Kodiak's Heart

by Lacey Thorn

  “Em,” Laramie called to her, holding out his hand then seating her at the table so they could eat. She let the conversation roll around her, laughing with them but not offering a lot of input. Still, she felt as if she belonged, as if she were one of them. She promised herself she’d always protect them. If her father was right and she brought danger to this family, she’d do her all to keep them safe.

  “Does anyone know how Rissa and Adam are?” she asked when there was a break in conversation.

  “Rissa took it hard,” Slade told her. “She was blaming herself because Natalie came with them. Adam was angry they hadn’t realized anything. They were worried about you, about Ruby. Asked if they could see you before they were forced to leave.”

  “Forced to leave?” Her gaze flew to Laramie.

  “Not happening,” he assured her.

  “I told them the same,” Slade said. “They want to be a part of our den. The others do, as well. As soon as the two of you took your vows and left, they swore allegiance to you. Most said they’d expected Emersyn to step in as alpha when her father died. It didn’t matter to them that she appeared human.”

  It hit her again just how badly she’d abandoned her pack when they’d needed her most. She’d holed up with her grief, wrapping herself in Ruby and Malachi and excluding everything and everyone else. She didn’t deserve the loyalty they showed her. But she’d make damn sure she earned it going forward.

  “They’ll stay,” she said then glanced at Laramie when the room went quiet. “We could use the numbers. They’re good people, and they need a home as much as Ruby and I do.”

  He nodded in agreement. “Of course, they’re welcome here. Any member of your den will be.”

  “Do we have enough room?” she asked.

  “Plenty,” her mate assured her after sharing a look with Koby and Holt.

  “I’ll need someone to bring me up-to-date on everything. Who does what and where you’ll need me to step in,” she continued as she pushed away her empty plate.

  “Tomorrow,” Laramie said. “Each of my brothers will take a turn walking you through what they do. Milo and Fletch will go through security protocol. As my mate, you’ll have a guard anytime you’re out of my sight. No arguments on that.”

  “And you? Will you have one when you’re out of my sight?” she asked.

  “I always have someone watching my back,” he told her. “Even when they think I don’t know it.”

  His brothers didn’t respond, but she knew he referred to them.

  She nodded. “I’m going to check on Ruby.” When he started to rise, she placed a hand on his arm and shook her head. “I was hoping Sidia and Jaeda would go with me.”

  She glanced at the other two women. Both of them nodded, stepping away from their mates. Sidia looked concerned, but Jaeda smiled, seeming unconcerned.

  “We’d be happy to,” Jaeda said before giving her mate a kiss and heading toward the door.

  Koby pulled in Sidia, whispered something in her ear then gave her a kiss. She nodded then turned to Emersyn. The other woman looked worried, and Emersyn knew she’d made the right choice in asking them to go with her downstairs. They needed to clear the air and show Ruby everything was okay between them. No more animosity or distrust. Whatever had been building between them had to end.

  Both women were silent as they walked ahead of Emersyn. She felt a little envious when Jaeda reached for her twin’s hand and twined their fingers. Emersyn knew she’d never replace the bond she’d had with Amber, but she had the opportunity to be close with Malachi’s sisters. They merely had to get past all the loss and confusion and residual anger that continued to spill over.

  They both paused outside Laramie’s door and waited for Emersyn to take the lead. She eased the door open and glanced toward the bed where strands of golden hair caught the hall light and shimmered. She walked over and glanced down at her sleeping angel. Ruby was on her side, both arms wrapped around the bear her father had sent her. Emersyn wanted nothing more than to crawl in beside her and wrap them both in her arms. But there were other things to address first.

  She finally moved her glance to the chair where Xandra sat. The woman looked tired. Defeated. Emersyn didn’t like it one bit. She motioned for Xandra to precede her out of the room. She tugged the door closed behind her then turned and found Sidia and Jaeda seated on the floor while Xandra leaned against the wall. None of them said anything.

  With a sigh, she slid down to sit cross-legged. “First, I want to say thank you.” She glanced up at Xandra. “I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that you were there to help get Ruby to safety.”

