Wolf Moon (Alpha Wolf Academy Book 2)

by JJ King

  Rory dropped her bags at the door and shook her head. “No. This is our suite.”

  “Huh,” I half-grunted, then noticed the huge basket of fruit, chocolate, and biscotti on the table. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.”

  “This is nothing,” Rory wandered to the table and plucked a shiny red apple from the basket. “Imagine what the Russian court is like.” She froze with the apple to her lips and looked at me with wide eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” She trailed off.

  “It’s alright,” I assured her with a shake of my head. Her eyes had gone flat again. “Hey,” I crossed to her and reached out to touch her arm. “I’m okay, but you clearly aren’t. What happened on the plane?”

  “Nothing.” Rory took a bite of the apple and chewed while avoiding eye contact.

  We were in private now and I was having none of it. “I’m calling bullshit. We got on the plane and you were alright. I take a little nap and, suddenly, you’re miserable. I know nothing happened with Darius, because he seemed clueless and he’s more aware than that. So, what was it?”

  She blinked rapidly, then dropped the apple on the table and sagged into one of the dining chairs. “I’m just being a baby.” But her voice shook, and I noticed a tremor in her hand.

  I took the chair next to her. “You’re the last person in the world who’d ever act like a baby.” I tilted my head and just waited.

  She lasted another minute or so, then a fat tear fell from her eyes and careened down her cheek. She wiped it away immediately and shook her head. “I’m just…” she raised her head and I saw the flash of rage in them a second before she growled. “I’m so fucking mad!” she ground the words out through clenched teeth.

  My eyebrow arched up in surprise. That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. I’d been ready to soothe and hug, but bared teeth and fury were good, too.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  She pushed out of the chair and began stalking around the living room with quick impatient steps. “Benson Wellington the fucking third,” she said in a tone that practically dripped with vitriol.

  I groaned. This wasn't the first time the illustrious third-generation Wellington had been brought up in furious conversation, but it was the angriest I’d ever seen my friend. “What did the asshole do this time?”

  “He was waiting for me outside the bathroom on the plane.” Her eyes flashed with disgust.

  “No.” My eyes went wide.

  Rory spun on her heels and fisted her hands. “Yes! Elena, I was so mad I could have screamed.” She looked ready to now. “But then Darius would have come back and I’m not sure how he’d react. He’s sweet and kind but that fucker put his hands on me.”

  Blood suffused my face now and Rory wasn’t the only one ready to scream. “He touched you?” I rose from the chair and felt the bite of my nails cut through my palms.

  A flash of red glazed over my vision at the thought of anyone harming Rory, or Bash, or anyone I loved dearly. My jaw clicked as I worked it over, clenching my teeth as waves of emotion washed through me. Anger, fear, panic.

  My breathing hitched and, suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Through the haze, I heard Rory explain what had happened but part of me wasn’t listening. Part of me was stuck in the library back at Alpha Wolf Academy, watching as terrorists invaded and murdered my peers.

  “Elena?” Rory’s worried tone wrenched me back from the edge of a flashback that would have taken me under in another moment. Her fingers closed around my hands and pried my nails free. “Elena. Look at me,’’ she urged.

  I looked at her. She was alright. She was safe. The haze cleared and I felt my body relax.

  “Where’d you go?” she asked gently.

  I was the one to shake my head this time. Rory knew I’d been having flashbacks, lots of students were, I wasn’t special. I offered her a smile and shrugged. “I’m alright now.”

  “No,” she said firmly, “you’re not. I’m not. None of us are alright anymore.” She reached for one of the pillows on the couch and handed it to me then picked up the other. “Here, hit this.”

  I stood awkwardly with the pillow in my hand and watched as she rammed her fist into its fluffy depth. Rory threw it back onto the couch then loosed a primal scream as she pummeled it to death. When she looked up, her face was red, her eyes bright, and her lips curved up. “Your turn.”

  I considered my pillow, with its beautiful pattern and thick center, then tested it with a punch. It bounced back so I hit it again.

