Next to Never

by Penelope Douglas

  I took her lips in mine, the pain of sixteen years replaced with the hunger that was always between us. I would always need her because she made me feel alive and she expected more from me than anyone in my life other than my son. She made me want to be better, and while I had always failed her and never fought to keep her, that would end today. I didn’t want to wake up to another day without her.

  “I’m miserable,” I told her. “Seeing you today hit me like a truck. Every day I spend without you, I’m miserable. And maybe it’s what I deserve, but I’m so sorry I never gave you what you needed. I’m sorry I treated you badly for so long.”

  I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me, burying my face in her neck and scent, holding her to my body.

  “Marry me,” I whispered.

  “You’re already married,” she pointed out.

  “I left her,” I admitted. “Months ago. She’s moved out, and I’m working on the divorce. I love you, and I don’t want to waste another day.”

  She pulled back, her hands cupping the back of my neck as she peered up at me. “Why now? After all this time?”

  “Because seeing you today was when I realized that I couldn’t hurt you anymore,” I admitted. “You’re stronger, and maybe . . . just maybe . . . I won’t be bad for you. Maybe I don’t have to feel so ashamed for what I did to you and force myself to stay away.”

  Her eyes glistened. “I’m not ready.”

  “Do you still love me?” I asked, barely a whisper. Because that was all I needed to hear.

  “Yes.”

  I kissed her again, long but soft, savoring the feel of her lips and her in my arms.

  “When I come back for you, it will be forever,” I told her, releasing her and backing away. I had to leave now before I pushed her too fast and made another mistake. “Tell me it’s not over.”

  She held on to the sink behind her, her chin trembling, but then she finally gave me a small smile, and said, “I guess we’ll see.”

  I turned and walked out the door, the feel of her still coursing under my skin.

  I’d take that challenge.

  Chapter 12

  Racing into the police station, I hold the door open for Fallon as she ushers A.J. through ahead of her, and we all hurry inside.

  They’re not hurt. If they were hurt, they’d be in the hospital, not the police station.

  After we make it through the second set of doors—heavy wooden ones—I spot Jared at the counter with Tate, while their son, James, sits on a black cushioned chair, playing with one of his parents’ phones.

  “What happened?” I burst out, hoping he just leads with “they’re okay.”

  Jared turns around, speaking to me but glaring at the cops behind the counter. “They won’t tell us,” he growls and then speaks directly to a female cop who’s rounding her desk. “I want my kid!”

  “Jared, calm down,” she scolds, sticking a file folder in a tray on a desk. “She’s perfectly fine. As soon as Madoc and Jax get here, we’ll bring them out.”

  He shoves at a piece of paper sitting on the counter, sending it floating to the floor, and scowls at her before walking away.

  “Don’t make me remind you what the inside of my cells look like, boy!” a burly cop with a double chin and white hair barks at Jared from behind the woman.

  Jared’s eyebrows come together and he folds his arms across his chest, but he shuts up. If I weren’t so worried, I’d laugh. After reading and learning what I have tonight, I realize what I don’t know about my brothers could probably fill a stadium.

  Just then, Madoc and Jax storm through the door, Juliet right behind them, and everyone goes straight for the counter.

  “Barry!” Madoc calls to the old cop who scolded Jared.

  The man finishes talking to another officer and makes his way over to us. A.J. and James sit on the chairs, playing on the phone. The rest of us are crowded into the counter.

  “The kids are fine. No one’s hurt, and you can take them home tonight.”

  “What happened?” Jax speaks up.

  “Kade happened,” Barry the Cop answers, arching an eyebrow. “Did Dylan have a scuffle at her race tonight?”

  Jax nodded. “Yeah, some kid ran her off the track. He won’t be racing there again.”

  “No, I doubt he will,” the officer rushes to agree, sounding sarcastic. “Your kids—and I imagine they had more help—dug a wide but shallow grave on Weston’s football field. They stole the kid’s car, drove it into the hole, and buried it. They even made a nice little tombstone for it.”

