by Lissa Kasey
“Wow,” I whispered. “That’s heavy.” And terrifying.
Alex let out a long breath. “Yeah. A lot in my head today.”
I guess that made two of us. “If that thing was Death…”
“It’s not always like that,” Alex said quietly. “I’ve seen people just vanish after they die. The spirit or whatever. Fuck. It’s crazy to think back at all the things I’ve seen and realize it was not as simple as I first thought. Then there’s the ghosts that linger. Why didn’t Death, if that was what it was, come for them? Why do they stay?”
“Unresolved things, maybe? Why did it come for Joe if he’s still alive? Why did it look so monstrous? Is Death really so awful?”
“Some death,” Alex said. “As I said, I’ve only seen it once before. The people who died were from a suicide bomber. A couple dozen, I think. They triggered it in an outdoor shopping plaza. Lots of innocents. Women and children, and a handful of soldiers they thought weren’t on their side. Senseless death, a lot of it. Maybe that’s the key?”
“That would mean there would be more than Byrony out there in those woods,” I said, thinking about the mash of faces. “Or does it travel long distances to gather random people? We don’t know why she died. Are we sure she’s dead? Or maybe she’s like Joe.” Stripped of her soul or something. And wasn’t that an awful thought. “Maybe it was a murder suicide, like Joe killed her and tried to kill himself but only separated his soul from his body?” Crap that was too heavy for me this early in the morning. I took a long drag of the coffee, a thousand things in my head. “Did the police say anything?”
“Not really.”
“Did they confirm she’s dead?”
“No,” Alex said. “What did Manning ask you?”
“About the group mostly. Who’s in it, who has left, etc.”
Alex seemed to think about that for a minute. “Have a lot of people left?”
“You do realize the actual cosplay Facebook group has a couple hundred thousand people in it, right?”
“Not that,” he said. “I mean your inner circle. Freya, Byrony, Chad, Bobbsey twins, pretty black boy, sorry, I’ve forgotten their names.”
“Nicole and Julie and Jonah. You think Jonah is pretty?”
“Never met a prettier boy than that who still wanted to be a boy,” Alex said. He glanced at me. “Oops. Was I supposed to say you’re prettier? Does it help that I like your pretty better than his?”
“Why am I dating you again?”
“My witty sense of humor and my hot bod,” Alex teased doing a little shake of his hips.
“You do have a fine ass,” I admitted.
“Still not answering my question. Who has left your group?”
“A handful of people. I’d have to look up some old chats and make notes.”
“Can you do that?” Alex wanted to know.
“You think this is happening because of the group?”
“Not a big believer in coincidence.”
“Wouldn’t that mean that I’ve attracted something to them? Since the weird and paranormal seems to follow me?” Wasn’t that an awful thought. Would I have to distance myself from everyone just to keep them safe now?
“What did we say about centers of the universe?”
“It’s a valid question,” I said. “Weird follows us.”
“Yes, but we don’t know this is actual paranormal weird and not people weird.”
“There’s a difference?”
“Sure. People don’t need help doing fucked up things all the time. Don’t even need to be overseas to know that. Watch the news. Stupid is fatal and highly contagious.”
“But we saw Death, or whatever, and that would mean paranormal weird,” I pointed out.
“Except that paranormal weird can show up whenever it wants. Maybe it’s drawn to people weird.”
“This is a very dizzying conversation. I think I need more coffee. Fuck. And all I wanted was a little holiday from weird random ghost shit,” I grumbled into my coffee cup, which was sadly empty again. Alex got up and refilled it from the last in the pot, not even bothering with creamer and sweetener. I didn’t really need them anyway.
“Distraction will be good. Fabric is fun,” Alex said.
“It can be.”
“Do you want to discuss what made you mad last night? Something that I told the police?” Alex prodded.
“It’s stupid.”
“Not if your instincts made you mad about it. Obviously, it bothered you.”
“It is stupid. I know I compartmentalize. I didn’t think of it in such simple terms until last night, but it’s not a surprise that you would see it. You see everything about me. That’s unnerving. Makes me wonder when the other shoe will drop.”
Alex blinked at me, processing my words. “Okay. I don’t think I see everything about you, but I’m not going anywhere.”
“Mhmm,” I said, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. I’d have rather talked about death in that moment, than my own past and shortcomings.
“I’m not.”
“You don’t know everything about me,” I said.
“No,” he agreed. “But that’s why we are still in the teaching phase, right? Learning about each other, seeing where we fit? Because we’re more than just a spark.” Our eyes met and held for a minute, and I could almost feel the way he saw me. It wasn’t a look of adoration and sublime devotion, but it was filled with kindness and hope. He wasn’t throwing me on some pedestal for worship, or even down on a bed to ravish. Alex was looking for a partner, good or bad. I knew that before we’d ever gotten involved. He needed someone to focus on. I thought I’d be okay with me being that focus, except he saw so much. Would he hate what he learned? Would I annoy him with my overthinking like I did everyone else?
I sighed. “You should know some stuff about me.”
“Like?” Alex asked.
