I rest against the side rails of the bed, looking at his face. I want so badly to kiss him. “I thought about buying that property more, but it sold and someone had the barn torn down already, probably to build something new. I haven’t looked at what they are building yet. It makes me sad to know Mom’s dreams won’t happen, so I avoid it.” I close my eyes. “And there a few more cats hanging around the front porch. I still don’t know where they come from. They just show up for food but won’t let me pet them. I’m going to try and wrangle up what I can and have them fixed. Well, probably not. I don’t have much money.”
Money. The vet bill. And now I’m crying again. Maybe Claire was right. Maybe he never stopped loving me.
“I will never stop loving you,” I whisper. “Never.”
I rest my head on the bed, not letting go of his hand. I stay there for hours until my stomach is grumbling so loud that the nurse gently puts her hand on my shoulder and tells me she ordered me breakfast.
I kiss Aiden’s fingers and leave the room, my heart aching to be near him. I use the bathroom and see how awful I look. My hair dried in frizzy waves around my face, dark circles cling to the skin under my eyes, and my cheeks are sunken in and hollow. There is no light, no spark in my eyes. I feel dead inside.
I sit in the waiting room and eat pancakes. I didn’t realize I was hungry. I had gotten to the point of being so hungry the hunger pains went away. Plus, the pain in my heart was worse, outweighing everything else.
When I go back in, the door is closed. A doctor and two nurses stand around his bedside. My heart drops and I freeze. The same young nurse from before tells me to wait. Nothing new has happened, but the doctor is checking on Aiden.
I wrap my arms around myself and stand outside the door, watching feet move under the curtain. Don’t they know I need to be in there? He needs me as much as I need him. When the doctor leaves, the nurse goes over the prognosis. Aiden hasn’t changed. The pressure in his head hasn’t gotten worse, but it hasn’t gotten better either. He is getting more medication, and if that doesn’t work, they will have to put in a shunt. I’m shivering, imagining a drain being drilled into his forehead. That probably isn’t how it works. I’m definitely too scared to ask.
I take my spot at Aiden’s side, softly rubbing his fingers. The young nurse comes in and gives him medicine, pushing it slowly through an IV port. She empties the catheter bag and carefully repositions his left arm.
“Do you need anything?” she asks me.
“No,” I say, not taking my eyes off of Aiden. She leaves and comes back with a bottle of water, a pillow, and a blanket. I cover up and take off my shoes, curling my feet under myself on the chair. I get as comfortable as I can while still holding Aiden’s hand, and close my eyes.
I dream that Mom is there, standing over Aiden’s bed. His body is lying there, unmoving and broken, but his spirit is up, sitting at the foot. He and Mom are talking, and she’s drilling him with questions, making sure he’s good enough for me.
I wake, so disturbed, and oddly comforted at the same time, I burst into tears.
“I love you,” I whisper between sobs. “Please, Aiden. Come back to me. I need you. Please.”
I cry myself back to sleep, not waking until Claire comes in later that afternoon.
“How is he?” she asks.
“The same,” I say. “I want him to get better.”
“Me too.” She perches on the edge of a table at the back of the room. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Aiden over the years, it’s that he’s a fighter. He works hard for what he wants, and I like to believe he wants to recover.”
I look at him, at his dark curly hair stuck under his head, ends crusted with dried blood. Does he want to recover? He told me before he thought about death—including his own—many times. He tried to kill himself before. He wanted out before. What is there to anchor him here, to make him want to fight through the pain and live?
Me? No, I’m not enough, or at least I don’t think so.
“Aiden,” I say, rubbing his fingers again. “We both really want you to pull through. Please, baby, hang on.” I watch the heart monitor and note that his blood pressure is higher than the last time I checked. Which is good, maybe? It was too low before.
“There’s a room down the hall,” Claire says. “For family members to stay when someone is in the ICU. You can go lie down if you want. I put your bag in there.”
I shake my head. “I’m not leaving him.”
“You need to sleep, Haley.”
“I can sleep here.”
