept over her face.

  I pushed back the blankets and slid underneath. “Why do you even care where I am every second of every day?”

  “I care because you make my magic more powerful. I can do any spell if I have you nearby. If you die, I lose you and all your passive magic. If a giant spider eats you, I lose you. If the Fae snatch you because you do something irresponsible, I lose you.”

  I flopped into bed and turned away from her. “Thanks for the altruistic concern.”

  “At least I’m honest.”

  I highly doubted that.

  The following day I sought Josie out at breakfast. I couldn’t find her anywhere, but at lunch she was eating with Pinky at the dais that overlooked the student tables. She avoided my gaze. Khaba nodded to me from across the cafeteria where he patrolled. He wore a hot-pink tracksuit, his favorite of late. He’d unzipped it enough to reveal his ripped abs. He was just as ec
centric in his attire and showy with his good looks as a Fae prince, though he chose to express it differently.

  I marched past students serving salad and soup from the cafeteria tables. Students waved to me. I waved as I passed, not stopping as I normally would have, in case Josie tried to escape before I made it to the area where teachers sat.

  “Hi, Josie!” I said, projecting the enthusiasm I wished I could feel. “What do you think about having some girl time during dinner? Or after dinner we could take a walk?”

  Josie glanced at Pinky and then to me. “I don’t know.”

  Pinky couldn’t hide the high nasally pitch to his voice even when he whispered to her. “You were willing to eat dinner with Clarissa yesterday.”

  “Yeah, well. . . .” Josie stirred her salad around her plate. “It would be safer if I wasn’t alone with anyone right now. There’s safety in numbers. Safety for you guys.”

  She wore her unhappiness on her frame like a heavy cloak, melancholy weighing down her shoulders. How could I be her friend and keep secrets from her? I burned to tell her the truth, but Thatch would have been horrified to know I’d even considered such a thing.

  But if I didn’t, she would keep on hating herself. She would think my reluctance to be close like we were was because I blamed her and thought she was a murderer.

  Yet if I told her, she might blame me for putting her in danger. And I would be putting her in more danger if I told her my secrets. The Raven Queen might torture her to find out secrets about me . . . like she had Derrick. I hated being a liar even if it was for Josie’s own good.

  I wondered if Thatch had lied to me about the flowers because he had thought it was for my own good. Perhaps he had tried to protect me, but he was wrong. I needed the truth to protect me, not lies.

  Khaba strode up the stairs of the dais and plopped himself into a chair on Josie’s other side.

  Josie adjusted her black-framed glasses. “I’m surprised the Witchkin Council even allowed me to keep my job after what happened. If I had lost control when a student had been present. . . .” Tears filled her eyes.

  It was torment to see her hurting like this.

  Khaba crossed his arms. “Josie Kimura, stop being such a sourpuss. One would think you’d been taking lessons from Professor Thatch.”

  It was hard not to crack a smile at that.

  She said nothing, not even provoked to her usual vehemence at the mention of Thatch’s name. At one of the tables nearby, a student threw a piece of bread at another student. I didn’t want to stop talking to her, so I pretended I didn’t see it.

  “How about we take a walk after dinner?” I asked. “It doesn’t have to be just you and me. Khaba and Pinky can come too.” I looked to them.

  “I’ll be there,” Pinky said.

  Pinky’s gaze flickered to Ben O’Sullivan dumping a cistern of hot soup on someone’s lap. Khaba followed my gaze. He rubbed his bald head, looking resigned to deal with discipline as he stood.

  Khaba patted Josie on the head as if she were an endearing human pet. “You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, but right now, I need to stop a food fight. Excuse me.”

  I sat next to Josie at lunch, doing my best to keep up a one-sided conversation. Josie was usually the one who did the majority of the talking. She made up for my lack of social skills with an abundance of her own gregariousness. Today she was silent.

  Pinky prompted her and tried to fill in the gaps, but the conversation was awkward and halting. I was left exhausted. I didn’t know how I was going to do this again during dinner and afterward.

  Yet I did survive dinner.

  She was the one I worried about. A spider scuttled across the table toward Josie as she ate. She didn’t notice. Pinky was too engrossed talking to Pro Ro about naughty students using crystal balls as bowling balls during Beginning-Level Divination Class to see the spider.

  I had told Thatch I didn’t know if I would recognize whether my magic was affecting Josie, but I suspected I did. The spider was one of the early signs. Looking back, I could see how that night on the roof with the lightning must have been a turning point for her. She’d used her affinity on purpose to get back at Vega.

  Ever since then, I’d brought out more and more of her magic. Then she’d used her powers to try to attack Elric in the theater. It had been shortly after we’d shared rooms and spent more time together when she’d lost the ability to control herself.