“I have a lot of self-esteem issues.”
“Funny, for a guy who used to have sex on camera, but okay, and that’s not really news.”
I threw him a glare. He just smiled back that silly boyish upturn of his lips that made me want to kiss him. “Stop being so cute.”
“Can’t help it, I am what I am!”
“Jerk.”
“A cute jerk and your jerk.”
“Asshole,” I added, without any heat.
Alex nodded. “Okay. I can be. My brother calls me an asshole often. And since we’re twins, I think that means he’s one too. What else?”
“I don’t do relationships well.”
“I think we’re doing okay.”
“We haven’t been together that long.”
“No, but that’s okay too. Again, not going anywhere. I’m into you. Do I need to spell that out in a different way?” Alex stared at me. What did he know that he was trying to make me say? I had been at the hospital. They’d had access to some of my records, that was obvious since they’d looked for a tetanus shot, though my last one had been overseas. Maybe it hadn’t been my medical records at all, since Freya knew my dirty little secret. I didn’t think anyone else in the group did.
“I’ve struggled with an eating disorder in the past,” I said, coming out with the one thing I really never talked about. Tim hadn’t known. I’d lived with him during the worst of it and he hadn’t had a clue.
Alex did not seem surprised. “In the past?”
I sighed. “I have not relapsed.” I was not purposefully throwing up or avoiding meals. It wasn’t as much of a struggle to actually sit down and eat as it once was. I didn’t calculate calories in my head as I used to. “I’ve just been distracted.”
“You get distracted at home a lot,” Alex pointed out. I did have the bad habit of forgetting to eat while I worked on projects. Having him around made me more aware of time and when I needed to feed him, which meant I was eating more regularly.
“I’m okay,” I promise. “I’ll even bring it up with my therapist again. It’s part of our routin
e anyway.”
Alex sighed and leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. He took the coffee cup out of my hands, setting it aside and carefully climbing onto my lap. The small seat didn’t make it all that comfortable for either of us, but I liked having him in my space. The intensity of his focus was the hard part.
“I like you the way you are. Don’t change anything about yourself just because you think it will make me like you more. Okay? Losing weight, cutting your hair, wearing a certain style of clothes, I don’t need any of that. You, as you, turn me on. You know that.” He held my face in his hands. “And I’m crazy about your brain. The insane mess of thoughts racing around your head, and the deep focus in your eyes. So if you’re going to change anything, do it for you, okay? Because it’s something you want, not because you think it will make me stay.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “I can promise to try. Can’t promise I won’t think about stuff. My brain wanders a lot.” Negative thinking, my therapist pointed out, was all pathways we created for ourselves. Recreating more positive routes was work most people weren’t willing to do, but I’d been trying. “This seeing things mess has got me in a spin,” I admitted. Thinking scary things that Alex had probably experienced himself over the years.
“We aren’t crazy,” Alex said. “Isn’t that what you tell me?”
Did I still believe that? We’d seen Death. How many people would it take to lock us up if we spoke those words to anyone other than one another? I had a lot of unvoiced thoughts about this whole thing. Would saying them ease the burden or make me feel crazier? “Do you think there are more bodies out there? By the car I mean.”
Alex pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. “Yeah.”
“We stumbled on something.”
“We did,” he agreed.
“What do we do about it?” What could we do? Would the police find anything? If we pointed them in that direction wouldn’t they just suspect us?
“Trust the police for now.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a funny laugh, it was a pained one. “Never been a fan of the police, you know.”
“Your brother is one.”
“Right? That’s been a mess. I see him. Know how he thinks. Know he’s not a bad guy. He takes care of people, but he sees a lot of the world as bad. Assumes guilty first. They have to sometimes to stay safe.” He let out a long breath and sat back, perching in my lap, still half on his knees to remain balanced. “First year out of the academy he got shot by a ten-year-old boy. Was a gut shot. Should have killed him. I was overseas so didn’t hear until like a month later. Was so mad. Told him he needed to find a new job. He said he would if I would.”
“But neither of you did. It’s not your fault he’s in a dangerous job any more than it’s his fault you were.”
“Yeah,” he said, but didn’t sound convinced. “I’m home now. Was thinking maybe he could work the shop instead.”
“And drive us both nuts by being there all the time? He loves solving stuff. Have you seen him during some of his cases? Yes, he’s stressed, but man, when Lukas is on the hunt, he’s like a fucking bloodhound. Don’t ever sit down and watch True Crime with him. He’ll bitch the whole time about the incompetence of the people involved in the case and how obvious the killer was. It’s how his mind works.” Having known Lukas for a while, there were a few similarities I could see between the brothers. Lukas’s tenacity wasn’t all that unlike Alex’s focus. They simply had different directions that drew them.
“I want him to be safe,” Alex said.
“He wants the same for you. Even when he’s an asshole. And honestly, he hasn’t been injured on the job in like a year or so.”
Alex frowned at me. “A year? What happened a year ago? I never heard about any injury.”