“Should I call his mom?” she asks me.
I turn to her and push my eyebrows together. “I don’t know.”
“His sister? I know they still talk on occasion.”
“Maybe,” I say. I really have no idea. But if Aiden is this bad, she should know. “Probably. She should at least know what’s going on.”
“You’re right. She can decide if his parents need to know. Aiden always said he didn’t want them contacted unless he was dead. He’s not, but…”
She doesn’t have to say it. He’s not dead, but he’s close. He’s in a coma, and no one knows what will happen once the medications are stopped and he’s given the chance to wake up on his own. I start shivering and wrap the blanket around myself. Whatever happens, I’m never giving up on him.
Never.
Haley
A week passes before the doctor gives the order to wean Aiden off the chemical-induced coma. And I’ve stayed by his side, stroking his skin, telling him I love him, and that I won’t give up.
Lori took Chrissy to her house, and Judy, Alexis, and a few vet techs from Dr. Wells’ office rotate taking care of the horses. I offer to pay them, not knowing how I can afford it yet. Though it doesn’t matter. I’m not concerned with money.
Claire has been here every day. Aiden’s agent and manager stop by a few times, and Sam, his friend and co-star from Shadowland comes by. His sister, Avery, arrived three days ago and has been here since. We don’t talk much. She’s crying nonstop, and exhaustion has hit me. I take a four-hour nap in the room down the hall, as well as shower and change my clothes. Claire brings me pajamas to wear instead of the jeans I packed.
Avery is sitting in the chair next to the bed, holding her brother’s hand, when I come back into the room. Today is day eight of Aiden being in the hospital. Time passes in a weird way. I feel like we’ve been here forever, and then I don’t want the days to end. Each day that passes with no progress darkens the hope we have of Aiden making a full recovery.
“He’s lucky to have you,” Avery says, looking up when I walk into the room. She looks like her brother, with wavy hair and dark eyes. I shut the door behind me with a soft click. I do a quick check of the monitors. I’ve gotten to know the norms and what to watch for.
“I’m the lucky one,” I say, walking to the foot of the bed. I straighten out the sheet then sit at the table across the room. It’s a small room, and I’m still close, but I feel so far from Aiden.
She smiles and gives Aiden’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Our mum is coming,” she says. “I know Aiden wouldn’t be happy about that, but he is her son. She wants to see him.”
I just nod and hope seeing his mother, the woman who stood by and did nothing as his father beat the shit out of him on a nightly basis, won’t cause him any stress. I should probably tell the nurse his history, just in case, that way she can make her leave if need be.
The nurses’ station is filled with flowers that were sent for Aiden. News of the accident hit the public just hours after it happened, and pictures of the wreck went viral. I haven’t looked and I don’t want to, probably not ever. Claire told me about it, and I declined offers to look at the articles about him.
“Why isn’t he waking up?” Avery asks out loud.
“The nurse said it can take a while for the drugs to leave his body.”
Avery nods. “He’s a good guy underneath it all, really.”
&n
bsp; “He is,” I say, thinking of all the things he’s done for me just to make my life easier. “I wish he knew that.”
“He will,” Avery says, standing. She leaves to use the bathroom and get something to eat. I take the spot next to him right away.
“Aiden,” I say, lacing my fingers through his. “It’s Haley again. You’re doing great today. Good blood pressure, and the nurse turned down the strength of the ventilator. They want to remove it soon. I’m sure you’re looking forward to getting all that stuff out of your throat. And getting out of here. Once you’re better, I think we should go back to that spot by the creek in the mountains. We can stay there all day, doing nothing, but maybe each other,” I add quietly. I rub my thumb in small circles on his palm. “I miss you. I miss your voice, miss looking into your eyes, and I miss kissing you. I’ve missed you for so long, Aiden. Don’t worry or think I’m mad. I’m not at all. I just want you, and we can go back to how things were before.”