  “She’s my niece.” There was that chip on Xandra’s shoulder. The one that always rubbed Emersyn the wrong way. She ignored it this time, understanding it came from a place of pain.

  “She is, and I’d like for you to be close to her. I’d like for all of you to be a vital part of her life, and that means the four of us are going to have to make some peace for her sake. And Malachi’s. Because I’m not going anywhere,” she vowed.

  “Of course not,” Jaeda agreed. “You and Laramie are mated now. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you.” Emersyn glanced at the other two women who remained silent. “We’ve all be through hell. We’ve lost people we loved. Yet, somehow, we’ve all remained. It’s not easy. Living without them. The guilt can be overwhelming. You never knew Ruby’s mother, Malachi’s mate, and you never will. That breaks my heart. Amber was an amazing woman. She always knew what to say and what to do and had a way of putting people at ease around her. I’m just the opposite. She was my cousin, but we were more like sisters. She was my best friend, and I found her…” Emersyn had to stop and swallow a few times before she could continue. “I found her with her belly split open. She’d cut Ruby free to save her life then died with her baby in her arms. I don’t know how long she lasted. I know it wasn’t long enough. It will never be fucking long enough. She was robbed of being a mother, of being Malachi’s mate and having more children. And there was a time when I begged God to let me trade places with her.”

  Jaeda reached for Emersyn’s hand as if she couldn’t not reach out and offer comfort. Emersyn took it like a lifeline. She squeezed it tight, not bothering to wipe away the tears that streamed down her face.

  “I felt guilty for living. Now… Now, I feel guilty for ever wanting to die. I wouldn’t have been able to watch Ruby grow up. Yes, I wanted Amber to be there for those moments, too. But I’m no longer seeing it as a her or me. It should have been both of us. We should have laughed and cried and celebrated and loved and had years and years together. But we didn’t. I lost her, and a few hours later, I found out my father and his enforcers had been attacked and killed. Your brother is fond of saying I saved him. That I pulled him through when he didn’t think he could go on, but the truth is, he saved me every bit as much. And we both had Ruby.”

  Jaeda moved closer, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her. Sidia stretched her legs out, resting a foot by Emersyn’s thigh.

  “I was with my dad when the attack happened.” Xandra had her arms wrapped around herself as she spoke. Both her sisters watched, but neither said anything as if afraid their sister would stop. “They came out of the air. We didn’t smell them. Had no clue they were even there. Dad told me to run, but I stayed, tried to fight. There were so many of them. Mom screamed. I still hear it in my nightmares some nights. She screamed, and Dad yelled again for me to run. I took off, heading for her and the sound. I…” She clenched her jaw, shook her head a few times as tears poured down her face. “Our youngest sister… They must have caught her as she ran for the den. I tried to stop the bleeding. I tried to… Mom was fighting, trying so hard to get to Saphira, but I knew it was too late. I think she did, too. Our eyes met briefly. She knew she wasn’t going to make it, and I knew what she wanted me to do.” She tried to stifle a sob as she fell to her knees. Both her sister moved to embrac
e her. “I know how guilty you both feel for hiding in the den that day, but I will thank God every day of my life that you did. That I didn’t lose you, too.” Her voice broke, turning to a whisper. “I can’t get the blood off my hands. No matter how many times I wash them.”

  “I can’t forgive myself for not being out there,” Sidia admitted around a sob. “For hiding while my family was murdered.”

  “No!” Xandra exclaimed. “It wouldn’t have changed anything, except I may have lost both of you, as well. Thinking you were there was the push I needed to go to the den. I… If you hadn’t been there, I’d be dead.”

  The three sisters held tight to one another. Tears fell freely. Emersyn placed a hand across her belly, knowing new beginnings were exactly what were needed.

  Xandra lifted her head and met Emersyn’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

  Emersyn crawled over to them and was pulled into the group hug. They were all crying. All bleeding from soul-deep wounds. But sharing was helping. Emersyn hoped it would help them heal. God knew, they needed it. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d allowed herself to cry, and she done it twice now since coming to Holloway land.