Uh oh. That was right, we hadn’t talked about the Sky thing yet. It was probably better to hear it from his brother than from me. “Maybe ask Lukas when we get home? But he’s fine.”
Alex narrowed his eyes at me. “Not fair.”
“Not true,” I told him. “You weren’t here when it happened. No reason you should be stressed about it now. Everyone is fine.”
“Is this the Sky thing you guys won’t tell me?”
“Eventually you’ll have the details. I think Lukas and Sky should fill you in. I was only a concerned third party at that time.”
Alex growled and got off my lap.
“Don’t be mad at me,” I said, not wanting a rift between us in all this mess.
“I’m not. Or at least trying not to be. It’s really not your place to tell me what happened to my brother and his girlfriend. Fuck. Siblings suck.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Why didn’t your parents have more kids?”
“They wanted to travel the world.” At least that was what they told me.
“You’re lucky.”
“Sometimes. Mostly it was just lonely.”
He frowned and paced for a minute. “Let’s get food. I could use a heap of eggs and bacon right now.” He glanced at the coffee cup in my hand. “And you need more coffee.” Since I agreed, I followed him out to the lot where we waited for our Uber.
Chapter 19
We got to the convention shortly after ten, which wasn’t bad. I texted Freya while we were waiting in line to get inside. She did not like the idea of me leaving after today. Even when I promised not to ask for a refund on the hotel costs. I didn’t want to short change her when I was the one itching to get home to the safety of my little house and the elaborate garden wards. That did not seem to be the concern on her mind.
Freya: We came to hang out as a group.
I came for the convention and to work on some stuff with you.
Freya: We haven’t really taken the time for that. Let’s get together this afternoon.
I wasn’t sure I would have the energy this afternoon. Not after the convention and whatever drugs keeping me moving right now had worn off.
Freya: We have a bunch of group activities planned for the week.
I knew that, though I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Spending hours brainstorming over costumes used to be fun. Now I wondered if I’d be looking at everyone as suspects. Which of them were dangerous? Was it all in my head? We really hadn’t had confirmation that they had done anything yet. Seeing ghosts wasn’t an exact science, so how could we be sure we weren’t misled.
Alex gripped my hand; his brow rose in question. Obviously my mood was on my face.
“Just arguing with Freya about group time,” I told him.
“Tell her you’ll get back to her after we are done wandering the convention today. You need to focus on your plans for the store. That’s why you paid extra, right?”
And leave it to Alex to be very clear. I nodded, and told Freya exactly that. She shot back something about me returning to design and modeling, but I shoved my phone in my pocket to ignore her. One problem at a time. Apparently, I would have to sit down with the group and explain that while I may do some costumes and even an occasional photoshoot, I would not be returning as an influencer of any kind.
Surprisingly, just before we got inside, we ran into MaryAnn. She waved a hello. It was odd to see her alone, though I didn’t think she and Chad were a thing, only good friends who happened to live close to each other. They were together a lot of the time.
“Hey,” I greeted her.
“Morning, wow your face looks bad. Are you okay?”
I flinched. Alex squeezed my hand. “He’s a little bruised but fine. I didn’t know any of you guys were coming to this early open thing.”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve been working with a company on some fabric design. Apparel really. Been doing testing for them.” MaryAnn held up a garment bag. “Have a few finished pieces with their new line to display. Plan to talk to a few of the techs and designers to give feedback. I’ll be spending a lot of time in their booth over the week talking about the designs I did. Even have a couple patterns up for sale.”
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“Wow, I didn’t know you had branched out,” I told her.
“I think I’m getting tired of the scene,” MaryAnn admitted. “Still get a lot of likes and follows when I do one of my morphing videos and go through a half dozen costumes. But it’s a lot of work for little payoff. I’ve had a few designers over the years approach me with ideas. This was the first fabric one that I really liked.”
“Sponsorship is good,” I said, remembering my influencer days. Ad clicks and sponsors were how we made money and expanded our user groups.
“I’ve been a purist too long. Since I have a regular job, it was fine. But I really love the transition of characters. Been teaching classes back home to kids just learning how to cosplay. And doing one of those work design programs that help low income people get jobs.”
“Sounds more satisfying than being some online caricature,” Alex said.
We got to the door and showed our IDs, getting our specialty lanyards, indicating we were industry rather than public. MaryAnn’s was the same. Hers sponsored by a company I’d been seeing pop-up more and more lately in apparel fabric.
“I hope so,” MaryAnn said. She turned toward us and gave a little wave. “I’ve got to head to the booth and get set up. See you guys later, okay?”
“Sure,” I agreed.
“Definitely,” Alex said. We watched her walk away. Alex looked around the giant convention center, his eyes wide. “Holy fuck this is huge.”
“A lot of ground to cover,” I said.
“Okay, do we start walking or do you have a plan?”
“Start walking is my plan,” I told him.
His gaze was locked on a center area which arched the length of the convention center with an open space of machines. Hundreds of them. “I didn’t know there was even that many sewing machines in the world.”
“Do you want to hang out with the machines while I search fabric?”
“No. I want to look at fabric with you.”