I close my eyes and slowly let out a breath. Where is my miracle? After all I’ve been through, all that I’ve lost, something has to give. Mom, if you’re listening, tell Aiden to come back to me. I don’t know if his soul is in his body, or how any of that works. But if you can see him, please, Mom, make him come back.
I rest my head on the bed, holding Aiden’s hand in mine. I kiss his fingers. Please, Aiden. Wake up and come back.
* * *
The next day, I lie down for a few hours in the family suite down the hall, shower, change, and call Lori to check on everything at the house. Alexis, being on summer vacation, has pretty much lived at the barn all day. She brings friends with her, and they keep themselves busy riding Shakespeare, Sundance, and Benny. Phoenix enjoys their company and eats almost all of her food. I smile as I look through the pictures Lori sends to reassure me everything is okay.
When I go back to the ICU, Avery is sitting in the waiting room. My heart drops to the floor.
“It’s okay,” she says, seeing the horror on my face. “They’re washing him up.”
I let out a breath. “Oh, that’s good.” For days, he was in a too fragile state for a bed bath or any sort of cleaning.
“They said it will take a while since they have to be careful not to move him too fast or something like that. Do you want to get breakfast from the cafeteria with me?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. I grab my wallet from inside the guest room and get in an elevator.
“We don’t talk often,” she says, pressing a button to go downstairs. “I try to call him once a month. Normally he doesn’t answer, but I know he listens to my messages. He answered the last time I called, right around the time he finished filming that cowboy movie.”
I glance at her, not sure where she’s going with this.
“He told me he’d met someone and was in love.” She smiles at the memory. “I laughed because I didn’t think it was possible to love someone that soon. But seeing you, Haley, I know it’s possible.” Tears fill my eyes and she hugs me. We both break down. “Thank you for making him happy. Life hasn’t been easy for my brother. He makes it seem like it is, but it’s not, not at all.”
I grind my jaw, feeling guilt weigh down on me. If I made him happy, if he loved me, then why did he leave? What did I do—or not do—that forced him away? I go over everything and blame myself for his accident. If only I had answered the phone, or maybe if I’d tried harder.
“He made me happy too,” I whisper. If I tell her what I’d been through before, I’ll start bawling for sure. She lets me go as the elevator doors open. I dry my eyes and walk down the hall into the cafeteria. I get a tray and order breakfast, pay, and then wait for Avery.
I look around at the busy cafeteria. It feels weird to be around people again, after a week of being in the ICU. We go outside onto a patio, sunshine and wind foreign against my skin. I blink in the bright light and take a seat.
“I’ve never been to L.A. before,” Avery comments as she cuts apart a piece of French toast.
“I haven’t either,” I say, earning a surprised look from Avery. “I run a horse rescue. It’s not easy to leave injured horses. I met Aiden when he was on location for that movie.”
“Oh, makes sense now,” she says.
We eat in silence, both eager to get back upstairs to Aiden. I finish my breakfast and stand, turning just in time to see someone snap a picture of me.
“That’s Aiden Shepherd’s girlfriend!” he says to another person with a camera next to him. “How is Aiden? Any change? Is it true he was drunk when he crashed his car?” The tray leaves my fingers, clattering to the ground. The paparazzi meets my eye and back steps, turning to run. Rage takes over, and I jump over a chair and run after him, catching the back of his t-shirt in my hand.
“Seriously?” I bark.
“Haley!” Avery says.
Ignoring her, I shove the paparazzi into a table. “Have some respect! You are so pathetic, creeping around a hospital cafeteria for days just to get a picture!”
His partner is holding out his phone, recording the whole exchange. Avery takes my wrist and tugs me away.
“It’s not worth it, Haley.”
I glare at the man recording me, shaking my head. But Avery is right. It’s not worth it, and I want to get back to Aiden. Hospital security comes in, keeping the two paparazzi from following us upstairs.
Aiden’s door is still closed when we go upstairs. The young nurse from before is working again and sticks her head out the door to tell us everything is fine, but they need a few more minutes. Avery and I go back into the waiting room.
