All The Ugly Things (Love and Lies Duet Book 1)

by Stacey Lynn

  He plated our food, admitting, “I can do many things well, but cooking isn’t near the top of that list, so I ordered out.”

  I clasped my hands together and silently encouraged myself not to screw this night up.

  He’d called me beautiful.

  He told me men should make effort when taking me on a date.

  While he didn’t exactly act like this was a date, he gave me hints—perhaps to my own naivety—he considered this one.

  I gasped as he slid my plate in front of me, taking the seat just around the corner from me as his.

  “Please tell me you’re not allergic to shellfish.”

  “No.” I grinned at him, eyes misty from all the emotions of the evening and his care and chivalry. “Lobster… it’s one of my favorites and it’s been so long.”

  On Josh and I’s birthdays, some of the few days of the year when my family would act like we all liked each other, our parents would take us to one of the ritziest restaurants in Chicago. We’d have dinner in a private room, walled off by glass, so every other customer could watch us, trying to figure out what made my family so important.

  Lobster and a filet dinner.

  I ordered it every time we went, loving the soft and sweet taste of lobster.

  “It’s one of mine, too.”

  “You didn’t have to go through all of this effort for me.”

  It was bringing back too many memories, the few good ones I had. To hide them, I glanced down, placed the cloth napkin on my lap and took my time smoothing out wrinkles.

  “You seem upset,” Hudson said.

  I shook my head, still perfecting the already smoothed out napkin before setting my hands back to the table. “No. This is lovely and perfect and so much better than a loud restaurant. It’s just reminding me of things… people… who are hard to think of.”

  Hudson reached over, placed his warm hand over mine. A delightful shiver traveled up my arm and straight to my chest. He gave me a quick squeeze and when I managed to lift my head to meet his gaze, there was no pity.

  Compassion and understanding, but no pity.

  I swallowed a heavy ball of emotions. “Thank you again, for this.”

  “You can thank me by eating.” He pointed with the knife in his other hand toward my still untouched plate. “Before I eat yours for you.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. He removed his hand from mine, and yet as soon as his touch was gone, so was the comfort it brought.

  It made no sense, this attraction I had to Hudson and yet I’d learned long ago we didn’t always get what we wanted, or what made sense… or even what was honest and truthful.

  Basking in the way he made me feel, I did as I was told.

  “Where did you go to college?” I asked, trying to find any sort of normal conversation. His apartment didn’t give me any hints of the man he was although I knew enough.

  He was good.

  Too good for me, but that didn’t stop me from beginning to dream it wasn’t true.

  “I went to the University of Iowa, in Iowa City.”

  “Did you ever want to leave here? Go somewhere else further away?” I couldn’t wait for it. Growing up in Josh’s footsteps hadn’t always been easy. But he’d stayed so close to home for football, and until I killed him, his shadow was difficult to avoid or step out of.

  I pushed away the thought and took a bite of my lobster.

  Oh God. So good. It took effort not to let out a moan of pleasure as I bit into the succulent meal.

  “Never. Two hours was far enough away from me. Besides, I had a scholarship and it made sense to go.”

  “Academics or sports?”

  “Baseball.” He grinned, that smile of a man who’d been a boy with the world at his fingertips.

  “I guessed that,” I admitted, and quickly glanced down at my plate. Way to go, Lilly. Now you sound a lovestruck fool.

  “You did?”

  “Yes. The first time you came into the diner, I assumed you were an athlete.”

  “Because of my stunning physique?” Hudson sat up straight in his chair, puffing out his chest, smirking at me with that twisted grin I was beginning to like so much.

  Stunning physique, indeed.

  “No,” I deadpanned. “It was your cocky arrogance that clued me in.”

  “Hmmm.” He sliced off a piece of steak and brought it to his mouth. Winking, he replied, “I’m just glad to know you thought of me.” He slid the steak off his fork, somehow managing to grin while he ate and we went back to our meals.

  Where we talked more Valor Holdings, what they do around the city and some of the charities they provide substantial donations for. He talked to me about college, life there, the friends he made and even Brandon—my soon-to-be new boss.

  “You’ve known him a long time.” My stomach was full of delicious food and bubbly champagne. Even if it was fake champagne, I enjoyed it. This whole celebration of a night that was completely unnecessary but done for me was more than anyone had ever done for me.

  He hesitated, making my spine straighten.

  “What is it?”

  “I’ve known Brandon a long time.” He sighed and set down his silverware, resting his forearms on the edge of the table. “He’s my brother.”

  “Brandon? He looks nothing like you!”

  Where Hudson was dark and muscled with such a seriousness to him, Brandon was All-American good looks and after he stopped being so jittery during our interview, he came across as more playful.

  “Brandon joined our family when he was thirteen.”

  “Was he one of the foster kids?”

  “Yeah, and the rest isn’t really my story to share. And I’m sorry I keep saying that to you because it feels like I say it a lot, but his privacy is his as is his past and I value him too much to spill it before he will.”

  “Of course.” I imagined myself at thirteen in seventh grade, where all I cared about was learning how to do makeup right and clothes and watching Josh play football as a sophomore on the varsity team. “Please. Don’t tell me.”