  Snorts go off around the group, and I stifle laughter as Tate covers her amusement with her hand. Jared, Madoc, and Jax struggle not to smile.

  Of course they’re proud. Of course.

  “This isn’t funny,” the officer bites out.

  “It’s a little funny,” Madoc mumbles, avoiding the officer’s eyes like a naughty child.

  “Well,” Barry goes on, giving Madoc a sinister smile, “let’s see how you take this news then. When the boy found out, he and his friends chased them into town, and your kids offered a rematch right here on our city streets. Kade, Hawke, and Dylan, at least,” he specifies.

  I imagine Hunter was only along to make sure Kade didn’t do anything that would get Dylan hurt.

  “Things escalated,” he continues, “three cars were sideswiped, and your old Boss”—he looks at Jared—“is presently sitting in Ducane’s Ice Cream Shop after your daughter crashed it right through the huge bay window. “

  “Oh, my God!” Tate bursts out, looking scared.

  But the cop holds up a hand. “She’s fine,” he assures. “Thankfully, the shop was empty at the time, too, so no one got hurt.” And then he fixes his eyes on Madoc. “But I’ve got lots of angry parents calling, Madoc. There were people on those streets tonight.”

  Madoc drops his eyes, his amusement gone. He, Jared, and Jax all look a little repentant, because they know the cop has a point. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

  Someone’s life could’ve been forever changed tonight, because Kade—and I have absolutely no doubt this was all his idea—thinks he’s untouchable.

  “Now the boy’s dad is Kurt Rhomberg,” Officer Barry goes on, speaking to Madoc, “so he’s not pressing charges out of respect for you, but he will expect that you take care of the damages to his son’s car. As well as the estimated forty grand in other damages your kids caused tonight.”

  He says the last piece to all of the parents, and Madoc digs his thumb and middle finger into his eyes, rubbing them, while Jared combs his hand through his hair.

  “Christ,” I hear someone growl under their breath.

  Forty thousand dollars. Shit. Officer Barry just served a big, heaping dose of reality, and everyone is shutting up now.

  “And out of respect for all of you,” he says, “I won’t take their licenses. But if there’s a next time, they’ll be riding the bus for the rest of their lives.”

  Madoc nods, looking contrite, and asks, “Of course. Can we see them now?”

  “We have them in a room. I’ll get them.”

  “No,” Madoc shoots back. “Leave them there. We need to talk to them first.”

  “Right now?” Fallon questions him.

  But he just ignores her. All seven of us trail to the back of the station, A.J. and little James staying with a police officer, as we follow Barry. But when he stops and opens the door to one of the interview rooms, a flood of shouting and furniture scraping against the floor hits us, and all I can see is the cop and Madoc rushing into the room, pulling Hunter off Kade, who’s backed against the wall and bleeding from his mouth.

  “Oh, my God,” Juliet breathes out.

  She quickly pushes past me, into the room, and rushes for Hawke, who’s bending over with his hands on his knees an
d breathing hard like he was trying to break up the fight.

  We all hurry in, and I close the door behind me as Tate and Jared rush for Dylan, who’s standing behind Hawke and looking like she’s about to cry while Jax picks up the chairs that have toppled over.

  Hunter is panting and glaring at Kade as he tries to yank himself out of his father’s grasp. “She could’ve been killed! You’re a piece of shit!”

  “Come on, you little bitch!” Kade holds out his arms, begging for more.

  “Enough!” Madoc bellows, pulling tighter on Hunter. “What the hell is the matter with the both of you?”

  Kade moves closer to his brother, threatening his space and unwilling to back down, but then Jared is there, staring down at Kade, walking into him and forcing him back again. Kade’s jaw flexes as he stares up at his uncle, but he finally drops his glare and stops.

  Everyone is damn near hyperventilating, but slowly everything starts to calm down. Hunter stops fighting against his father’s hold, and Hawke is resting against the wall, looking exhausted.