  “I’ve been meaning to share something with you guys,” Sidia said into the silence once they were all cried out.

  “Wait,” Emersyn broke in. “Should I leave? I don’t want to intrude on sister time.”

  Xandra surprised them all with a laugh. “After all that blubbering, I’d say it’s safe to assume you’re one of us. God, I can’t remember the last time I let myself cry.”

  It was Emersyn’s turn to laugh. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

  “You two are so much alike,” Jaeda said then waved them to silence as she focused on Sidia. “Tell me! I’ve been dying for you to tell me!”

  Sidia grinned. “I should have known you’d know. For those who aren’t my twin, I’m pregnant.”

  They all squealed and hugged each other, laughing together.

  “Is we having a sumbew pawty out hewe?” Ruby barreled out of the bedroom to join them, pouncing on Emersyn’s lap.

  “Hey, baby bear.” Emersyn hugged Ruby close, kissing her head and rubbing her cheek across the baby-soft curls.

  Jaeda cleared her throat, getting all their attention. Sidia’s eyes went wide. “You, too?”

  Jaeda nodded. “Holt’s the only one who knows, right now. I was waiting for you to share. I thought I’d burst from how happy I am.”

  Xandra glanced at Emersyn. “Don’t drink the water,” she whispered loudly. “It might be catching.”

  “What is?” Ruby asked, making them all laugh again.

  “Hate to break this up,” Laramie said as he stepped into the hall, “but my bed is calling, and for some reason, I’m exhausted.”

  Emersyn blushed, and they all laughed again. The other Holloways followed Laramie, the unmated brothers calling out goodnights before disappearing into their rooms. The mates came for their women. Koby hauled Sidia up while Jaeda jumped to her feet and leapt into Holt’s arms. Declan walked toward Xandra. He stared at his mate then reached out to cup her face, his thumb brushing across her cheek.

  “Okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” She nodded then smiled. “I really am. Welcome to the family, Em.”

  Laramie reached down to lift Ruby off Emersyn’s lap then held a hand out to help up his mate. “Ready for bed?”

  “I not seepy,” Ruby stated around a yawn.

  “That’s too bad,” Laramie said. “I wanted to show you the room we put together for you.”

  “A woom!” Ruby exclaimed.

  “A room?” Emersyn questioned.

  “Follow me.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Laramie pushed his bedroom door open and turned toward the chair Xandra always sat in when she kept an eye on Ruby.

  “There’s a latch right here.” He showed them the hidden groove in the wall and pushed it open. Inside was another room, a hidden nursery he hoped would someday hold his children with Emersyn. For now, Jaeda, Sidia, and Matheus had helped him get it set up for Ruby.

  “It’s a pwincess woom!” Ruby wiggled for Laramie to let her down then ran over to the canopy bed. “It’s fow me?”

  “I don’t see another princess,” Laramie assured her.

  She darted around the room checking everything out. Emersyn leaned into him, one hand coming up to rub his chest.

  “You’re amazing,” she whispered.

  “I’m glad you realize that,” he whispered back. “I was afraid my brothers had convinced you I was a dick.”

  “Oh, you’re that, too.” Her hand smoothed down his chest, fingertips dancing over the button of his jeans before she brushed the back of her fingers over his fly.

  “Hold that thought,” he said as Ruby ran back toward them.

  They spent the next half hour getting Ruby settled in. She’d questioned the crib, adamantly letting Laramie know she was a big girl and didn’t sleep in a crib. After checking out every nook and cranny of the room, she hopped on the bed to find out if it was comfortable. Finally, she fell asleep midsentence with her new teddy bear wrapped in her arms. Laramie pulled the door shut when they headed back into their bedroom.

  “Thank you,” Emersyn whispered, reaching up to tug him down for a kiss.

  “Let’s get ready for bed,” her murmured, cupping her ass and giving it a squeeze.

  “I saw you had our stuff moved back here. I’m not sure when you had time to give that order.”