  Soon, we were laughing and punching cushions, pillows, and more. With each strike, I felt something tight loosen in my chest. Caught up in the feeling of freedom, I grabbed a wooden moose figurine, pulled back, and threw it straight at the door…

  … and straight at Headmistress Donahue’s head.

  Chapter 4

  I yelped and stared in horror at the imminent disaster.

  Donahue’s hand snapped up, quicker than I thought possible, and caught the moose just inches from her face. Her eyes went wide for a moment before she resumed her usual aloof look and simply cocked an eyebrow at me and Rory. “Perhaps,” she said in a dry tone as she stepped into the room and placed the figurine on the nearest table, “you should refrain from throwing breakables in the future.”

  Color flooded my cheeks as embarrassment and relief that I hadn’t just clocked the headmistress in the face filled me. I glanced at Rory, whose face was pale and immobile, and realized she’d be no help at the moment. I took a deep breath and stepped hesitantly forward. “I’m so sorry, Headmistress Donahue. We were letting off a little steam and got carried away.” I opened my mouth to say more, but nothing came out.

  She studied me, with eyes that I knew saw too much, too often, and offered a small smile. “I understand. You’ve had an exceptional amount of stress as of late. Ms. Dumont is a good friend to help you carry that weight and really, it’s my fault for coming in unannounced.” Donahue cocked an eyebrow and smiled warmly. “I need you to come with me.”

  I blinked slowly, thrown by the warmth in her eyes and the firmness of her statement. She hadn’t asked me to come with her, she’d stated her need for me to go. I held back a sigh and nodded curtly, annoyed by her invasion into what was supposed to be a vacation from my dismal reality.

  “I’ll text you when I can,” I said quietly to Rory with a half shrug. “Don’t wait around for me.”

  She nodded and lifted a hand to pat my arm. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

  My heart swelled. My reality outside AWA might be dismal, but my friendship with Rory, however new, was as solid as it got. I shot her a grateful smile and followed Donahue out the door of our suite, then stopped in shock when I didn’t see Connor waiting in the corridor. After a moment’s hesitation, born out of sheer confusion, I followed Donahue.

  Jensen and Anton fell into step behind us at a respectable distance.

  “I’m glad to get this moment with you,” Donahue said in a low voice. “How are you holding up, Elena? Your grades last term were excellent and you seem to be well settled.” She glanced over at me. “How are you really doing?”

  Why don’t you just ask my school mandated therapist? The snarky retort popped into my brain so quickly I barely had time to stop it from spilling out of my mouth. Instead, I considered my words and who I was speaking with and replied, “I’m doing well.”

  Lies, all lies.

  Donahue didn’t speak and the silence hung heavy between us as we walked to a destination I could only guess at. My nerves danced uneasily as the silence built, becoming too lengthy, too profound to not be awkward. Pressure built, pressing down on my chest until, finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “I have nightmares,” I blurted, then nearly tripped over my feet as mortification that I’d crossed the barrier between formality and familiarity rose like a fire in my chest. Donahue was my headmistress, not my friend or my therapist. My cheeks heated unbearably but I managed to keep walking.<
br />
  I heard her slow inhalation, as if she were trying not to react, and closed my eyes.

  “I’ve had nightmares, too.” Her confession was whispered.

  I turned my head slowly and looked at her, the impressive headmistress of the most esteemed shifter university in North America. Her mouth parted and I saw the shudder of revulsion pass through her as the memory of Viktor’s attack shadowed her eyes. I lowered my gaze and fought back the emotions that welled in my throat.

  It felt like I was always fighting these days. To keep myself from crying, to look normal, to stop the anger that was always just beneath the surface from bubbling up and overtaking me.

  I was exhausted.

  “They died because of me.” The words spilled from my lips without my permission and, suddenly, I couldn’t stop. “He came for me. If I hadn’t been there, they’d be alive. All of them.”

  I saw their faces in my nightmares. Their terrified eyes haunted me and reminded me of my responsibility. It was breaking me.