  When Madoc lets go of Hunter, he comes to stand between his sons and looks back and forth at both of them. “What the hell? You both realize that ‘mayor’ is an elected position, correct?”

  The police officer chuckles, and I realize I haven’t even thought about that. Everything that happened tonight could hurt Madoc’s campaign—not that his career comes first, but it won’t look good when Madoc can’t even keep his children in line.

  “I think we should just take them all home,” Tate says, Dylan’s face buried in her neck. “It’s late.”

  “Yes, let’s sort through this tomorrow,” Fallon adds.

  But Madoc just shakes his head. “No. Everyone over here.” He points in front of the table. “Now!”

  I jump, noticing a vein on his temple and his face getting red. I’ve hardly ever heard Madoc get angry. I’ve seen him get frustrated in the garage or yell at Jared or Jax, but he rarely gets pissed like this.

  Hawke, Kade, and Dylan round the table, standing in front of it, while Hunter lurks behind them, everyone silent.

  Behind me, the police officer leaves the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

  Madoc stares at the kids, shaking his head. “You know what? You’ve all had it made,” he tells them. “You’ve had the very best of what we could give you. Loving, supportive two-parent households, family vacations, phones, iPads, clothes, cars . . . You were spoiled!”

  I glance at the others, my brothers and their wives, and see them all listening. No one has a problem that Madoc is yelling at their kids.

  “And we knew,” Madoc went on. “We knew this would happen, but, for some reason, we couldn’t not give you those things. How were we supposed to withhold anything that made you happy? We just thought you’d learn some goddamn humility. We thought you’d learn how to be grateful for everything you have.”

  Dylan and Hawke are avoiding his eyes, looking contrite, while Kade is still scowling, and Hunter’s fists are balled up, both of the twins looking angry.

  But they’re quiet.

  “And we were no better at your age,” Madoc continues. “But we did know that some things couldn’t be replaced. Not everything is disposable.” And then he looks over at Fallon, his voice growing quiet. “You only learn that lesson through loss, and that is something you kids have never known. Not one of you.”

  He draws in a deep breath and crosses his arms over his chest. “I think it’s time you all start learning that lesson. You have two choices,” he bites out. “You’re too destructive together. Hawke graduates in a year, so let him and Dylan stay put, but my boys can switch schools—”

  “What?!” Hawke bursts out.

  “No—” Dylan follows, standing up straight and looking suddenly worried.

  “That’s crazy!” I hear Tate say.

  “Or . . . ,” Madoc interjects, because he’s not done. “You all can take your punishment and build some goddamn character if you want to stay together.”

  “Yes,” Dylan answers quickly. “Don’t send them away.”

  Madoc can’t tell Jared and Jax what to do with their own kids, but nonetheless, Dylan and Hawke aren’t toxic together anyway. They don’t need to be separated.

  But I’m sure that, even though Hunter and Kade are destructive together, he doesn’t want them separated. They’re brothers, after all. And maybe, just maybe, he figures taking them out of Shelburne Falls and away from certain “distractions” will solve their problems.

  Ideally, though, that’s a last resort. This is everyone’s home, and we all belong together.

  “You all owe about forty grand in damages, so what are you going to do?” Madoc asks.

  Dylan speaks up. “We’ll pay it.”

  “Oh, you’ll pay it,” Jared repeats in a humorous tone. “Will that be Visa or MasterCard?”

  “We’ll pay it out of our college funds and then we’ll work to put the money back,” she clarifies.

  Madoc nods. “What else?”

  “Curfew by ten?” Kade offers.

  But Madoc just laughs, his chest shaking as he turns to Jared. “That’s cute,” he tells him. “They actually think they’re allowed outside of the house besides work and school.” And then he turns to face Kade. “Grounded. The entire summer.”

  Kade’s chest visibly caves, but Hunter remains silent.

  “What else?” Juliet joins in.