  He grinned. “I gave it the moment you left. I told Matheus to take care of it. He did.”

  “And to think, I thought of him as my favorite,” she scoffed.

  He jerked her against him. “I’m your favorite.”

  She laughed. “Most of the time.”

  “Maybe I need to remind you,” he purred, lifting her against his erection and nibbling along her neck.

  She arched, offering him better access, and he grinned. He reached for the hem of her shirt and tugged it over her head, immediately moving his lips back to her skin as he made quick work of her bra. Once it hit the floor, he cupped her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over the nipples. She was perfect. Every dip and curve.

  Emersyn untucked his shirt and worked her hands underneath. Her fingers stroked his skin, rubbing over him. He wanted the material out of the way. He jerked his shirt off, and her lips replaced her fingers. Never enough. He’d never get enough of her. He slid his fingers under her waistband, brushing one fingertip across her clit. Her heat burned him. He dipped lower, sliding through her slick folds. Teasing them both.

  “Laramie,” she moaned, rising into his touch.

  He made quick work of the rest of their clothes before lifting her to sit on the edge of the bed. He immediately moved between her thighs, dropping to his knees and using his hands to spread her legs wider. He took his time, lapping at her clit before slipping his tongue along her slit and licking inside her sheath. She was his favorite treat, a decadent flavor on his tongue. He worked her with his fingers and tongue, wringing two orgasms from her before he stood and took her mouth.

  She clung to him. Her hands roamed over his body, finding and stroking his shaft. He fought not to come in her palm. He pushed her up the bed, following until she lay under him. He positioned his cock against her opening then thrust deep. Their lips met briefly then separated as they both explored each other. He was slow and tender, taking his time to bring her to the edge over and over again then slowing before she orgasmed.

  “Laramie,” she pleaded. He silenced her with another kiss.

  This time, when he took her to the edge, he kept going. When she locked down around his dick, he came with her, filling her with his seed. He imagined her belly rounded with their child. He wanted to see her that way, wanted to create a smaller version of the two of them. He kissed her again because there was no way he couldn’t then slid off her to lie at her side. He spread his fingers a
cross her stomach.

  “Do you want children?” he asked softly, rubbing his thumb along her skin.

  She startled then nodded, placing her hand over his. “Of course, I do. Ruby will make a great big sister.”

  “She will,” he agreed. He wondered how things would work out with Ruby once Malachi returned to the pack. Laramie didn’t doubt they’d work out something though. He knew how strong the bond between Ruby and Em was. Somehow, they’d figure out things.

  “Did you hear the news?” Em asked him. He lifted a brow in question. “Jaeda and Sidia are both pregnant.”

  “Yeah, I heard. Koby and Holt are very lucky.” He wouldn’t tell her both men had already clued him in. They’d brought the news to him to ensure both women were protected at all times. He’d immediately made sure of it.

  “How much did you hear?” She stared at him as if she already knew the answer. As his mate, she probably did.

  “All of it.”

  “I thought so,” she murmured, cuddling closer to him.

  “So much violence. A child shouldn’t be born into a world where they’re hated because they exist. Where they’re hunted because they’re different.” He met her gaze. “They won’t come onto our land. There’s no mercy for them if they do. Only death. My father was called away from here and killed. When they attacked our den, they never stepped foot on our land. I think about that. That I should have called everyone here to pledge allegiance to me as the new alpha. We were grieving. My brothers as well as the pack. So I waited. I waited and the attacks happened,” Laramie admitted.

  “They weren’t your fault. They’re the fault of the person who betrayed you. The hunters who attacked. If you think I would ever question your ability to protect me, to help me protect our children, then don’t.” There was fire in her gaze as she stared at him.

  “Malachi is tracking what happened to your father. He’s searching for a connection between the attacks. Like him, I believe there is one. I’m sending Declan and Xandra to track the man who betrayed us. Two of my best enforcers will go with them. I expect they’ll be led to Washington. If Titus is involved, we’ll find out and deal with it accordingly. Either way, they’ll be there to offer Malachi some backup.”