  “I will say, he’s my brother. Legally. We don’t always hide that, but he also doesn’t have our name. He was one of our foster kids and he stayed. When it came close to time for him to age out, Mom and Dad talked to him because they didn’t want him to feel alone, and he agreed.”

  He took a sip of faux champagne with fingers tense on the thin stem it was a wonder it didn’t snap in two. He set down the glass and dropped his head, heaving out a heavy sigh.

  “You should know, though, that his mom is in Mitchellville. Has been there for a while.”

  “Mitchellville? She’s there?” My heart raced and my blood went cold. Did I know her?

  “He hasn’t seen her. Hasn’t been there. She’s been in and out. Back in as of nine years ago.”

  “Drugs?” It was a guess, but a common reason why so many of them were there.

  “The things she did to get money for drugs, mostly. Some of it violent, but yeah.”

  I was thrumming with curiosity. Before I could stop myself and honor his earlier statement of not sharing a story that wasn’t his, I asked, “Can I ask who?”

  “Helen.”

  It took me a moment to place her because I had to think of Brandon’s last name. This was surreal. My soon-to-be boss’s mom in prison? Where I spent six years?

  “She’s doing well,” I said, as I realized who he was talking about. Helen was in and out of rehab, even in jail. Someone always found a way to get her rehooked even if it was narcotics if she got in a fight. But for the last three years? She’d been clean. Worked in the kitchen. “Does he know?”

  Hudson shook his head. “His life with her wasn’t easy.”

  Because he was thirteen when he went to the Valentines. And that was well over ten years ago, closer to fifteen was my guess. My heart ached for him. Gave me more compassion than I’d originally had for him. He’d spent the first few minutes of our interview acting annoyed and hurried.
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  But if he knew where I’d been, that made sense.

  “I won’t say anything to him if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “I don’t know if it would do any good. But it could come out and I figured you should know, but yeah… Brandon’s my brother for all purposes. Legally, but also because he’s Brandon. He’s the best guy I know.”

  Funny. I thought I was eating dinner with the best guy possible.

  I shoved my last bite of lobster into my mouth before I threw that out.

  When we were done with dinner, I helped Hudson clean up.

  I was bent over, loading the last of the dishes when a dark chocolate box with cream lettering slid on the counter in my line of sight. My eyes widened to the size of saucers and my mouth fell open.

  It was a box I would never forget losing.

  “You didn’t.”

  “You didn’t get your last desserts, figured I should make that up to you.”

  I ignored the memory his statement brought, as well as the guilty look on his face.

  “What happened that night wasn’t your fault.”

  I reached for the box and opened it gingerly, immediately getting hit with the sugary sweet scent of dozens of cupcakes. Miniatures. There had to be four dozen of them. There were so many different varieties, I fell into a sugar coma before I picked the first one.

  “If I would have driven you home you wouldn’t have been hurt. And I would have known where you lived so you wouldn’t have been blindsided.”

  I didn’t particularly enjoy the reminder of my inappropriate tantrum I had in his office only a week ago.

  I picked what looked like a chocolate cupcake with mocha frosting and unpeeled the paper. Without meeting Hudson’s gaze, I said, “You’re assuming you could have gotten me to agree.”

  “I wouldn’t have?” True surprise colored his voice and I shook my head.

  “You might be the guy who everyone likes and trusts, and you might be well known around here, but no. I wouldn’t have. Like I said that night, I meant it. I do fine on my own, and I’m used to it.”

  “Maybe I don’t think you should have to be.”

  “Still not your call to make or take, it’s mine to give.”

  And for some reason, even while he was being so damn nice and while I was slowly admitting my own attraction to him, I felt the force of my words hit him like I’d physically shoved him away from me.

  We sat in front of the gas fireplace, turned down low to provide more lighting than heat but I still had a blanket tossed over my lap I’d grabbed from the back of one of his couches. With my feet tucked under me, I leaned toward Hudson.

  The tension I created during dessert dissipated as slowly as a helium-filled balloon. It’d taken a while, with thick silence and few words, mostly on my part.

  “I’m sorry, about earlier.”

  “You don’t have to apologize, Lilly.”

  “I think I do.”

  Hudson might have been the first man I’d ever wanted to open up to other than Josh. Even in high school, I was guarded, mostly around the guys because they all wanted to either know Josh or say they did.

  “I’ve been on my own for pretty much my entire life. I spent most of my time growing up trying to avoid attention so I just took care of things myself. Being in Mitchellville only made it worse. But you might be right.”

  “Might be?” He cocked his head to the side, one brow arching. His gentle teasing was so simple, I fought a smile.

  “Might be,” I conceded. “It might not be a horrible thing to let others in, but it’s not something that comes naturally to me.”

  And yet beside Hudson, there was Angie, worming her way into my life for whatever reason.

  Hudson had one of his arms on the back of the couch, bent so he could rest his head in his hand. As I spoke, he ran a hand through his short hair. The move was so small, so innocent, and yet I still wondered what those fingers would feel like in mine.