“Our mum’s plane lands in two hours. They haven’t spoken in years. Did Aiden tell you what happened?” she asks, casting her eyes down, ashamed.
“He did.”
“I wish I could have done something, but we were so young, and I—”
“He doesn’t blame you. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”
She forces a smile. “I know you’re right. But I still do. I could have told a teacher, a friend…anyone, and maybe it would have stopped.”
“Or maybe you’d have gotten hit too,” I say, letting her know I understand her fear. It hurts me to think of them growing up in that house, fearing their father and resenting their mother for doing nothing.
“He protected me,” she says, teary eyed again. “He still does. He sends me money. Last month he sent fifty thousand euros. I can only be a stay-at-home mum because of the money he sends. He says it’s important for me to be home with the kids since we didn’t have that growing up.” She wipes her eyes. “I miss my kids. They’re home with my husband.” Tears run down her face. “They’ve never met their uncle Aiden before. I really hope they get to.”
My heart aches again, and I wonder how much more I can take before it just gives out and stops working. Avery wipes her eyes and says she’s going to lie down in the guest room for a bit. I promise to get her if anything happens and sit in the waiting room alone.
The ICU door opens and the nurse tells me I can come in. She’s smiling. “I have a little surprise,” she says, ushering us into Aiden’s room. “No more vent!”
And now I’m smiling, looking at Aiden lying in the bed with no tubes coming out of his mouth. He’s still sleeping—or in a coma, I guess, since there is a difference—but he doesn’t look so critical anymore. I watch his chest rise and fall, thinking it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
“He’s breathing on his own?” I have to ask, just to be sure this isn’t a trick.
“He is!” she says with another smile. “And his intracranial pressure has been stable and normal for days now.”
I flick my eyes to the brain pressure monitor. “So he’s going to be okay?”
Her smile wavers. “I still can’t say until he wakes up, and there’s still a lot riding on so many different things. But I can say that from what I’ve seen, he’s making good progress. He’s a fighter, that I know for sure. And he has a good cheerleader.”
&n
bsp; I’m crying again, for the millionth time since I arrived at the hospital. It’s a wonder how I have any tears left. I go to the chair by the head of the bed and link my fingers through Aiden’s. The room is quieter without the whooshing of the vent.
“Hi, Aiden,” I say softly as I put my hand on his cheek. “You’re doing so well, baby. I’m so proud of you.” I lean over and gently kiss him, my heart fluttering when my lips touch his.
His fingers tighten around mine. I freeze. Did I really just feel that?
“Aiden?” I whisper again and wait. Then he does it again, squeezing my hand. I turn, but the nurse has slipped out of the room. “Aiden? It’s me, Haley. Can you hear me?” I kiss him again and run my fingers over his stubble-covered face. “If you can hear me, squeeze my fingers.”
I wait, my heart in my throat, and nothing happens. I close my eyes, tears streaming down my face, and sit down in the chair next to the bed.
Then he squeezes my hand. Hard. I stand up again, and his eyelids flutter. I gasp and press the call button for the nurse. “Aiden, I’m here, baby. I’m right here. I’m here for you.”
The nurse hurries in. “Is everything okay?”
“I think he’s waking up,” I say, not taking my eyes off of Aiden. “He’s squeezing my hand.” His eyes flutter again.
“He might be.” The nurse unclips a phone from her waistband and leaves the room, calling the doctor or another nurse, probably.
I lean over the bed and stroke Aiden’s cheek. “I’m here,” I say. “It’s okay. Take your time.”
Aiden’s eyes open for two seconds, not focusing on anything, before shutting. I keep talking to him, telling him it’s okay and that I’m here. His fingers tighten around mine and his legs twitch.
The nurse returns with a syringe of medication. “He might be really confused,” she tells me. “And might not know who you are. Don’t worry just yet. Give him time to adjust.”
I nod. “Aiden, it’s Haley. I’m right here.”
His eyes open again, and he looks around the room, blinking. He twists his hand around in mine and laces our fingers. Our eyes meet and he parts his lips.
Small town romance boxed set Page 94