  “I see them,” I whispered it and wondered if their ghosts would ever give me peace. I met Donahue’s gaze and saw the grief in them. It added another sharp twist to my guilt. “How can I live knowing they died because of me?” My shoulders wanted to sag with the weight pressing down on them. I resisted because of the dead. They’d died and I’d lived. It didn’t matter if I didn’t know how to live with this grief. I didn’t deserve to fall apart like a child.

  Donahue’s hand touched my arm and pulled me away from my dark thoughts, anchoring me in the present. “Elena,” she said softly, sounding so motherly it brought tears to my eyes. I blinked them away instantly and bit down on the inside of my cheek to stop any more from forming. “You’re not to blame for any of this,” she stroked my arm gently.

  I flinched away from her touch. It hurt too much to be reminded of mothers.

  “But you know that,” she continued as if I hadn’t drawn away from her. “Logically, you know that. You’re a smart girl.” Donahue sighed and shook her head. “If only logic controlled the heart.”

  She started walking again and I followed, moving automatically without thought. We started down a long set of stairs, lined with thick carpet and made from expensive-looking wood that gleamed. My hand trailed down the railing.

  At the bottom of the stairs, she turned to me again. “The life you knew no longer exists,” she said with a sad smile. “So, even though you didn’t die that day, the past you knew, the future you’d planned, they died. You’re grieving, Elena. It’s okay to not be okay. It will get better.” She lifted a hand as if to touch me again then let it fall. “I promise.”

  She turned and walked away without waiting for a response and I felt only gratefulness for the moment alone. I was never alone anymore, not really, I thought. I was trailed by guards, followed constantly, watched by someone who made my heart ache even when it felt impossible to hurt more than I already was.

  In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to relieve myself of one of my burdens. I wanted to race after Donahue and tell her everything, confess to the secret that would remove Connor from my life so I didn’t have to feel one more thing I didn’t want to feel.

  He’d been sent to watch me, to keep me safe and, instead, he’d kissed me beneath that old tree and whispered words of love and forever when he’d known they were impossible. He’d known… I swallowed bile and sucked in a deep breath.

  It would be easier without him around, I thought, latching onto the idea until it swirled in my head like a demand to be appeased. I could get rid of him; it would be easy. One word, that’s all it would take. I had Donahue’s ear. I could just tell her.

  Then, I’d really be alone.

  I glanced back at Jensen and Anton, who’d stopped and been waiting with alert stances and all-seeing eyes for me to move again. I knew their names, I wasn’t a jerk, but I knew nothing about them other than the fact that they’d been assigned to me by The Sisterhood. Headmistress Donahue had told me they’d come heavily vetted and were considered among the best The Sisterhood could offer.

  Connor was the best.

  The pressure in my chest tightened and I lifted a hand to rub absently at the pain that was a part of me now.

  I didn’t know them, and they didn’t know me. They’d follow me, watch me, guard me, but they didn’t know that my favorite color was teal blue or that I loved Tetley tea on cold mornings because it reminded me of my grandmother.

  Connor knew me.

  The thought curled my lip and I had to take a deep breath to calm enough to relax my face. He knew me, alright. He knew how to make my eyes roll back in my head until stars danced, and my body went limp. He knew too much.

  But he knew me.

  I couldn’t get rid of him, I realized, with a sinking sadness. He was the only one I could trust to keep me safe. Physically, I amended, just to myself because I needed to remember. He’d keep me safe physically, not emotionally. But I’d never give him the power to destroy me in that way ever again.

  I closed my eyes and shoved with all my might, burying my feelings once more. It was the only way I could survive.

  When my head was clear again, I took a deep breath and strode after Donahue, who’d stopped outside a set of beautifully carved double doors that had two guards stationed on either side.

  My eyebrows rose in surprise. I thought I was the only one who had to put up with being babysat. I glanced at Donahue and saw her run a hand over her perfectly coiffed hair.

  Nerves raced up my spine.

  “Who…”

  I didn’t have a chance to finish my question before the doors were pulled open and a woman stepped forward to announce in an official sounding tone that we could follow her.