  If there would come a time when he would want to do that to mine.

  He dropped his hand back to the couch. “Can I ask you something you probably don’t want to talk about?”

  “Depends.”

  “Inside… when you were…”

  “In prison. Saying the words won’t send me back you know.”

  My joke fell flat and he nodded.

  “I know. But, really. When you were there. What did you miss the most?”

  The most? That was easy to think of. But saying it out loud? The words tripped over themselves on their way out my throat. “Josh. My brother.”

  “He’s in Illinois?”

  “Yes.” Buried. It wasn’t a lie, although it wasn’t honest, either. I wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral even before I was charged. The entire city came out to show their support. All of his teammates. Most of UI mourned him.

  No one wanted the killer in their midst.

  While Hudson inferred he knew why I was in jail, I didn’t know how much of the specifics he knew. A part of me still wanted to ask and figure out why they bothered helping me in the first place.

  The other part of me was just trying to remember to be thankful for what I’d been given.

  “Now that you’re out and free—”

  I held one finger up in the air. “Technically, I’m on parole.”

  “Okay, free-ish. What do you cherish the most?”

  “Gosh.” I blew out a breath and glanced at the fire. That was a tough one. When you spend most of your day surrounded by gray and white cement and very little time outside, every day felt exactly like the last. I spent hours, trying to remember what it felt like to be among the sights and sounds of daily life. The honk of car horns, the occasional car alarm. Slamming doors and little voices as they played in the neighborhood…

  “This will sound silly,” I said, already shaking my head.

  “Silly isn’t bad.”

  “We spent time outside, you know? We had free time to wander the grounds and some of it was actually pretty. Lots of trees and shade, benches, it wasn’t all cages and despair like televisions make some of the men’s prisons you see.”

  “But—”

  “But it was still sad. It always felt like even the sun was sadder when it shined over us, so I would say I just cherish being able to be outside. Car lights at night, horns. Happy people. Laughter. It still makes me nervous when I’m around a lot of people, but I used to sit outside the first shelter home I was in and just listen to all the noise.”

  His hand that was propping up his head fell and landed on my shoulder where his thumb brushed back and forth.

  It was the first time he’d touched me in that way and an unexpected warmth flooded my skin, popping goose bumps down to my toes.

  “That doesn’t sound silly, Lilly. It sounds sad.”

  It was. But I couldn’t do anything about that, so I shrugged. “There’s no point in being sad, not for me.”

  “I can’t be sad you lost so many years of your life, some would say the best years?”

  “I can’t change it. What’s the point?”

  “You can work to make up for what you’ve lost.”

  Frustration pricked down my spine. In the span of a few moments, he’d made me think about too much. The thick silence earlier was suddenly preferable to all of this talking.

  “Which is why I took the job with your dad. I am trying. But when you now have my history and record, the future doesn’t always look bright.”

  He chewed on the inside of his cheek. Whatever he was thinking was busy and intense.

  I didn’t know what he was planning, what he was trying to solve for me, but he’d already done so much.

  I tugged the blanket off me and stretched out my legs. “I should go. I still have to get ready for Judith’s.”

  “Are you turning in your notice tonight?” He pushed off the couch with me, and stood, swiping those large, strong hands down his thighs.

  “Yep. And then you’ll probably see me so much
at work and in our same building you’ll be sick of me before you know it.”

  It was a lame joke, but when Hudson was silent, not rising to the bait at all, I turned to him. “What?”

  His eyes were narrowed, not in that sad way of his but something else. He shook his head. “Nothing. I’ll walk you home.”

  I laughed. It sounded scratchy. First he walked me around the block, and now this? “I live three floors below you.”

  He grabbed his keys and slid them into his pockets. “I’ll walk you home.”

  “Okay.” I was fighting a smile. This guy. None of this was necessary. What was going to happen to me on an elevator ride inside a secure building?

  He didn’t speak again until I got to my door and turned, shyly grinning up at him. He smelled like citrus and sunshine and as I opened my mouth to thank him for a great night, even if we’d fumbled our way through it, his fingers pressed to my lips.

  “You wanted tonight to be as friends,” he said. “I gave that to you. And if that’s what you want, you have that from me. No questions, no expectations. But I think, while I wasn’t going to say anything, I want you to know if you’d like more from me than that, I want to explore that with you.”

  I trembled beneath his touch. My head spun as I tried to make sense of everything he was saying. I hadn’t… I hadn’t expected this. And I lifted a hand to press it to my chest, trying to settle my racing heart.

  That finger brushed across my lips, to my cheek until his hand was at my jaw, cupping my face like I was porcelain.

  “Hudson—” I had no clue what else to say, only that I wanted to say his name, over and over again, and have him keep touching me.

  “Don’t say anything. Friends until you say more.” He leaned closer, and every millimeter he moved closer, my body warmed in exponential degrees until he was right there. His lips at my cheek. His body crowding me in a way I was almost desperate to reach for him, wrap my arms around him. See if hugs made me feel as safe as his presence was starting to.

  “Have a good night, Lilly. Thank you for dinner.”