  I scooted my chair an inch farther back from her, trying to be discreet about it as the spider scuttled away.

  It drizzled after dinner. Josie and I huddled under an umbrella, one charmed to keep us warm and dry, even when the wind blew the rain sideways. There was danger in such close proximity to her. I was walking that line.

  Khaba and Pinky strolled behind us, far enough back to give us privacy, but not so far they couldn’t intervene if we needed it.

  We were silent as we strolled along the path, avoiding puddles. Rain pattered against the roof of the school. The giant structure stretched out like a disjointed spider, each wing of the school built in a different material and style, a melting pot of architectures.

  I glanced behind me, seeing Pinky and Khaba engrossed in conversation. “Josie, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said. “But I’m afraid of what might happen if I do.”

  “Oh God.” The healthy sable of her skin faded to ashen. “You’re having some kind of side effect from the venom. I heard it can be incredibly painful. It can stay in your body for days. They said Thatch gave you an antidote, but. . . .” She swallowed, the gulp audible like the sound effect of a cartoon. “There isn’t an antidote. Not after a victim has gone past a certain point.”

  “I’m fine. He took care of the venom.”

  “How?”

  I tried to think of something that wasn’t a lie. “I think if I told you the secret of his potion, Thatch might be . . . I don’t know . . . testy.” I imitated his British accent. “A Merlin-class Celestor isn’t one to share his secret ingredients with the likes of inferior Witchkin.”

  She laughed at that. “Yeah, he can be as bad as a stage magician. He never wants to share the sleight of hand behind his best tricks.”

  I laughed at the analogy. At least she hadn’t called him a bag of dicks today.

  Pinky’s high-pitched chortle ended in a snort behind us. Josie glanced over her shoulder at Pinky and Khaba behind us. They’d linked arms like they were buddies. Up until recently I’d thought they hated each other, or at least that Pinky hated Khaba. But perhaps working together for the common good of saving a mutual friend had strengthened a bond between them.

  A brief smile flickered across Josie’s face as she gazed at Pinky. “All this time I’d been afraid Pinky was going to tell everyone what I was. Those times he had said he wanted to speak with me in private and I’d avoided him, I thought he was going to blackmail me. Or he was going to try to humiliate me. I thought he would reveal my darkest secrets to you, and you would think I was a freak.”

  I understood that fear of rejection. I felt it myself when I considered what she might think about me if she found out the truth.

  A bitter smile laced her lips. “And here it turns out, all this time he really did care and was trying to help me. He didn’t want me to get hurt if it happened again.” Tears filled her eyes. “I was the one who gave myself away. I was the one who exposed my darkest secrets and endangered you. I should have told you my secret. That’s what a real friend would do.”

  Yes, that is what a real friend would do. Tell the truth. Guilt gnawed my belly. Why did she have to put me in this position? An interrogator couldn’t have forced a confession out of me as thoroughly as her friendship did. “I haven’t been very good at telling you all my secrets either.”

  “About Derrick and Khaba? Or Elric? You eventually told me. That’s what counts.” She sniffled.

  “Yeah,” I said. “So anyway, I want things to be l
ike they used to be between us, only . . . I should learn to recognize the signs that it might happen again.” I spoke slowly, trying to get my thoughts out before I backed down. “We should, you know, not hug so much in case that sets you off.”

  Her brow crinkled up in confusion. “Sets me off? Clarissa, honey, you can’t set me off. I know you haven’t lived in the Unseen Realm long enough to understand all the rules, but you have to know, that isn’t how magic works.”

  “I know some things.” Things she didn’t.

  Josie watched me, saying nothing. I kicked at a pinecone that had strayed far from the forest. I couldn’t say anything else without giving myself away. From the fear in Josie’s eyes, I suspected I might have said too much. If she knew I used magic that Witchkin considered forbidden, she would shun me. If she understood how the Red affinity worked, she might be horrified and not want to be near me.

  She stepped back, releasing her grip on the umbrella so I was there, holding it alone. Rain should have soaked into her, but she was just enough under the umbrella’s charm to keep her dry. Droplets sprinkled around her, close but not touching, just like us.

  I waited for her to say it. Surely she knew what I was.

  She drew in a shaky breath. “I won’t touch you if it makes you uncomfortable. After what happened, that would be understandable.” The anguish in her eyes was so intense, it took me a moment for her words to register.

  She thought the reason I didn’t want to touch her was because I thought she was the monster? Because she was a murderer?

  “No,” I said. “That wasn’t what I meant. I . . . it’s hard to talk about.”

  “It’s fine. I get that you want things to be the same, but things are never going to be like they were before. I’m glad you want to be friends. I totally get why you freaked yesterday and didn’t want to have dinner with me.”

  Pinky said something somewhere behind us, his voice shrill and unintelligible. I ignored him.