  I followed one step behind Donahue, eyes wide as we entered a stunning foyer with high ceilings and gorgeous wooden details. My stomach clenched when the doors closed behind us with barely a whisper.

  My guards trailed behind still, but they’d fanned out and now stood next to other guards, strange guards. My pulse danced furiously, and a familiar pit of terror began to grow in my gut. I blinked furiously to chase away the image of men and women dressed in uniform, standing over the bodies of dead students.

  Donahue must have noticed my reaction because she turned around and strode to me with a look of unease on her usually schooled features. “Elena,” she murmured, grasping my forearm with surprisingly strong hands. “Look at me.” Her tone brokered no denial.

  I focused on her face and the feel of her hand on my arm and felt a measure of calm return. She was grounding me, I realized slower than I should because my head was swimming a little and my heart still raced.

  Slowly, I ran through the exercises Dr. Mira had forced me to perform the first ten appointments until I’d begun doing it automatically whenever a panic attack snuck up and struck out at me like a cobra. I felt the floor beneath my shoes, Donahue’s hand on my arm, and my pulse in my ears.

  My eyelids fluttered shut as I shut out the visual stimuli that had pushed me too close to the edge. I focused on my other senses, my hearing and sense of smell. The scent of wood polish, evergreen boughs, and candle wax filled my nose. I pulled in breath after breath, searching for the scent of blood in the air, and found none. The muscles in my shoulders relaxed.

  The sound of soft instrumental music filtered from another room and met my ears. I strained to hear the sounds of pain, of tears, of bullets fired from chambers, but only the murmur of voices joined the music. I relaxed my clenched fists and took another deep breath.

  One sense at a time, I refocused myself in this space and time. I was safe, these guards weren’t terrorists. I opened my eyes and looked at Donahue. “I’m alright,” I said in a voice that only quavered slightly.

  Donahue watched me for a long moment, looking past my offered smile and forced calm. I made myself meet her gaze and project an ease I still didn’t quite feel. There was only one thing worse than a panic attack. Pity.

  After
a minute, she seemed to accept my decision to ignore my still racing heart and sweaty palms. She turned away slowly and glanced back once more, then led the way into another room.

  I sucked in a breath at the raw beauty of the atrium windows and well-appointed furnishings that made the parlor a perfect little paradise, complete with the delectable aroma of hot chocolate. The windows looked out at the thick boreal forest with views of the ski slopes off to the east. Snow capped the trees, giving them a fairy tale quality that brought a real smile to my lips.

  The wall of windows was disrupted in the center by a tall wall of natural stone that housed a large fireplace with a roaring fire that heated the room and warmed my heart. It was completely different from the small hand-crafted fireplace at my grandparents’ home, but it gave me the same feeling of safety and hominess. Atop the thick raw-edge wooden mantle sat a huge painting in shades of rich reds and golds. Christmas might be over, but this place certainly gave off a cheery holiday vibe, I thought.

  I walked to the fireplace and held my hands out to the flames, loving the way they licked at my fingers. There was nothing like the heat of a real fire.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Donahue said as she came to stand next to me and looked out the window. “These rooms are some of the best Alpha Wolf Retreat has to offer.”

  “And I thought my rooms were breathtaking,” I mumbled, turning to drink in all the other details so I could describe them to Nan and Mom. A sharp pain cut through my chest at the memory of their lies. I couldn’t describe this splendor to them, I realized. I hadn’t spoken to any of them for months.

  They were safe, Donahue and Katherine had made sure of that and kept me updated regularly. I still cared, I still loved them, but the hurt was still too raw for me to speak with them. Sometimes, though, for a sweet moment, I’d forget and want more than anything to share my day with them. Then, it would all come crashing back again.

  I swallowed the pain and flicked my gaze to the opening doors, noticing vaguely that Donahue had stepped up next to me and was watching the doors with eager eyes. I had time to wonder again whose rooms these were, then a lovely woman with long loose waves of glossy auburn hair stepped over the threshold and into the room with a wide smile on her softly rose-colored lips.