  “Extra chores?” her son suggests.

  “Keep going,” I hear Tate say, looking at Dylan.

  “We’ll volunteer at the hospital a few hours a week,” her daughter adds.

  “And?” Jax folds his arms over his chest.

  “And we’ll work for free at the summer camp as soon as school lets out,” Kade grumbles as the consequences get heavier and heavier.

  “And?” Madoc keeps going, looking at Hunter.

  But it’s Dylan who speaks up. “We’ll write letters of apology to the people whose property we damaged and to the city.”

  “And?” Tate says.

  “And we will earn back your trust,” Dylan adds. “We’re so sorry.”

  Madoc steps up to Kade, glowering down at his son who doesn’t look sorry at all. Just pissed that he got caught.

  “Are you?” he questions in a hard voice. “Are you sorry? Because if it’s not fair, I can enroll you at Weston on Monday.”

  Kade looks like he bit into a lemon, but he finally nods, mumbling, “It’s fair. We’ll do it.”

  “Not me,” another voice speaks up, and Madoc raises his head to look at Hunter.

  I pinch my eyebrows together in confusion and shock. What?

  “I’ll pay for the damages and work to replace the money out of my college fund,” his son says, “but I’m taking option A.”

  “What?” Fallon moves forward.

  “Hunter, no,” I hear Dylan demand, her frightened eyes on him.

  Madoc’s entire body tenses, and he doesn’t say anything as he stares at his son.

  Hunter wants to leave. Switch schools. He actually wants to go?

  “We’ll talk about this at home,” Madoc says, turning away.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” Hunter insists. “You said it was an option.”

  Kade, who’d been silent, finally turns his head to look at his brother, something I can’t place going on in his eyes. “You want to leave?”

  For all the arguing and the fighting, Kade doesn’t sound happy.

  Hunter locks eyes with his dad, his demeanor eerily calm. “I was thinking St. Matthew’s.”

  “That’s our biggest rival,” Hawke blurts out. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Hey!” Jax barks at his son’s language.

  Hawke looks back down, shutting up.

  “I could stay with Grand
pa Monday through Friday,” Hunter tells Madoc. “It’s only an hour away from here. I’ll be home on weekends.”

  But Madoc shakes his head. “You are not living . . . with him.”

  “So you were bluffing?” Hunter throws back.

  Oh, boy.

  Yeah, Hunter could enroll at Weston and still live at home, but if he wanted to go to St. Matt’s, he wouldn’t be able to make that commute every day. He’d have to live with Ciaran, Fallon’s father, in Chicago.

  And despite the fact that Madoc and Ciaran get along semi-well, Madoc still doesn’t want his son living with an ex-gangster.

  Hunter pushes off from the table and walks up to his father, dropping his voice. “I need to get out of here,” he tells him in a near whisper. “I need something of my own. Please.”

  My heart goes out to him, because I know what he’s feeling. Kade rules the school. He’s always the one everyone notices and the life of the party. He feeds off being the center of attention, and Hunter doesn’t ever seem to be able to carve out his own niche. He feels out of place and invisible.

  I can’t see Madoc’s face, but I can tell he’s staring at his son, not saying anything, probably because he doesn’t want him to go, but he also doesn’t know how to fix everything that’s making Hunter unhappy.

  “Fine with me.” Kade finally breaks the silence, the hint of pain in his voice that I heard earlier now gone. “Maybe now he’ll stop touching my shit.”

  I close my eyes for a split second. Jesus. He’s talking about Dylan. I know he is.

  She’s the wedge between them.

  Hunter’s eyes turn dark, and a loaded smirk I’ve never seen before curls his lips. He turns around, and I’m afraid he’s going to hit Kade again, but he simply walks up to his brother, calm and confident.

  “I’ll see you on the field in the fall,” he says, tossing it out like a threat.

  Kade straightens, both brothers the same five foot eleven as they glare at each other. “Damn right you will.”