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Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

Page 35

by David Wong


  Meanwhile, if these are the only books of mine you’ve ever read, you should know that I’m actually more well known for the gruesome and bizarre John Dies at the End series of horror novels. As of this writing there are three of those:

  John Dies at the End

  This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It

  What the Hell Did I Just Read

  Yes, those are real books, I’m not just making up titles here. The first book got turned into a movie that you can find on whatever device you watch movies on, the second became a New York Times bestseller. As of this writing, I’m under contract for a fourth book in that series, which may already be out on shelves by the time you read this. If you’re reading this several years in the future and no such book exists, well, it’s probably time to google my name to find out what happened to me.

  Otherwise, please allow me to end this novel about corporations exploiting modern narcissism to trick citizens into building their own surveillance state by listing all of my many internet and social media platforms:

  jasonpargin.com

  twitter.com/JohnDiesattheEn

  instagram.com/jasondavidwongpargin/

  facebook.com/FuturisticViolence

  facebook.com/JohnDiesattheEnd.TheNovel

  goodreads.com/author/show/225033.David_Wong

  Or you can read my humorous nonfiction essays at Cracked.com:

  cracked.com/members/David+Wong/

  Thanks, everybody.

  —Jason “David Wong” Pargin

  January 2020

  ALSO BY DAVID WONG

  John Dies at the End

  This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It

  What the Hell Did I Just Read

  Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  DAVID WONG is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, New York Times bestselling author of the John Dies at the End series as well as the award-winning first book in the Zoey Ashe series, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits. His essays at Cracked.com have been read by tens of millions of people around the world. You can sign up for email updates here.

  Thank you for buying this

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  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Thirty Days Later

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Afterword

  Also by David Wong

  About the Author

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  First published in the United States by St. Martin’s Press, an imprint of St. Martin’s Publishing Group

  ZOEY PUNCHES THE FUTURE IN THE DICK. Copyright © 2020 by David Wong. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Publishing Group, 120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design by Rob Grom

  Cover photographs: fist © Hocus-Pocus/Getty Images; ring © Hemera Technologies/ Getty Images; cat © A-Plus Image Bank/Alamy Stock Photo; bandage © Parilov/Shutterstock.com; texture © Sathit/Shutterstock.com; blood © Yeti Studio/ Shutterstock.com; yellow © Kaweest/Shutterstock.com

  Endpapers design by Rob Grom

  Endpapers illustration of cat © Volosovich Igor/Shutterstock.com

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Names: Wong, David, 1975 January 10– author.

  Title: Zoey punches the future in the dick / David Wong.

  Description: First Edition. | New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2020. | Series: Zoey Ashe; 2

  Identifiers: LCCN 2020019384 | ISBN 9781250195791 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781250195814 (ebook)

  Subjects: GSAFD: Science fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3623.O5975 Z44 2020 | DDC 813/.6—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020019384

  eISBN 9781250195814

  Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.

  First Edition: 2020

 

 

 


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